Conundrum…  That’s a big and fancy word. Something he rarely comes upon.

But it had come to his knowledge that some fans described him as one. The ugly truth is; he was bipolar.  He would not even bother to deny it, knowing his own extremis personas on, and off stage. He once quoted in a magazine’s interview ‘I’d have no regrets dying on stage’. Cocky as it sounds, he was truly a performer, an artiste when he’s on stage; basking himself in the music and cheers from the crowd, his body swayed with the rhythm under the blinding spotlight without missing a beat. He’s Kai the dancing machine after all.

But with that being said, he’s the opposite of confidence and glamorous once he stepped out of the colorful limelight. Who would have thought, the aggressive dance-machine, sharply popping and locking, could turn into an old-school juke-box Kim Jongin; trying his best to blend with his hyungs and their antics.

He’s shy…  That was the excuse everyone created for him, smiling happily in Varieties, laughing at all the crazies and ridiculous things his other members pulled, butting in only when his name being called. No one complaint; his fans were more than happy seeing his dorky smiles in shows and his model-like poses he pulled for photoshoots. Lucky for him, he belonged to a group of 12 members. Thus, with all the eccentricities the others offered, he got away with being the shy one.

But now, standing a small distance away from the ever lovely and charismatic f(x) leader; being judged by Kyungsoo bewildered stares, he wished he could be more like his hyungs. Not their superficial superpowers assigned to each of them of course. Suho’s power of water would not be any help for the situation; but his exceptional social ability would definitely help ease the current awkwardness. Heck, even his adorkable-mostly-awkward-dragon Kris hyung would handle the situation much better, especially since he kinda knew Victoria better than him.

A series of bubbly laughter bought him back to the current situation. He snapped his head towards Victoria, carefully listening to her sweet voice “You’re right in time Kyungsoo-yah” she quipped as she signaled his roommate to step closer. Though it was nothing, he felt a pang of jealousy seeing how friendly Victoria was addressing the guy with his given name; whilst Victoria called him by his stage name instead. Kyungsoo closed the gap between them, standing right next to him, clearly unsure to react to the current situation.

“Kai just confessed his undying love right before you step in. Too bad you’ve missed the whole thing”

“Ehh?” the exact exclaim erupted from both of them. Kyungsoo snapped his head towards him with a big question mark on his. He was not sure whether the perplexed expression Kyungsoo was wearing was because he surprised with the revelation or whether his roommate was confused on why he seemed just as clueless. 

But the giggling sounds from Victoria once again turned their heads towards her “Oh my god your expressions were priceless. I should make a habit of snapping pictures. I can make tons selling them to EXO fans” she then cutely made a snapping camera motion with her hands “By the way; you two do make a cute couple. No wonder Kai is falling for you”

“Noona…” a foreign whining sound escaped from his throat, earning him another obscured stare from the other guy while Victoria continued spreading her happy virus.

He chewed his lips, silent curses followed. He was supposed to show her that he was matured for his age. But the plan failed miserably. And he understood Kyungsoo confused state well; Kim Jongin never does aegyo willingly. Never… But there he was, whining like a little brat right in front of the noona he wanted to impress so badly. Damn!

“Just kidding” she replied, wiping the happy tears away. Once the laughter subsided, she turned her attention to their new guest “By the way, why are you here Kyungsoo-yah?”

“Ah, sorry… I was looking for Jongin. Everyone is waiting for you” he answered “You left your phone again didn’t you?”

“” he cursed but quickly bowed apologetically to Victoria. He did a body search hoping his hyung was wrong but unfortunate for him; the device was not with him “Has the party ends?”

“Yeah. You were not around during the clean-up. Therefore, Sehun announced that you’ll be cleaning the dorm this weekend. The rest kinda agreed to the idea” Kyungsoo gently tapped his shoulder sympathetically.

He heaved loudly as the vivid images of the messy dorm torturing his brain. The after-party mess could never match the state of their dorm; Sehun was such a notorious prankster. Sharing a dorm with 12 growing boys has it perks; but one can only imagine the mess it brought along. And it was never pretty.

He sighed again.

“Noona, I think your girls were looking for you as well” Kyungsoo added.

“Really?” she asked “I didn’t get any call from them” she picked her handbag and grabbed her printed-print covered hand-phone out. The device lighted instantly as she unlocked it “Oh no. My phone was on silence mode. I forgot to reset it after my meeting” she knitted her brows, grumbling that there were 10 miscall form Amber.

“I guess you’ll be cleaning the dorm this weekend as well” Kyungsoo joked.

He pouted further, wanting to add something witty but nothing came up. ‘That should be my line.’

Victoria laughed but she shook her head “That’s what I’ve been doing every weekend; willingly” she replied with a smile without any hint of complaint. She tossed the small device back into her handbag before tugging it close. She then picked her shoes and walked towards the ladder “Sorry boys, I have to go now” she raised her hands and waved.

As she turned around, he saw a visible dark stain across her white tee. Seconds later he was standing next to her, a step away from the ladder, offering his jacket “Noona, there’s a stain on your tee” he had no idea where his sudden burst of courage came from.

She stretched her back as she pulled her t-shirt slightly, trying to see the mentioned stain; innocently revealed a small area of her perfectly shaped abs to the fanboy. Feeling his heart almost explode, he turned his sight away in hoping to hide the slowly creeping shades on his cheeks; only to be caught by Kyungsoo, flashing him his knowing smile.

“Ah great…” she mumbled to herself.

“You can use my jacket to cover up” he held the jacket to her, trying his best to sound casual, telling himself that he can’t afford another out of character moment.

Victoria looked up, slowly straightening her tee. She gave out the sweetest smile but shook her head “It’s okay. I can’t afford another scandal. Just imagine how your fans going to react if one of them caught me wearing your jacket. It’s going to be worse than the spoon scandal.”

“I insist” he stepped closer, wondering whether she can hear his deafening heartbeat “Besides, it is already past midnight. I doubt anyone will notice.”

“Thanks, but I should not be troubling you” he was not really surprised by her stubbornness “And you should never underestimate your fans.”

But then another voice interrupted from behind. “But, seriously noona, you should wear the jacket. The stain is quite massive. I can see the whole spot right from here” Kyungsoo added in “I bet your peers will be asking you endless questions on how you get that on your back. Just imagine the scandal that would be.”

Victoria’s bunny eyes widen, followed by a pretty pout.

He tried his best not to smile, silently thanking Kyungsoo for the exaggeration; believe it was his way in apologizing for the earlier interruption.

“I guess I better take it then” she replied hesitantly.

He smiled, wondering whether he should try his luck and assist her with the jacket; like those romance drama he been enjoying as of late. While he was frozen in his stature, contemplating with the idea, Victoria held her hands up, anticipating. He sheepishly handed it over to her “It’ll be quite big on you though.”

She slipped it on, and then she pulled her scrunchie off, letting her luscious brown crown covered her back, strategically hiding his printed stage name on the jacket “It’s warm” she quipped “And you smell nice” titled her head as she added innocently.

She had no idea what her words were doing to him.

He remained calm, smiling attentively. But in his mind, he had pulled her into his arms, wrestled her to the ground and showered her with small kisses. Only in his mind though… and she looked absolutely adorable in his jacket. HIS jacket…

She turned around and waved to Kyungsoo. As she stepped on the ladder, she looked up and gave him a wink “I’ll return this jacket the soonest it get cleaned. But I warned you, it might take forever though” then with a much lower voice, she added “Then we’ll talk more about Yoona.”

He opened his mouth to refute, but no words came out as she disappeared from his sight. Great! Now, not only he had to prove that he was much mature than his age, highly potential boyfriend type; he also had to clear Yoona from the picture.

He was still rooted to the floor when Kyungsoo’s hand squeezed his shoulder “Sorry about earlier.”

He shook his head and offered his roommate an assuring smile “No worries.”

“So, did you confessed to her?”

“Not quite” he replied with a deep sigh, rubbing his tensed nape.

“Well, at least you have talked to her. Bet there will be more chances after this” the older guy patted his back encouragingly “Now, let’s head back before Suho-hyung send in the search party.”

*********************

Kyungsoo was wrong… Nothing happened.

True they continued their Growl stage promotions alongside with the girls RPPP; but in the context of Kim Jongin and Victoria aka Song Qian, nothing happened. Victoria was still the low-key leader, seemed so friendly yet so far away. And he was still the awkward, coward hoobae. Though he believed he had successfully crossed that line from being an unknown stalker, to Kai the EXO kid who lend the f(x) leader his jacket; he just could not get the rhythm right to initiate other conversations with her. If only talking was as easy as dancing.

His timings were all off. There was one time; Victoria came to wish Chanyeol and him good luck, refused to believe ‘the wish’ was intended for his hyung alone, right before the host announces the weekly winner. But instead of properly accepting the wish, which could lead to a conversations with her; both of them got distracted by the loud roared from the crowd. It happened in split seconds, but by the time he turned around, she had left to mingle with different crowds.

There was another unfortunate stint when Victoria cheerfully came up to s, all smiles and glowing, congratulating Xiumin and Luhan for EXO winning. He was standing right behind Suho, only few steps away from the three of them, staring straight at the camera, pretending to listen to the EXO’s leader thank you speech. In fact, he was scrutinizing Victoria’s interactions with s. He may look composed on the outside, calmly smiled at the camera, but inside he was boiling with jealousy when Victoria placed her hand on Luhan’s shoulder, exchanging small talks with his hyungs. It should be him, he screamed inside.

But despite all the unfortunate, non-existence interaction between them; he was just glad that he can still sneaked glances at her while their promotions overlapped.

Though there was a moment, accumulated due to the unresolved frustrations; he kinda wished that sasaeng fans did catch Victoria in his jacket, believing that a full blown scandal will give him reasons to approach her.

He even voiced out the thought to his roommate, earning him a hard smack on the head “A scandal will only make her shied away from you. You will be forced to put a clear distance from each other. Have you not seen how Changmin-hyung ignored her presence as of late?”

“He’s stupid” he mumbled, rubbing the pain away “I will not let go such an amazing girlfriend over a stupid scandal.”

“You’re stupid for hoping a scandal just to get close to her” Kyungsoo stated in his poker face “I bet she was really hurt when they broke up over such scandal. Just imagine how your fans would react towards the news. She will be bashed simply for breathing the same air with you.”

Kyungsoo’s words hit him hard. He was selfish, inconsiderate and obnoxiously immature for wishing such thing. He regretted even thinking of it.

But as time went by, as stages changed and chances blown away, he returned to his warm and fuzzy cocoon; telling himself that being a famous stalker was not so bad after all.

EXO did well though, crowned the first spot week after week. Unfortunately, as they climbed further with their winnings, RPPP seemed to meet a rough path; pushing them further away. He can actually feel the distance between the two groups and the tired smiles the f(x) girls wore whenever they missed their golden chance. The girls no longer celebrate EXO winnings anymore, partly because there were other groups to promote, and sadly due to the insensitive fans bashing the girls. In the end, the girls would leave early. Even backstage interactions became sacred.

Weeks later, f(x) bid their farewell with RPPP goodbye stage; leaving EXO to continue the battle.

He missed his chance.

******************

“Hyung, what are you wearing?” he looked up from the TV screen, staring blatantly at Kris’s fashion choice.

“I’m going to the gym” he replied, zipping his leopard print jacket up, which was a matching set with his sweatpants.

Wu Yi Fan aka Kris the dragon had the undeniable charms that swooned fans off their feet, just by him standing alone doing nothing. His hyung was so charismatic; he emits a mysterious aura, pulling other in trance. There were times that he himself was pulled into his hyung spell simply by his enchanted smile. It was that scary. But his fashion sense can be quite eccentric sometimes, seemed like he just stepped out from a manga. To be honest, he liked him best when he dressed simple. But he would not say such thing so openly, respecting his hyung fashion aspiration.

“Is Tao up yet?”

“I saw him exited the bathroom few minutes ago” he replied, glancing at the clock before reverting his attention towards the screen.

“How come you are up so early?” the older guy asked, settling on the couch as he pulled his colorful socks up “Care to join us?”

He quickly shook his head. Not that he mind working out with the health cautious pair, but he got another reason for waking up so early on his off day. Apparently, besides Kris and Tao, he was the only one freshly awake, “Nah, I’m having it easy today.”

Kris nodded. He arched his long neck towards Tao’s bedroom direction, most probably sending mental notes for the younger guy to speed up.

As the clock strike, he changed the channel to KBS, trying his best to act casual with it. Hoping it would not seem obvious that he was waiting for a certain show’s repeat episode. But as he waited, a new variety show was aired instead. Confused, he took out his phone to check the KBS website, instantly keyed in the keyword.

“Ah, this is the new show replacing ‘Glitter’” Kris suddenly spoke, staring straight at the screen.

“Replacing ‘Glitter’?” the news shocked him. He was not aware of the news at all, feeling his world crumbled.

“Yeah. I heard the rating was a bit low. They had to cut it off at only 6 episodes” Kris added, in sort of a know-it-all tone “Qian must be devastated. She loves the show.”

He puffed his cheeks; one, because he was unhappy that his only source to watch his favorite noona was taken away, and secondly, because his hyung was addressing Victoria as Qian, acting so familiar with her. Show-off…

“Sorry I’m late” Tao came out with a sheepish smile, all socked up. He grabbed his shoes and pulled Kris up from the couch “Hyung, let’s go.” The elder obliged without a single protest or a complaint. He spoiled Tao too much sometimes.

They waved him goodbye and immediately disappeared behind the door. Left all by himself, a sudden rush of loneliness chained his heart. Letting out a regretful sigh, he pressed the red button on the remote, watching the screen turned black. Tossed the small device onto the empty couch, he walked towards the kitchen. But before he could reach for the double door refrigerator, rang on the doorbell stopped him halfway.

“They forgot their keys again” he grumbled, turning his heels toward the entrance door. He reached out, turned it clockwise and pulled it open “Hyung, you…” but he lost his words when the brightest smile greeted him at the door “Noona?”

********************************

Have you guys seen the recent Kaitoria moment

when Kai bowed to Vic but failed to get her attention?

It was precious (^_^)