“Why the hell couldn’t I just talk to her? Dammit!” I silently curse, tucking my head in between my knees and kicking the seat right in front of me. I hear a slight rustling from in front.

“What the hell is wrong with me? Ah!” Another kick, penting all my anger into it.

“Yah! That’s the second time!” I hear someone say right above me after a earning a smack to my nape.  Ouch!

“Do you mind? I’m trying to get some more sleep in here.”  He continues as I just absent-mindedly wave a hand above my head just to get him off my back.

“Urgggh. Whatever. Stop kicking my seat already. I want my sleep, understand?” He says as I hear him shuffle back to his seat.

“Hey.” I hear someone say beside me as he places a comforting hand on my back. “Is this about her?” He cautiously asks as I raise my head enough to meet his face. I know I looked like crap, not getting enough sleep from last night then this sudden early schedule to the office, I looked haggard.

“You got it real hard on her.” He responds like his regular cheerful self, with a wide grin plastered on his face. Someone had a better night.

“You’ll get another chance with her next time.” He continues as he now pats my back reassuringly.

“Yeah, maybe.” I say not sharing his mood which usually does when I’m upset, which makes him laugh.

“Noona will soon notice you. Trust me. Don’t give up alright?” He says, another clap to my back. I know he’s trying real hard to cheer me up. I am always grateful to him for trying especially since he’s the only one in the group who knows about my problem. But it just wasn’t working for me today. Yesterday’s incident really crushed all my confidence. I couldn’t show my face to her now.

“Yeah. Yeah. Thanks Kyungsoo-yah.” I try to respond trying to meet his enthusiasm.

“You-“

“Hey guys, we’ll be running late a bit alright? Traffic is heavy this time.” We both turn to the front of the car where our manager is sitting behind the wheels.

“Yes, hyung~.” We both respond as I finally notice where we were and the traffic we were in.

“Have I told you where you guys are to go already?” Our manager asked looking at us through the mirror.

“You still haven’t told us hyung. What are we even doing?” D.O. asked.

“KCON for late next week. You have special performances.” Our manager-hyung replied as he started to shift lanes for the next exit.

“Oh, really? I forgot we were going to the US next week. Aren’t you excited Jongin-ah?”

“Hmmmm.” I was starting to drift off again. D.O and our manager’s conversation slowly fading into the distance. Letting my misery take me someplace else. Somewhere far from here, somewhere I won’t remember how badly I made myself look like a fool in front of her.

“Yah! Are you even listening to anything I said?” I suddenly snapped back into reality as Kyungsoo suddenly elbowed my side with an even wider grin on his pretty boy face.

“What was that?” I asked not even apologizing for woolgathering, as I rub my side.

“Hmmm, forget it.” He said with a trace of mischief. “I’m just going to let it surprise you.” He added chuckling to himself.

“What are you laughing at?” I ask now curious with him now laughing loudly.

“This will be too good to ruin now. Just prepare yourself.” He choked out in between his laughing. If we were in the dorm now, he would be rolling on the floor. Great.

“Whatever.  If you won’t tell me, I won’t force it out of you. You’re lucky now.” I say as I could feel anger slowly bubbling up. “Are we near SM yet?” I added sounding annoyed, which caused him to laugh even more.

“We’re 15 minutes out. Almost there Jongin-ah.” He says after consulting his wristwatch. That sly smile still there.

“Okay. I can’t wait to get out of here. You’re no fun today.” I say pouting at him before I look back to the window and at the stand still cars beside our van.

“…with her today.” I catch him say as I start to doze off finally.

“Finally!” I immediately hear just as soon as I open the door to the practice room. And just as quickly was I pulled near the stereo unit and dumped into the empty seat beside it.  

“What took you so long huh? I have been waiting for almost 30 minutes now.” Shim Jaewon, our resident choreographer in SM says in his everyday friendly tone.

“Good morning to you too oppa.” I start trying to slow things down, feeling too rushed today, first with the sudden arrival of our manager to our dorm saying we had a schedule and then now this with oppa.

“Sorry, Victoria-sshi. Silly me. I had this sudden burst of ideas for the dance that you're to perform. I could just imagine it now. Finally a stage that I have dreamed of making, finally about to come true.” He said with the words rapidly firing. He often has ideas for dance moves suddenly forming that he gets overly excited sometimes.

“Wait, wait, wait! What dance?” My head started spinning again, with information that I am just hearing now.

“Oh. You didn’t know, did you?”

“Our manager just picked us up from our dorm without saying anything specific on our only day off this week.  So, I guess I really don’t know anything.” I blurted out; this day wasn’t starting off to be a good one for me. The string of misfortune seems to still be tied to me since yesterday. Added to my misfortune was that I was hungry, I hadn’t had dinner last night and I wasn’t able to at least grab something from our fridge or on our way to the office since the traffic was so congested. I guess the girls are also hungry now, the thought quickly popped in. Instinct. I better get something for them or maybe I should send a message to our manager, I mentally thought.

“You’re hungry aren’t you?” He asked more slowly now, knowing full well that the girls and I don’t respond well when we’re hungry. He also knows that we work much better with a full stomach.

“Yes oppa.” I replied, pouting for effect which made him laugh.

“I understand. I’m guessing the girls are also in the building?”

“How did you know?” I asked as I fumbled with my bag looking for my phone.

“Just like how I knew that you were hungry, beautiful. Your face, it pretty much told me everything.” He said using his pet name for me and tapping my cheeks affectionately like he always does. “You have that expression whenever you worry about the girls, you know?” He added, smiling at me before turning away and grabbing his cap from the table across us.

“Habit.” I countered.

“Go then. I can wait for a few more minutes.” He said sitting down next to me.

“Assa! Thank you oppa!” I exclaim, standing up quickly almost knocking my seat over.

“You have 30 alright? Your dance partner might arrive any moment now.” He replied grabbing my hand before he lets me loose.

“I have a partner for this dance? I thought it would be with the girls? Who is it then?” My curiosity now piqued.

“It’s-“

“Vic-unnie! Oppa!” Sulli came bursting into the door.

“She’s hungry.” Both Jaewon oppa and I whispered to each other as Sulli walked towards us.

“I’m hungry.” She says as expected as both oppa and I looked at each other and shared a smile.

“I know. I am too.” I say now smiling at Sulli. “C’mon then. Oppa here says its okay for me to go grab something.” I add as I slip my arm into Sulli’s and make her turn about face.

“I’ll be back soon oppa.” I say turning back.

“30 minutes alright?” He shouts back as I saw him now in front of the mirror where he was starting to stretch.

“Yes oppa!” I call back almost to the door. “I’ll bring something for you and my partner.” I add quickly before finally exiting the room.

“Those girls really.”

“Put your bag there and start stretching Jongin-ah.” I quickly follow, adding another quick apology for being tardy.

“It’s alright. We are still waiting for Victoria-sshi anyway.” That caught my attention as my head quickly snapped turning towards hyung.

“What…What did you just say…hyung?” I felt my mouth suddenly dry up. My brain was slowly trying to understand what was said.

“Victoria-sshi. f(x)’s Victoria. We’re waiting for her. She just grabbed some chow with the girls.” I couldn’t stop staring right back at him. Words just wouldn’t form. Dammit Kyungsoo-yah! You knew!

“Are you alright Jongin-ah? What’s wrong?” I could hear his voice, feel him shake my shoulder but my body still couldn’t function.

“Oppa...I’m…” There she was. “Hello...” She greets awkwardly, she’s standing near the door, juggling a paper bag containing with what looks like bread and refreshments on the other hand. My whole body was working again, as if it could sense her presence. But the power of speech seems to have left me completely.

“He’s my partner?” I hear her ask softly, her question addressed to hyung as she starts to walk towards the table near us.

“Jongin-ah.” I hear hyung call my name, snapping my attention back to him. “Be a gentleman.” He whispers as he leans a bit to me.

“Oh…yeah.” I found my voice just as I found myself running towards her, to take the bag from her.

“Ah…It’s no trouble…I’m…Thank you.” She finally gave in; earning myself a shy smile as I also notice her flush.

“Thank you.” She says shyly as I put down her bag on the table.

“Wow Victoria-sshi! Isn’t this too much for the three of us?” Jaewon-hyung asks as he starts to rummage through the bag.

“Soojungie and Luna-yah didn’t come with us. They were already inside the studio. They said they’ll just come here to take the bag later.” She said casually taking out plastics of different types of bread.

“I bought tuna for you oppa, I know you love them.” She says enthusiastically, handing hyung a plastic.

“Yah! You’re the best! I should let you eat more often; you buy me my favorites every time.” Jaewon-hyung happily said as I saw him looking hungrily at his tuna sandwich. “Go grab something Jongin-ah.” He added as he pushed me nearer to Victoria.

“Ummm…I already had my breakfast.” I hear myself say.

“Oh.” She sounds disappointed.  “I didn’t know what you’ll like. So, I bought different varieties for you to choose from.” She added silently. Damn, I felt ashamed for sounding so arrogant. She bought these for me? The thought crept up, as I was touched by the gesture. I wanted to kick myself then.

“You did?” It came out more of a squeak. Urrgggh. Man up Jongin-ah! I mentally tell myself.

“I just bought what the guy in the store said guys would like. I didn’t really know what you’ll like. So. Ummm. Well…I didn’t even know it’ll be you.” She replied as I could feel her looking at me. I felt a wave of panic with her just looking directly at me. And with her this close to me. I suddenly felt conscious of my appearance. This was the first time I really got to talk to her. I have dreamt of this day happening in a thousand different scenarios, but nothing had prepared me for this.

“Ummm…Thank you Victoria-noona. This is so nice of you.” It felt really awkward when it slipped through my mouth and I guess she also felt the same.

“What is this?” Jaewon-hyung interrupted as he looked at the two of us suspiciously. “You still haven’t crossed the sunbae-hoobae formalities? This will be interesting.”

“We…We haven’t really bonded like how I am with his other members oppa.” Victoria confided. “We haven’t even talked…much.” She added. I wanted to say that there wasn’t even a much. It was just that that we have never really talked. But I kept it in because I know it was because of me, I was a coward when it comes to her.

“Really? Victoria-sshi? Even at your album photoshoot? He was there right?” Hyung muttered.

“He was. Amber entertained him there. You know how she is.” She chided.

“During music shows?”

“Ummm…I was holed up in our waiting room.” She answered. “We never really had the chance oppa to talk-bond.” She added as I just stood there transfixed with her like I always am when she talks or even when just when she’s around.

“Oh.” Hyung murmured then he suddenly looked at me startling me. “Oh.” He says now as if he now really did understand, as he kept looking at me with glistening eyes. I’m in big trouble.

“Well then.” He said, his tone suddenly changing. “We’ll have to remedy that now since you’ll be dancing together in a few days and this thing that we will be doing, well…it’s a dance that needs chemistry between you two.”

“Chemistry?” Victoria and I both ask at the same time.

“Yes, chemistry.” How will I be able to do this? I can’t even control how my heart beats so fast when I’m in the same room as her.

“I know you both are very professional and passionate when it comes to dancing. I trust you both to be what I expect you to be with this little project of ours. Alright?”

“We’ll try our best oppa!” She said encouragingly as I nodded as if in agreement.

“There’s my girl! I know I could count on you two.” Jaewon-hyung says as he pulls the two of us to each of his side. “Now, let’s get started shall we.” He said as he led us to sit on the dance floor.

“As you both don’t know, seeing as how you both reacted,” He chided. “f(x) and EXO will be doing a collaboration stage next week during KCON.”

“Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, Luna and Soojung-ah will be performing a song together. While you two will be dancing it off. Any questions so far?”

“Yeah…why us?” I ask.

“What I was expecting you to ask.” He replied with that sly smile. “You two are the only ones who have the background, the experience that I’m looking for.”

“What do you mean?” She questioned.

“Why not you? I wanted a stage where we could showcase a contemporary dance. Something we have not really done these years. I wanted to make something like this before with you Victoria-sshi.”

“Me?” She seemed surprised.

“When you debuted I imagined you doing something like this but I couldn’t find the right guy. Then EXO debuted and Jongin-sshi here, I believe can pull it off...My own dream team.”

“Ah, hyung…I don’t know. Victoria-noona seems to be much more experienced than me. I don’t think I could meet what you dream of doing.”

“Yah! You remember what I told you right before you debuted?” He snapped.

“Yes hyung. I never forgot.” I said remembering how he put so much trust in me those days. How he kept on encouraging me to dance my heart out like it would be my last beat.

“I think you can do it. If oppa here thinks you can, then you can.” I hear her say as she put a hand on my shoulder encouragingly, the sweetest smile on her beautiful face radiating down on me. Gawd, I am love struck.

“See Jongin-ah.” He said tsking. “You can do this. And even if you don’t want to, I will force you to.” He said with his most sinister laugh.

“What are we doing anyway?” I countered knowing there is no escape to this.

“Okay…A contemporary dance. Flow, grace, passion, heat I want all those.” Jaewon-hyung muttered as he closed his eyes as if sketching it already on his head.

“What music will we be using?” Victoria asked excitedly, as she smiled slightly clearly liking the idea already.

“Well, I haven’t really picked the music yet but I have it down to 3 songs, each with some movements for the dance already. I’d like your take here. I want you both to be vocal in this project since you’re the one performing it, plus you’ll also be performing this during our SMTown concerts.”

“What are the songs then?”

“You asked them to include this for next month’s SMTown?”

“I’ll be playing the songs in a while for you to get a feel on each song. And yes, I asked them to. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Let’s hear them then.”

“Great! Atleast this performance won’t just be a one-time deal.” I say, already dreading the future as hyung pulls out the remote control for the stereo unit and hits play.

The first song isn’t one that I’m familiar with but it sounded great. Something danceable to. It had a really great beat. I was jamming to it as it ended just as Victoria was.

“How was it?” Hyung asked curiously.

“Alicia Keys right?” Victoria murmured still in trance.

“Yep. You’ve heard it?”

“Soojungie kept on playing it once. It drove me and Ssul nuts.” She said, chuckling softly.

“I can only imagine.” Hyung said sharing a smile with her.

“But I don’t think this is it.” Victoria said after pondering for a few more seconds.

“I think so too. I couldn’t visualize what I wanted with the song.” Hyung said as he pressed another button on the remote as a song started playing.

“What did you think Jongin-ah?” He said turning towards me.

“I don’t think it’s the right song too.” I replied.

“Alright, song number 2. Learn To Love Again by Pink.”

“Finally something I know.” I muttered softly to myself not intending anyone to hear as I heard her giggle softly.

“Too girly right?” She said as she looked pointedly at me with those big brown smiling eyes of her.

“Yeah, not really something that I would dance to publicly.” I quipped, finally relaxing as she smiled softly.

“I guess so. I would feel the same if I were you.” She said more comfortably now.

“You two are friends already?” Hyung teased.

“Oppa~”

“Let’s listen first to the songs alright? Talk later. We don’t have much time left.”

“Yes.” We both chimed in like little children as we sat there listening quietly until the second song finished playing.

“So?” He asked patiently waiting for what we had to say. I guess this was the song he liked the most seeing how he’s hovering over what we think.

“Well…it’s doable. I don’t understand the lyrics but it sounded great oppa. I can see why you’re excited about this song.”

“I have great ideas for this song. Have you seen the music video?”

“Isn’t that the one where a guy started lifting the singer?” I recall, remembering the video the guys were watching at the dorm.

“Ah, really? You want to do something like that oppa?” She seemed flustered by the idea.

“Not really like that but…well, something like that.” He said honestly.

“What?” She squeaked. “Isn’t it better to make something more of our style?”

“I guess you are right. Why don’t we listen to the last track? It sounds something we could do too.”

“Alright.”

The last song was unexpected but something I would listen to. I have read the lyrics of the song translated into our language when the movie with it came out. Falling in love secretly. Not having enough courage to say it outright to that person since she didn’t have enough courage. But in the end she made up her mind that with whatever happens, she will let that special someone know how she truly feels. It was the song. The perfect song.

I could easily picture the stage. How the dance would peak. The flow, the soft movements.

“This is it oppa!” I say out loud even when the song hasn’t come to its end. I felt the pull of the song.

“You think so?” Our choreographer piqued.

“Yes.” I say confidently.

“I think so too.” He smiled. “What do you think Jongin?” I hear oppa ask Kai as I quickly snatched the remote from our choreographer’s hand as I punched replay.

Damn.

I could easily relate to this, I thought.

Listening to the song it reminded me of the first time she had my heart fluttering.

It was a late August night in 2009. The corridors to the practice rooms were turned off. There was eerie silence about the place that night. I had to run back to the practice room since I left my bag earlier there. I was walking down the corridor when I heard a soft rustling sound coming from the last practice room. Since it was past training hours, nobody was allowed to be there. Piquing my curiosity I follow the path towards that room.

Reaching the wide open door, at first I couldn’t see anything, any movement, the room was pitch black expect for the moonlight illuminating the room through the open window. As I made my move to close the said window, that was when I saw her. She was wearing which was obviously a sweat soaked white shirt and black training pants. I recognized her then.

She was making her debut soon with her group in the next few months. I also recognized her  since she was popular with the older hyungs. She has a different kind of beauty. The one that you’ll never get tired of looking at. They said she would be one of those eternal beauties. I never believed them until now.

She was humming to what seems like their debut song, as she exquisitely executes each move with finesse under the beautiful moonlight. I was mesmerized, tantalized with her movements. I have never seen such perfect sight in my life. I fell in love for the first time that day. My heart fluttered for the first time.

It was a memory as beautiful as a thousand perfect sunsets. Since then till now, whenever I would see her dance that single memory would come back, and just like the first time, I would find myself struck by her being.

“What do you think Jongin?” I heard their gaze fall into me, waiting for me to respond.

“This is beautiful. It’s perfect.” I hear myself say as I see her smiling at me. My heart started to beat faster.

“So this is it? Alright! Let’s get to work! I already have some basic steps…” I could hear hyung say as his voice faded into the background as m focus was only to her as I see her now sitting in front of the stereo unit listening again to the song. I make my move.

“It’s a beautiful song noona.” I started saying as I sit down beside her cautiously.

“It is.” She almost whispers this as she pulls her knees towards her body and cradles her head above it. Closing her eyes, her face softens as a smile forms on her lips.

“I have loved you for a thousand years. I’ll love you for a thousand more.” I whisper softly the lyrics only for her to hear, as I stare back at her still form with the song enveloping us both.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

this will be a 3-chapter fic.

will be finished before KCON starts next week, hopefully.

i hope you guys enjoyed the 1st chapter.

suggestions, comments, critics are welcome.

×jerb