Who?
Description
I'm just a fan.
I'm just a normal person.
He's different.
He's an idol.
I love him.
He doesn't know me.
I love him.
He doesn't know I even exist...
Author's Note:
Hello! I started a new fanfic. ^_^
I got inspired by this post I saw on Tumblr written by an EXO fan.
She wrote about how fans felt about idols and it was so sad~~!! T_T
This is the post if you want to see: CLICKCLICK
It inspired me to write this story.
I hope you guys like it. ^_^
Please subscribe, comment and share!
Thank you!
Foreword
I adored him. Whatever he did, wherever he went... I liked him. To the point where you could say it’s love.
People would call me obsessed, crazy, blind... But I told them all.
“I’m in love”
They would scoff, laugh and mock me.
Words that spewed out of their mouth drove me into the ground. Self-esteem slowly disappearing, a heavy pang replacing its place in my heart.
Confidence? Pride? That was not in my dictionary. I threw away those long ago, long ago after I met him.
Oh Sehun.
His milky white skin, his smile which made dent-like wrinkles beside his cute little nose, his somewhat husky, deep voice, his broad shoulders that made me want to throw myself onto him, his long legs, and his eyes. Those eyes... They made him look like… he was bored, maybe tired?
Blank.
He was just so attractive in so many ways. Oh Sehun. His name, his face, his body… Just he, himself made me go crazy.
I was a fangirl. He was an idol.
He seemed close to me but yet so far. A star that is unreachable.
“You’re nothing to him” they would mock.
“You’re just another face in the crowd, he will never notice” they laughed.
“You’re just like… a speck of dust to him” they spewed.
“Doesn’t it hurt your pride?” A bullet to my chest.
“Why would you like him, why would you spend your time and money on someone who would never notice you.” Another scar.
Hurt. Yes, that’s the word.
Hurt, depressed, crushed... That’s how I felt whenever I looked at Oh Sehun.
Yet, yet… Oh Sehun, I couldn’t get my eyes off him. I couldn’t stop smiling at him. I just couldn’t stop loving him.
People yet mocked and laughed at me for my love towards his boy.
“He’s different.” I would say.
No, he’s not. I would think.
“He’s kind. “
I wouldn’t know.
“He loves every single one of his fans!”
He doesn’t even know every single one of them.
I would keep lying to myself, I would keep trying...
Brainwashed… Yeah, you could say that. I was brain washing myself to think that Oh Sehun, an idol, was different from the rest.
Yet, I knew. I really knew deep inside... I was probably wrong.
That feeling I would always get watching Sehun on television. I felt giddy whenever I saw him laugh or smile or even when he made the smallest movement.
But when he talked about girls. His ideal type. Other fellow girl idols... That’s when I feel… betrayed.
Betrayed? I know, it’s funny.
Especially when I’m nobody to him. Just one of the many faces in the crowd. Just another crazy, obsessed fangirl.
But I couldn’t help it. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt.
Oh Sehun. He felt so close to me, at home, when I watched him on T.V, when I listened to his music…
But yet, he was so far. Hard to reach, hard to get.
You know…
That empty feeling you get when you see your idol talking about other girl groups, their ideal type…
It’s not jealousy. I’m not angry... I just feel empty. This futile feeling taking over my body.
I just feel something go ‘pang’ in my heart.
Without me knowing, I’m already in love with him.
Without me noticing, I was head over-heels-over Oh Sehun.
Without giving myself a chance to think, I was attached to Oh Sehun.
At home, he was felt so close to me. He WAS the closest to me.
In reality, he doesn’t know of my existence, he doesn’t even know...
Another bullet shot through my heart.
Seeing idols on T.V, they would act and say ‘this is all business’ as they react with other idols.
What about me?
Oh Sehun… what about me?
That’s when it hit me…
‘The relationship between the idol and fans is the real business. ‘
We are nothing to them. Just someone who they live off of.
I support Sehun, I love Sehun, I cheer for Sehun.
But that’s nothing.
I’m nothing to him.
Only a existence that is like a speck of dust.
Pang.
My heart.
He just grows because of me.
He’s like a flower. He grows because of me.
Yet he doesn’t know me. Funny how that works.
Pang.
Oh Sehun. I’m a fan.
Just one of the many.
Oh Sehun. I adore you.
So does thousands of other girls.
Oh Sehun. You’re my ideal type.
But I’m nowhere close to his.
Oh Sehun. Look at me.
He can’t see me.
Oh Sehun. I miss you.
He doesn’t even know I exist.
Oh Sehun…
Oh Sehun. I’m in love with you.
But I don’t even exist his in world.
I’m nobody.
Just another girl in the crowd.
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