Woohyun opened his eyes up slowly on Christmas morning, blinking a few times as he took in the sight of the Yoo siblings snuggled up against each other. When they were asleep like that, head thrown back with mouths open wide, their resemblance was unmistakable. They were family. Not just Maeri and Jonghyun, but Woohyun too. The three of them were family, officially recognized by law or not.

Woohyun shivered suddenly. A chill had run through him when he realized that this was the last time the three of them would wake up like this. It had taken him this long for the realization to finally hit him. Yesterday, he’d been so fixated on making new memories. Now he worried about whether he stored those new memories away properly. Now they were at a risk of being forgotten. He should’ve cherished them more.

He propped himself up onto his elbows. But he’d cherish this moment, right now: waking up on Christmas morning with the ones he loved. Everything was so peaceful, for once. Their lives had been so hectic lately that the quiet moment was all the more precious.

Jonghyun suddenly stirred, turning towards Woohyun. “Hyung, don’t watch me sleep. It’s creepy,” he grumbled with his eyes still shut tight. Woohyun stiffened for a second; he’d been caught. But then he scoffed at the grumpy, pug-like face of the younger. How had he even known that Woohyun was watching with those eyes shut so tight? It didn’t matter. Woohyun gave in and got up.

“Okay, I’ll make breakfast then,” he offered, speaking and walking as softly as he could. As he was making his way to the kitchen, he paused to look down the hallway where the bedrooms were. I wonder if they’re up. He hesitated, contemplating taking a step forward, but he shook his head and went into the kitchen. It would be better to let sleeping dogs lie.

A few minutes after stepping into the kitchen, after Woohyun had started brewing the coffee, a long-haired, sleep-induced  zombie shuffled into the room. She made it only as far as the counter, and then slumped over it. Her eyes barely fluttered open as she looked up at Woohyun and muttered something vaguely sounding like ‘good morning.’ Woohyun chuckled as he asked, “What are you doing up?”

“I wanna help,” Maeri answered with a gaping yawn.

Woohyun shook his head and then began to gather things to make breakfast. “Do you think you can stay awake long enough?” he pointed out.

He watched Maeri try to glare at him the best that she could with those half-lidden eyes, but she soon gave up and stood up straight, stretching her wearied limbs. It was too early in the morning for glaring. “I’ll try,” she replied with a groan. Woohyun bit his lip, holding back a remark about how old the other sounded right now, with her joints creaking. He held it in. It was also too early in the morning for silly spats, and besides, it was Christmas. His gift to Maeri could include ribbing her a little less today. “Hm?” She muttered. Woohyun perked up his head to see Maeri picking up a white card from off the countertop. “What’s this?”

Woohyun had been so fixated on making breakfast that he completely walked past the card, several times now.  “I don’t know. I didn’t see it,” he confessed as he watched Maeri read the card intently. Her brow wrinkled, and Woohyun grew impatient. “What is it?”

“It’s a note from unnie,” Maeri responded, flipping the card over to read the back. But there was nothing on the other side, so she flipped it over and read it again, obviously disappointed that there was nothing more. “She left already.”

“What?” Woohyun exclaimed as he reached for the card. That can’t be right. But then again, it was, written out clearly in black and white. It was short but sweet, as was Hani’s custom. She thanked them for welcoming her in and expressed regret in leaving so soon, but work had called her away. Well, something was wrong. No library was open on Christmas. Unless the whole library had caught aflame, Woohyun had a feeling that Hani was lying.

“Why did she leave?” He muttered, flipping the card over like Maeri had done moments before in search of more information. Frustrated, he put the card back down, but his eyes didn’t stray from it. “We’re not even done yet. It’s still Christmas,” he argued like Hani were still in the room. He took in a deep breath and let it out. His gaze darted over towards the front door. How could they not even hear it open? She had to have left incredibly early for them not to notice. Woohyun began to feel uneasy. “She didn’t even have breakfast,” he thought aloud.

“I don’t know,” Maeri grumbled, but there was something off about her tone. Woohyun looked over again to see a new note in Maeri’s hands. Where is she finding all of these? “But Sungkyu is gone too,” she quickly revealed as she was still reading the note.

Him too? Woohyun leaned against the counter. He thought back to the night before, trying to find the moment when he chased his guests out of the house. “Did we do something wrong?” he blurted out. Did we make them uncomfortable? Woohyun’s mind fluttered to Hani’s uneasy smile. I...I did.

“I don’t think we did,” Maeri objected. She was flicking the edges of the second note in her hands. Her pout was deepening. She finally looked up to the other, after reading the note once more. “They looked like they were having fun last night, right?” She was just as unsure as he was. Even though Woohyun gave a short nod, Maeri didn’t seem to be consoled. She sighed and tossed the card back onto the counter. “I really wish people would stop leaving without saying goodbye,” she muttered.

“They left notes,” Woohyun said, pulling Sungkyu’s note across the counter and reading it for himself. It was much like Hani’s yet shorter, giving no excuse for his sudden departure. He flicked it away.

Maeri huffed, “Yea, they did.” Her arms were crossed over her chest, still upset. Woohyun smirked. He was still upset too, even though he tried to act okay with it. It’s not the same, he thought. Even though they left notes, thanking them for their hospitality, no one should ever leave like that without saying goodbye, not on Christmas. He picked up the first note again and tapped it against the counter. It’s not the same.

“Woohyun-ah! Maeri-yah! Jonghyun-goon! We’re back!” a shot bellowed through the hall as the front door open wide with a slam. The parents were back from their trip, meaning Woohyun’s peaceful Christmas morning was now shattered, which was alright. He didn’t feel at peace anymore.

Having a full house again enlivened the spirits within Woohyun and Maeri again. Their parents were jovial, as always. And once the mothers entered the house, they kicked Woohyun out of the kitchen and made breakfast themselves. There was nothing like a meal cooked by your mother’s hands. Woohyun’s mood brightened with the first bite.

But before the meal was ready, Maeri suggested that they exchange gifts, while they had a brief moment to themselves. Woohyun agreed, although he was less excited than the other because he’d already figured out what Maeri had gotten him. Even if he hadn’t caught her in the act, he would’ve eventually figured it out. Over the years, he’d figured out how Maeri gave gifts. It was always something he needed, and what he needed now was dress shoes.

But Maeri had no idea. She never knew what Woohyun got her. Even this year, she opened up her gift and her jaw dropped once she saw them: boots (Woohyun picked up on the ‘shoe’ theme from her). “How did you know?” she asked as she reached into the box and pulled them out. “I’ve been wanting a pair of these, but I never told anyone.”

“I saw you looking at them the other day,” Woohyun revealed. He’d caught her eye lingering over them as they left the shoe department the other day.

Maeri grinned. “You’re perceptive,” she praised.

“I have to be. You never tell anybody what you really want,” he replied bluntly, reaching for his own gift. “It’s kind of annoying,” he muttered lowly as he ripped the wrapping paper off the gift. In fact, he hadn’t even bothered asking her what she wanted this year because he’d be left with a pregnant pause and a gift that he didn’t want to give her. He stopped asking when she said that she could really use a nice pair of wool socks. Always things that she needed, never anything she wanted.

“Really?” Maeri muttered, looking down at the boots. “I’ll have to get better at that.”

Woohyun gazed up at her and stiffened. This was what she wanted, right?

Christmas had come and gone, as did the old year. And Hani decided to start this year off with a new resolve. Last year, she wasn’t her usual self, or was she? Hani felt more like a younger, more carefree version of herself than what she’d been these past years. But the way she acted at times wasn’t like herself at all. Like on Christmas Eve.

It was nearing the end of the night, and they were playing one last game of Mafia before taking off for bed. Jonghyun was already asleep in the arm chair, and so the game wasn’t supposed to be challenging with only four players. Yet it was (as it would turn out, not only were they tipsy and drowsy but also Woohyun had forgotten who’d he chosen to be in the Mafia). The debates were heated yet light-hearted, making them laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. It was when Maeri claimed to know all of their tells and began listing them off. Woohyun put his arm around Hani’s shoulders as he listened to his fiancee ramble. Hani quickly glanced at Woohyun, but his eyes were fixed straight ahead on Maeri. And when Hani slowly turned to see Maeri’s reaction, her friend was too caught up in her rant to even notice, even though she was directly looking at Woohyun whose arm was around Hani. The librarian sputtered into a laugh of disbelief. Was this her luck? Right. I’ll give in just this once, she thought as she leaned in a little. It wouldn’t hurt to give in just this once, although she knew that she’d be the one to pay for it later on.

Hani liked Woohyun. That would come as a surprise to no one. She tried her best to keep her distance, to prevent her from falling into trouble, or something more. But instead she kept getting closer and closer to the edge. And now not only had she gotten too close to Woohyun emotionally but also physically.

Maeri might not have been paying attention, but someone noticed. Sungkyu looked directly at Hani, and his lips turned up into an amused smile. Hani blushed. She’d been caught. But then again, she had Sungkyu earlier. He himself had indulged in his own fantasies, going on a moonlit walk with Maeri (okay and maybe Hani had given him encouragement to go). But when they came back, it was obvious that something had happened between them other than the Christmas lights. It was written all over Maeri’s face. Her mind was somewhere else. And Sungkyu was no better, casting nervous glances at the woman every-so-often.

But as the evening wore on and the drinks were poured, Maeri loosened up. And now she was shoving Sungkyu over and accusing him of being the member of the Mafia because he laughed. As a debate began to rage between those two, Woohyun removed his arm from around Hani. He furrowed his brow as he watched the two argue. Does he suspect them? Then he winced in pain. “Aish, this is getting too confusing,” Woohyun cursed. “Let’s just call it quits and go to bed. Who was in the Mafia? I forget,” he admitted with a shy chuckle.

“You forgot?!” Maeri exclaimed. She inhaled deeply about to chastise her fiance, but then she noticed a hand raising out of the corner of her eye. She whipped her head towards Sungkyu. “I knew it was you!”

“No, you didn’t,” Sungkyu argued. “You were just accusing everybody.”

“But in my heart,” Maeri spoke dramatically, placing a hand over her chest. “I knew it was you. I knew it.”

Hani laughed as she watched them. Those two could probably argue about this all night and not get bored of it. But then the laughter caught in . A hand had laid gently over hers, which was resting on her knee. Woohyun leaned in and spoke quietly so that the other two wouldn’t hear, “Let’s go to bed. Those two could argue all night.” He then gave her hand a light pat before getting up from the couch and walking over to wake up Jonghyun.

Hani looked down at her hand. Somehow, that moment had felt more intimate than anything else they had done that day. It was a moment only between them. No one else had witnessed it this time, like they did with the others. And they’d been thinking the same thought. There was a connection. And the touch, it was light and casual, like they’ve done this before and like Woohyun voice when he said “Let’s go to bed.” Her mind and heart raced. Woohyun didn’t mean it in that way, but…

But Hani needed to back away before things could get any worse. She wouldn’t be the one to break Woohyun and Maeri. She was not her mother. She was not the type to put her own interests ahead of the good of others. And so she left Maeri’s home before the sun even rose. Distance, she needed to put distance between herself and this entire situation. Even though Woohyun felt like the home that she had lost years ago, a home that she could have again. Maeri was her friend, a treasured friend. Hani earnestly hoped that things would work out. But she didn’t know how without anybody getting hurt.

But if she left in this way, maybe she’d take all the hurt, bury it in her heart, and the rest would be okay. She hoped. She earnestly hoped.

The first day at work after a long break was always rough on Woohyun, even rougher when Maeri got to stay home because the auction house was closed for another week. “It’s not fair,” Woohyun grumbled as he dragged his feet to the nearby coffee house. The only way he could make it through this day was if he had something sweet and caffeinated, and sweet. Maybe that would perk him up and get him through the day. Even the smell of the coffee house was doing the trick. His steps were already becoming lighter.

Then Woohyun came to a full stop. Hani was here too, in the same room, only a few steps away. Yet it felt as if they were world away. Somehow this distance built up between them after Hani left Christmas morning. Woohyun had felt like it was his fault, and since then, they hadn’t contacted each other, not even to wish each other a happy New Year (Maeri did in his stead). Normally, Woohyun wouldn’t be this tentative or cautious with a friend, but could he even consider Hani as a friend? She was Maeri’s unnie, but his librarian. He had thought of her as a ‘noona’ who shared interests with him and even a past. But maybe he acted closer with her than they actually were, and that made Hani uncomfortable. That scared her off.

There was a person in between them as they waited for their orders to be filled. A ‘hi’ was on the tip of his tongue, ready for whenever Hani would look his way. But she never did. Her eyes were fixed on the clock, determinedly so. Was she counting down the seconds? Until what? Of course, there could be another reason. She knows that I’m right here.

Woohyun chewed on his lip, biting back the temptation to ask her why. But he couldn’t hold back the feeling rising up inside of him so easily. But what was it? Indignation at being ignored? Pity for himself or her? Curiousity? He didn’t know. He just wanted it to go away. It made him even more agitated than he already was.

Then her order was filled, and Hani hurriedly grabbed her coffee and headed out the door, passing by Woohyun with her head down. “N-noona,” he called her name out apprehensively as she walked by.

Hani turned to face him (obviously knowing where he was) but kept walking as she said, “Oh, good morning, Woohyun-ssi.” And she disappeared from his sight.

“Woohyun-ssi?” Woohyun repeated under his breath. He scoffed as he reached for his coffee that was just placed on the counter. “Woohyun-ssi?!” he raised his voice, not caring who listened. He looked towards the door of the cafe. “What’s with the formalities?”

What did I do wrong?

“Are you doing anything right now?”

“Me?” Maeri asked as she sat up from the couch. She had planned on catching up on a drama and maybe do some chores around the house. But then she received this unexpected phone call. Maeri had no idea what he would want. He rarely calls her over the phone, let alone ask for favors. It must be serious, Maeri thought. She turned off the television and got up from the couch. “I’m not doing anything right now. Why?”

“I didn’t know who else to call. Everybody is at work except for you. I hope you don’t mind.”

Maeri half-smiled. Of course she’d been the only one off today, but she wouldn’t mind running an errand for a friend. “Don’t worry about it, Dongwoo. What is it that you need me to do?” she asked as she got ready to leave.

Dongwoo sighed in relief. “Can you stop by my clinic? I have medicine that I want Sungkyu to take.”

Maeri stopped while she was halfway done putting on her coat. “Sungkyu? Is he sick?”

“Yes,” Dongwoo responded in a distracted voice. Maeri could then overhear him giving instructions to someone else at the other end of the line.

“With what? Is he okay?” Maeri shot off. She quickly put on her coat. Hastily, she wrote a message for Woohyun on a slip of paper in case he came home early. After she was done, she shuffled to the door and slipped on her shoes.

Dongwoo must’ve not heard her. “So can you come by my clinic and drop the medicine off for him? Pretty please,” he spoke cutely.

She didn’t need to be asked twice. “Yes, of course.” And she was out the door.

Woohyun shuffled into the break room. It was just scarcely noon, but he was already feeling so low and tired. He already felt like he needed another cup of coffee, something bitter this time. Maybe that would call him to his senses. He was so distracted all morning. His mind drifting back to what had just happened hours earlier. What did I do wrong?

“Your mind is elsewhere.” Woohyun didn’t even need to look behind him to know who it was, even though his coworker’s normally excited voice sounded raspy. Sungyeol leaned against the counter and met the other’s eyes, staring deeply as if he were trying to read them. “Who are you thinking about? Maeri?” Sungyeol asked in a teasing voice.

“Uh,” Woohyun paused to think. It would be better not to be honest at the moment. “Yea,” he muttered, picking up the coffee cup and began pouring.

“Just think,” Sungyeol began. Woohyun glanced over and saw the other staring off into the distance with a grin. “Maybe next year, it’ll be you telling me that Maeri’s having a baby.” Woohyun scoffed at that. Doubt it, he thought. Woohyun turned and leaned against the counter next to Sungyeol. He’d let his coworker indulge in that fantasy. Sungyeol seemed to be in such a bright, hopeful mood that it was making Woohyun feel better as well. “Ah! It’s a crazy world, isn’t it?” Sungyeol mused.

“Isn’t the baby about to come? You seem oddly calm about all of this,” Woohyun remarked. Sungyeol was starting to seem like his old self again, a well rested and happy man. He wasn’t that cursing zombie of a man that had been roaming his cubicle these past couple of months.

“Do I?” Sungyeol asked with a widening smile. He couldn’t believe it. “Huh. I guess I’m just excited to finally see the little er,” he reasoned with a shrug. He laughed to himself and looked over at Woohyun. “I’m going to be a dad.”

Woohyun smiled as he patted the other on the back. “Yea you are.”

“Well,” Sungyeol began. He then took Woohyun’s mug from his hands. “Thanks for the coffee,” he said cheekily. He then reached for what he thought was the sugar but it ended up being salt. Woohyun didn’t even bother telling him, finding it all amusing, and he was shocked to see Sungyeol take a big gulp of his salted coffee. “Mmm delicious,” Sungyeol commented as he left the break room. “Goodbye.”

Woohyun laughed after Sungyeol turned the corner. His coworker had still lost his mind, but now...he was starting to relate to that.

Sungkyu was going to die. He was sure of it. He never felt so awful, so weak in his life. For the whole day, he had barely moved from the couch which he was currently laying, or as he was now thinking of it as, his deathbed. One of his students had caught a monstrous fever over break and decided to give it to their dear teacher as a New Year’s present. Sungkyu always wanted the Black Death, and now he had it. Lucky him.

Okay so maybe he was being overdramatic, but this fever was driving him crazy. His mind was so hot, so hazy. And now, he swore that he was hearing beeping noises echoing in his head, as if his mind was trying to talk to him in Morse Code. Wait, Sungkyu opened his eyes slightly as he sat up on the couch. Is that the door? It is! He saw the front door opening, and he fell back down onto the couch.

“Dongwoo! Are you back already?” he called out in relief. He was grateful that the day passed by so quickly and now his roommate was home. He didn’t know how much longer he could’ve managed on his own. The last time he vomited, he barely made it into the bathroom in time, and it took him years (or what felt like it) to crawl back onto the couch. Sungkyu squirmed at the memory and whined, “I threw up again. I think I’m dying.”

“It’s me.”

Sungkyu must have certainly gone crazy. That voice didn’t sound like Dongwoo’s at all. “Who?” he muttered the question quietly, not trusting his own ears.

A face peaked around the corner as the body laid against the wall, shy. “Hi.”

Now Sungkyu was hallucinating or was he dreaming. Whatever it was, he couldn’t trust his eyes, not for a second. After all, why would Yoo Maeri be here right now? Shouldn’t she be at work like the rest? And their relationship, it wasn’t like that. It couldn’t be her walking into the room right now, up to him. Sungkyu must surely be asleep. “Hi?” he greeted back, nevertheless, blinking his eyes furiously.

Maeri stepped forward carefully, searching around the room as she approached the couch. Sungkyu tried to follow her scattered gaze, wondering what she could be looking forward. “Where did you throw up?” she asked bluntly.

Sungkyu winced and he felt his face growing even hotter. “Toilet,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Good. I don’t wanna clean it up,” she admitted. Maeri then widened her eyes and waved her hand, quick to correct herself. “I will clean it, but I don’t want to.” She laughed as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s gross.”

Gross? Sungkyu sighed and sat up when Maeri was finally standing in front of him only a few inches away. That’s when it hit him that she was there, in the flesh. “Why?” his voice croaked through his dry throat. He then stopped to clear it before continuing. “Why are you here?”

“Oh right!” Maeri exclaimed as she rushed back to the front door. Sungkyu craned his neck to see what she was doing. Maeri was crouched down, rifling through her bag, but she didn’t allow Sungkyu’s curiosity to last for too long. “Dongwoo asked me to pick up some medicine for you,” she revealed and pulled out a white paper bag, showing it off proudly to the sick man on the couch.

Sungkyu couldn’t help but pout, wondering what kind of bitter herbs Dongwoo wanted him to stew in now (or worse, needles that he’d instructed Maeri to prick him with to get rid of his nausea). “Great,” he grumbled.

Maeri giggled, almost mischievously. Sungkyu panicked. Oh my god, she’s going to prick me. He was scared to see what else that she was searching for in her bag. “I also got you some modern medicine too,” Maeri said as she pulled out a subscription bag.

Sungkyu breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. “Great!”

Maeri picked up another bag, take-out from a restaurant, before walking back over to the couch. “I got some porridge, but maybe we’ll save that for when you’re not throwing up,” she proposed with a sheepish smile. Maeri pouted as her eyes scanned over his face. “How’s your stomach?”

“I don’t think I’ll eat ever again,” Sungkyu admitted with an embarrassed chuckle, rubbing his stomach, willing it to keep still, to cease from gurgling. He’d hate for this to become even more embarrassing. He didn’t even want to think about what he looked like right now.

“Okay.” Maeri pointed over to the kitchen, walking in that direction at the same time. “I’ll put it in the fridge for later,” she declared. Her voice was growing fainter as she walked away. Sungkyu had thought of following her, but before he could even swing his legs over the edge of the couch, she returned back to his side. Was she quick or he just slow? Maeri knelt down next to the side of the couch, her hand gripping the armrest. “What medicine do you want? Oriental? Modern?” she asked, reaching for the bags.

“Modern, modern,” Sungkyu quickly answered.

“Okay,” Maeri muttered with a widening grin. Her hand was already around the prescription bag before the other answered. But then, much to his dismay, Maeri got up again and walked back into the kitchen. He could hear cupboards opening and closing, the faucet running. What was she doing?

Maeri came shuffling back within minutes, mug in hand, bowl tucked under her arm, and pockets b with tissues. “Here,” she mumbled ing the mug at his face. He took it and looked inside; it was just water. Then suddenly, Maeri’s fist appeared in front of his face again. She flipped it over and opened her palm, revealing the medicine inside. “Medicine. Take it,” she commanded in a distracted voice. Her eyes were searching around the apartment again. Sungkyu raised his hand slowly. His fingertips grazed her palm as he picked up the pills. His eyes barely strayed from her face, but she kept looking elsewhere. But they snapped back on his face right as Sungkyu was popping the pills into his mouth. He nearly choked. Maeri then handed the bowl to him. “And here,” she offered. Sungkyu took it and looked up at her confused. “For vomit,” she clarified.

“Thanks,” he grumbled. Sungkyu’s gaze dropped to the bowl in his lap. He felt like swiping it off his lap in frustration. Why did he have to say that? Why was she so blunt about it? It made him feel even more embarrassed about it, the fact that she accepted it so readily. Sungkyu raised his head back up, wanting to tell her that he didn’t need the bowl, that he could walk to the bathroom just fine. But when he looked up, she wasn’t in front of him anymore. Maeri was walking around the room, picking up the used tissues that Sungkyu had carelessly thrown onto the floor. Why? She didn’t even flinch or touch as little of the tissue as possible. Maeri was picking them up as a mother does for a sick child. “What are you doing?” Sungkyu blubbered.

“Cleaning up,” she answered. Maeri then looked up at him and smiled. Taking a tissue out of her pocket, she swiped it across his face, right under his nose. Don’t tell me, Sungkyu cursed in his mind. His nose was running unawares. And Maeri just wiped it away naturally. “Everything. Everything is a mess,” she said, folding the tissue in her hand.

“Even me?” Sungkyu retorted, tapping under his nose, making sure that it was dry (it just barely was).

“Yes,” Maeri responded with a laugh before running off to the trashcan to throw the tissues away.

Right, Sungkyu thought. I am a mess. And it was becoming only worse, now that he knew how she felt about him. How was he supposed to act now? Was he just supposed to forget? He couldn’t. Not with her acting so kind to him. But he couldn’t do anything about his feelings either, just sit here and stew in them, let them fester and grow like the fever ravaging his body right now.

Maeri turned around and met his gaze with smiling eyes. Sungkyu sighed (which quickly turned into a hacking cough). Yes, I’m a mess, but you made me this way. You and Woohyun.

Luckily, Woohyun was able to finish work early and sneak out of the office. And he was looking forward to vegging out on the couch with Maeri, pretending like he didn’t go to work today or even leave the house. What he needed now were one of her silly dramas (and commentary along with it) to take his mind off of things. However, when he opened up the door, he found the apartment to be empty. The couch was surprisingly vacant and cold. No one had been there for awhile. There was no one in their bedroom or bathroom. He did, though, find something while he was in the kitchen: a note written in haste. “Dongwoo called. He asked me to drop off medicine for Sungkyu. Be back soon, Maeri.”

Woohyun twirled the paper on the counter as he thought it over. And the more he thought, the more suspicious he felt. Something was off about this. Why didn’t she just text him this? Why a note (especially after what happened days before)? Woohyun glanced down at the watch on his wrist. If she went off to drop off medicine, she should be back by now. It wasn’t an errand that should take long. His old apartment was only a few blocks from here. But if she left recently? It could be possible that she’d be there and be back soon. She’d be there. She’d be there with Sungkyu. She’d be there with Sungkyu alone.

He didn’t like it. Woohyun didn’t know why. He just didn’t like it.

At that moment, his phone rang in his pocket. Ah, it’s her! He hurriedly pulled it out, but frowned as he read who it was who was truly calling him. He’d feel bad about this later, but he answered the phone gruffly (he couldn’t help but to feel slightly annoyed), “Oh, Dongwoo. What is it?”

“Woohyun, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Maeri let out a deep breath as she scrubbed a bowl clean in the kitchen sink. A while ago, she managed to get Sungkyu to eat the porridge that she’d bought for him. It was bad for him to take the medicine on an empty stomach, and it ate at her until she finally saw him eat.  Now she was doing the dishes and  scrubbing a bit harder and longer than she should. The bowl was probably already clean a minute go, but she kept scrubbing. She needed to be kept busy with something. She couldn’t justify staying here much longer, but...Maeri snuck a glance into the next room out of the corner of her eye. Sungkyu was still laying there, wide-eyed and occasionally coughing. She let out another deep breath as she the faucet, rinsing off the bowl yet again. But she just wanted to stay until she saw him sleep, and then she could leave with an easy heart. Sungkyu, however, wasn’t making it easy for her.

“What are you doing?” she heard him call to her with a slight wheeze. He especially wasn’t making it easy for her when he did that, checking up on her every few minutes or whenever she was out of sight. He sounded lost. And whenever he asked her that, she felt tethered to him and the tether pulling her back to that sad couch in the living room.

Like now. Maeri wiped her hands dry and walked back into the living room. “I finished washing the dishes,” she reported. Maeri gazed down at him and patted him gently on the arm. “Why don’t you go to sleep?”

“I’m trying,” he confessed, turning onto his side to look at her. “But I can’t.”

“How about if you go to your actual bed?” Maeri suggested. She gestured to the couch. “This can’t be good for your back.” And to that, Sungkyu’s only response was to snuggle in deeper into the couch, refusing to move. Okay, he’s just being lazy now, Maeri concluded. He’s never going to fall asleep. She huffed as she rolled up the sleeves of her shirt, eyes fixed determinedly on Sungkyu (who was starting to look worried). Maeri then grabbed at each of his arms and began to pull him up. “Come on. Get up. Get...up!” she groaned and tried to pull him up and off the couch.

And Sungkyu just barely helped her. However, after a good long minute of pulling, Sungkyu was on his feet. He was already teetering, probably feeling light-headed from just being upright. He couldn’t even keep his eyes open. “I’m up...I’m up,” he rasped and quickly fell into a coughing fit. The simple activity of standing up left him short of breath. Maeri frowned as she watch Sungkyu curl up as he coughed. I did this to him. Her hand ran up and down his hunched back, trying to soothe him.

“You’re really sick, aren’t you?” she spoke in a quiet voice as Sungkyu turned to look at her. Her gaze fell to the floor, taking a careful step forward and leading him into the bedroom. “Sorry,” she apologized. “I made you go out in the cold. For those dumb lights.” Her head was spiraling into guilty thoughts: He was cold. He was obviously cold that night, but I kept him outside for my benefit. And now...Maeri quickly glanced over at Sungkyu as they were shuffling into the room. His skin was practically grey and glistening with sweat already. This much exertion was too much. And now he’s dying.

A faint smile spread across his face. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I caught this from a student,” he explained. He opened up his bedroom door and walked inside.

Maeri, however, hovered at the doorway, playing with her sleeves. “But still…” She tried to argue because she couldn’t alleviate herself entirely of the guilt. Maybe it weakened his immune system and then...

Sungkyu cut her off from continuing that thought with a simple: “Don’t.” He pulled down his sheets and crawled into his bed. Maeri smirked. Right, no matter whose fault it was, Maeri was paying the price for it now. She stepped into the bedroom and helped Sungkyu pull the covers up on his bed. He’d been struggling to get them to lie flat.

“Are you comfy? Hm?” she asked, pulling the comforter past his chin with a laugh. But Sungkyu pulled it back down quickly to reveal the frown beneath the blanket, his eyebrows furrowed deeply.

“This,” he began sitting back up in the bed. Maeri automatically took a step back from his bedside. “This isn’t working.”

“What do you mean?” Maeri was confused. What could possibly be wrong? Why can’t he sleep now? But then she noticed how heavily the other was breathing. “Ah, you need to be propped up? It might help you breathe,” she suggested, stepping once again by his side and reaching for the pillows behind his back.

“Ah no. It’s fine,” he objected. “But this isn’t working...us. We’re not working. Our friendship.” Maeri looked down from his face to her hand. He had grabbed one of them to stop her from moving his pillows, and now, his hand was slowly enveloping hers, shifting into a hold.

Maeri tore her hand away before it could. She clasped her hands together, wringing them. “That’s something to say to someone who nursed you,” she muttered under her breath. She’d taken care of him all afternoon just for him to say that they couldn’t be friends. Fine, they wouldn’t be anymore. It would be better if they weren’t friendly, in fact. It was a relief to Maeri to know that Sungkyu doesn’t like her. Now she could toss aside those troublesome feelings. Everything would be fine again. Everything would be as it should. Or at least that’s what she tried to tell herself. Her palms were slick against each other and her hands were shaking along with her knees. Her body was fighting against what her mind was trying to tell it to do. She wasn’t fine. The tether tying them together snapped, and now she was wandering around aimlessly.

“Why?”

Sungkyu tried to answer, “I don’t want to be friends with you. I want…”

“Fine!” Maeri shouted, interrupting him. She met his gaze, stared him down. Her blood was boiling now. That was all she needed to hear. “We don’t have to be. We don’t have to hang out or even talk. You can just be Woohyun’s friend.  Or not. I don’t care. I really don’t,” even though she was loud, her voice wasn’t steady as she spoke. So she tried to go something stronger. Maeri nodded towards the door. “If you don’t want me to be here, I’ll leave.” She looked back at him, who was staring at the door with his jaw hanging. He wasn’t saying anything and it didn’t look like he ever would, not even a ‘thank you’ for her trouble. Maeri huffed. She was more angry at herself than at him. Why am I still here? It was like the tunnel again, waiting for something that wouldn’t (and couldn’t) happen. She was leaving.

It latched back on, anchoring her to that spot, the tether. Sungkyu had grabbed the tail of her shirt. “What are you doing? Let go,” Maeri growled, but she allowed him to pull her back to his side.

He looked up at her, eyes wider than they’d been all day. “That’s not what I meant,” he insisted.

“Then what did you mean?” Maeri raised her voice again. She felt his hand fall away, but it didn’t matter. She was stuck now. Her eyes fell to the floor as she straightened her shirt. “I don’t get it,” she muttered, closing her eyes tightly and then let out a deep breath before opening them up again. Sungkyu’s knees were now in her sight. He’d swung them over the bed in the meantime.

“Maeri…” he began as he got up from the bed.

“What are you doing?” Maeri took a step back and then another. He kept drawing nearer still, undeterred. That tether was pulling him in too.

“I tell you and you think it’s joke. So now...I’m going to show you,” Sungkyu said, taking her cheeks into his hands. He then tilted her head down so that he could press his lips softly against her forehead. He then laughed when Maeri let out a soft gasp and raised her eyebrows. “Do you understand now? Why I don’t want to be just your friend?” he asked, lowering his hands from her face so he could cough into his elbow. But Maeri’s head remained at that angle as she processed everything.

Since Christmas, she’d been thinking about what she really wanted in life. She knew that sometimes she tossed her own preferences so she wouldn’t inconvenience others. It was a bad habit that she developed over the years. She was good at talking herself out of things. The things she wanted, she didn’t necessarily need. They were things that she could live without. But maybe there was one thing that she wanted now that she couldn’t live without.

“Sungkyu,” she muttered, finally raising her head back up. But now Sungkyu was the one with his head hanging low.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, cocking his head quickly to the side with a wince. “I shouldn’t have…” his voice drifted off.

Maeri stopped him by placing a small peck on his cheek. “Don’t be. Don’t be sorry,” she said with a widening smile, especially when Sungkyu raised his head looking like something wonderful had just happened. “Me too...I lik—”

She didn’t finish. Sungkyu had leaned in and kissed her. He must’ve been impatient, after waiting for both of them to crack like this, to finally give in. Maeri wasn’t any more patient. Once she noticed Sungkyu getting closer, she was the one to finally close the distance between them. And when she did, she felt her heart sigh, finally feeling the tension leave her. She melted into the kiss, into him. Maeri wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing them closer together. Sungkyu’s hand rest at the nape of her neck. The other one clung to her hip.

Maeri’s lips quirked up for a second into a smile before she tilted her head, changing the angle. Sungkyu’s actions seemed strong; however, he was anything but. She was basically supporting him as all the energy he had was gradually sapped from his body (or focused on entirely one thing now). He, reluctantly, broke off the kiss, hard of breath (she was no better though). She laughed as she lowered his arms from his neck to him around his shoulders, and he pecked her a few more times before nestling his head into the crook of her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Sungkyu, how did he manage for this long? Right now, he seemed nothing more than a child, seeking comfort. She raised her hand and his head gently. This was a baby that she didn’t mind taking care of.

“Before,” he muttered into her neck. Maeri giggled at the sensation of his hot breath against her skin. “What were you going to say before?”

Maeri whined, “I forget.” She’d hope that he was the one to forget, but of course he wouldn’t. If the shoe was on the other foot, she probably wouldn’t forget either.

“Tell me,” Sungkyu grumbled. He slowly raised his head back up, meeting her gaze. “Tell me, and I’ll say it back,” he offered.

But that wasn’t enough to tempt her. Maeri shook her head. “You first,” she tried to use a cute voice.

Luckily for her, he did find it cute. He grinned and gave in. His eyes darted all over her face, which felt hot under his gaze, as if she was the one who had the fever (and she probably will have one later). He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, as he started, “Maeri, I l—”

Beep. Boop. Boop. Beep. Ding! Maeri pulled back and screwed her face as she tried to make out the noise. The beeping was quickly followed by a crashing noise and what sounded like soft grunting, specifically like Dongwoo grunting. Jang Dongwooo, Sungkyu’s roommate and Woohyun’s good friend. Nam Woohyun, her best friend...and fiancé.

“!” Woohyun. Oh my god! Woohyun! His name repeated over and over again in her head as the only words that were able to spill past her lips were, “. . . . . No, no, no.” Her hands pulled at her hair at her roots. What had she done? What could she do?

The only solution that she came to was to make a run for it. She extricated herself away from the other, leaving Sungkyu to topple over without her support, and she walked as quickly yet casually as she could, although the panicked look on her face was a dead give-away. After muttering a few words to Dongwoo as she walked past him, Maeri left the apartment, wishing that she could leave what she’d just done behind her just as easily.

But she couldn’t. The full realization of it hit her as she made it to the stairwell. She slumped against the wall and began crying, bitterly. Maeri tried to muffle her whimpers the best that she could by biting on her fist, but it spilled over anyway. She felt so awful. She couldn’t believe that she was like this, that she could betray her best friend so easily. Woohyun had barely even crossed her mind. How could she forget? Woohyun, who was always accused of cheating in his past relationships but never did. Woohyun, who was loyal as a dog. How could she do this to him?

She in a trembling breath and gripped her heart with her other hand, willing it to calm down. But it couldn’t. It only sped up. Because on top of everything else, she not only betrayed her friend but she also cursed in the face of the man she loved right as he was about to sincerely say his feelings.

Maeri had lost both men in one fell swoop.

“Woohyun, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Huh? What’s is it? You sound like someone died,” Woohyun joked to try to deflate the tension. Dongwoo’s voice was so tentative, nervous. It was a tone he only used when he had to say something that was hard for him. “What? Do you miss me? Do you want me to come over?” Woohyun guessed again, with hope, when Dongwoo remained silent on the other line. At least this time, the other muttered a ‘no’ in response. Ah, now I know what it is. “Don’t tell me you already killed Fish Woohyun?” That had to be it. Woohyun didn’t expect the betta fish to survive in that house for long. And knowing Dongwoo, he’d be scared to confess to Woohyun that he killed it.

“No, no,” Dongwoo quickly denied. “He’s still alive and swimming. Oh, I forgot to feed him. Hold on…” he rambled on until his voice couldn’t be heard on the other end. Woohyun tapped the note against the counter impatiently as he waited for his friend to come back. His curiosity was slowly eating him alive. But he might have relief soon. Dongwoo’s laughter heralded him back into the call. “Okay I’m back.”

“So why did you call?” Woohyun immediately shot off.

“Oh, right,” Dongwoo recalled and then heaved a heavy sigh. “So…how do I begin?” he asked himself. He must really not know what to say, Woohyun thought. Dongwoo was thinking over it more carefully than usual, choosing his words wisely. Normally Dongwoo would speak faster than a pistol, faster than his mind could process. But now, his mouth had slowed to a stop. What could it be?

“Uh, Maeri came over today, you know, to take care of Sungkyu while I was at work,” Dongwoo finally spoke.

“Right. I know. She left a note,” Woohyun responded. “Is she okay? Is she sick too?”

“She’s not at home?” Dongwoo immediately asked, as if she should be by now.

“No, I just got home, and she’s not here. Why? She’s not over there? Should I go looking for her?” Woohyun was growing more concerned now. He made his way from the kitchen to the front door and was putting on his shoes back on as he was asking these questions. All he needed was confirmation from Dongwoo, and he was out the door.

However, what Dongwoo said next made Woohyun stop in his tracks: “Woohyun, l don’t know how to say this, but something happened between Sungkyu and Maeri. I don’t know what exactly. But she ran out of the apartment as soon as I walked in. And Sungkyu is acting weird too.”

Woohyun leaned against the wall, rubbing his head. “What do you mean something happened?” he asked.

“Look, Woohyun. Like I said, I don’t know what it was. I might not even be anything, but I thought that you should know,” Dongwoo answered as diplomatically as he could, much to Woohyun’s dismay. He wished that Dongwoo would try to guess. In a way, this was worse than telling Woohyun nothing at all because it allowed his mind to run rampant with worry. Woohyun groaned and flipped over, rubbing his head against the wall. “Hyun-ah, say something. Please,” Dongwoo begged.

Woohyun lifted his head off the wall and began to take off his shoes again. “Thanks for telling me. I got to go okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he spoke quickly not even giving the other a chance to speak.

But it wasn’t like Dongwoo didn’t try. “Don’t do anything—” Woohyun hung up the phone before he could hear the rest and tossed it onto his bed right before he fell onto the bed himself.

Woohyun knew what his friend was going to say though: Don’t do anything rash. It was good that Woohyun hung up when he did. He wasn’t about to make any promises like that. He didn’t know what he was going up against.

Woohyun felt his heart grow heavy as he to his side. Dongwoo was intuitive. And he didn’t normally make a bigger deal out of things than they actually were. So if he thinks that something was wrong, then something was actually wrong. But what could it be? Did they fight? But Sungkyu and Maeri seemed to get along well, very well. Maybe a little too well at times for Woohyun’s liking. There were times that Sungkyu would gaze at her with an expression that Woohyun would hardly classify as ‘friendly.’ It was almost...lovingly. No, that’s crazy, Woohyun thought as he tossed onto his other side. It was probably the way the light hit his eyes at the moment. Yea, that has to be it. Because there was no way that his good friend would be in love with his fiancée. Even if he did, Maeri didn’t love him back…did she? The more Woohyun thought about them, the sicker and angrier he felt. The later it became and Maeri still wasn’t home, his mood only got worse, and the more he thought. Why wasn’t she home? She was avoiding him again. She promised she wouldn’t do this anymore, that she wouldn’t leave him alone. She’s a liar. She’s a freaking liar. For the first time in his whole life, Woohyun was genuinely starting to hate her.

It was around 8 o’clock when Woohyun dragged himself out of bed to grab some food to eat. And it was while he was eating whatever mess leftovers and side-dishes that he wrangled together, when Maeri finally came back home. Woohyun raised his head from his bowl as soon as he saw the door open, and he’d been scowling at her until she raised her head.

She’d been crying. Her eyes were still red and puffy. Her face was blotching and looked as if it were on the brink of cracking. All she needed was a little chip before she’d fall apart again. Woohyun wasn’t used to seeing this side of Maeri, not at all. He’d only witnessed her crying once before, years ago. So the fact that she’d been crying now meant that something was seriously wrong.

Woohyun remained at his spot at the table, staring at her. And she wavered by the doorway, fiddling nervously with the hem of her shirt. She had something to tell him, he knew it. But they still stared at each other wordlessly for a full minute. Woohyun was the first to crack. He’d waited too long already. He just hoped that he wouldn’t push her too far. Woohyun pushed his bowl aside and got up to meet her at the doorway. “Maeri,” he called out to her on his way over.

“Yes?” Maeri asked, her voice shaking already.

This isn’t a good sign. Woohyun swallowed hard. “Dongwoo told me about this afternoon,” he tried to put it as delicately as he could. But maybe it wasn’t delicate enough. Maeri stiffened and looked at him, completely terrified. “Maeri, you’re scaring me. What happened? Did you fight? Or…did something else happen?” he stammered out the last question. Maeri dropped her gaze. Woohyun’s gut fell along with it. He didn’t want to ask the next question, but with the way Dongwoo and Maeri were acting…“Did Sungkyu take advantage of you in any way?”

“No, no, it wasn’t like that,” she finally broke her silence, waving her hands in the air.

Woohyun sighed in relief as a tenuous smile spread across his face. “I knew Dongwoo was overreacting,” he muttered.

“We kissed.”

“What?” Woohyun could scarcely hear what she was saying. Her voice was so low and her lips barely moved.

“We kissed,” she repeated more loudly and clearly. And it shot through him like an arrow, wounding him through and through. It wasn’t a ‘he kissed me.’ If it was, Woohyun could simply just hate Sungkyu for the rest of his existence. But the ‘we’ complicated the matter.  It was mutual. The way Sungkyu and Maeri felt about each other was mutual...and mutually exclusive of Woohyun. And Maeri wasn’t someone he could toss out of his life as easily as he could with Sungkyu.

“But…we’re engaged!” Woohyun reminded her, at the top of his lungs, drilling it into her head in case she’d forgotten (he thought that the ring should’ve been enough of a reminder).

Maeri finally cracked again. The tears were streaming down her face as her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed. “I know,” she said as she sniffed loudly. She then mouthed ‘I’m sorry,’ unable to give voice to it.

Woohyun watched her carefully, wondering if he really wanted to ask the question pestering his mind. Yes, yes he did. He was sick of not knowing. “Do…do you like him?” he blurted.

She hung her head and covered her face with her hands. “Woohyun, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I’m really really sorry,” Maeri finally gave voice to her apology. It sounded genuine. But there was no amount of apologies, no matter how genuine, that could assuage the feeling of betrayal rising in him.

His hands flew to his head as he pulled at his hair in frustration. “You like him. Oh my God. You like Sungkyu,” he grumbled in disbelief, pacing back and forth in front of her. And all Maeri could do was mumble out apologies in between her sobs. But that’s not what Woohyun wanted to hear right now. “Why?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“Why do you like him? Why do you like my friend?” Woohyun yelled. “What makes him so great that you had to cheat on me? Why? Why did you?” Hot tears were now streaming down his cheeks. He was surprised that he’d lasted this long fighting them back. But now there was no point. He wanted Maeri to see how hurt he was.

“I didn’t mean to,” Maeri answered. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Obviously,” he growled as he in a breath through his teeth. He wiped his face with his sleeve. “You,” he called to her derogatorily. “Do you even love me? Did you ever?”

Maeri met his gaze. “That’s not fair, Woohyun. You know I do,” she replied and for the first time, her voice had some strength to it.

“No, I don’t,” he bitterly retorted. Right now, he felt like she had no regard for him or his feelings.

“What about me?” Maeri suddenly turned the question against him. “Do you love me?”

“What?” Woohyun couldn’t believe her audacity right now. She was the one who cheated, and now she was questioning him. She’s heartless.

“Woohyun, I was your last resort. Your back-up plan,” Maeri slowly began raising her voice at him. “Do you really think I’m your soul mate? Do you even want to marry me?”

“Maeri, don’t be an idiot. I’m not marrying you because of that stupid promise that we made when we were kids,” he fought back, hitting his fist against the wall.

Maeri scoffed, “That stupid promise.” She then narrowed her eyes on him. “You don’t want me. You want a wife.  You’re marrying me just because I said ‘yes.’ Anybody would’ve worked.”

Now it was Woohyun’s turn to scoff in derision. “Really? Anybody? I would’ve married anybody?” he asked. Maeri nodded smartly to each question. Woohyun clenched his hands into fist and pounded one against his chest. “Do you think that I’m really that desperate?”

“Yea, pretty much.”

That stung. Woohyun had taken more than enough hits tonight. He reached for his coat and roughly stuffed his arms into the sleeves. “We’re over. We’re done,” he stated and crammed his feet to whatever shoes by the door. “I’ll guess I’ll leave and ask the next girl I see to marry me because I’m so desperate.” He reached for the door.

“Wait!” Maeri called out to him. Woohyun stopped and turned around only to see Maeri pulling the ring off of her finger and then throwing it at his chest. “Here.”

Biting a stream of curses back, Woohyun bent down to pick up the ring. “Thanks,” he muttered sarcastically as he straightened back up. “I almost forgot.” He then opened up the door and slammed it behind it, muffling Maeri’s smart alec ‘You’re welcome!’

Maeri stared at the closed door, seething. Woohyun had pushed all the right buttons to make her snap, to try to paint her as the villain. Yes, she’d be the first to admit that she did something wrong, but to question if she’d ever loved him. She did! She honestly did, but not in the way she should as a fianceé. But there was nothing that she could do about that. She couldn’t control her heart any better than he could control his. Woohyun didn’t love her as he should either, she knew it.

Slowly, she began to regain her breath, and sense of mind, recalling all of the hurtful things that she’d just said. Maeri replayed it over and over again in her mind. Why did she say those things? They were over the line. She wanted to take them back.

Maeri ripped the door open and darted down the hall. She slipped down the stairs in her rush, but she had to catch up with Woohyun. Quickly gathering herself back up, she ran out of the building and scanned the streets, searching for any sign where the other might’ve went. Luckily her phone was still in her pocket. She pulled it out and dialed his number. “Woohyun-ah, please please pick up,” she begged as it rang. But instead, an automated message played, saying that his phone was out of service. “Damn it,” Maeri cursed and she sprinted down a side of the street. After not seeing any sign of Woohyun, she sprinted down the other side. The phone was still glued to her ear, replaying that automated message over and over again.

After searching the entire block and a few of their favorite spots, but finding no sign of him, Maeri concluded that he was long gone. She didn’t know where he would be. And snow was falling in the icy night. Maeri fingers were frozen from dialing and redialing the phone. With a heavy heart, she gave up her search and shuffled back to the apartment.

That’s where she found Woohyun’s phone, still lying on the bed. Maeri sighed and threw her own phone onto the bed after pulling out the battery. She was in no mood to talk to anyone. She then pulled off a blanket from the bed, dragging it over to the couch in the living room where she’d sleep tonight. It wouldn’t be right to sleep on that bed after what she’d done...or without him.