When you smile, I smile.
When you cry, I cry.
When you see the bright future, I am hopeful.

We were always in sync. You were the wind and I am the grass that sways into the direction you head to. I'd take one step one backward; you'd follow one step forward. I'd use my left and you'd reflect it with your right. We were dancers in marvelous dance number. We were like the half of one another.
We understood each other. We'd spend endless hours together. Whether it was your place or mine, we'd watch movies and discuss how faulty the production was or how lame the effects they used. We'd critique how predictable the story line was.
We were always one step ahead. We'd see what will happen without even any clues.

And despite the fact that the world we lived in, the path we chose to take; We were happy, ecstatic even.
But we were never able to predict our story. And sometimes, I can't fathom how it all changed until I remember that one night; that one single night that changed everything we had.

"Hey, are you feeling all right? You've been out if it since I came over earlier this afternoon."

"I am fine. I am just a little tired, I suppose."

"Tired? You'll still be bugging, nagging and annoying me even if you just arrived from Japan from your league of concerts. That is tiring and you'll be just fine. Now tell me what's wrong?"

You stood from where you sat and walked aimlessly around your living room. You looked angry--confused even. You had your mouth open, trying to utter the words that can't come out.

"I--I can't do this anymore."

I bobbed my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"This life, I can't handle it anymore. Whenever I go on that stage, I feel as if I am a person I don't know. It's as if that whatever I do, I can't go on everyday without faking a smile. I just can't do this anymore, Amber. This kind of life, being in the limelight, it's taken its toll."

I stood to where you were and held your hand. "Come on.. Maybe you're just experiencing another slump. All of us have been there and all of us made it through, together. If you could just.."
You let go of my hand and shook your head. "It's not what I'm looking for anymore. I am not happy. People change. I've changed."

"Then what did those promises mean? That we'll stick together no matter what.. Did it even mean anything to you?"

You didn't reply. I was enraged but it was not because of that. I was enraged because I felt betrayed. You promised me that we'll always have each others' backs. You promised that we will conquer together but when you decided to take another path, I questioned was I not enough of a reason for you to stay?

And indeed you left, as expected, people were shocked and confused. It was a sudden news. Your members were shocked but they were prepared. I  was never prepared. Everybody wished you well but I didn't. I can't make myself to do so. 

I keep going back to that night; that night when both of us changed.

------------------------

I knew what was bound to happen if ever I come back. I've always had this eye of predicting things.
I may not be the smartest but I know how to analyze and speculate but never did I imagine things would turn out this way.

"Yah, Kibum-ah. What are you still doing there, looking all nervous and unprepared. We've prepared for this, didn't we? We decided that we'll surprise everyone."

"Easy for you to say hyung. It's as if you were gone for long. You were active even if it involved you behind the camera."

"I know what you mean but nevertheless you are still the Almighty Key, Kim Kibum of SHINee. Now get your off of that seat and go backstage."

SM addressed the issue early on. They said the truth that I was headed for London to study fashion and design. A lot of people, both fans and not, were shocked with the news. People expressed their feelings in my Instagram account. I received mixed messages, ranging from support to bashing. I was kind of expecting it but I can't be more thankful to those who expressed their support and said that they will wait.
Our company never mentioned that we disbanded. Truth enough, the five of us agreed not to say anything about it. Before I left, all four of them almost beat the crap out of me and expressed their anger but soon enough, they agreed with the decision I made.. We remained neutral to the option and said that if ever the time comes and all of us feel mutual in stepping back on the stage as five, we will go back. While I left for London to study, Minho went on doing different dramas and studying photography, film and theater. He'd record Dream Team from time to time so he never really got lost in the mix of idols. Taemin featured in a lot of our labelmates' albums and started a small dance class near his home. We'd talk when time allows us to and said that he's having fun seeing young kids learn from him.
Jonghyun hyung and Onew hyung mellowed a little from the limelight. Jonghyun hyung would appear in Star King but rarely. He'd spend most of his time with the production crew producing songs for our labelmates and other artists as well. He said it is a well paying job and he's enjoying it. On the other hand, Onew hyung went home for a while and was out for several months until he decided to be a regular cast on Immortal Song 2. He also worked on a musical and a drama where people applauded him for his performances.

It's been a little more than four years since all of us were together. By the first year, a lot of people were still positive that we'll have our comeback but after two years, speculations and expectations were turned down thus news about "SHINee" disappeared. To be honest, I finished studying early. The degree I took usually takes three to four years, I was able to narrow it down to three and six months. I didn't take any holidays. Soon enough, I came back to Korea and decided to talk to my members and asked if they would like to comeback. All of us agreed but we did have to wait for three more months so that Minho could finish taping for a drama he was working on.
After which, we spent four months getting in sync. We spend the first two weeks rehearsing our carrier singles and the rest of the weeks rehearsing everything over and over again until we got the perfection back. Surprisingly our voices pretty much remained the same or even better.

A reunion concert is what we decided upon. We decided to announce it a day before the actual concert and we were overwhelmed by the support. The demand was so high that a one day comeback concert became two. And for those who said they will wait, the long wait is over. 

"SHINee! SHINee! SHINee!"

"Do you hear that hyung? The cheers of all of fans awaiting us."

"Let's do this!"

-------------------------------

The first night concluded with much success. Tears were definitely shed since the audience prepared special videos for us reminscing the past before we had our four year hiatus as a group. Most of our labelmates watched the first day and congratulated us when we went backstage. SNSD Yoona, Hyoyeon and Sunny noonas were there. Changmin hyung and Yunho hyung also watched. All of the Super Junior members were there and so is our EXO dongsaengs.

I bowed my thanks for their support but my eyes kept wandering. Yes, I am looking for the f(x) members. Sad enough, I only saw Luna and Krystal when I looked around before I was dragged by Minho by the arm to head to the victory party we were about to have.
By the time the five of us arrived, everyone from our label was there. Some were already eating, others already had soju bottles in their hands. We had our own table but just as I was earlier, I kept looking around to look for her. I scanned the room and thankfully, she was there. She sat with her members.
A faint smile crept unto my face as I stared at her. She became even more beautful. She grew her hair a bit. It's not as long as I expected but the short, boy cut was gone. She had it tied in a small ponytail which appeared to be long enough to reach near her shoulders. I can't help notice how her features even became more refined. She obviously lost some weight but I think it comes with age as well. After all, we're not 18 or 19 anymore. She's already 25 and I'm 27. Next thing I know, the five of us will be entering the army.

After two hours and everyone has pretty much loosened up because of the alcohol, we've formed groups with everyone else and no longer sat with our respective members. Minho went over to Suju hyungs with Yunho and Changmin hyung. Onew hyung started talking with some SNSD noonas and Taemin, some of the members of EXO and the f(x) girls were talking. Surprisingly, she wasn't there. I looked around the room once again and was lucky enough to see a faint view of footsteps going up the stairs to the second floor. I was more than sure that the second floor of the restaurant was empty since the management has reseved the place exclusively for us.

I followed to her and I was right to see her standing near the window that had a clear view of the highway outside. I took smaller steps and felt the increasing hearbeat inside my chest. She was there, just a few feet away from me.

"Hey.."

She flinched with what I said. With her back facing me, she placed the soju bottle she had in her hand and replied. "Hey.."
Slowly, I finally made my way just beside her. She then faced me and I can't help marvel on how beautiful she looked with the moonlight hitting on her face so subtlely.

"Amber, I.." I reached for her hand but she only withdrew away. "What do you want?"

I heard the strain in her voice. "About what happened..Please, let me explain. Let me clear things up."

"There is no need for you to explain. What's done is done. You left. I went on with my life. Both of us went on with our lives. What more explaining needs to be done? Didn't you give your answer that night? It sounded pretty clear to me."

"Amber, I just want you to understand.."

Tears started to fall from her eyes. "Understand?! Don't even go there, Key. How much more understanding do you ask of me? Do you know how painful it is to deal with your supposed answer? Wait, let me rephrase that. You didn't even give one. I asked you clearly and I waited but there was none. Besides, why wait for four years to actually explain to me? Do you even understand how betrayed ans abadoned I felt? Please don't go and call me selfish because I am telling you, I tried. I tried to understand. I do wish for your happiness and I know you were happy with your decision but I can't make myself feel the same way about what you did. You made a promise. We made a promise and I held unto that all the time because I know that you will be there. But when you told me what you decided to do, it was stab to the heart, a punch to the gut. I felt lost. Tell me, was I never enough to keep you happy?"

"Amber, please don't think like that."

"Then what do you want me to think, huh?! What do you expect me to feel? What do you expect me to do? Welcome you with open arms and such a warm smile? It's not that easy. But why it hurts me so much is not just because I trusted you. I was actually stupid enough to fall for you back then."

I reached for hand once more. "Let me go."

"Amber, please."

"I said, let me go!"

Quickly, she escaped my grip and ran downstairs. I ran after her and sure enough everybody looked at us. She banged the door as she made it out of the restaurant. Minho just stopped me from going after her, saying it will only make things worse. Perhaps he is right. The night ended and once again, it was on a sour note.

----------------

I said what needed to be said. How much more does he want from me? He wants understanding? I've given that to him. I understood why he decided to leave but I can't force myself to feel happy about it. Just as I've said, I felt betrayed and abadoned. It's not so easy to accept the fact that the person you care for so much and the person you love so much is leaving in one blink. Perhaps I am at fault for not letting my feelings known but I felt that there was no need for it in some way. We were happy the way we were and I felt he was feeling the same. It was a conversation that didn't require any words.

"Eonni. If you are just going to sulk there, nothing will happen. Why don't you help me in cleaning the house to take your mind off of things."

"Am I being selfish, Sunyoung?"

"I can't really say. I don't know the entire story so I can't take sides but I do understand where your pain is coming from. He was one of the best things you've had and then he left. It's not easy to deal with that, doesn't it?"

I bowed and Sunyoung made her way to  my bedside to give me a much needed hug. "Things will get better, don't worry."

Soon enough, I did spend rest of the day cleaning the house and bathing my dogs. It did help to take my mind off things which I needed. Also, I was able to wash some of our clothes, ironed some of them and folded what needed to be folded. It may not seem like it but I am very capable of household chores, well except cooking. Sunyoung and Tori eonni takes care of that.
Nighttime easily came and it was only then that I received a text message from Taemin asking me to watch the second and final day of their comeback concert. I decided not to push it and instead just watch the live streaming Naver agreed to do.
By the time I went online, they were halfway through Lucifer.
They are still pretty much flawless. Their live vocals didn't change, in fact they got even better. Jonghyun oppa's high notes are more stable and Minho oppa's singing is way better than it was. Onew oppa is still great and Taemin is a very well balanced performer. Key, well..

I ended up watching the remainder of the concert for the next hour. They sang their final song and it was the much heartfelt Sleepless Night from their Why So Serious album. Close up shots of fans, crying were captured and some of the members as well. They finished the song beautifully and it was an amazing way to end their comeback concert. Soon enough, they were delivering their final speeches.

"First of all, I would like to thank all of the fans that came for our two day concert." Jonghyun oppa said.
"Despite the time we were gone, we never felt abadoned by you guys. Thank you for all the support. To be honest, words are not enough to express our gratitude. Thank you for standing by us through our greatest moments and even through our most difficult times. We are more than happy to be back on stage performing for all of you." Onew oppa added.
Minho and Taemin butted in with thank yous as well. Key then took the mic.
"Uhhm. First and foremost, I would like to say thank you to all of you. I know that most of you were shocked and surprised when the five of us decided to go our own directions for a while. To be honest, our four year hiatus is my fault. I decided to leave for London and study and I am really thankful to my members for understanding. I know I've hurt a lot of you but thank you for sticking with us and thank you for waiting patiently and I'm glad to say that SHINee's back!
Also, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to her. I am not certain if you are here or at home but I never got the courage to tell you why I didn't answer your question that night. You made me happy. You make me happy and you were definitely an enough of a reason for me to stay but if I did, I'll end up hurting you. I don't want to hurt you. I lost myself in the process and I needed to find myself once more. So that I could come back a better man, not just for my members nor fans but especially for you. You'll always be that one special girl."

I closed the lid of my laptop and started crying. "Pabo, you pabo.."

--------------------------------

Call me an idiot for announcing it in front of my fans but I wanted her to hear it whether or not she was there. I told it to my members before hand and they even pushed me to say it. I wanted to make my feelings known once and for all. I can't be angry at her. She was right. I was too much. I left without saying anything yet I ask her to understand. I've been the selfish one in this relationship. I've hurt her and yet I haven't given her a proper apology.

"Hyung, I think you need to stretch your arm out even more on that part we do our short dance solo."

"You think so? Like this?" I said as I demonstrated the move. "Yes. Just like that. Also, can you help me a little with the choreography? It'll be nice if you would. I'll just go downstairs to buy something to drink. Want some?"

"A quick shot of caffeine may help. Get me iced coffee, will you?"

Taemin ran down the flight of stairs from the rehearsal studio. The two of us went to the company early to practice for the choreography of our new single that will be released next month. Jonghyun hyung has enough composed songs to produce a full length album. We'll do recording next week. Taemin and I decided to choreograph the next single. We need to finish early next week so we have enough time to practice with everyone.

"You're really into it, aren't you?"

"Yah, Taemin-ah.. Hand me that coffee immediately before I continue this.." I nagged too early. Only when I looked back into the mirror did I realize that it was Amber who was standing near the door. "Amber.." I uttered.
She started to make her way towards me and my heart was beating like crazy. Did she hear what I said last night? Or did she read it online? I am sure numerous websites have encoded my speech word per word and published it speculating who I was referring to.
"I said, you're really into it, aren't you?"

"Huh? The dance? Yeah.. Taemin and I are assigned to choreograph the entire thing. I am not sure if I can contribute much but I want to be involved in the album as much as possible. Amber, look.."
She shushed me by placing her fingers on my mouth. "I think I've heard enough. Look, I'm still mad at you for leaving me like that. And I also find it extremely stupid for you to announce it front of your own fans and the media but I guess I am more stupid."

"Why do you say so?"

"I actually felt really happy with what you did and I'd be lying to myself if I say I don't have feelings for you anymore. I do Key. I still do. I love you and better take responsibility."

No words were needed. Once and for all, after four years, I planted a much awaited kiss on her lips.
It felt amazing. No words were enough to express how happy I am and how thankful I am. "Babe, we've got years ahead of us. So you better prepare."

She was smiling. I was smiling.
She was crying. I was crying.
We were both looking towards the future and are hopeful about it.

Four years changed us.
I changed.
She did as well.
And I suppose, it's part of this grand story.

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Not really grand but I hope you liked this short oneshot. Though, I do feel the last part is a little meh. Ugh, anyway. I'll try to update Missing You by the end of the week. Hoping, I can. Please look forward to that^^