It was the Monday after they had first tried the videos that they started again. With Taemin’s already done, they only had five more of the first-day videos to do. And while it was hard, they managed. In that one day, they got through the videos from then and decided to do it a day at a time, leaving them with not much else to do.

After the final video—Kibum’s—Taemin disappeared into what was slowly becoming his bedroom. Even with the door closed, the three could hear music they had never heard before playing from somewhere in there. None of them questioned it and when Taemin finally came back out hours later for lunch, he didn’t say anything.

That was becoming daily life for them; Taemin boarding himself up in the room no one else wanted to enter and only coming out every now and then. No one talked about what he was doing—they barely talked at all, because everything they had gone through in the month he was in the hospital was now what he was going through, and they all knew how it felt.

They just didn’t know how to react to the difference in reaction. They had stayed together through it all—Taemin was pushing them away. They had let out all of their raw emotions—Taemin hid every one of them and became numb to everything around him. The only way they knew he felt anything was when they heard the sobbing at night. But he continued to lock himself in the room so that no one would enter.

And when it came time for his chemo on that Thursday, it reached the turning point when Taemin was gone before any of them even woke, having shut off every alarm in the apartment so that none of them would wake on time. All he left was a note, explaining that he had left and for them to go to their schedules. He made sure Jin gave them all one for the day.

None knew who went with him to the hospital (if anyone) or if he had even gone. But no amount of calling his phone worked—had he turned it off?—and soon, their schedules were the only things they could do. Only then did they all get the same text, telling them all not to worry. The maknae didn’t explain more, just made sure they knew he was safe.

Taemin looked at the two others in his room, feeling bad as they watched him wrapped around the bucket like Pooh to his honey bucket. “You guys can leave and get food or something if you want.”

“And leave you like this? No way, hyung.” Kai smirked a little at Taemin. “Besides, this isn’t the first time I saw you like this. Noona can go if her stomach is too weak, though.”

Amber only glanced at him before giving Taemin a big smile. “Not a chance that I’m leaving unless you want me to.” And that was how they came to sitting there as Taemin’s stomach proved time and time again that it was possible to get sick with nothing in it. Not that they minded.

Much.

It was past dinner time that Taemin re-entered the apartment, silencing any noises the three inside might have been making. They heard him talking with whoever dropped him off only seconds before the door closed and a minute later, he walked into the silent kitchen. The three froze in the middle of cleaning up from their meal, looking at the boy that only stared back at them. “What did you have for dinner?” When no one answered, only shocked at how calmly he asked the normal question when disappearing for the day was anything but normal, he shrugged and picked a bowl up from the table, sniffing it. “It smells really good… Like when hyung would cook.”

He placed the bowl back down and really looked at the three, squinting a little as he studied them hard without moving. “Are you just going to stare at me? Can you even hear me?”

“Where have you been?” Jinki finally broke the silence, placing the dishes in his hands down on the counter and not giving Taemin time to answer before he was wrapping his arms around the boy’s shoulders. “We’ve been so worried!”

“…At the hospital? Getting chemo?” He had stiffened in the hold from the second the eldest had initiated it, but he finally relaxed into it.

“Really? You went on your own for chemo?” Jonghyun’s question wasn’t even fully asked before Taemin slipped out of the grasp and barely made it to the garbage, anything in his stomach coming up right them. “Yeah, you really went.”

“Thanks for believing in me.” The sarcasm was barely in the statement as Taemin spit to rid the taste from his mouth, straightening and then looking at the three with a partially embarrassed look. “Can I have some water?”

And it wasn’t even that it was funny—nothing about it was—but just because it was some sort of normal had the three laughing, leaving Taemin with only a confused smile. “Of course, Minnie.”

Maybe, just maybe, things could go back to some semblance of how it used to be. It wasn’t going to be exactly like that and it never would again, but they could get close.

There was only one day of rest for Taemin after the chemo before he went back to what he was always doing in the bedroom—still a mystery to the others. It seemed that the only person that new besides Taemin was the one he spoke to almost every day on the phone in whispers.

If only they knew who that was.

But the room became his private territory and it seemed wrong to the three to enter just because of their curiosity. Taemin would tell them when he wanted them to know.

If he wanted them to know.

When Taemin started disappearing during the day while the others had schedules, where he was going became a bigger mystery than what he did in the bedroom every day. This mystery, though, was solved quickly. The other was still open.

“What the hell are you doing here, Taemin? Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

There was no way to come up with a lie and the maknae knew that as he looked at the three older members and then down to the wooden floor. Jin stepped in only a few seconds later to see what caused the room to be so quiet, yet he wasn’t shocked to see the dancer at the center of the room. Without anyone noticing, he slipped back out of the room and started down the hall, even picking his pace up to a jog after a few seconds.

No way was he going to get between the four of them when their minds were made every again.

“I asked you a question. Shouldn’t you answer your leader?” It didn’t even seem out of character how rude Jinki was acting, because nothing was for them anymore.

All of them had changed, and it was definitely noticed. “What does it matter? I’ll just go back…” Taemin kept his head down as he gathered his coat and bag, but the boy never made it out of the room. Instead, the door was slammed in his face and locked, a larger body wedged between the only exit and him. “What…?”

“Shouldn’t you explain why you are going against what the doctor said?”

“Jinki.” Minho’s calm voice cut through the anger building in the air from the leader, freeing Taemin from the pressure just a little. “Let’s just talk. We’ve all had a bad day; don’t take it out on him.”

And, by some miracle, the eldest listened. With a sigh, he stepped back from the door and motioned for Taemin to turn around as well. His eyes spoke of apologies to the youngest, but not a single one left his lips. “Okay, let’s talk.”

“Calmly.”

“You’re getting on my nerves, Choi.” The snap startled both Taemin and Jonghyun, but Minho took it without even a flinch, even going as far as smiling a little at the leader.

“Good. Didn’t we agree to not bottle everything up? Let’s talk. Why am I getting on your nerves?”

“Stop acting like a freaking therapist!”

“Then go see one so I don’t have to act.” And with that one command, so many emotions flickered behind Jinki’s eyes. Only one came out of his mouth though, choked by sobs that came from nowhere.

“I’m sorry…” In that moment, all of them could see just how broken each of them really was. Their leader’s sobs set the background, but it was visible in anyone the pain of being incomplete.

It was clear as day in all of them.