Crying Silent Tears
I'm sorry."HYUNG!~" I called you as i saw you in class. You looked up and smiled at me. "Neh, Jello-ah?" "Morning!~" I gave you the brightest smile i ever had in my life.
The only smile i gave to you.
"Hyung, let's have lunch after school?" I asked with my eyes shining and full with hope. "Sure Zelo. I want to spend more time with you anyways. Our own 'lunch-date'." You said with the cutest smile i loved. I blushed and nodded. Class started but i couldn't focus in class.
Because of you. Just because of you, I got myself thinking, do I like you? Would you actually like me if I liked you?
I shrugged the thoughts off when the bell rang. I looked towards you and smiled. "Zelo-ah, i'll meet you at the school gates after school." I smiled and nodded before you went off.
I was so damn happy. Because today was the day I actually wanted to confess to you. I smiled like idiot both inside and out.
But, everything was ruined when I saw you with him.
"Hey, want to hang out after school?" Yunsoo, was the boy's name. "Actually I have something going on after school for awhile." You said with your cute smile showing. I was happy because you actually said no to him for me. I smiled at him but still stood there listening.
I know it was the wrong thing to do. But I would still have to tell him sooner or later.
"Aaaw, come on! Please?~ " Yunsoo continued after hearing your answer for him. "But-" "Buing-buing" Yunsoo did AEGYO to MY Jongup?! I could see that you were still too confused to choose.
Please say no. Jongup-ah, please don't do this to me. I want to tell you something important during our 'lunch date'. Please Jongup-ah. Please…
"Okay sure. I'll just tell Zelo I can't go today." You said. What? I swear i could feel something in my eyes. Tears. It has been quite a long time since I cried for you.
"YAAY!~" Yunsoo jumped and hugged you. Smiling. While I'm here, crying. Crying silent tears.
I ran to the nearest toilet and cried silently inside one of the cubicles.
Jongup-ah, why? Why him? All I wanted to do was confess. Why must he be there whenever i always have time with you??
I stopped the thoughts and dried my tears. I walked towards my next lesson. English. Which means no Jongup.
After the lesson ended, I checked my phone to see if there are any messages from Jonguppie hyung. I guess not. I quickly packed my things and walked quickly towards the back gate of the school. What I saw next was something I wish I hadn't.
You were linking arms with that Yunsoo, walking out of the school. So, not only did you not meet me, but you decided to not tell me?
I ran towards the front gate instead and ran to the home you and I lived in, tears threatening to come out. When I reached home, I started packing my things. I saw the time, 3.10p.m. I looked through my phone and saw no messages, no call, nothing. He was still out i know he won't be home till around 5.00+p.m. I wrote him the shortest letter.
Jongup-ah
I hope you read this, if not then it's okay even if it's too late. I'm sorry Jongup-ah. I really appreciate it if you give me time to think about some things. By the time you read this letter, you might also know that i know about you and Yunsoo. Please don't try to find me. It'll be best for us, i guess. Haha, i thought you both were like brothers instead. Then, when i think through everything, you both like each other. I'm happy for you, though. I'll be supporting you. Jongup-hyung fighting!~
Love
JunHong
P.S. Rest well, don't stress yourself and drink more water!
I finished and placed it on his pillow. I know he would be tired after being out for so long. After that, i walked out. I walked towards the only place i know where i'm always safe.
Himchan hyung and Yongguk hyung's house. House not apartment. I took my phone and called Himchan hyung. I asked whether i can come over and talk and he said okay.
To me, he is like my very own umma. Ever since my umma moved away from the city with my appa, Himchan hyung took me in. He has a boyfriend but now husband named Yongguk who is in the mafia business. That scared me but he was a total derp. Since they met not long time ago, i think they got married and moved into a bigger house because Yongguk hyung said two of his friends needed a place to live in and the two people were also a couple. I think their names were Daehyun and Yo-Youngjae?
The conversation was short from then on, I took a taxi from here. When i reached, I walked up to the gate and rang the bell.
Hyung opened the door and let me in.
"Are you okay?" Hyung asked me. I nodded and asked, "Where is Yongguk appa?" (I call Himchan(Umma) While i call Yongguk(Appa) whenever i'm inside this house)
"He is- " "I'm here!" Yongguk appa came through the back door and walked to the living room. "Hey, baby boy! Why're you here with your bags?" Himchan umma looked towards my bags and nodded asking me the same thing as Yongguk appa but with his eyes. "Jongup hyung-" "What did he do now?" Yongguk appa asked scarily. "Yah, let him finish!" Himchan umma said as he walked over beside me and held my hand.
I told them everything and when the part comes to Yunsoo, tears ran out non-stop. "Aaw… Darling, don't cry. It means he's blind." I looked to umma with my confused tear filled eyes and he said, "He can't see the most sweetest and adorable boy in the world. That boy is right here, next to me and his appa. You like him a lot don't you?" Himchan umma teased and i giggled a little and nodded afterwards. I looked to appa and saw his expression softening. "A-appa *sobs*, come here. Join the hug," I said while sobbing.
"I told him not to come look for me." "Darling, why did you tell him that?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked down. "I wanted to give up. " Both umma and appa looked at each other and then looked at me, surprised. "Baby boy, I'm your appa right?" I nodded, "Remember how I taught you to be strong?" I nodded. I kept quiet. Then gave him my answer, "But, I'm weak against him." Tears slowly came out again. "Ssshh…" appa held me when the door knocked. I quickly stood and asked umma, "Can I stay here for a few days?" Umma nodded and appa just said "Whatever your umma says, I'm with him" with his eyes.
"JUNHONGGIE!" then came the banging on the gates. My eyes went wide open.
"Umma, please don't tell him I'm here. Please," Umma nodded and all appa said, "Zelo go to your room. Me and your umma are going to talk to him." I nodded and ran to my room. Appa only said my nickname when he's serious. Before I went into my room, I went into umma and appa's room's bathroom. I opened the cabinet and took hold of appa's razor.
I shouldn't do this.
I hesisted at first but thought again,
He wouldn't care anyways
I threw the razor on the ground harshly and took the blade that came out. Shiny and sharp. Like the knife that has repeatedly stabbed my heart. I ran into my room and locked the door silently.
I went to my bedside and sat on the ground. I was still crying thinking about today's events and finally, the blade went into my skin, deep. I wanted to scream, but I held in my voice. I slashed my whole lower right arm, starting from my wrist. 7 cuts. I need more. I pulled down my pants and placed the blade on my thighs. Cutting, deep. Cutting until i see red. Blood. Like my lower arm.
My blood, running down my skin, slowly
Painful but it hurts in my heart more. I dropped the blade and let myself cry silent tears, again. I heard banging on the door and shouting but I just layed back, let out a small smile and let darkness take over my mind.
I'm sorry Jongup-ah.
~*~*~*~*~BAP~*~*~*~*~
ANNYEONG!~ Do you like my fic? I'm trying my best!
Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes!~
I hope you guys enjoy it because it was my first time writing something like this; Sad and heartbreaking.[?]
I'm not good though. Please subscribe and comment!~
LOVE YA!~ <3
BADMAN OUT
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