Warning: Toilet Humor

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What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I need to poop, but how do humans poop?! I mean, I don’t think they just poop out in the open, for if that was the case, I would see it all over the place. I mean, back at sea, we wouldn’t just poop anywhere, that’s just rude. But, we would just go towards the reefs or just out of crowded space and go. I mean, for the most part, our poop was other fish’s food, but I don’t think that’s the case for humans.

In the time between when Changjo got me redressed, him leaving, and now, I had learned to get rather steady on these legs, but now I can’t even enjoy it.

Knock. Knock.

I turned towards the door and saw the fairy tale like man, Chunji.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just came to check on you for Master Choi.” I’m saved! I grabbed onto his wrist and dragged him in. “Are you alright?” I shook my head. “What’s wrong?” I didn’t know how to tell him without talking. I remembered that I knew how to sign, so I was hoping that maybe he would know too.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know sign.” I grabbed onto my hair and scrunched my eyes. I guess I have to make myself look like an idiot. I stood and pointed at my bum. “What about your ?” He looked so confused, and a little uncomfortable, but I absolutely need to go. I can feel my face heating up from holding it in for so long. I made a movement from my bum with my hands, trying to signal the fact that I needed to poop. But he just shook his head. “Master Choi should have warned me that you were a weird one.”

I stomped my foot in frustration, and at that, a weird sensation came out of my bum. I stood in confusion before I scrunched my face in disgust. It felt like bubbles, but it smelled horrific. I could tell that Chunji could smell it too because he just covered his face and started waving his hand around like a mad man.

“Do you have to use the bathroom?” He asked. What is a bathroom? Is that where they poop? I just kept staring at him and danced on one foot. I guess he could tell I didn’t get it yet. “Do you need to poop?”

Yes! I nod my head quickly as he rolls his eyes. He leads me to the room where Changjo took me before. The room with the bath tub. He stretches him arm out and presents to me a white…thing. What is it?

“There’s the toilet,” He says. “Have at it.” He made to leave, but I grabbed onto him. “What? I thought you needed to use the bathroom.” I nodded, but I don’t know how to use that contraption. He looked at me for a moment before narrowing his eyes. “You do know how to use a toilet, right?” I shook my head. “Do you know what a toilet even is!?” I shook my head again. He let out a high pitched whine as he threw his hands in the air.

I wanted to whine and moan and be a baby as much as he was doing, but I can’t make a noise, so I just got his attention and tried to give him the biggest eyes I could. It usually worked on my red headed friend, but I’m only hopeful that it would work on him. He looked at me, and he held my stare for only a moment before he sighed and slumped in on himself.

“Stupid Changjo and his big heart.” Chunji lead me to the white thing again and pointed at it. “That is a toilet.” I nodded. “You use it to poop and pee.” I nodded again. He then stepped aside and showed me another white think that looked similar, but smaller. “This is a washer. Don’t stick your hands in there. When you’re done, you sit here and press this button,” he motioned at a button on the side, “and it will give you a quick spray down to clean you.” He then sighed as he pointed back at the toilet.

“You take move your shorts down and sit on it.” Sit on it? He could probably see my confusion since he rolled his eyes and motioned me towards him. “When you need to poop,” he grabbed my short’s hem and made a small tug, but didn’t really move them, “You pull theses down so your is bare. Then you sit and poop.” He then took a deep breath as if thinking before continuing onward. “When you’re done, just stand up. The toilet is automatic so it will flush on its own. I’m not showing you how to pee. You can just sit and pee like a girl.” At that, he walked out.

I stared at the white thing, the toilet, again. I was still unsure, but I really had to go. I did as I was told and removed my shorts. I left them on the floor as I made my way towards the toilet. I sat, although hesitantly, and relaxed. I felt the poop come out, and it felt weird. Just weird. It felt so much bigger than what I’m used to. Or maybe it’s because it’s from a different form of my bum. I kind of want to see how big it is. As soon as I felt like I was okay, I got up and turned around. It looked weird. It was big and dark. But as fast as I turned, as fast was it spinning away and out of sight. The water was disappearing along with my poop.  How odd.

I looked over towards the “wash” as Chunji had called it. This thing kind of scared me. I took a seat and felt the side of it, looking for the button. Found it. I pushed it and a strong stream of cold water came out of nowhere. I screamed, or at least tried to, but nothing came out. It was such an odd sensation, and in all honesty, I didn’t expect that. As I got up, I wiggled a little, hoping that I can dry off before putting the shorts back on.

When I made to put the shorts back on, I realized something. I have something hanging in between my legs. I made my way and sat on the bathtub, shorts in my hand, and looked at this weird appendage. I saw it when I first woke up, and when I was getting dressed, and in the bathtub, but this is the first time I’m actually realizing that I have no idea what this is. Does Changjo have this? I didn’t get to see if he did when we took that bath. Is it normal? I think so since Changjo didn’t say anything about it.

I took the thing into my hand. It was soft, squishy kind of. I squeezed it a little, and a small shock ran through me. It wasn’t bad. It felt rather pleasant. But what is this thing for? And why are there two sack looking things at the base?  I rubbed it some more, and as I did so, it stiffened. It grew. That’s when it hit me.

My red headed friend would always tell me so many different stories from when he lived by the humans. He told me that the men would all have an extra appendage in between their legs that they would pee with. So this is my pee stick. I kind of feel gross for touching it now. I let it go and put my shorts back on before heading towards the wall and wiping my hand on a piece of fabric that just hung there. Gross.

The pee stick is still stiff, but it should go down. I don’t have to pee anyway, though it is a tad uncomfortable to walk. The excitement of learning to walk has just spoiled really. I’m not even that excited anymore. There isn’t anything to do right now, and Changjo still isn’t back, so I’ll just lie on the bed for now. A feeling of exhaustion washes over me as my head hits the softness. Maybe it’s because that Minsoo man tired me out, or because of my struggle with learning how humans poop. Either way, I curl into myself again and let the darkness take me again.

At least I try.

There’s something at the edge of the bed, and it only seems to be getting closer. It feels small, but I’m still hesitant as I peak from behind my shoulder. It’s that white thing. It’s the white thing that was always with Changjo when he played in the sand. I don’t think it’s dangerous, but then again, no one thinks my red headed friend is dangerous. Our eyes met and it looked so adorable. It let loose the strange sound once more.

Arf. Arf.

It jumped on me and I caught it between my arms. It sniffed me up and down before it looked up at me and my face. It tickled honestly. I laughed, or at least I made to laugh. I just didn’t make any noise, just let out a lot of breath. I held it close, but it wiggled out of my grasp. It spun around next to me before lying down. It yawned before it looked back at me and closed its eyes. I guess it just wanted to sleep with me. I lied back down and curl in again and close my eyes. I kept my eyes closed as I felt it get up and come closer to me. It came into my arms and curled in too. I held onto it and smiled. I’m glad it trusts me. 

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I'll be out tomorrow, so here it is today~!