I knew I shouldn't have left home, I'm so stupid. Why did I come here? Grandma bought coffee the other day, I didn't need to go out and get some more.

 

I'm such an idiot. Now I'm trapped. I can't find a way out.

 

There's someone blocking the door, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I can't simply walk by that little girl over there, she's going to look at me, judge me, laugh at me. She's going to notice the sweat under my arms. I'm mutating into a big mess. I'm embarrassing myself.

 

Glancing down at her hands, the timid girl feels her heart clatter considerably.

 

I can't move. I probably look like a complete freak. I feel like a freak. Am I going crazy? Oh no, I'm shaking, I'm shaking, I'm shaking. What do I do? That girl has been standing there for the past three minutes why isn't she leaving? Why isn't she moving out of the way?

 

I'm such a fool.

 

I knew there were going to be a million people in the super market but I came anyway because I thought I would be able to take it, ha ha, how wrong I was – oh no, everyone's looking at me. They know I'm having a panic attack. They know, they know.

 

However, a relieved smile pulls at her lips.

 

The girl's walking away! Thank the Lord, thank the Lord, thank the Lord.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You're so ugly,” he whispers harshly, gripping the rim of the white polished sink, “you're dull, disgusting, laughable, meaningless, worthless, gross, hideous, awful,” tears prick his eyes, “I mean, look at that face. Who would ever love a face like yours, huh?”

 

Silence, only the sound of angry breathing.

 

“That's right, no one,” he gulps, “no one will love you, never. No one ever has, no one ever will.” The light echo of water flushes down the drain. “Loser,” he mocks, squeezing his fists around the hot and cold handle bars, “that's what you are... a loser.”

 

Releasing his hands, the boy drowns his palms under the falling liquid. “You have no friends. None. Not one.” Tears fall down his red cheeks when he glares down at the metal fossett. “Your co-workers think you're a failure, your boss – he knows you're a failure. You even think you're a failure. You've failed at everything. Everything.”

 

An angry smirk stretches across his face. Turning the water off, Luhan hesitantly stares at the mirror. He observes how the purple blotches under his eyes puff out when his tear ducts overflow with sorrow.

 

“You're lonely, aren't you?” He brokenly whispers. The smile shaping his lips falls ever so slowly, the person on the other side sadly gazing back.

 

A gasped sob spills out of his mouth.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Micha?” Her grandma gently calls, pushing the door open. Lightly scanning the orderly bedroom, the young girl is on the floor, her stomach facing the ground, arms and legs out wide like a starfish. The elderly woman sighs painfully. “Your grandfather and I are going to the theater down the street,” she begins carefully, “we're going to see that cute movie about the little girl and her lost puppy, remember that one? We watched the trailer yesterday afternoon.” There is no answer. “Well,” her grandmother continues, eyes somber, “we were wondering if you wanted to come with us, but if you're not comfortable, we won't force you.”

 

“No thank you grandma,” Micha replies, her voice small, “but thanks for inviting me.” Her grandmother smiles tenderly.

 

“No problem dear,” she says, “if you need anything, just call.” Pulling the door shut, her grandma sneaks a quick 'I love you' before leaving. When Micha is sure they're gone, she starts to cry.

 

“I'm so sorry grandma,” she wails, “I can't do it,” a sob, “I can't.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luhan stares blankly at his flashing computer screen. He hears chatter behind every wall of his messy, cramped office space – mainly gossip from female peers. So annoying, he complains, tugging at his checkered tie.

 

“Luhan,” someone calls. The boy takes a swift peek at the male standing at the entrance. Him.

 

“What?” Luhan questions rudely, zipping his fingers above the keyboard. His co-worker rolls his eyes at the evident attitude.

 

“The boss wants to see you,” is his answer, however, Luhan doesn't move to get up.

 

“Funny,” the blonde merely responds, placing his hand above the mouse, “now leave me alone.” The standing man scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Um, I'm not kidding,” he bites back, “Mr. Lee really does want to see you, in his office, right now.” Luhan swallows nervously, but keeps his feelings to himself when he pushes away from his desk.

 

“Fine,” he wavers, eyebrows furrowed, head slightly cast down.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Wow, her eyes are so beautiful!

 

Great job!

 

Another amazing drawing by the one and only SeaWeedBubble06

 

I wish I could draw as good as you...

 

I have subscribed and will forever be a fan of your art!!!!

 

Micha closes her laptop with a smile.

 

“How much did you sell?” Her grandpa walks in.

 

“So far, thirty copies.” She beams, clapping her hands in glee. “And I also have over two hundred comments.”

 

“That's amazing!” He laughs, hugging his granddaughter. “I'm so proud of you,” he whispers, her hair, “you have such a wonderful talent.”

 

“Thank you,” she mumbles, head pressed against his shirt.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You're fired.” His boss says. Luhan hasn't taken a seat yet. “I want you to pack up your belongings and leave by the end of lunch.” The startled boy doesn't move an inch. “Everyone has been complaining about your behavior and lack of effort,” Luhan doesn't motion to adjust his glasses, “I don't want to have this kind of foolishness floating around my company,” the blonde feels his heart throb, “you are dismissed.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Micha?” Her grandma mumbles, rocking back and forth in her green chair.

 

“Yes?” The young girl replies, distractedly reading through her feedback.

 

“I want you to know that your grandfather and I really love you,” she says slowly, pronouncing each and every syllable.

 

“I know,” Micha smiles, taking a glimpse towards her grandma.

 

“A lot,” she adds, resting her cheek on her hand. “No matter what happens, we'll love you forever and ever.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luhan has never realized how little he actually owns in his what-once-was office. Only a single box is needed to fill all of his useless paper work.

 

When he walks through the halls of the dull gray building, peers glance in his direction for a simple, meaningless second. But that's all it takes for the boy to know he was never welcome.

 

I'm such a loser, he thinks, pitying himself as the elevator goes down. I lost my job – I was fired. The doors open, and he walks out, a distraught look on his face.

 

Once home, Luhan is embraced by his deserted, lifeless apartment.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Micha is speechless.

 

“I'm sorry for your loss Mrs. Kim,” comes the doctor's voice. She doesn't make a sound. The doctor sadly gazes at the motionless girl. “I'll give you as much time as you need,” he reassures, hoping she has heard him. He makes sure to close the door behind him very gently.

 

And once Micha's alone, when she's really extremely alone, her vision blurs and she falls to her knees.

 

“I'll love you guys forever and ever,” she gasps.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I'm sorry but we're not hiring...” the lady repeats the moment Luhan runs in. The boy feels his mind buzz in worry.

 

“You said to come back later-”

 

“Sir, we're not hiring. We won't be hiring in the next couple months, now please leave, you're bothering the staff.” Luhan then frantically continues hunting for a job.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Micha can't go to her grandparents viewing nor their funeral. She screams and shouts in her grandparents bedroom, sobbing, mourning, hating herself for her stupid stupid stupid agoraphobia. This lasts for hours, days. The girl feels lost, abandoned, forgotten.

 

Suddenly the doorbell rings.

 

When Micha peers through the peephole, she sees an elderly couple she isn't familiar with. She doesn't want to open the door, so she doesn't.

 

For the next few days the same couple come by her doorstep, ring her bell four times and wait. They stand around until the sun sets before knocking one last time. Micha counts the ten extra seconds they remain, confused as to who these people are. Once they've driven away in their blue Hyundai, Micha hopelessly drags her eyes as far as the little car goes.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luhan cries in frustration, slamming his front door shut.

 

“This is so stupid,” he weeps, furiously ripping his shoes off. Luhan snaps his glasses away from his face throwing them against the wall. They smash (hard) falling to the ground. The lenses don't brake, but they do crack. Luhan ignores it, messily clawing at his streaming tears. “I'm such a loser.” He hiccups, tripping into his home.

 

The boy falls to his knees, eyes puffy, cheeks red, hands shaking. I'm such a failure. He thinks to himself, staring blankly at his lap.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

One day, when the same people ring her bell, Micha's hands ball into fists. She's had enough.

 

“Hello!” the lady beams, the moment Micha opens the door a single inch, “my name is Huabi and this is my husband here,” she points to cute old man, “Dai. We were very good friends with your grandparents, do you mind if we come inside?” Micha is startled by the woman's introduction, she hadn't been expecting this. She wants to reply, but is raw, she can't speak. The unmoving air behind Micha reminds her of the depression and sorrow eating at her heart. She hasn't spoken to anyone... in so long. She has to admit that these two people are the only human beings who will ever visit her lonely, dead house.

 

So she simply nods to the couple, and steps out of the way.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Mom?” Luhan tenses.

 

“It's me! Your beautiful and wonderful mommy!” The lady sings. The blonde boy almost drops his phone.

 

“Why are you calling me? Isn't it long distance? You're going to get charged extra money because-”

 

“Calm down Lulu!” His mother cuts him off. “We're in Korea, no need to worry about the bills!” Luhan's eyes widen.

 

“W-wait, you're here? Why?” He asks, nervously glancing around his untamed bedroom. “Why did you leave home? Why aren't you in Chi-” The woman hushes him from the other side.

 

“Listen,” she starts, “don't freak out, we're not going to start living with you or anything.” Luhan can feel his throat dry up. “Remember Mr. And Mrs. Kim? The couple we used to go bowling with?” His mother inquires. The boy hesitates to answer, but eventually mumbles a small 'yes'. “They passed away two weeks ago,” she explains, sighing deeply. Before Luhan can react, his mother continues. “It was very unexpected, I know, we came over to attend their funeral.” She keeps silent for a moment, allowing the information to sink in. A frown hangs itself of Luhan's face. He can't believe the Kims passed away, they were so nice. “They sent me an e-mail, about three months ago,” her mother adds, “talking about their granddaughter.” Luhan sits at the rim of his bed, arching a brow.

 

“What does that have to do-”

 

“No, sh! You have to keep listening!”

 

“Sorry...” He mutters, staring at his toes.

 

“Her name is Micha,” his mother tells him, “she's only about three years younger than you. She never actually went bowling with us, but whenever we'd pick her grandparents up, she'd be coloring on the floor. Remember her?”

 

“No,” Luhan truthfully replies, mentally searching through his memory bank.

 

“Really?” His mother sounds shocked.

 

“Yes...”

 

“Huh, that's a shame. Well, you do recall the issue with her mother and father, right?” He stays quiet for a second.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Her grandparents asked me if she could stay with us. I guess they forgot we moved to China.” Luhan looks at his lap. “Anyway, your father and I were wondering, since you're living in Korea, if she could maybe – you know, stay... with you?” Luhan completely freezes.

 

“With me?” He repeats.

 

“Yes.” Luhan's mouth gapes slightly, words lost deep in his throat.

 

“No way,” he blurts. His mother gasps.

 

“Why not?” She complains.

 

“I can't afford another person living with me,” he panics.

 

“But you're all by yourself,” his mom whines, “wouldn't it be nice to have company?”

 

“No, it wouldn't,” Luhan struts out of his room, cell phone tight against his ear.

 

“And why is that?” She bickers. The blonde doesn't know what to say, so he bites his nails. “Luhan,” she says softly.

 

“Mom please,” he lets out a ragged breath, leaning against the wall. “First of all, I'm really not good with people, at all. Second, I don't know her. And third, she's a girl!”

 

“So?” Luhan gulps, becoming flustered.

 

“So!? I can't live with a girl! People are going to think she's my girlfriend or s-something.” He blushes. “She shouldn't live with me,” he quickly concludes. The line stays silent for while, Luhan thinks his mother hangs up, but he suddenly hears a sigh.

 

“But she's lonely,” his mother tells him. Luhan wants to argue, but he gets stuck at the word lonely. Lonely lonely lonely, it echoes through his ear. The boy trails his eyes to the ground, pushing his thick spectacles up his nose. It sounds so weird hearing it from someone else. Luhan never thought anyone could feel that way... except him.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Micha is nervous. No, not nervous; terrified, anxious, scared, unbearably petrified. All her belongings are packed in two green suit cases. Just two. That's it. She's waiting waiting waiting for Huabi and Dai, staring intently out the peep hole.

 

Huabi is an extremely kind lady. Apparently her grandparents told them about her phobia. Micha was afraid they would make fun of her. She was more than ready to shut them out of her heart, but they didn't, which was very surprising. So Micha decided to trust them, she agreed to move even though she wouldn't be able to stay within their home in far far China. She hopes their son isn't too scary... or too tall, or too intimidating, or too handsome. The pretty ones always bullied her, like her parents.

 

In any case, it would be much better than remaining in a house filled with lost memories. Micha is still shocked that their son – Luhan – actually agreed.

 

“Darling we're here!” Micha hears Dai call from the other side of the door. parts a little. Darling, she thinks, grandma used to call me that. It always made her sound special.

 

“Hello,” she timidly greets, bowing as she pulls the door open. She still can't seem to push a smile on her lips.

 

“How have you been?” The old man asks, eyeing Micha's bags.

 

I want to drown myself. “Alright,” she replies, sadness squeezing at her lungs.

 

“Well that's good,” Dai says joyfully. The girl nods, worriedly reaching for her luggage. “No no, I got it,” Dai rushes for her stuff. Micha is startled.

 

“Please, you've done enough, I can-”

 

“Just go in the car,” Dai reassures, smiling that warm smile of his, “Huabi has a present for you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan runs around his apartment making sure there isn't a single piece of paper or plastic littering the floor. He's nervous. Very nervous. The blonde never had a single person over (excluding his parents), nor has he actually been in the presence of a girl (excluding his mother) longer than a couple seconds. But Micha, she'll be living with him. A girl. Female. Luhan doesn't understand why he accepted his mothers' wish, he supposes it's because he's... well... actually he doesn't really know.

 

Luhan prays Micha isn't flirty or talkative, overly confident or scary looking, or taller than him. He'd suffered enough torture in school, no need to let it linger on in his miserable, jobless life. Plainly enough, the blond simply at socialising.

 

He isn't sure how to greet people anymore, or act around... women. His heart is pounding. He's too anxious, unprepared (even though Luhan had two weeks to get ready).

 

He checks himself in the mirror for the hundredth time, hoping he doesn't look like a noob, or awkward. He really really hates his glasses at the moment. Why did he have to crack them? It makes him look so retarded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Micha doesn't take her eyes off the present Huabi gives her, even when the car stops in front of a small brown apartment building.

 

“We're here,” Huabi announces, turning around in her seat. Micha doesn't reply. A small frown appears on the old woman's face. She glances down at the picture in the girl's hands then back at her distraught face. Dai, sadly gazes to his wife, patting her shoulder.

 

“I'll get the bags,” he softly tells her.

 

“Yes, great idea,” Huabi nods, “thank you.” When Dai leaves the vehicle, Huabi gazes back at Micha. “Your grandparents loved you a lot, you know,” she says, catching the young girl's eyes. “All they ever talked about was how beautiful you are and how lucky they were to have a granddaughter like you.” Thick tears fall down Micha's cheeks. “They're in heaven now,” Huabi smiles, taking the girl's hands, “there's no need to be sad, just think of it as a long vacation. You'll see them again.” Micha sniffles, nodding.

 

“I know,” she gasps, squeezing her hands tighter, “I just feel-” she sobs, “-very lonely.” Huabi kisses the girls palm.

 

“That's okay,” the woman says, “it's normal to feel lonely.”

 

“I'm also afraid,” Micha quickly adds, ducking her head, “I'm afraid of living with your son.” Huabi tenderly rubs her thumbs over the girl's knuckles. “There's no need,” she assures, “I'm pretty sure Luhan's feeling the same way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan thinks he looks ridiculous. A blue T-shirt with blue jeans? What is he thinking?

 

Running to his wardrobe, Luhan scurries to find a different color. He only has T-shirts, he notices, after thoroughly shuffling through. He can't seem to have any cool dress shirts. Scratching his nose, the boy almost slams into his dresser when his call box starts ringing.

 

“They're here,” he breathes, brushing down his bangs with his hand. “Act normal,” he chants to himself, hovering over the black answer button. his lips, he shakily presses his finger down muttering a lame, “Hello?”

 

“Hey!” His dad replies. “We're here! Can you buzz us up?”

 

“Ah uh y-yes!” He tries to keep his voice normal, but he can't. Once he's buzzed them in, Luhan feels his stomach twist, nerves bunching up in his throat. “Calm down,” he takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands on his jeans.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Micha is happy that she and Huabi had that little talk. It made her feel a little better. Even though she's feeling nervous, walking up the steps and steps of their son's apartment building, she knows that Luhan is just as anxious as she is.

 

“And here it is,” Dai says, stopping at door thirty-two, “your new home.”

 

Home, Micha repeats, the word sounding unnatural. Huabi knocks a couple times before heavy footsteps are heard on the other side. Suddenly, the entrance swings open. Micha glances at the male, eyes locking. He doesn't appear too scary. She thinks, then bows in hello.

 

“Hey,” he stutters, clearing his throat, “um, it's nice to meet you.”

 

Micha only stiffly nods, it's always hard to accept a new person in her life.

 

“Wow!” Huabi gleams, marching into Luhan's apartment. “This place isn't so bad! You actually cleaned up for once!” Her son flushes, quickly stepping to the side as Dai and Micha walk in.

 

The blonde awkwardly laughs. “Yeah,” he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck, “I did.”

 

“You know,” Dai whispers into Micha's ear, “we've been here once before and it was a complete mess. Seems like you're pretty special.”

 

“Dad!” Luhan gasps, face turning deep red, “it's not like that, I was just-”

 

“Calm down son, I was just teasing.” Dai chuckles.

 

A little smile appears on Micha's face. Luhan looks more nervous than I am, she notices, slipping her shoes off, maybe living with him isn't going to be as bad as I thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan closes his front door watching as his father and currently-new-roommate travel further within his home. Micha is really nice looking, he innocently thinks, nerves shaking up his heart. Taking a deep breath, Luhan moves to grab the luggage from his father's hands.

 

“What are-”

 

“Let me take them,” he says, then looks to Micha, “I-I'll show you to your room.” The girl pauses for a moment, then nods hesitantly.

 

“Alright then,” Dai agrees.

 

Luhan lifts the two suitcases, surprised at how light they are. He's grateful though that they aren't heavy. He isn't that strong compared to other men his age. Luhan doesn't want Micha to think he's weak. However, most unfortunately, with the clothes he's wearing, the blond is pretty sure she can tell by the lack of muscle.

 

“This way,” he announces, voice wavering.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Micha follows Luhan to her new room. His apartment isn't that big, but it's perfect for two people. The floors are all wood, except the tiles in the washroom and kitchen. None of his furniture are expensive looking, but Micha prefers what Luhan has. It makes her feel welcome.

 

They walk into a cute little space, only a single bed and a dresser inside.

 

“This is your room,” Luhan stammers, quickly placing her belongings by the bed. “Um, I hope you can fit all your clothes in here,” he walks to the wooden bureau, back facing the girl, “this is all I really had. I'm sorry if it isn't much.” Micha steps over to her suit cases.

 

“Thank you,” she speaks up.

 

“I uh, you're welcome,” Luhan turns around, his cheeks a little pink. They don't say anything for a couple long seconds. Micha finds herself overwhelmed by how awkward it is. She can't speak, she's feeling too homesick at the moment. “I w-wanted to make sure your room was as comfortable as possible,” Luhan says quickly, trying to fill in the empty space, “I mean, it must be really hard to move in with a stranger.” The boy loses eye contact with her, instead staring at his fiddling fingers. Micha can't help but feel terrible for her lack of response, but no matter how hard she tries, she can't pry open. “Oh uh, I guess we haven't properly introduced ourselves,” Luhan starts again, rubbing his hands against his jeans, then swiftly pushes his spectacles up his nose. Glancing slightly into Micha's eyes, he mutters a stiff, “My name is Luhan, it's nice to meet you, I h-hope we can become friends.”

 

Friends, Micha repeats in her mind. He wants to be friends? A gleam of pure joy and confidence builds in her heart.

 

“Micha,” she returns the favor clearly, “it's nice to meet you too.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Since the arrival of Micha, Luhan now spends ten extra minutes carefully planning what to wear, every morning. All his clothes look the same though, he doesn't know why he fusses over it so much.

 

Luhan and Micha don't really speak to each other, only shy greetings. Luhan has tried to knock on her bedroom door, but he usually chickens out and defeatedly turns to his laptop, searching for a job online. He can never get himself to have a proper conversation.

 

He wonders what she does in there, she rarely comes out, only to get some food or use the washroom. Luhan prays he isn't making her uncomfortable or out of place. He actually doesn't mind having her here, really, he doesn't, not one bit. Luhan prefers Micha's company rather than being all by himself.

 

“Luhan?” He suddenly hears his name while opening the fridge.

 

“Huh?” He mumbles, confusedly glancing behind him. There by the door, he sees Micha. Luhan is a little flustered by her abrupt appearance, but tries (and hopefully succeeds) regaining his composure. “H-Hey,” he greets, “um, is there something you need?” He asks kindly. The girl purses her lips for second, then looks into his eyes.

 

“I was wondering what you were doing,” she replies honestly.

 

“Me?” He points to himself. She nods. “Oh,” he blinks, surprised, “well, I was just about to make some lunch.”

 

“What were you going to make?”

 

“Just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” he says sheepishly. “Do,” he hesitates, swallowing nervously, “do you want one too?”

 

She doesn't speak for a second, but then says, “Yes please,” in a quiet voice. The blonde spins around to cover his reddening cheeks. Wow, he panics, grabbing two plates, her shyness is quite charming.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After that lunch, Micha and Luhan speak more often. They never have a full out discussion, but they begin learning new things about one another.

 

Micha shows Luhan how she earns her share of money through her art work. Luhan is so impressed he is literally speechless. Micha doesn't really think her drawings are that good, but nevertheless feels flattered by Luhan's sincere amazement. He would say 'you drew that?' then gape, eyes widening, 'you're the best artist in the whole world!' and after realizing how childish he sounds, Luhan would flush, clear his throat and say 'I um have something t-to do, uh bye'. He never failed to make her smile.

 

Micha also learns that Luhan doesn't have any confidence in himself, none whatsoever. It was when he got a phone call one evening during diner.

 

“Shoot,” he panics, dropping his sandwich on his plate. “Sorry, do you mind if I-”

 

“It's alright.” Micha assures, munching on her own meal.

 

Clearing his throat as he fumbles with his cell, Luhan swiftly brings it to his ear. “Hello?” He questions nervously. There is a long pause. “Um yes,” he speaks up. Luhan blinks, mouth gaping. He seems frozen for a second, but Micha hears a faint 'Hello?' from the other line which snaps the boy from his daze. “O-Oh uh, yes I am,” the blonde quickly responds, surprised. “This Thursday? Y-Yes! No problem. Thank you very much.”

 

When he hangs up, Micha can tell he's anxious.

 

“Who was that?” She attentively asks him, not sure if he's comfortable enough to answer. Luhan stares down at his food.

 

“Um, his name is Lim Jinsoo,” he responds, grabbing his glasses away from his face. “A couple weeks ago I sent in a CV to his company,” he continues while cleaning the lenses with his red T-shirt, “a-and he just called back to schedule an interview.”

 

“That's good news.”

 

“N-No it isn't!” Luhan squeaks loudly. Micha's eyes widen at his volume. Immediately a guilty look consumes the boy's face. “S-Sorry,” he stutters, cheeks turning a bit pink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I'm just so nervous,” Luhan admits, slipping his spectacles back on. “I mean, what if I mess it up? What if I don't get the job? What if Mr. Lim doesn't like me? The boss at my last job really didn't like me, at all. Neither did any of my co-workers. But I – I really tried to make friends. I'm just not good with that stuff-”

 

“Luhan,” Micha cuts him off softly. A blush covers Luhan's cheeks. What am I saying? He tenses. I'm just rambling on like a buffoon. I don't want to bother Micha with my absurd insecurities. It's annoying, isn't it? I mean, no one wants to hear- “It's okay to feel scared,” Micha gently continues. Luhan freezes at her words. It's... okay? “Making a first impression is always a little frightening, it's normal.” Normal? “If Mr. Lim likes you, then he likes you. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Even if you don't get the job, it doesn't change anything, you're not a failure. All you have to do is find another one.”

 

Slowly, the blonde raises his head to Micha. “Really?” He mumbles so quietly. The girl nods, a real smile on her face. Luhan's heart thumps wildly in his chest. He swiftly stares down at his sandwich. “Um, thanks,” he swallows, rubbing his arm bashfully.

 

“For what?” Micha asks.

 

“W-Well, for telling me that,” the boy stumbles over his words, “I m-mean, I never – I never thought of it that way.”

 

“Oh,” Micha hums, “you're welcome.”

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luhan gets the job. The moment the boy comes bursting through the door, Micha is certain.

 

“Micha!” Luhan calls. The girl looks up from her laptop.

 

“Yes?” She replies, standing from the diner table. When she walks out of the kitchen area, she sees Luhan struggling to take his shoes off. A subtle chuckle leaves her lips as the girl watches him. This grabs Luhan's attention. They lock eyes and the blonde flushes as he freaks to snatch his sneakers away.

 

“Um,” he breaths, stepping out from the entrance, “I got the job.” Micha applauds before giving him the thumbs up.

 

“That's great,” she tells him, “I'm proud of you.” Luhan's ears start turning red.

 

“R-R-Really?” His voice squeaking. “You're proud of me?”

 

“Of course,” Micha nods. A gigantic grin forms on Luhan's face, teeth and all. He averts his gaze to anywhere but his roommate, letting out a shy laugh.

 

“Wow, um,” he takes his glasses off, slightly touching his burning cheeks, “thanks, th-that really means a lot.”

 

“We should do something,” Micha suggests.

 

“Huh? What do you mean?” The blonde questions, slipping his glasses back on.

 

“To celebrate.”

 

“O-Oh,” Luhan stammers. “Like what?”

 

“How about-” Wait, Micha panics, if we do anything at all, I'd have to... leave his apartment.

 

“How about?” Luhan repeats confusedly. But I can't leave, I can't. I'd have to be outside, where other people are. “Micha?” Luhan questions, looking at her frozen body. They'll all look at me funny, they'll notice the scars. The ones I'm trying to hide. I would embarrass myself. I'd be a freak. “Micha? A-Are you okay? What's wrong?” The blonde panics. They would know... Everyone would know what they did... Luhan would know... He would know what my parents did to me. “Oh my God.” Micha's knees weaken, but she doesn't hit the ground.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luhan calls his parents.

 

“He-”

 

“MOM!” Luhan shouts, pacing around Micha's room. “I need your help! I don't know what to do!”

 

“Calm down,” his mother snaps. “What happened?”

 

Luhan takes a deep breath. “I left for a job interview this morning but I wasn't feeling as nervous as before because Micha told me it was okay to be scared and I trusted her so I went and Mr. Lim actually liked me so I finally got a job and I couldn't wait to tell Micha so I ran all the way home and when I told her about it she said she was really proud of me and I felt like I was flying but then she suddenly fainted and I thought she died but she didn't because Micha's still breathing I didn't know what to do so I carried her to her room and now she's just laying there so I called you because I'm freaking out and I'm scared and I don't know what to-”

 

“Luhan,” his mother cuts in. The blonde feels anxious tears forming in his eyes. “I want to you listen very carefully, okay?”

 

“O-Okay,” he answers brokenly.

 

 

 

With Huabi's guidance, Micha groggily wakes up.

 

“Oh God,” Luhan breathes in relief, seeing her eyes open.

 

“Is she awake?” His mother inquires.

 

“Yes,” Luhan responds, sitting at the rim of Micha's bed.

 

“Don't leave her side until she's fully recovered,” his mother tells him, “I'm going to hang up now, I can't distract you from Micha, bye honey.”

 

“Uh yeah bye,” he replies. Once his phone is deep within his pocket, Luhan stares intently towards the tired girl. “Are you feeling okay? Is there anything you need?” It takes a moment for his words to process, but eventually she shakes her head no. “Alright.” Luhan shyly mumbles, warming his cold hands between his thighs. “But,” he looks to his lap, “if you need anything, I'll get it for you. I promise.”

 

They remain in silence for a very long time. Luhan never moving from his spot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I'm sorry,” Micha suddenly tells him. The blonde whips his head in her direction.

 

“What?” He utters. “What for?” She sighs, guilt squeezing her chest.

 

“For burdening you,” is her answer.

 

“What? No!” Luhan eagerly retaliates. “I wasn't burdened.”

 

“I scared you though,” she says slowly, Luhan tensing, “didn't I?” He flushes slightly.

 

“W-Well yeah, but anyone would've been scared.”

 

“I'm sorry.” She repeats.

 

“There's nothing to be sorry fo-”

 

“There is.” Micha butts in. Luhan furrows his brows in confusion.

 

“What do you mean?” He asks quietly. Micha looks into his eyes.

 

“If I tell you, will you laugh at me?” The look on her face is so distraught, uncertain, afraid.

 

“Of course not!” Luhan rapidly assures.

 

Micha looks away in thought. She really trusts Luhan. Luhan treats her like an equal, not an outcast. A friend, not a stranger. He doesn't try to become someone he's not, he doesn't try to impress her with an uncaring attitude. He's kind, he acts like himself. He acts like Luhan, not like a cold hearted shell. When he's nervous Micha can tell. When he's flustered, Micha can tell. When he's worried, disheartend or lonely, Micha can tell. Luhan is like a book she can easily open. She really does admire Luhan. He's practically the only person she truly cares about, the only person she can call a friend. However, she doesn't want to be selfish. She doesn't want to hide anything from him. If she can see right through Luhan, she wants him to see right through her. It wouldn't be fair if she was a mystery. She wants to make them even.

 

“Have you heard about my parents?” Micha asks after a long thoughtful pause.

 

Luhan seems quite surprised with her question. He hesitates.

 

Before Luhan can answer, Micha continues, “They did bad things to me.” She tells him. “Very bad things.” Luhan has a frown on his face while blinking down at his knees. “Since I was two years old, I locked myself in my room. I would hide under my bed praying to God that my parents wouldn't find me.” Micha gazes at the white ceiling. “They would pull my hair and scratch my skin. I always cried and cried and cried but no one ever heard me. When my grandparents came over, the pain would vanish, the world would stop turning. Happiness always filled my heart when they came over, because my parents wouldn't harm me. Eventually my grandma found out. She was so furious. I'd never seen her so upset.” Micha sighs. “My grandfather immediately grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of my parents' house. I never saw my mother and father after that day. Grandma would always tell me they were locked up somewhere they couldn't touch me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“And because of my parents,” Micha closes her eyes, “I'm like this.”

 

“Like what?” Luhan's voice is so soft it almost cracks. He's sure Micha didn't heard him, but she does.

 

“I'm afraid,” she says, “I'm afraid of meeting new people, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of going outside. Even though my parents are gone, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid someone else might see my scars and find out how broken I am. I'm afraid someone might hurt me the way my parents did before.” Micha looks straight into Luhan's eyes. Her gaze so intense Luhan can't help but feel his heart flutter and cheeks flush. “I trust you though,” she admits. Luhan freezes at her words. “I really trust you.” His heart beats a little faster. “Even though I'm afraid, I've decided to trust you.” She sincerely admits. “I've never opened my heart like this,” Micha tells him honestly.

 

“Y-Your heart?” Luhan stutters feeling his pulse accelerate.

 

“You know my darkest secret,” she says, “I have nothing else to hide.”

 

 

As time passes and Luhan realizes Micha has fallen asleep long long ago, the boy traces each speck of her face one more time.

 

“Goodnight,” Luhan whispers to the sleeping beauty. Scanning the alarm clock, he's quite aghast to see that it's already past one in the morning. Had he been watching her for that long? Luhan can't help how red his face turns, but he doesn't hide it seeing that Micha can't see him. Standing up, he glances at his roommate one more time before forcing himself out the door.

 

I've decided to trust you... I've never opened my heart like this... I have nothing else to hide...

 

Luhan repeats her words over and over again until he's sure his heart can't possibly beat any faster.

 

Stepping into the shower, Luhan looks down at himself. The blonde doesn't know if he has ever reacted this way towards any girl. Micha's different, but in a good way of course.

 

What's happening to me? Luhan clutches his beating heart.