DARA

Flashback

It’s been a year since Bom’s death. I miss her badly. I’ve just finished my first year of pre-med. I was inspired to become a doctor because of her.

Just yesterday, Auntie gave me a letter that Bom wrote a year ago

Dearest Dara,

If you are reading this letter then it must mean it’s been a year that I am no longer with you.

Mianhe, for dying. I did not want to leave you. But I had to give it a shot even if I knew it was a small chance. I know I made you promise not to cry for me but I know you’ve broken that promise. It’s alright I forgive you.

But first, you have to forgive me too.

Mianhe if I borrowed happiness from you. It wasn’t my best moment. I have been a y bestfriend and sister. You always thought of me first and I know you made a lot of sacrifices for me. I know you gave up being a valedictorian for me and most of all I know you gave up Ji.

Were you surprised that I know? You shouldn’t be, after all we’re bestfriends and sisters, I had a feeling about it but you never spoke up and I chose not to question you about it.  It was selfish of me and it was even made more selfish that I let you let me get away with it.

Mianhe for coming in between the two of you. I even made you my confidant about him. I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself. I did not want to hurt you but you were my bestfriend and it’s like second nature to me to tell you my secrets and troubles.

Thank you for sharing Ji with me, for allowing me to have a chance at love. It was the best year of my life, having loved him, but I know it has been your worst. Come to think of it, it is my one regret in life, knowing I have hurt you.

Again, mianhe, for waiting a year before I let you know about this. Even after I’m gone I’m still selfish. I could never say enough how sorry I am and thankful of what you did. I’m not sure if I could be as tough as you were if I had been put in your position. I could only hope that I would have been able to do the same for you.

It’s been a year and I was hoping that maybe by now you would’ve been together with Ji. But knowing you, you must have let him get away. How stubborn you are!

I made a promise with myself that if I got through the surgery, I wouldn’t get in the way of the two of you anymore. But as I’m not even there, you’re still not doing anything! Do you remember our last conversation before my surgery? Didn’t I ask you to promise me to be there for him? Didn’t I ask you to love him like I did?

He may have also loved me but I know you’ll always be first in his heart. I know this because I made him confess just before my surgery. He admitted he loved you and that he loved me too. But I know the way he loved me could never match yours. So I freed him from my love, and told him that whether I live or die, he should follow what his heart truly feels. But he was also stubborn saying you might just reject him again.

So I am asking this final favour from you. Think of this as my payback for everything you’ve done for me. Go get your prince! Fight for your love and win him back!

Always be happy and remember me once in a while. Know that you are the best miracle in my life and that I will always love you, my bestfriend, and my sister.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Bom

I also saw the letter I gave her about our plans for the future.

Mianhe, if I left you alone to do all these but hopefully you could do them with Ji so I modified it a little.

When you get well, I have a list of things I decided we should do.

1 backpacking- we need to see the world and learn different cultures

2 scuba diving- it’s not a bad idea to go under the sea as well

3 study photography- to document our trips

4 learn a foreign language- sounds practical

5 grow old together- I always pictured myself growing old having you around as my bestfriend. We may already have our own families then, but to me you will always be family, my sister.

If you could still think of some then tell me so we could add it to our list.

Have a great life with Ji, marry him and build a family and if it’s not too much, could you name your daughter after me?

I was crying and smiling at the same time when I finished reading her letter. Life was certainly full of surprises.

She knew. All this time she knew. I thought I’ve hidden it well from her.

And our plan together, how am I supposed to do them with Ji?

She was right about Ji and me, how I let him get away. I thought that pursuing him would be a betrayal to Bom. I did not speak to him again after Bom’s death. But knowing that Bom was okay with it, I felt free.

Bom came in between Ji and me but she was also the bridge that has made me realize that I should fight for my love for Ji.

And I do believe in miracles now but not curses. But I’m not absolutely agreeing with Bom that I were a miracle, I still think it’s the other way around. She just sort of passed it on to me. 

I looked up to the heavens, imagining Bom among cornfields, mentally forgiving her for everything that has happened last year, and thanking her for gifting me with this miracle.

I’ll always think of Bom, knowing deep in my heart that I will always love her, my bestfriend and my sister.

With everything that has happened last year, I have learned 3 things:

1) love changes you

2) true friendship withstands anything and

3 life always strikes a balance.

The first two I’ve gotten the hang of. Now I’m just waiting for life to even the field, waiting for that someday it will decide to be fair.