I loved him. I truly did. I still do. But I can’t live without him here with me. Every day I wake up to an empty bed. Sometimes I can still smell him on the pillows, or feel his warmth on the bed. But I know that it’s all my imagination. I drag myself out of bed like every morning and go greet my members. I walk into the kitchen to see Kevin cooking breakfast. He greeted me with a smile. I only nodded. Soohyun and Hoon must still be asleep. Eli and Dongho were watching TV on the couch. It’s been a year since Jaeseop died. He was killed in a car crash in America while he was studying. I remember when Soohyun told me. I relive that day in my head almost every day.

                                      *Flashback*

                                 I was generally happy. I had just bought a stuffed cat that looked like Jaeseop. He was supposed to come back tomorrow and I wanted a present for him. I opened the door to our dorm only to be met with every one crying. I walked over to them and they stopped their crying when they saw me. “Hey, why is everyone crying?” Soohyun walked over and touched my shoulder. “Kiseop, Jaeseop is dead.” It felt like he just ripped my heart out. My whole world died in that instant. I fell to my knees. I started to rock back and forth. I started to mutter under my breath to. “No. No. He can’t be dead. He just can’t. This has to be a horrible joke right? This is a joke right Soohyun?” I grabbed his shoulders and stared at him pleading. “This is a joke. Please tell me that this isn’t real!” “Kiseop! I’m sorry but it’s true. AJ died in a car accident on the way to the airport. I’m so sorry Kiseop.” I just sat there. Tear silently streaked down my face. Jaeseop. My beloved Jaeseop is … dead? This can’t be happening. No way. He promised. He promised me that he’d be home tomorrow! Our 2 year anniversary was going to be tomorrow when he got home. He broke our promise. He said he’d never leave me! He promised we’d be together forever!!!!

                                       *present*

                                After that I became extremely depressed. I started to seclude myself from everyone else. I ate less and I stopped doing shows with the group. If anyone asked we just said that I was sick, which was the truth in a sense. I wasn’t motivated anymore and I didn’t want to dance or sing anymore. I was a shell of my former self. There was a letter from Jaeseop in my desk. He had written it before he died. It was a goodbye letter. It was almost like he knew he was going to die. He said to live for him, that he loves me, and that we would meet again. And after a year without him I think it’s time to meet him again. I went into the bathroom and got a bottle of sleep pills. I was given these soon after his death because I couldn’t sleep knowing he would never be there with me. I dumped all the pills in my mouth and waited for death to come. I went over to our bed and lay there holding a picture of Jaeseop and me. We were so happy and now we can be together again. As I closed my eyes and was about to let death sweep over me I saw the U-Kiss members rush in but it was too late. I opened my eyes to see Jaeseop standing there with outstretched arms. I ran into them happy to be together once more with the love of my life. We were in the clouds looking down. I saw the members at what I’m guessing is my funeral. I felt bad about leaving them without a goodbye. So after the funeral when everybody left except for our members, Jaeseop and I floated down to them. We shared our goodbyes and told the members to be happy for us and to that we were happy together. We then left for our new home in heaven.