I was at the ER, waiting for my parents. The doctors have examined me. No broken bones, just some bruising on my back. The cranial CT scan was done, only showing a contusion. The nurse just gave me some pain meds and I was slowly gaining my wits.

Lost memories, that’s what the paramedic said.

Was my memory really lost? Like some object left lying around then forgotten? How does one forget herself? Or was it misplaced by accident? Did my slip cause my memory to fly out of my head and be misplaced?

The medical term is amnesia. Well, it sounded better but still doesn’t change how I felt.

I have almost 2 years of my life missing, gone. I don’t know if it’s erased and irrevocably lost or if there was still some way I could get it back if I tried hard. But concentrating on them makes my head throb despite the meds so I stop.

The doctor who saw me told me I would be referred to a neuropsychiatrist for counselling and management. He seemed sympathetic but I shudder at the thought of seeing a shrink. They’re for crazy people and I’m not.

At least not right now, but if this goes on, maybe I’d end up crazy as well.

Ji was still with me. He told me he’ll stay until my parents come. He has resumed holding my hand once I was through with the examinations. They felt tingly where his skin touched mine.

I don’t know what happened between us these last almost 2 years, but it can’t be bad. Maybe we’ve gotten closer?

“Thanks Ji, for pretending to be my boyfriend” I was embarrassed as I said it.

“It’s okay” he said, although I think he didn’t look okay. Was he disappointed?

“You could have pretended to be my cousin, and they would have not known” I said.

“Makes sense, next time I’ll try that” he said, trying to humor me.

“Were we close at school? Were we friends?” I asked, wondering who we were in each other’s lives these past 2 years.

“No” he said, smiling despite himself. “I was the bane of your existence”

“How come?” I asked. How could I ever think of Ji that way? I’ve been crushing on him since we were 12.

“I don’t know. I changed school midway into sophomore then returned start of senior year. When I came back, you were different. I learned you quit track and joined cheerleading. And you found me annoying and bothersome. Like you couldn’t stand me.” he shrugged his shoulders.

That was too much to take in. How could I go from liking this guy to hating him? It didn’t make sense. How did it happen? Something tells me, he isn’t telling me the whole picture, that there’s something more. Because the way I’m feeling for him now is so far from hate.

“Who was I to you?” I then asked, feeling brave because of my amnesia.

“You were still Dara to me” he said, after some time of looking at me and figuring how to answer.

I’m not sure what he meant. “How am I at school?” I asked.

“Oh, you’re still smart. That’s why I don’t understand why you’re into cheerleading. Well, almost as smart as me anyway, maybe that’s why you hate me, because I sometimes beat your grades.”

“Maybe. But why did I quit track?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe you got tired running” he said and shrugged his shoulders.

“But I love running” I insisted.

“Well, when you became a cheerleader, you also became very popular with the boys.” He said, sounding disgruntled.

“Me, popular with boys? I don’t even remember talking to them or them noticing me?” I asked incredulously. Byul was the popular and pretty one.

“You have gotten a lot prettier since then, not that you weren’t already beautiful before.” He tried to explain, blushing a bit.

I don’t think I have seen him blush. Kwon Jiyong does not blush even when he had girls hanging on to him after our meets or at school when he would pass them by. And did he just call me beautiful?

“So you noticed me?” I managed to say. Amnesia seems to have made me braver, I forgot about being shy.

“I notice things when I want to.” he answered softly. “Anyway, you’ve got boys falling at your feet. In fact one boy is so besotted with you” he continued somewhat aggravated.

“Who?” I asked. I was wishing for him to say it’s him.

“Choi Dongwook or Seven, your boyfriend.”