Jonghyun’s expression is unreadable. What’s normally a canvas made especially for emotive paint is completely blank—has been for however long a period he’s allowed himself to succumb to the stagnancy of time and the unusual lack of movement.

His features stay still, but his body is moving. He doesn’t mean to let it. Outwardly, it seems to be a miniscule stirring under the surface. Most people wouldn’t catch it, or at least he hopes so. There’s just this tiny shockwave that runs through him with every heartbeat. It propels him forward a millimeter and then he settles back again.

 Jonghyun wishes Jinki would catch it, or would even just catch his eye. Maybe then these soft shocks would stop, maybe then his blood could stop flowing like a slowed torrent of things akin to love, hopes, and despair. Those things feel like a frenzied river in his veins, but don’t move like one. The force is there, though, and that’s what does it, he assumes. As the blood pushes and shoves its way through with a steady intensity, Jonghyun’s heart can only let the turbulence pass, sending a cry out in the only way it knows how.

It beats hard once, twice, three times—all seismic pulses directed at an oblivious man. It beats hard for attention, beats hard while hoping he’ll hear, hoping he will come to recognize the sound. If it beats hard enough, maybe the vibration will shake earth’s very foundation and make Jinki turn his way.

As Jinki’s face is covered in those bright yellow emotive paints Jonghyun has distant memories of, in a smile directed at someone that’s not Jonghyun, the pulse weakens.

Jonghyun’s heart beats hard to let Jinki know it beats only for him.

It beats hard, but not hard enough. Never hard enough.

Jonghyun’s expression remains unreadable and he thinks it may be for the better.

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Author's note: My recent work makes me cringe with amount of figurative language I throw everywhere. This is partially why I upload nothing for long periods of time: it all ends up like this. It's short and makes negative amounts of sense. OH WELL.