(A/N: Listen to this song as you go along the story. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QzfBh0R_X8.. thanks! ♥ )

 

[Written in Yaesom's (OC) POV]

 

            I woke up the next day with a heavy feeling in my head and heavy eyes. Last night was something I never have expected after a year with him but seemingly we have been hurting each other, not to mention that cold treatment I did yesterday.

            I looked at the space beside me – the space where Minhyuk sleeps; it was already empty and the pillows were already back to it’s puffy state. I see streaks of dark colored blotches on the upper side of his pillow; I bet he cried the whole night, crying himself to sleep. Reaching out to his side of the bed and feeling the sheets turn cold made me feel miserably empty and my heart feeling heavy.

            I can’t imagine how yesterday went through – it was a disaster made unconsciously. And worse, my conscience is eating me up for making Minhyukkie cry. Sigh. I just hope this wouldn’t end up really bad.

            Looking up to the ceiling, I recalled what happened yesterday and for one, his question ran inside my mind. He was jealous; and I can see why. He has every right to be jealous. But honestly, Minhyuk doesn’t know what I’ve been through lately and instead of him, someone else made me happy.

 

            It all started when I waited for Minhyuk at Cube Café for what seemed like an hour already. I was getting impatient – getting myself another cup of coffee would give me heart palpitations and worse, my iPad ran out of battery given that I forgot to charge it the night before (and don’t ask why). I looked around and thankfully Minhyukkie’s fellow member, Sungjae, came running towards me.

            “Noona,” he greeted me, panting, as he bowed and I did the same.

            “Sungjae-yah, relax.” I told him. “Is everything alright?”

            “Yes,” he panted. “I got something for you from hyung.” He continued to pant until his breathing came even afterwards. “Hyung said he can’t make it today. Manager hyung-nim made some changes with our schedules and we had to fill it in today. He said he tried to contact you for around three hours already but you were out of reach. He even had to make a call with the hospital security guards to know if you were still on duty but you already went home. Hyung said if we’d finish at around eight in the evening, he’d take you to your favorite ramyeon house; but if we don’t he’ll call you.”

            I was taken off guard. Why does he have to let Sungjae pass his message when in fact he could have just come down at the café and meet me instead? I checked my phone realized that it also ran out of battery (again, do not ask me why). Sungjae’s phone rang and it was Changseob calling.

            “Noona, I have to go now.” He said urgently.

            “Okay, please do tell Minhyuk I’ll be expecting a call.” I replied and sent him off. Poor kid – if we were in Harry Potter’s world, I’m sure Sungjae would have transformed into an owl. I sighed out of desperation and frustration of not making it today, hoping that it wouldn’t go as far as arguing and fighting over his busy schedules – of course, I have no control over that, he is an idol and I can’t take it away, even by popular demand. There is no way that I’m going to interfere with his schedules.

            I went out of the café and hailed a taxi, taking myself into somewhere I call bliss – the noraebang. I had my phone charged over the counter, given that I had befriended the attendant some few months ago, and called four of the best (and probably the craziest) persons I met my entire life: Ahn Hwanchan, a broadcast telecommunications engineer, who has been my friend since forever; Miina, a communications expert, a Japanese girl who has been one of the reasons why I loved noraebang these days; Lee Soorin, an IV therapy nurse, who also stands as my psychotherapist when I’m over-ruled with my “toxicity” at work; and Juddy, a Filipino exchange student, formerly my patient in the medical ward and now the sweetest dongsaeng ever. These four people had been a witness to our (Minhyuk’s and I) “love story” and I couldn’t be more grateful.

            I waited for them to come and some thirty minutes they came into the room.

            “Yah! How many times did he missed out on your date?” Hwanchan said as he came in with a parcel full of “noraebang food”.

            “Don’t ask.” I heard Soorin answer before I could. Obviously, they could tell if I’m really pissed by the way I sat and looked at them.

            “Aigoo, Eonni, Minhyuk-oppa must have really been busy these days,” Juddy added. “But it doesn’t even give him the right to miss out on your dates. I mean, I know a busy schedule is an excuse but not telling you that he’d pass would definitely hit the mark of missing out.”

            “Aish, oni-chan has to get over it.” Miina suggested. “oni-chan, you had to let it out! Let’s sing it all out!” I was game for anything even drinking soju (that Minhyuk obviously forbids me to do so), and the noraebang session with the four of them made the night really worth it – letting out the hard feelings out of my system.

            It was already half past eleven and I was already feeling dizzy, getting drunk over two bottles of soju was just as glorious as any drunk person would feel. The attendant came into the room and handed me my phone and my charger and told me my phone was vibrating a few times now. Though I was seeing pink already, I still managed to take a peek of my phone and realized that Minhyuk had been calling for like twenty times already since eleven struck – and just in time, Minhyuk called.

            “Yeoboseyo?”

            “Yaesommie, where are you? I’ve been calling for half an hour already.”

            With Soorin singing something Dong Bang Shin Ki so loud, I couldn’t hear what Minhyuk said.

            ”Yaesommie, are you with your friends again? Where exactly are you?”

            I managed to keep a low, firm voice and covered my mouth as I answered, “I’m at this little Noraebang near the ramyeon house that we used to eat.”

            “I’ll be right there.” And without another word, he hangs the phone. I was too tired to think, too tired to speak, and even lazy to bother and complain about Soorin and Hwanchan singing like they were on crack. All I did was just to let everything out without fighting with Minhyuk, if he gets mad about me getting drunk, I don’t care. It’s his fault anyway. He can’t blame me for being so.

            “Yah! Yaesommie!” I heard Minhyuk’s voice calling me and saw him walk into the room. “What have you been doing?” I recognized that concerned tone and I knew he was already feeling furious. I looked at him and instead of answering him, I said: “You bothered coming here. I thought you were busy.” I know he doesn’t like discussing or arguing with me most especially when these four friends are around.

            “Yaesommie, let’s go home.” He said as he pulled me by the arm.

            “You’re such a loser!” I heard Soorin say to Minhyuk. “Just because you’re an Idol you just have the access to miss out on dates? You blitering idiot!”

            All of us were astounded to what Soorin said. I understand that she was drunk already, and probably she wouldn’t remember anything of these when she’s sober. I know she can be really tactless sometimes, but somehow I thank her for doing that; it’s like having your own spokesperson.

            “They’re all drunk.” Hwanchan said, who stood before Minhyuk, still in his right mind. “We all had soju all night and honestly you can’t blame them, most especially Yaesom – she really had a hard day and literally she’s pissed. Please do take her home safely.”

            Minhyuk and Hwanchan carried me towards Minhyuk’s car and hooked the seatbelt on my side. As we went off, Minhyuk was all sermons – telling me that he called several times after the schedule, telling me of his concerns as he looked out for me, telling me of how concerned he was when I was waiting at the café, and telling me that it was really improper of a woman like me getting drunk in the middle of the night with my friends. We arrived home and still his sermon wasn’t finished. I tried not to listen but how can I not if all of these are about his concerns?

            “Minhyukkie, that’s enough.” I said faintly as I sat on the couch. But seemingly this man didn’t hear me. “I said ENOUGH ALREADY!”

            “Do you expect me to just keep quiet?” Minhyuk asked. “After everything that happened, you just want me to keep quiet?

            “No.”

            “Then what do you want?”

            I tried hard not to cry but somehow these tears just managed to fall into my face and let everything out.

            “I just want you to stop. I had enough already.” I said, trying to control my sobbing, trying to control my words. “I’m tired and I’m hurt.”

            “And you’re drunk.” Minhyuk actually had this as an issue.

            “And you can’t blame me for that.”

            “Of all the things, why do you have to resort to drinking soju? I told you not to drink or get drunk because I don’t want to see you get wasted – “

            “Why does it have to be an issue for you? You’re the one who missed out on a date and now you’re the one who’s angry? Are you out of your mind?”

            “Is that even my fault why I missed out?”

            “Then why didn’t you tell me? Why do you have to let Sungjae do all the talking for you?”

            “How can I tell you when you can’t even be reached when I tried calling you by your phone?”

            “Why didn’t you bother going down to the café and tell me personally? I would have appreciated your effort or I might have brought you ramyeon!”

            “We were already in a hurry.”

            “And you think Sungjae wasn’t? Changseob even called looking for him. And you even had the guts to actually relay a message for me through Sungjae. Unbelievable!” I walked out of the living room but he caught my arm.

            “Where do you think you’re going?”

            I pulled out my arm from his grip and looked at him strightly, “Somewhere where I can get some peace of mind and actually to give you some time to think and let out all those things that infuriates you.”

            This is what I really don’t like about arguing with him. He talks, I talk. I ask, he asks. I defend, he defends. I don’t know how to balance when in fact we are always at par about each other. I walked pass the door and walked to where my feet took me. I was wandering through the streets of Seoul until I reached Han River park. Walking through the slender walkway, I thought of clearing my mind, giving myself some time to think. Until I saw a very familiar person sitting on a bench near the light post and was staring blankly over the river. I hesitated to go near him and eventually my feet just took me again to venture in a place where I can just sit and probably feel the spring breeze come over me.

            I sat on a bench and as I was pondering over things, a familiar voice came over.

            “Hi.”

            I searched to where that voice came from and just on my right, came that person I thought I saw near the light post. I stood up and bowed.

            “I thought I just saw you passing behind me. Well, I had to make sure.” He smiled at me, and honestly, that was one smile I could say that is unforgettable. “I’m Son Dongwoon, by the way.”

            “I know.” I replied. “I’m –

            “Yaesom. Minhyukkie-hyung’s girl friend.” Uncanny he knows me; I’m not really acquainted with Beast if not for Soorin’s constant fan girling over the National boy friend – Yoon Doojoon. I dropped my head a bit to hide my blush. Geez, Dongwoon’s smile certainly makes me blush. And in one way or another, I could see a bit of Minhyukkie in him. No wonder Hwanchan believes they are doppelgangers of each other.

            “What brings you here in the middle of the night? Aren’t you supposed to be in Japan for a concert?” I asked as we were waking through the lighted walkway.

            “We just arrived this morning from Nagoya.” He said, his voice kept low and suave. “I just wanted to be alone; away from all the demands of my career and the constant pressure of maintaining the reputation.”

            “And does your hyungs know you’re here?” I know I shouldn’t be concerned but something in me tells me that I should. “They might be worried looking out for you.”

            “Junhyungie hyung knows I’m out.” He chuckled. “I needed to be alone.”

            “Oh.” Then the awkward silence came between us, but out feet just led us to where we went.

            Dongwoon wasn’t exactly a stranger to me but in a personal level, he is. But something in him, in his presence, made me calm – making me smile like I’ve never smiled before. He got us a cup of hot coffee from a coffee shop and at one corner of the café, we stopped and talked. The shop was a place where anyone can easily ignore, that’s why Dongwoon was confident that we were far from paparazzi cameras. I took a peek on my phone and realized that it was already two in the morning. I didn’t worry because I had to report some twelve hours later but the noona that I am just spang out that we should leave – Dongwoon is just tired, I’m sure. I told him that I wanted to walk alone but he insisted of bringing me home. It was even kind of him to tell me that Minhyuk was just worried and was only concerned for me, and of course it wasn’t his fault why the schedules changed. “It happens every time”, Dongwoon explained.

            He dropped me at the gates and bid him goodnight before he drove off. I never knew that he was that cordial, amidst his popular image; not to mention that he was really nice to me even if we barely knew each other. Maybe because he knows my boyfriend, he might think that I’m someone who can be trusted. Well, it was better than being alone in the streets with just the early spring breeze greeting you. I know it was not proper of me leaving Minhyuk alone at home, but these certain issues needs to be put down before they can get any worse.

            The following days, Minhyuk kept getting busier and busier. The more his schedules became tighter, the lesser we meet at home. There were times that we had to cancel dates even if we planned it so many days before. We barely see each other at home, even if I had four different schedules in a week and none of it gave me the chance to see Minhyuk at home. The only time I see him is during music shows and variety shows when he and his group are being featured in the TV. Their new song was great and it was something about easy listening, it was the type of music I actually enjoy. It garnered a great response from their fans, but not for me.

            A few weeks after their promotions started, Minhyuk was casted in a variety show. It was a variety show where some people call it “A Dating Game”. It was a show where idols from different groups are casted and being tasked to somewhat “date” another idol of the opposite gender. It was something I had to “ignore” because it’s just a variety show. But the longer the show gets, the deeper these idols get to know each other and finally get some sweet deals. I’m supposed to think that these idols are just doing it for publicity’s sake but who am I kidding? These idols are only people, they are not robots. And one of them is Minhyuk. Geez! I am not supposed to be jealous, but I am only human! One time, I witnessed how this ghastly female idol ditch Minhyuk for another idol because she didn’t like him, when in fact she flirts with Minhyuk and Minhyuk just cant help but chase after that girl. It was that time when he confessed that I really felt jealous, and there was nothing I could do. Not even with me crying in the middle of my shift and just before I go to sleep could change the fact that I was jealous and somehow missing him.

            And there came Dongwoon. We met again at the streets of Myeongdong just right after their schedule. The rest of Beast was there and I just knew that they knew me, being Minhyuk’s girlfriend in his private life. I was planning to just have a cup of coffee at a donut house but he came offering me dinner and some friendly talk. For the first time in weeks, I felt less than being alone. For the first time in weeks, somebody put a gross smile on my face even if it was forced. And for the first time in weeks, someone made me happy. This meet-me-for-dinner scene continued for weeks until I realized that we were already dating. Dongwoon was an expert of hiding us from public eyes and not to mention he was really good in covering up with me being a good friend. I know it was wrong for me to build up feelings for him most especially that I was in a relationship with a man, who is also an idol, and who works at the same company with my boyfriend; and in the first place, it was wrong to date him. But how can I not if this person, regardless of him being an idol, made me happy – not only in a noona-dongsaeng way, but in a way that only Dongwoon knows. He was filling in for Minhyuk; he was doing the things that Minhyuk was supposed to be doing. He was being more of a boyfriend that Minhyuk is at present. It may sound hard, but believe me, I did tell myself of how stupid I am for all of this. For just something petty, it got worse. I was already falling in love with Dongwoon.

 

            I got out of bed and slowly walked to the kitchen. I noticed that the dining table was already set: a bowl of kimchi and a few pieces of buttered toast was already on the plate; a rose stood on a vase in the middle and a piece of folded paper was lying near the edge.

            I guess Minhyuk had his means.

            I sat on the chair and unfolded the piece of paper. It was a letter from him.

           

Yeasomie~

 

By the time you read this, I am already at work – probably beating the hell out of all my members, Eunkwang excluded, because of the things happening in my life lately. And that includes you.

I was wondering earlier this morning as to why these events have been happening to us and lately I asked you if you still love me. I will not recall everything that happened yesterday because it hurts – it’s hurting you, it’s hurting me – it’s hurting us. We are not the same MinSom couple that we used to know. We don’t fight for petty things over a period of time; we don’t argue like immature imbiciles; we don’t just stay quiet because we have nothing to say, and we don’t hurt ourselves because of our stupid pride.

I know I’m not the perfect boyfriend for you – I miss out on dates, I don’t treat you for dinner lately, I have been trading you for my career for the past few weeks and there is nothing that I can do to make you happy even if I really wanted to.

Yeasomie – you don’t know how much I long to be with you.

But for all it’s worth, I want you to know that my heart has not changed its tide when it comes to you.

There are some things that I forgot and allow me to make amends to some.

First, I’m sorry if I forgot to tell you that you’re beautiful. Yes, Yeasomie, you really are. I remember long before everything went tumbling down, I used to greet you good morning and tell you how beautiful you are. You keep telling me you look like a troll, but really, you’re my princess. I missed seeing you smile, your ever intoxicating laugh, your slapping on my arm, everything we usually do in the morning. Allow me to say this but I really do miss you smile at me. And whatever you say about yourself – like in times you couldn’t fit in those white scrubs – I’d still say you’re beautiful because you really are.

Second, I’m sorry if I can’t take care of you. I have been coming home for the past few days but I find you sleeping so soundly. I can’t afford to be with you, given that I only have a few minutes to see you. I can’t just wake you up in the middle of the night because I know you’re dead tired. How I wish I could take you into my arms and hug you tightly like I always do, but I can’t. Instead, I would just cover you with the blanket and kiss your cute forehead as you doze off and pray that you’ll be alright. I’m sorry for not being there always if you need me, but believe me, I always yearn for you.

And third, probably the last of the few, I’m sorry for forgetting to tell you that I love you. I know it’s really stupid but forgetting to tell you that I love you was the thing I regretted the most. If your heart doubts, I won’t blame you. I have been lacking and honestly, I have been the worst boyfriend. Calling you just to tell you these words would only take a few seconds, but I’m so stupid, I can’t even afford to do that. I missed us being together. Again, allow me to say this: I miss kissing you, feeling your lips on mine, making me feel that we fit – we are fit for each other. If you’ve been watching the variety show I’m in, please know that I only belong to you. If your heart has changed, please tell me so. I won’t blame you if you actually did. It’s my fault. But if you really want to know, I still love you. I still do.

There are still so many things to say but with so little time left, I feel that writing everything in this paper would be so short.

I’m not expecting anything now, but please – pick me, choose me, and love only me.

I love you… -Lee Minhyuk.

PS: Could you do me a little favor, will you? Wait for me until my last schedule is done. We have to talk over some things. I love you.

 

            My heart cringed in pain as I read the letter. The blotches of ink tell me that he too was crying as he was writing, and I can’t even bear reading it all over.

            How I wish I could kill myself right this instant – seeing him hurt was hurting me too.

            And by this time, I felt confusion come over me. I love Minhyuk, but at the back of my mind Dongwoon keeps creeping in.

            How am I going to choose between the one I love who has been hurting me and the one I am in love with who is currently making me happy?

 

            I called our Head Nurse that I had to be absent for the day; I wasn’t feeling really good. I spent the morning cleaning the house and later went to the nearby bookstore to buy a book that might divert my attention to everything that’s been happening. I queued for my book and the thoughts of Minhyuk and I came rambling inside my head again. He doesn’t know how much I missed him. But of everything that happened, there was one thing that I am sure of: I love Minhyuk. And out of all these things, I choose him because of the many things we did right and not because of the one thing that we did wrong. I trust him, that’s why I have no complaints of him being linked to some other female idol.

            I suddenly felt a pair of hands rest on my waist, thinking of Minhyuk, I turned to see him. But when I saw the person behind me, it was someone I wasn’t expecting that moment nor at that day.

            “Hey, how have you been?” Dongwoon said smilingly at me, greeting me with that smile of his. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something?”

            “D-d-Dongwoon, what are you doing here?” I asked.

            “Nothing. I was calling you for a few times already, but you didn’t answer. I was getting a bit worried and I was hoping we’d get a little lunch a little later.”

            I dragged him towards the deep shelves of the bookstore, hoping that no one would even see us. “Yeasom-ah, are you alright?”

            I breathed deeply and I hoped that everything after this will be over.

            “Dongwoon-ah, I can’t continue seeing you. We can’t continue seeing each other like this.” I said for a start, but it only startled him.

            “Why? What’s wrong?” he asked.

            “Everything. We’re not supposed to be like this. Everything between you and me is wrong.” Dongwoon started to get confused, but I continued explaining. “There is no way that this will continue. Please leave before everything gets worse.”

            “What are you talking about, Yaesom? What about us?”

            “There is no ‘us’, Dongwoonie. From the start, it doesn’t exist. That’s why I am ending everything that’s been going on between you and me. From now on, let’s not meet this way.” I tried to get out from the site, but instead, he grabbed me by the elbows and the next thing I knew, his lips were already atop mine, his hands were on my back, pushing me closer to him. I tried pushing him off me, but instead he rested himself on me firmly. My tears kept on flowing as I resisted, minding that he too was crying. “Dongwoonie,” I whispered. “Please, let me go.” I controlled my sobs but it was impossible, he just held me closer to him.

            “What if I can’t?” he said, sobbing quietly. “I learned to love you, Yaesom. Why choose him when all he did was hurt you all this time? Why choose him when I can love you better than he can love you?” Before I could answer, he pressed his lips back in mine, and kissed me deeply than before; I could feel his tongue taking over my mouth as I tried to resist him. He pressed his body against mine and continued kissing me, I had no choice, but savor this moment. For me, it was this one last moment, to say thank you and goodbye.

            “Let me go,” I whispered as our foreheads met, his hand on my face.

            “Teach me how not to love you, Yeasom. Teach me how to let go when really, it’s too late – I am in love with you already.” he said to me, wiping off the tears from my cheeks with his thumb.

            But before I could answer, I turned my head at the sides, and I noticed someone standing in front of us. My heart broke to pieces as I saw the person – it was Minhyuk, clenching his fists tightly, his lips quivering with anger, and his eyes letting go of tears freely onto his cheeks.

            Immediately, I pushed Dongwoon off me and ran to Minhyuk, “Minhyukkie~”, but he just walked out. Dongwoon got hold of my elbows and prevented me from leaving. “Yaesom-ah.”

            “Dongwoon, please,” I pleaded him to let me go, looking at him meaningfully. I know it’ll be hard for him but eventually he let loose. I immediately ran after Minhyuk and I ended up watching him pack his bags.

            “I’m leaving.” He said furiously, his eyes still wet from crying.

            “Minhyukkie, what’s this all about?” I asked, panicking, as I watched him pack. “Minhyuk, please –“ I pleaded as I held him by his arm, asking him not to leave me but he insisted to go.”

            “I’m leaving!” he exclaimed, pulling his arm out of my grip. “Clearly it’s him you want. Clearly it’s him you need. He’s been treating you right and seemingly taking care of everything that I am supposed to be doing, right? He’s my substitute whilst I was out there worrying for us. You don’t deserve me, Yaesom.” He walked pass through me and before he could get out, I grabbed him by the waist and pulled him closer to me.

            “Minhyukkie, please,” I pleaded. “Please don’t go.” I heard my heart crush to tinier pieces and literally making me weak on my knees. I felt him hold my hand and the next thing I heard broke my heart into even tinier pieces.

            “Let me go, Yeasom. I don’t want to love you anymore.”

            And slowly I let go of him, tears flowing over my face as he opened the door and left.

            Minhyukkie… I don’t want you to go…

 

            I ran outside of the house and looked out for his car. Wherever it may be, it can’t be that far yet. My heart was already beating like crazy, though hurting like hell. How could I just let him slip away?

            Now, it’s my fault. Making amends with him would seem impossible.

 

            As I ran to the next street, I heard a loud crash. It sounded like metal hitting huge concrete. I looked up and saw gray smoke coming from the intersection ahead. Feeding my curiosity, I went to see what it was. I saw a white Audi 7, crashing over a building wall, with the driver leaning onto the door with its glass shattered. Coming closer and swimming against the crowd of people surrounding the scenario, I took a look of to whom it was.

            And it hit me.

            The White Audi was a car I knew. And the driver… was the man I loved.

            I screamed through the crowd, wanting to go closer. But the officials were blocking me. I screamed his name, hoping that he’d wake up and hear me, but none of it worked.

            “MINHYUKKIE!!” I screamed again, but he was just lying there. The residents of the street got hold of me as I resisted and later I felt a sudden pain on my lower abdomen – realizing that there was blood all over my inner legs.

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MY APOLOGIES FOR THE LATE UPDATE...