Chapter 1: I liked it!

Chapter 1: I think this was really good. Maybe try stringing your figurative segments farther apart so that there's more of a flow and not such a strong concentration of it. It should also give you more length. ^^

Chapter 1: I like the way u write, the imagery and expressions are emotional and five the story color. It doesn't feel forced or unnecessary.

this was sad though. It hurt in all the right places. Poor jjong, I feel like he's always the tragic character