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scars
Go, apologize.
No, it was his fault.
Go, before it's too late.
Listen—
Kyungsoo sighed, it was harder than he'd thought it would be. His heart felt empty just the other side of the bed where his husband was suppose to be. A groan escaped his lips, he sat up straight, pulled the blanket away from his body and stood up. His fists clenched by his sides, he'd had enough, even though their relationship even after getting married hadn't been all that good but the latter was still his husband, the one who'd carried their child for 8 months, he couldn't just walk out on the fact. Kyungsoo let his fists fall free before he sprinted out the room, climbing down the stairs as if he were in a hurry, his heart thundered inside his chest, he couldn't take it. The pain, the emptiness.
Kyungsoo didn't know if he could utter an apology, words seemed to die in his mouth after seeing his husband curled up in a ball on a chair, a thin blanket covering over those long pale legs, it was cold and it felt as if everything was freezing after Kyungsoo saw Luhan clutching the flimsy blanket so tightly, like it was slipping away. The sound of shattering glass could be heard, ringing loud in his ears, he closed his eyes and cupped at the hollow that was his heart. Why was he like this? Even after all those years? Why did he still have these feelings? Why wasn't he the faithful husband that Luhan had loved? It was a sin, he knew, but he couldn't stop it, he was human after all, nothing was in his hands.
Kyungsoo turned away from the sight, forcing his legs to move, a part of him ached to touch Luhan, to comfort him, hug him, tell him that Kyungsoo was there to love him and he didn't have to worry. He tried to supress the overwhelming feelings and his back, his eyes stung with unshed tears but he kept them in, he was a man, men are not suppose to cry, with that he left.
.
"You don't tell me what's right and what's wrong!"
"How dare you!"
"You good for nothing!"
Luhan stared at the night sky with emotionless eyes, it was cold, the blanket barely covered his exposed legs, with only a oversized shirt and boxers, he was sure he'd die, the thought of it made him feel less dejected, he'd been completely fine with the silent treatment every now and then, even after him going through pregnancy, it was nothing out of the blue, he was ok, everything was all right, the cold shoulder, he was used to, he'd never questioned, he'd never bothered his husband, Luhan was grateful, he was happy with the way Kyungsoo treated him, it made him feel loved even with the occasional fights they'd have, he knew Kyungsoo would patch things up, that was what Luhan loved the most about the latter, he was sincere.
That night Kyungsoo hadn't looked so good, he'd come back from his work place with a sore face, Luhan had noticed, it didn't suit his husband, the twisted expressions made him look old and grumpy, Luhan had thought, he'd asked him if everything was fine and if his husband needed anything, the reply he'd gotten in return had more than just shocked Luhan, he wasn't used to this, he wasn't used to getting hit, Kyungsoo had slapped him, Luhan hadn't been mad even after that, he'd kept his mouth shut as to not anger the latter, maybe if he were careful enough, Kyungsoo wouldn't have to hit him, Luhan knew it had to be his fault that Kyungsoo had looked so tired and so forlorn, but he felt sad, hurt, he'd cried countless times and the fact that he was one to push his husband to his limits made it worse.
"Maybe I should move out,"
Luhan said to one in particular, his head throbbed in a dull ache as he closed his eyes, sleep slowly taking over him.
.
Kyungsoo couldn't understand, how could Luhan fall asleep out in the freezing cold? He gritted his teeth, slamming a fist on the cold window glass, his body ached for Luhan. He angrily threw away the vase standing on the windowsill. Sleep had left him the moment Luhan had stopped talking to him, the moment he'd hit him. Kyungsoo shook away the thoughts that had his heart in a bloody mess and went down to get his other half.
When Kyungsoo reached the lawn, his knees trembled slightly as he approached his husband hurled up in the chair , the soft sniffling had him heartsick, he chrouched down beside Luhan, his eyes were closed, the moon providing enough light for Kyungsoo to make out the tears running down those beautifully flushed cheeks. He closed his eyes, fingers reaching out to careess the soft porcelain cheeks, the skin hot under his cold fingertips, a shiver ran down his spine as the warm breath hit his fingers, he slowly pulled back his hand and stood up, hovering over his husband, he leaned down to place a soft kiss on those swallowen red lips before picking up the younger bridal style. The unconscious Luhan wrapped his arms around the man's neck and snuggled closer, burying his face in the warmth that was his other half, though he'd never know.
Kyungsoo sighed, feeling better than before, though they weren't back to being on good terms, it'd been 2 weeks since the incident, 2 weeks had he lied in an empty bed, Kyungsoo didn't know if it was his pride or was he just plain stupid? Either way Kyungsoo wanted someone to whack some sense into his thick head.
.
"Ma, I'm going to visit Lu ge, I heard Kyungsoo-ssi is giving him a hard time, what happened Ma? How come you guys got him married to that jerk when I wasn't here?"
There was a slight hesitance on the other line before a feminine voice spoke,
"Nothing is wrong Taozi, Luhan is happy, it's just their personal problems that we shouldn't interupt, you understand what I'm trying to say? Go visit him but please don't pry in their personal life,"
Tao sighed in frustration,
"Fine, I won't. But that guy better treat my ge how he deserves or I'll have his wushu-ed!"
A hearty laugh was heard to which Tao smiled a little,
"Good, my boy. Take care of yourself and your ge! I love you two! Mwaaah!"
Tao cringed at the sudden change in his mother's voice, too sweet and sticky for it's own good, he clicked the call end and stood there for their car to arrive.
.
Kyungsoo slowly opened his eyes to see the light had completely invaded their bedroom, he sighed and sat up against the headboard, Kyungsoo felt cold for some reason, the warmth of his husband not there, he was sure he'd brought Luhan with him last night, still somewhat drowsy, he looked at his right to find the place cold and empty. His eyes widen and he quickly scrambled out of the bed to rush to the bathroom, the door was slightly ajar, he slammed it open only to find it empty, Kyungsoo's frantic eyes searched every corner in their vast bedroom, but didn't find any trace of his other half. Just as he was about to give up and pull at his hair in aggravation, a knock at the door had his head snapped to his side, a maid entered with a letter clutched tightly in her hands, she looked terrified as if she'd seen a ghost in the broad daylights, Kyungsoo took a shaky breath in, closing his eyes for a moment, this was what he'd dreaded the most. The maid timidly made her way to the bedside table and put the letter there, she straightened her uniform, debating whether to let the Master know or just leave the matter, from the sight of D.O Kyungsoo's head hung low, fists clenched so tight that had the skin painted white. She bit her lip, slowly walking towards the door and shut it.
Kyungsoo opened his eyes just as the maid left, he felt as if somebody had just knocked the air out of him, he struggled to breath as he climbed the bed and reached out to grab the letter that was set on the table. His fingers trembled as he opened it slowly, as if the time taken would change the truth.
"I'm sorry, I apologize for being a burden to you Kyungsoo-ssi, that night when you hit me, please don't feel sorry, I was at fault for pestering you when you weren't ready, I'm really sorry, I was naive, I didn't realize till now that you still love that person, I was the one who ruined your beautiful relationship, I was at fault for agreeing to this marriage in the first place, A thousand apologizes of mine wouldn't bring back the time that has passed, so I've decided to move back to Canada with Xiao Tai, it's a shame that our baby will have to grow up without a father but I'll manage, you don't have to worry Kyungsoo-ssi, I assure you, our son will be all right, I apologize once again, please forgive me, I'll forever be in your debt, please take care of yourself and goodbye,
Lu Han.
Kyungsoo stared at the sheet of white in his hands, his chest felt tight, so tight, it hurt. His eyes were blurry and the next moment he realized the white and black had mixed to an ugly color. It made him cringe, the paper crumbled in his trembling fists. Why? Whatever did he do to deserve this? His head hurt, his eyes stung, his heart felt like somebody was ripping it apart, slowly, painfully, letting the anguish double. His lifeline was slipping away as he closed his eyes and laid down the bed, nothing seemed real, just like a bad dream and when he'd wake up, everything will be all right, Luhan would be there, snuggling close to his side.
.
Tao pursed his lips, anxiously eyeing the door before he reached out a hand to knock on it lightly. When he'd arrived there to give his ge a surprise and had gotten a shock for himself as the maids there had told him that Luhan had left and had taken his son with him. Tao was furious, to say the least, he knew the guy had been a jerk to his brother but then, they were married, something drastic must have happened for his ever forgiving ge to just leave everything behind and Tao, the kind-hearted guy he was, felt the need to check up on his brother's husband.
What gave him assurance was that, Luhan would be safe, he knew. He'd quietly climbed the stairs to the couple's bedroom, there were no sounds coming from the other side so he knocked once again. The silence was eating him, his fingers slid down to grasp the gold knob, turning it, surprised to find it unlocked. He pushed the door open, the room was dark, even at this time of the day, the blinds were shut out completely, blocking out any source of light. He sighed, walking over to the window to pull open the curtains, the dark suffocating him.
His eyes had widen at the sight of his brother-in-law sweating like he'd run a marathon, dried tears stains on that ruddy visage, he quickly threw away his shoes and climbed the bed, the latter's burning forehead had Tao running around the room in panic. He didn't bother telling the maids as he went down to get a bowl from the massive kitchen, he grabbed the utensil and climbed back the stairs.
He filled the bowl with the cold tap water and grabbed one of the towels hanging from the towel-rack and rushed back to tend to his sick brother-in-law. Tao dipped the towel in the water, letting it soak completely before squeezing the extra amount and put it over the hot forehead.
He did it quite a few more times till the temperature seemed to subside. Tao reached out to touch the damp forehead, the temperature was normal so he let his hand drop to the side. D.O Kyungsoo, for Tao was nothing more than a stranger, they hadn't actually had a proper conversation, aside from the hello hi's they'd had on the phone when Luhan would insist that he talk to his brother-in-law, Tao didn't want to appear rude so he'd exchange a few words for formality, nothing more than that.
He was a little over-protective of his elder brother so he'd always keep check of how he was doing, if he was ok with the marriage and whatnot, it made him happy how Luhan would grin so wide, practically glowing when he'd start ranting about how his life had changed with D.O Kyungsoo around. Tao had approved of the marriage when he'd heard that his ge was happy, if his brother had agreed to it then who was he to stand a wall in-between? Tao would shrug off the thoughts that still had his head in a dull ache. He was assured of his ge's happiness when he'd heard they were having a child, a baby boy and he was the one to give him the name 'Xiao Tai'.
Xiao Tai had grown up to look the exact, carbon-copy of Luhan, aside from the wide eyes he'd gotten from his daddy, the child was beautiful just like his parents, they were a match made in heaven. In Tao's eyes, even if D.O Kyungsoo hadn't left quite the impression, the two looked perfect for each other. Even if D.O Kyungsoo was a cold-hearted jerk, Tao respected him.
Tao was snapped out of his thoughts when a warm hand touched his, he looked down to see Kyungsoo, trying to grasp his fingers around Tao's hand, Tao smiled and opened his palm to trap the wandering fingers in-between his. D.O Kyungsoo looked so weak, so fragile, so vulnerable like this. It was a first for Tao to witness him in such a state. Not the cold, hard looking D.O Kyungsoo, who wouldn't even greet him with a smile.
Tao's eyes trailed over the pale face regaining it's shine back, he smiled a little, his heart unknowingly fluttered at the sight, he blinked several times, slowly pulling back his hand but before he could completely, his hand was gripped tightly.
"Tao..."
His eyes were wide as he stared at the man he thought was still unconscious with eyes closed, how did he know it was him? To say that Tao was confused would be an understandment, he could only watch as D.O Kyungsoo nuzzled his face against his hand, the broken smile a stab to his heart.
.
The 21 years old stood there, his eyes downcast, the sounds coming from the other side told him that the boy was obviously very busy, Luhan smiled sadly, guess his childhood friend finally found someone to be with, he was still somewhat hopeful, holding onto the string of their friendship he thought was there though clear. He thought that that one person was the only alive who cared for him, to hear him out whenever, to provide him a shoulder he could carelessly sob on, to give him his brightest smiles despite his misery only to see the wrinkles around his eyes. The memories were treasure to Luhan, enough for him to spend the remaining of his life without guilt following him everywhere.
He eyed the door one last time before turning around to leave downstairs, where he'd left his child sleeping soundly on the blue couch, 'blue', it reminded him of those eyes, those blue-grey eyes, they were truly beautiful, too beautiful for words, Luhan would feel captivated everytime he'd stare into them, they were like the pacific, so deep and mysterious like hiding behind secrets he'd never know.
Byun Baekhyun was his first love, the first time Luhan had discovered the meaning behind the word, his mother had told him when he was 15 years old, his first love would be the person behind his closed eyes, he had quite a number of friends but the only one mattered to him was Byun Baekhyun, so whenever he'd closed his eyes, he'd seen him, those times he'd laugh it off like it was nothing, because it was only natural, Baekhyun would be there at the end of the day, following him like a shadow, when he'd told his mother, she'd smiled and said that maybe Luhan was falling for his childhood friend, everything was new to him, he'd only blinked his eyes like the innocent boy that he was, when he'd deny it, his mother would let go, thinking that maybe, one day he'd realize.
The day he realized though was too late, it was his 18th birthday that his father announced that they were getting their oldest son engaged, Luhan was shocked, to say the least. He'd wanted to protest, throw a fit because his parents had kept him in dark. Luhan was a quite one, since his very childhood, so even though he'd inwardly thrown a dozen tantrums, he hadn't really caused a scene which could embarass his parents in the slightest, he'd pinched his arm, bit his lips till he'd tasted blood, but nothing more.
His fiancé was a man of a few words. He had wide owl eyes which gave him a charming look despite his cold demeanor. When they'd exchanged rings, Luhan had avoided looking the other in those amber eyes, he'd felt uncomfortable under the man's gaze, he'd run away to hide in his best friend's arms, Byun Baekhyun, he was there, even in his engagement, Luhan had thought, was he ever going to leave him? Was he ever going to live on his own? The thought was enough to bring Luhan to tears, if he were to get married to that owl eyed man, will Byun Baekhyun be there with him? He'd shook off those thoughts for that time he'd wanted to forget about the consequences that he'd had to face eventually.
Byun Baekhyun had wiped his tears that had fallen without him even knowing, he had a smile, Luhan thought reminded him of the cracked faced doll he'd thrown down the stairs when he was only 5, how had he remembered that specific toy from years ago? Luhan didn't know. A wave of emotions had seen his eyes in that sea of blue-grey, a blink before it was gone and Luhan had cried, his arms had been glued around Byun Baekhyun, his friends had laughed at how childish he seemed, that he was going to get married and stop depending on his childhood friend, he'd shook his head and burrowed deeper into the latter. He was not going to let go, not now, not ever.
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