What'd happened on the day of his marriage? How did he agree to it? How did he manage to cut the string that he thought would forever tie their hearts together, but who was he trying to fool? The thought of it made him want to curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep. 1 month before he would be sent to that stranger's mansion, Luhan hadn't known him, aside from the aloof personality of that man and the cold and the mysterious aura that he seemed to carry around with himself, he knew he shouldn't judge the man because what was inside him, Luhan didn't know, it confused him, those amber eyes, they were not meant for him, they were hollow, empty, Luhan somehow understood the meaning, afterall this marriage was being held against their will, D.O Kyungsoo was a human too, and one with feelings, if Luhan had sold his heart to someone he couldn't have then D.O Kyungsoo must have gone through the same. 

 

 

Is that why had he agreed to this? Is that why he hadn't hesitated when they'd exchanged vows? If he hadn't had to see Byun Baekhyun every morning then he was estatic to move in with this man. If he were to live and create memories with this man, maybe then, he'd forget about the Byun Baekhyun he'd grown to love more than just a friend.

 

 

Their first night had been passionate, somehow different, his mind had that picture, the picture of his childhood like it was stitched into his brain, it hurt because he was suppose to be there without having to think about that man, who wouldn't looked at him the way he'd wanted. 

 

 

His husband had told him that he'd loved some else before they'd gotten married but sadly the feelings weren't returned, Luhan understood, he'd smiled sadly, telling him his story of life, though leaving behind the part that he'd ever fallen in love, he hadn't felt the need to go through it once more, the pain right there was enough, he didn't want more. Even though it made him feel shamed, for he had lied to his husband.

 

 

D.O Kyungsoo had smiled, a sincere smile, for the first time since they'd met. Luhan found himself fighting back a smile of his own but gave up in the end, he felt, somewhat, happy, lightheaded, with Kyungsoo, his heart didn't hurt anymore. 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Days passed like the cold breeze of winter that had arrived without them even noticing, they were happy, Luhan was pregnant with D.O Kyungsoo's child, but somehow it made Luhan worry, why was time flying by so fast? He'd sometimes feel self-conscious, he was only 19 years old but he couldn't help but feel old, he didn't want to look ugly, he didn't want his husband to stop loving him, because love, was he afraid of losing, love, that he'd craved, after so long had he received from a stranger who suddenly came into his life, who showed him a world he'd grown to love and appreciate for it no longer reminded him of those days of childhood where he'd be sobbing quietly to the hushing sounds of Byun Baekhyun. 

 

 

He thought he'd forgotten the name by now, but how? How was he suppose to forget his past? How was he suppose to throw away the previous 18 years of

his life? Byun Baekhyun, was like a curse, a curse, Luhan could do nothing about, could not remove even if he'd wanted to, how far could he go anyway? He'd cut down contact with the man right after he'd moved in with his husband, the one who now was asked for his love, trust, loyalty and everything he'd had within himself. It wasn't his fault for not prying into Luhan's life, for not asking for all those secrets he'd hidden deep down, it had to take no more than a word for him to have that heart opened up like a book, right infront of him, for his eyes to skim through every single word, go through every secret hidden under, but that was just his imagination and he wasn't the one to decide his fate, if he could, he wouldn't be here.

 

 

D.O Kyungsoo was happy, so happy that it made Luhan guilty, guilty for harbouring much feelings when he had such a loving and caring husband, shouldn't he be grateful to have someone as generous and welcoming as D.O Kyungsoo? The man who ignored his own feelings for the sake of their happiness, the man who opened his arms for a stranger, he was just a burden their parents had forced upon him. Luhan wanted to drown himself everytime D.O Kyungsoo would as much send a smile his way, it was suffocating, it hurt, the same hurt he'd felt when he'd realized it was too late to go back. Why was he like this? Luhan would cry himself at nights, it wasn't suppose to be like this, Luhan wasn't suppose to act this way, he wasn't brought up to act like such an ungrateful, stubborn brat. God wouldn't forgive him, Luhan had thought. God wouldn't forgive for being unfaithful to his husband.

 

 

Their child had grown to a quite boy, he wasn't like all those jolly, happy go lucky kids his age, a rather silent one, some would think it a disorder but Luhan knew, it was from his daddy, aside from looking the same as he was. His daddy loved him though he wouldn't show it all that much, he was mute most of the times when their child was around, Luhan would be worried, Xiao Tai had never questioned his father's unnatural silence, he was 2 years old, he could talk, understood that if he'd said something that had upset daddy then he wasn't allowed to speak. D.O Kyungsoo almost all times would come home late, Xiao Tai would be asleep in his baba's arms, Luhan struggling to sleep there waiting for his husband's arrival, Kyungsoo would be fighting a smile from invading his features. Luhan would ask him if he was hungry, only to receive distant replies like ‘I'm not hungry’ or ‘I already had dinner’

 

 

He'd slip into their bed and instantly fall asleep, to Luhan it wasn't a surprise anymore since his husband had to work 24/7 just to feed them. The bags around those eyes, those tense muscles under his cold fingertips, it made Luhan want to curl up in a ball and cry till his tears ran dry. He'd stay awake at nights like an owl, watching over his husband like a guardian angel would, sometimes just sitting on the couch and watching him breathing steadily, it put him at ease.

 

 

Till now, how much D.O Kyungsoo had cared for him, he didn't know if he could do anything in return for the latter, it was like a stone tied to his heart, whenever he'd think about it, he'd end up with tears flowing uncontrollably down his face. 

 

 

'Leave me alone!'

 

 

'You're just a burden tied to my shoulders!'

 

 

'I don't love you! I don't ing love you!'

 

 

'Why do you have to ruin my life!'

 

 

'Stop acting like it's only you who's suffering!'

 

 

'I have to work my off to feed you and your child!'

 

 

'You frustrate me!'

 

 

'Stop! Stop this!'

 

 

'Get out of my house! Right now!'

 

 

He was a mere human with countless sins, surely to end up in the blood red fire of hell. He wanted to die, he was ready to face the crimson bridges leading to the open gates of adis. I want to disappear, I don't want to look back, I don't want to see that face, that smile that brings tears to my eyes, you're like a scar, I can't remove, even if I want to. So, he decided it was better for the both of them that he leave, take their child with him and move back to Canada, from where he originally belonged.

 

 

Luhan dragged his feet to the couch where his child slept soundly, the house was the same he'd seen years ago, even the mahogany door to Byun Baekhyun's room. A crooked smile found it's way up his lips, memories, memories everywhere, every nook and crany held memories of their childhood. Luhan looked around the livingroom, he suddenly remembered a 5 years old Baekhyun tugging at a 5 years old Luhan's frilly pink dress, with eyes sparkly and tear filled, he was forced to crossdress for a summer-camp the latter was signed up for, Baekhyun had asked him to play the role of his girlfriend, Luhan laughed at the certain remembrance, not realizing the tears that flowed down his cheeks.

 

 

"Lu? Xiao Lu?"

 

 

Luhan's eyes widen, he lowered his head, silently rubbing at his now sore eyes, his cheeks still wet, he gulped down the remaining that threathed to escape past his eyes for one more time.

 

 

"Lu? Oh my God!"

 

 

He was suddenly lifted off the couch by the once frail arms now a lot stronger than he'd remembered, his own arms wrapped around the man's neck, tears once more leaving his eyes uncontrollably, he cried with a sound, like a lost 5 years old in the middle of the road.

 

 

"Xiao Lu, I missed you so much, you haven't changed one bit, I waited for you for so long but you never came, where were you? Oh my God, I can't believe you're finally here,"

 

 

Luhan hiccuped, face burying in the crook of Baekhyun's neck, it was warm, like home.

 

 

"Xiao Lu,"

 

 

He was pulled away from the warmth by those muscled arms on either of his shoulders, he let his head fall, not wanting the other to face his tear stained ruddy face.

 

 

"Xiao Lu, look at me,"

 

 

Luhan was helpless so he let the man take his ruined face into soft delicate palms, those eyes, they were the same from years ago, blue-gray, filled with longing, warmth, moisture, hands warm and wanting. He found himself staring back into those orbs, which he thought he had forgotten, with the amount of time that had passed, the beautiful visage unchanged, he'd missed it, he'd missed everything.

 

 

"What happened to you? Xiao Lu, what's wrong?"

 

 

His lips trembled as he felt those long slender fingers careess his flushed cheeks, he wanted to say it but he knew he couldn't, he was a coward for running away from his childhood.

 

 

There was something akin to confusion swimming in the sea of those blue-gray orbs, Luhan smiled sadly, it broke his heart, it hurt more than anything, he was in no shape to come out to the man and suddenly force his feelings upon him, for the boy was destined to find someone far better than he, himself.

 

 

"I'm sorry,"

 

 

He let out in a single breath, he didn't know he'd held, his respiratory burnt for the lack of oxygen and he breathed hard.

 

 

".........."

 

 

Byun Baekhyun was more confused than anything, he was more than just shocked to see that face, it was still the same, the never aging baby face, the one he adored, pinched and kissed when they were kids. It's been so long since he'd last seen it, he hadn't expected his best friend to appear out of nowhere and so suddenly that he'd thought if the latter were even real and just a hallucination. Even though the latter had stopped talking to him, Baekhyun had understood, his Xiao Lu was married now, his husband wouldn't like if they were to talk and hangout like they used to, nothing was the same anymore so even if it hurt, he'd let go, somehow, but deep down he knew it wasn't as easy as he'd made it, the first few months had been painful, lonely more than anything, at times he'd considered getting himself involved with somebody as to fill the hole that Xiao Luhan had held within his heart, it was almost impossible to forget the latter, his big doe like eyes, his honey brown hair, his naturally flushed cheeks, he knew, even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to forget, not a single bit of those memories. And now, as if it wasn't hard enough, Xiao Luhan had to appear right before his eyes, was God playing another one of those games?

 

 

Baekhyun closed his eyes for a moment, his head hurt, he didn't want this, not when he had tried so hard, to move on, forget the boy from years ago, the friend that now belonged to some other man, he didn't know nothing about. The warmth was suffocating him, it didn't feel the same anymore, he felt like he wasn't holding the boy he'd loved, it didn't feel right, like he was trying to claim the property of some stranger, or was it just shame? Tears were at bay, he was a coward, a coward for not taking what could have been rightfully his, but now, he was already the loser, he was too much of a selfish, self-centered bastard to deserve someone so beautiful and caring.

 

 

His arms tightened around the petite waist of that divine beauty in his arms, Luhan, even the name, it was like love all over again. With eyes still closed, Baekhyun leaned in to nuzzle his face against the delicate skin of those soft pink cheeks. His nose brushing against the hot skin, it sent tingles down his spine, he ignored the barely audible sound in the back of his skull, telling him to stop before it were slip out of his hands.

 

 

Luhan let his eyes flutter , the lips felt so right against his, like a puzzle piece finally set at it's right place. He'd waited for this, for longer than he could even remember, or maybe he didn't want to remember, his mind had gone blank and for now he only wanted to stay in those arms like he'd imagined himself but for real, this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was hurled up in Tao's arms, like a child seeking the warmth of it's mother. His bony fingers clutching tightly onto the front of the younger's shirt, Tao's arms lazily around his thin waist, Kyungsoo eagerly listened to the steady beating of his heart, wanting to grab a hold of it but sadly couldn't.

 

 

"Tao,"

 

 

He let out in a small voice, only to get a soft hum from the latter. He closed his eyes, fingers letting go of the fabric to wound around the latter's sturdy waist. His voice a whisper as he spoke the words, he hadn't found in himself, till now,

 

 

"I love you,"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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