Seunghyun POV

10 minutes later, I was still sitting here. The bottle of pills still clutched in my hand, yet the lack of courage disallowed any further actions. Silently cursing myself for being such a coward yet again, I desperately tried to muster up the strength to open the damn bottle and swallow some pills. Why was it so difficult? There was nothing left for me in the world, and I wanted nothing more than to be swept away from reality. To a more beautiful place, perhaps, but either way this life of pointless repetition was not worth living.

I stole another glance at the bottle hidden inside my bag and made sure no one was around. I am going to die.

Are you sure? A voice niggled at the back of my mind.

“Yes,” I croaked, the answer spilling out of my mouth like a mantra. “Yes, I want to die... I want to die...”

It was almost as if I was trying to convince myself, trying to overpower the logical stupid part of my brain that wanted to keep living, and I cursed the damn part for existing in the first place. Damn, just let me die already, I thought as a light breeze blew past, smoothing the frown lines on my face and blowing away that last bit of hesitation. With that gone, my agonized brain unexpectedly became at peace. Why I suddenly felt so calm, so serene right before my impending doom, I would never know. But maybe, just maybe, it was whatever higher power’s way of indicating to me that dying would bring me to a better place.

During the last (or so I thought) scan of my surroundings, my eyes land on an old playground. It seemed to serve as a trigger as all my memories came flooding back, overwhelming me as I remembered the abuse, the fear, the loneliness, the desperation that followed me my entire life. Gripping my head as a wave of dizziness hit me, I allowed myself to drown in the nightmares that painted my childhood.

But then, I remembered Daesung. Thoughts of his smiling face pushed out the traumatizing images as I also recalled the help I’ve received, the support that I’ve gotten, and the concern I was showered with. Releasing a shaky breath, I screwed my eyes shut. I’ve finally made my decision, I scolded the good-for-nothing center of a nervous system. Will you stop thinking of fond memories already?!

As if purposely rebelling against me, the organ drew out another fuzzy memory from deep inside my brain, one from the day that I ran away.

“Let’s be friends! Pleeeeease?”

“No. We’re not leaving until you tell us what’s wrong.”

“Don’t leave hyung! Gajimaaaaaa!”

I let out an empty chuckle, fed up with my brain’s childish antiques. It was going to take a lot more than that to make me change my mind. As a kid, the world used to seem full of passion and opportunity, and that thought spurred me to keep fighting for all these years. But now, even the pieces of trash scattering around the lakeside served as a painful reminder of what I had become – empty and pointless, like the plastic bottle sticking out like a sore thumb and tainting the unblemished ground. I’ve already gone through enough futile attempts at finding meaning in my existence. Now there was nothing left for me, no one there for me.

There was truly nothing left worth living for.

Third person POV

The soft rattles of pills pulled him back to reality, and Seunghyun took one last good look around. This is it, he thought. I’m ready to leave. He uncapped the bottle with shaky hands as he desperately fought the barrage of tears threatening to overflow any second. Slowly, he lifted the clammy palm that enclosed a dozen pills...

“Uh... hey,” a shy voice sounded, forcing the man’s eye’s to snap open. Damn, just as I finally muster up the courage you have to show up and ruin everything, Seunghyun cursed, ready to shoo the stranger away.

But his train of thought was cut short when he peered into fatigued, but nonetheless bright eyes staring back at him. They looked vaguely familiar for some reason Seunghyun couldn’t quite put his finger on, but nonetheless the man found himself captivated by the light brown orbs glazed with determination that seemed to falter when he stared back. “What do you want,” he grumbled, immediately flinching at his harsh tone. “Sorry, rough day,” his mouth explained, while his brain interjected that he shouldn’t care since he was going to die anyways.

Occupied with his mini internal turmoil, Seunghyun failed to notice how the man’s eyes flashed of recognition and widened ever so slightly, before he schooled his expression back with behind a mask of composure. “I can tell,” the man muttered, and Seunghyun couldn’t help but be drawn to his pretty voice. He merely stared back at the stranger, unwilling to tell the man to leave. An awkward cough sounded as the two drifted into an uncomfortable silence.

“Well,” the man the man began again, clearing his throat. “I totally understand if you don’t want to talk, but uh, if you want to, I wouldn’t mind listening... I mean I know I’m a total stranger but sometimes if you let it out you’ll feel a lot better-”

A chuckle that escaped Seunghyun’s lips cut off the man’s rambling, and the said man flushed pink with embarrassment. “I’m usually not this awkward,” Seunghyun heard him murmur.

“Don’t worry about it, I doubt your level of awkwardness will ever reach mine,” he joked, feeling strangely comfortable with the stranger and extended a hand. “I don’t even know how I’m having this conversation with you right now... But I’m Seunghyun.”

I know, the twinkle in the stranger’s eye seemed to say. But he merely took the offered hand and replied, voice almost fading into a whisper, “I’m Jiyong.”

“Nice to meet you Jiyong,” Seunghyun grinned despite himself, and Jiyong took note of the dimples that made their way on his face. He still has those adorable dimples, he mused. Makes him look even cuter than he already is.

Flustered at the thought, Jiyong quickly the rose in the man’s face, hoping its radiant colours would divert his attention from the blush creeping onto his face. “H-here. Happy valentine’s day.”

Not surprisingly, Seunghyun’s eyebrows crept up to his hairline as he eyed the flower, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish before settling with an “oh, thank you” and “happy valentine’s to you too, I guess.” They somehow managed to exchange the bloom through a clumsy clash of fingers.  “Sorry, I wasn’t really expecting you to give me anything,” Seunghyun explained, bringing a hand up to awkwardly scratch his hair. Yup, awkward was pretty much the only word that summed up the entire situation. Or your entire life, his brain chipped in, but the man chose to push that thought behind.

“Oh!” Jiyong suddenly exclaimed, hands waving in the air as if doing so would physically clear away any misunderstandings. “I-I didn’t give you this flower because I have a crush on you or anything, I mean I just saw you and thought you might enjoy some company... I-I don’t like you that way, I mean I want to be friends so this is like a token of friendship... I’m not gay if that’s what you’re worrying about,” he finished, cheeks flushing with warmth. Usually not gay, his brain added.

For some unknown reason, Seunghyun felt slightly disappointed. “Oh it’s nothing to worry about,” he replied, a (hopefully) reassuring smile gracing his features. “I’m not homophobic or anything. And I really don’t mean to make you uncomfortable... it’s just... this is just me.”

You weren’t this awkward as a kid, Jiyong thought, before returning Seunghyun a smile of his own. “So, how was your day?” 

Okay, that angsty first part took me waaaaaaay too long to write since I've never thought of suicide or anything and didn't know how it felt >.< I would also like to thank everyone who subscribed, commented, and upvoted - your support means so much to me! Thank you guys so much ^^