Because I Love Her

I could not breathe.

At the sight of her, I suddenly felt my lips go dry.

And my heart came to a complete halt.

Hampering my ability to breath.

She was that beautiful.

A beautiful, angelic vision in white.

I could almost see that soft smile she held beneath her thin lacy veil.

A veil that complemented her long tailed white dress.

Simple yet classy, bedecked with tiny raw pearls.

Pearls that we bought together at a specialty store in Manila.

During one of our many outings together.

We shopped together as much as we could, to get ready for this special day.

Saving nothing but the best we could afford, to make this day as memorable as possible.

Yet she could be wearing her faved ensemble of loose shirt and tights, for all I care.

And would still outshine many in the audience today.

Her beauty was incomparable, just as her sweet personality was.

Like her, I have been waiting for this day to come.

To see her walked slowly towards me in the same staccato of the church's harpsichord.

To have her dainty gloved hand held securely in her father's arm as they march to same beat.

Before dear aboeji handed his precious daughter to the awaiting groom.

My beautiful, cheerful Choi Jinri.

Always the apple of everyone's eyes.

Mine especially.

---

Candles flickered softly around the altar as I stood on the dais, waiting for her arrival.

The church filled with our family and loved ones.

Both blood relatives and self appointed ones.

Almost half of the audience were made of our SM family.

One that we grew up with since our teens.

One who were with us throughout our career.

One who not only witnessed, but also shared our blood and tears.

Til we became what we were today.

Accomplished and revered actors and actresses, singers and dancers, composers and producers.

All successful in our own right.

We have all gone through many trials and tribulations.

Both personally and professionally.

Surviving it all to become stronger persons, individually and as a team.

That was what true SM artistes stood for and what we SM family lived with.

Making today's joining of hands and souls all the more meaningful.

At the long awaited announcement of marriage of SM's cherished pop prince and princess's.

---

To make it all the more special, my beautiful Sulli was walking not to the normal wedding march today, but to her very own new, sweet song.

Composed by me.

Sulli's Song, I christened it, and the management loved it.

A beautiful sweet song just for her.

One I hoped she would always remember today ... and me ... by.

A song that would commemorate the new beginning of a long wonderful life ahead.

And slowly, she walked to its sweet melody to the edge of the altar, where we were all waiting.

The groom, best men and maids of honour.

At her insistent, there was not one maid of honour nor one best man.

Instead, waiting for her up front, were all the bride and groom's soul sisters and blood brothers.

Those who loved one another more than life itself.

All looking down at her from the raised altar, with so much love and pride.

That our Baby Ssul has grown into a beautiful young woman and was about to embark into that next stage of her life.

As a married woman.

However, I would want to be a little biased in saying that perhaps ... I loved her just a little bit more than the others.

As I looked her over, with a smile of my own, my eyes fell onto a little pin in her hair - a small sapphire stone encased in a platinum pin - so discrete that it was hidden from the rest of the world.

Something blue was what I gave her.

While her brothers and sisters gave her other bridal paraphernalia to make up for the something old, something new and something borrowed.

Yes, my gift of something blue matched the tuxedo buttons I wore beneath my morning suit tie.

Even though the theme of the whole ceremony were lilac and off white, deep in my heart, I take solace in knowing that the two of us shared at least one common denominator for the day.

---

At last, she took her final step to join us on stage.

She gave her aboeji a long melancholic hug, knowing it was the last one she gave him as his little girl.

Before she became someone else's woman.

But the bittersweet moment with her father passed all too soon, before she looked up and flashed a brilliant smile towards us.

Of which she quickly bestowed upon all her maids of honour and best men equally.

Before her twinkling eyes fell upon mine.

And the smile that she carved then, was different from the earlier ones.

One that was laden with a different kind of affection and love.

Just for me.

Especially for me.

At times like these, I felt truly undeserving of such honour.

And I could not help, but to return the smile.

As I felt my heart burst into a million pieces.

---

You may kiss the bride.

I was barely aware when the priest announced that.

I was totally focussed on her.

Trembling hands finally lifted her veils, in both eager anticipation as well as fervent happiness.

At last exposing her blinding beauty for all the world to see.

Automatically, her face expectantly tilted upwards, towards a much anticipated kiss.

Eyes twinkled and cheeks blushed.

While spectators smiled and grinned.

Upon a long standing SM couple that withstood gossips and separations.

Trials and tribulations.

To give a different meaning to the word 'true love'.

Choi Jinri was now a bride in the truest sense.

And I was sure many will agree that there was never a handsomer couple or a more blinding entourage than what was on the dais that morning.

I knew millions of namjas cried when the press conference announced the engagement six months ago.

And a good many number of those namjas came from the k-entertainment industry itself.

But all was not lost, for we know that our dear Sulli will remain everyone's best friend and shoulder to cry on for a long time to come, despite her new status in life.

To be one part of what she acknowledged as pieces of jigsaws that completed her soul, was something I never dreamt of becoming.

But she told me herself that I have and will always be one part of that puzzle in her heart.

Another piece that completed her as the wonderful being she was today.

And for that honour, I shall be forever thankful.

To be a crucial part of this beautiful creature's life was more than I had ever imagined.

---

The marriage ritual went by without any mishaps.

And while there were definitely many objections from the namjas in the audience and beyond, none were voiced out.

As we all got ready to descent towards the receiving crowd, she leaned towards me.

Again with the soft smile she has always reserved for me.

One that never failed to melt my heart.

A heart that will always stay warm because she resided in it.

I returned that sweet smile.

Leaning towards her for her whisper.

"Oppa," she smiled again. "Remember, I have saved one dance for you."

I could then, only nod my head in understanding.

"Neh," I said, giving her what I hoped was my happiest smile.

For in my chest, thousands of little ants were tearing away pieces of my bleeding heart.

Agonising of what could never be.

For Choi Jinri to be mine as more than a just cherished dongseng.

For Choi Jinri to be the bride of my heart.

And my life.

No, that fact could never be, unless it was in the dreams that accompanied my sleepless nights.

No, Choi Jinri will never be mine.

That way.

In her eyes, my place in her jigsawed heart was that of a very much loved older brother, confidante and advisor.

For owning Jinri to her very core as how a real woman should be owned, was an honor that was bestowed to the one and only captain of her heart, Choi Minho.

Handsome devil, Flaming Minho – my dongseng, chingu and sometime rap partner.

An idol who could effortlessly turn all ladies, young and old, into instant jelly, at a simple quirk of an eye brow.

Yet himself reduced, time and again, into a hapless puddle of liquid in her very hands.

The well loved idol smiled at me in relief, in a silent admission of how happy he was to finally have Jinri, as officially his.

At my approval and encouragement, he smiled sweetly at his bride.

And securely and possessively, led her down the short steps of the altar, into the bosoms of their awaiting family and friends.

And towards their new life together, as husband and wife.

Leaving me as the odd man out, at the altar.

Together with the bride and groom's on-stage entourage - the girls and boys of f(x) and Shinee.

But unlike the other boys, I had stood on the girls' side, as Jinri's honourable oppa.

A stature that will forever be the cause of my pride ... and heartache.

And hence, following the beautifully radiant nelyweds, and leading the pack left on stage, I stepped forward too.

Hiding my more than just a sibling-love for her, under my characteristically unreadable, charismatic-Heechul-smile.

End