"This is my spot! Get out of here ," she shouted, pushing my shoulder to the back with maximum energy.

I was boiling in the inside, waiting to explode like the volcano. I've been sitting here, on the same spot waiting for the door to open since the sun raised. It wasn't fair for me and she doesn't have the right to push my shoulder. Even my parents haven't did that to me. I took a step back, afraid of what might happened if I kept on being stubborn. Well, there will always be next time.

I went to the back of the line, with people staring at me in disgust and sorry. Being a fan and dealing with a sasaeng fan wasn't an easy thing to do. It even hurt to know that my bias said that he felt insecure towards the fans, even to the regular fans when the sasaeng fans who were the one acted outrageous. Sleeping on the road near their dorm, following their vans by car and some other things which, myself felt embarrassed to even mentioned it. Now, their safest place was during filming Inkigayo because that was the only place where their fans were banned to enter.

Who was the first one to come out with the terms sasaeng fan? Why did it even exist when all it caused was far from good? Can't we just be a normal fan? I admit it that I'm kinda a fanatic over EXO but there was a limit. As a true fan, our idols' privacy was supposed to be our priority.

The door to the music bank for EXO's fans was opened. The long line gradually became shorter until the door was closed back again. There were some fans included me did't made it through. But I was totally fine with it. I just needed to go home in fast speed to ensure that I made it on time before EXO's performance.

Thanked to the bus, which suddenly broke in the middle of the road, I only got to watch the last part, where Kai showing his cap. A sigh escaped my thin lips. Well, I can always watched their performance on YouTube, right?

But I was so excited about one thing. They will held a fan sign during this weekend. And fortunately my name was listed to be one of the participants. I wished nothing went wrong because of a sasaeng fan, hopefully.

I woke up quite early, felt energized to know that today was the day. I grabbed my backpack, filled with their repackaged album photo book. I was ready to start my day. I went to the fan sign venue, as stated in the email I received.

Once I arrived, the fans were already gathering in front of the hall. I was so happy. I can't wait to meet and greet them. I felt isolated when I saw all of them have friends coming along while I was all alone. My friend, Eunji did't made it. I wished she did but she did't. But I did her a favor, bringing her photo book as well.

The fansign went quite well. I managed to get my bias, Kyungsoosshi sign and all the others sign. It was a dream came true. To actually see them and gave them words of encouragement. I hope they will keep on performing as one until forever. And may the world will acknowledged how talented EXO was. They weren't a group based on looks itself. They were multitalented with individuality skills. Each of them have their own special features. EXO was a group I was proud of to be fond of.

I was the last person to exit the hall and I saw a crowd of people near the road. I can only thought of one thing, they were watching EXO getting on their van to go to their next schedule. I approached them, pushing myself through the crowd as I was small in size. And I was finally at the front row, holding EXO's logo fan. Then, I was pushed from behind. I was so shocked that I stumbled into Chanyeol's arms with their manager next to him. I stood straight right away, feeling scared as my lips slowly turned pale.

The manager raised his hand, at the same time my mind flashbacked to the moment when a girl was slapped on the face until her spectacles dropped, smacked on the hand for asking Kris an autograph and being hit for pushing the idols. He must felt annoyed towards the fans for acting the way they weren't supposed to. 

"Please don't. I'm sorry," I said, staring on the floor with my legs getting ready to walk away from there.

The manager put down his hand and left in frustration. I went back into the crowd but I was stopped by Chanyeol's words with a smile, "Are you ok? You were pushed quite hard." He extended his hand to touch my shoulder but I moved back. He was the same as always, the happy virus.

I nodded rapidly and disappeared into the sea of people. Glares from the other fans sending shivers down my spine. I will be dead in no time. Those sasaeng fans will do anything out of jealousy. I was not mentally ready for anyone kind of bullies and threats.

That day, I went home as fast as possible and reached home on time. My phone vibrates, a message appeared. I took my phone out, felt curious towards the unknown sender.

I saw you. We saw you. Be aware. If we see you getting near our oppa, you'll be dead.

I gulped. I did't do it intentionally. It was an accident. I wished I could convinced the sender of the message but how was it possible. They already set up their mind that it wasn't a mistake. I shouldn't went through the crowd. I should just went home right away.

I locked myself in my room, turning on my laptop. Then, my eyes caught an interesting article, as I was surveying the internet. An article  about Kyungsoo point of view towards the sasaeng fans.

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believed they would do such thing. I felt sorry for Kyungsoo, not just him but for every idols. This kind of incident must have happened towards the others too. It was a common habit of sasaeng fans.

Don't they thought of his feelings? He must felt irritated. If I was in his shoes, I must felt the same thing as he did. Those sasaeng fans shows no respect and they shouldn't be call as a devoted fans. If they truly care about him, they wouldn't do such things. I agreed that every fans in this world wanted the same thing. The urge to be recognize by the idols. Maybe some lucky fans got the chance to do so. But hey, we should be thankful that they were still making music despite the treatment they got from the sasaeng fans. It was all for us, for the fans. They did it to fulfill our desire.

And if it wasn't for us, idols probably won't be exist. How shameless of us to act selfish when the idols were fighting with themselves to keep on proceeding with their works and dreams. All the long years of training and hardworking, is it fair to put up such unpleasant action? No is the right answer, which every one know it.

They said that the idols were just blessed for having good looks. But that wasn't all. Do you think it was easy to be a performer? To satisfied all of the fans and nation. Being an idol need sacrifices. They sacrificed their family, their time, their life and their love life, which they won't got the chance to do so when they were getting older. They have been leading an extraordinary life. Kept on practicing until everything was perfect, handling such critics and not to mention, the fans.

Idols were also a human being and seems like almost everyone forgot about that fact. They were also alike us, have feelings and a fragile heart. Instead of rebelling towards the sasaeng fans, they hold it back and still handled to smile all the way. 

Our job as a fan was easy, supporting them. It was a job that I believe to play a very important role for the idols. We should be a fans in the right way without causing such havoc.

I looked through my phone when another text came in. It was Eunji.

How was it? Did you get Yixing sign for me?

Silly girl. Of course I did. I even got threaten for accidentally bumping into Chanyeol.

"Where do you think you're going? You think you can get away this time," a girl in school uniform said, standing in the middle of the others 4 girls.

I shook my head, hugging my books more tighter. I was on the way home from school. It was a bad idea to walk home when I should have just took the bus.

The two girls on the side approached me and pushed me quite hard. I dropped on my knees, knowing that I was doomed. The books scattered on the road as I was clutching my hands. I was not a toy for them to play around. I was not at false and they were just overreacting. I stood up, rubbing my elbow that was bleeding.

"You guys should stop doing this. I swear I did't mean to do it. It was an accident. If you are a true fan, you won't doing all of these nonsence things. Idols are humans too," I provoked, still wondering where I got the guts to do so.

The middle girl laughed sarcastically followed with a smirk. I was hoping that they won't throwing punches at me since we were on a quiet road. I should have took the main road even though it was time consuming.

Then, I felt my face was slapped. My lips was cut, tasting the metallic taste. All 5 of them marched ahead, fully suited up to teach me a lesson.

"Yahh!!! What're you girls doing here?," a man yelled from behind, making the girls to run away while I was more than glad.

The kind hearted man sent me home. When I reached home, mom was there, walking briskly towards me when she saw me limping. I forced a smile that seems to be fake. Mom thanked the man and took me to the living room. She went into her room, grabbing something and appeared a minute later.

"What happened? You got scratches on your elbow and bruises on your face. Who did this to you?" she asked, leaving me in silence.

I was out of words. I don't know where to start when everything that happened to me was because of one thing, sasaeng fans. If I told her that, she will not allowed me to do anything that have to be related to EXO. It will only made me sad even more.

EXO was like a part of my life. I have been a fan of them since MAMA era. They were improving so much with their latest comeback, Growl. I was still expecting more from them when they had so many things to show. They were full of charms and talents. They have a long way to go and I wanted to follow each of their stages of develops. Well, perhaps I might stop being a fan once they got married.

"Mom, I wish I have the authority to change the world," I said, suddenly, making mom's eyes widen.

"And what do you want to change?" she asked, aware of my concerns.

"The world mom. The ungrateful people living in it. Mom, it must be hard to be an idol, right?"

She chuckled, removing the blood stains on my elbow using a damp cotton and said, "Do you want to be an idol dear?"

"No. That wasn't what I meant. If only I could change the sasaeng fans' mind," I murmured the last part.

Mom lean closer and hug me. I believed she understood what I meant. She pulled back, "Changing people's mind is not an easy thing to do. It need more than time, honey. Humans don't think alike and you need to keep that in mind."

I smiled and hugged her back. I was happy to have such an understanding mom. Her words of advice helped me a lot through high and low. She was my hero.

I will not quit just because of some unfortunate incident. EXO did't quit. So, I will also doing the same. A smile appeared on my face.

A week later, I was rereading my letter that I wrote the day before. It was not a neat handwriting but I did wrote it to the fullest. It was quite long and I wanted it to be a fan letter full of inspirational. I wasn't expecting them to read it all to way but I hope they managed to get my mere intention.

Dear EXO,

I hope you guys have been well and this is a boring introduction. Let's skip this. Please keep on doing what you guys good are ⌒.⌒ No matter what happen, EXO will always need to stick together as one. Life won't be complete without difficulties but I believe you guys are there for each other. I am just a fan, a regular fan that have been a fan of yours since EXO debuted. I will remain as your fan and keep on supporting!!

I feel sorry for what had happened regarding the sasaeng fans and it was heartbreaking to know that you guys are feel scare towards the fans, even to the normal ones. I want to apologize from their behalf. I wish that none of that had happened but it did. It must be hard to face them but you guys are strong and still managed to get this far. But don't worry. I will help you growling at the sasaeng fans for you ('o') It wasn't easy but it was the least that I can do. Please stay well and take care of your health. EXO, hwaiting! And may the road ahead you will be smooth and fills with joy.

Deeply, one of your fan.

I was satisfied with it. I posted it through the mail and hopefully it reach their dorm safely. Thank you, EXO.