“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. So is a lot.”

-Albert Einstein

“Goodnight, my dearest Youngmin.”  My mother kisses my forehead.  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

She shuts off the lights when she leaves and I’m left to myself in the darkness.

I close my eyes and listen.  The song is quiet at first, distant.  But it slowly gets louder and I know to open my eyes.

“Youngmin, you’re here!”  The boy with his rips poking out smiles at me.  He grows paler and thinner every day, but he never seems to be upset.

“Of course I am.  I’d never miss a night with you, Kwangmin.  You’re my best friend.”

His grin only widens.  “Come on, the others want to play with you!”  His boney hand grabs mine and he guides me through the dark forest.

The place is rather quiet.  The only noises I can hear are our footsteps and the sound of owls hooting.  But as we go further into the forest, the sounds of the carnival can be heard.

The carnival runs every night.  Kwangmin and his gang live there.  They play ring-tossing games and ride the carousel until dusk.  Then Kwangmin finds me in the center of the woods and we head to the circus performance.  No one ever seems to grow tired of doing the same thing every day.

“Here we are!”  He drops my hand and runs into the circus tent.  I follow Kwangmin until he sits down beside his friends.

“Youngmin, this Hyunseong, Donghyun, Jeongmin, and Minwoo.  Everyone, this is Youngmin.”

“Hello.”  I do a small bow and they greet back.

“Oh, look, the show is starting!”  Kwangmin yanks me down to a sitting position and we watch as the lights dim.  Drums beat and two stage lights circle around until the entire stage is illuminated.  A tall man in a hat bows and begins talking.  I’ve heard the spiel a million times before, so I don’t really pay attention.  Kwangmin is still as enthralled as ever.

My eyelids get heavy and before I know it, I’m awoken by clapping.  I gaze over at Kwangmin and see the beam on his face.  He looks at me with sparkling eyes.  “That was amazing, right, Youngmin?  I want to be an acrobat one day.”  He does a cartwheel across the next row of wooden seats.

“You’ll be a great one.  You’re definitely flexible enough.”

He laughs.  “Thank you.  You’ll be a great teacher.”

I never understand why he says that.  I don’t even like school.  But I still nod in agreement.

We walk out of the tent and head over to the spinning teacups.  I sit down on one side and him on the other.  When the ride starts, we start spinning.  I hear the song playing at a much slower pace.  It’s almost depressing, but I won’t let it spoil our fun.  No one else seems to hear it.

The ride ends and we step off.  Kwangmin glances over at the clock.  “Already midnight?  We should get home.  Mom will be waiting for you.”

“Hey, Kwangmin?”

“Yeah?”  He looks over at me with a smile.

“Where are your parents?  Why don’t you ever go home?”

“Oh.”  His face drops and he looks at his feet.  “You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

“Please don’t remember,” he begs.  Tears form in his eyes.  “I won’t be able to see you again if you do.”

“Why not?”  I wipe a tear that’s making its way down his cheek.

“Because then you’ll wake up.  You can’t wake up, okay?”

“But I wake up every morning.”

“Please, Youngmin.”  He wraps his arms around me and rests his head against my chest.  “I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

“You won’t.  I come every night.”

“Just promise you won’t remember.”

“I promise.”  I kiss the top of his head.

“Then we should get you home.”

“Right.”

I wake up the next morning with an aching chest.  What Kwangmin said last night saddens me.  And a part of me is curious.  Was Kwangmin a real person at one time?  I can’t remember, and I guess he doesn’t want me to.

“Youngmin,” my mother calls.  “It’s time for breakfast!”

“Coming!” I answer back.  On the way to the breakfast room, I stop in the hallway where Mom hung our family photos.  There are several spots that are faded, as though she’s taken some of the pictures off the wall.  I can’t seem to find any photographs of myself before I was eleven.

My head starts hurting and I stop thinking about the wall.  Instead, I go downstairs and sit down at the table.  Mom walks in and sits down across from me.  “Youngmin, you’re pale.  Do you feel okay?”

I nod.  “I’m fine.”

“Alright.  But let me know if you feel sick.”

“I will.”

Breakfast proceeds quietly.  Mom occasionally looks at me, but neither of us have anything to say.  When it’s over, I go down the other side of the hallway.  I’ve never been there, but curiosity is eating me alive.

A door awaits me.  There are scribbles all over it, as though someone was trying to cover up what was previously written.  I open the door and step inside.

My head throbs when I take a peek.  It’s a room decorated for young boys.  There are two beds on either side of the room as well as a wooden chest in the center.  I open it and pull out an action figure.  Was this mine?  I don’t remember it.

I walk over to the bedside table and slide it open.  Inside are polaroid photographs of two children.  They both look like me.  With a little digging, I find a letter.  The envelope has long since been ripped open, but the note remains.

Youngmin,

Guess what!  I’ve gone to join the circus.  Please don’t tell anyone.  I really love you, and you can come see me when I’m famous!

Until then,

Kwangmin

What?  My eyes scan over the letter a few times, but I can’t seem to process what I just read.  I’ll ask Kwangmin about it tonight.

When night rolls around, I arrive in the dream.  Kwangmin leans against a tree with dull eyes.  His bones look like they’re about to rip through his white skin.  “You know now.”  His honeyed voice is now hoarse.

“Kwangmin, can you tell me what happened?”

He sighs.  “You’re my twin, Youngmin.  We grew up together with Mom and Dad until we were ten.

“Every year a carnival would come to town.  I always wanted to be an acrobat, flying high above the world.  Everyone thought I was silly, but that didn’t change my mind.

“So they came and Mom and Dad let us go off by ourselves.  We went to see the circus and rode the teacups.  When you weren’t looking, I left.  No one could find me.

“So for the week they were there, you guys came every day.  I would meet you in the forest at night and we would watch the acrobats.  Then you would go home without telling anyone where I was.

“Before the carnival left, I talked to the manager about becoming an acrobat.  He said no, and they disappeared.”

Tears start rolling down his face.  “I tried to come home, but I couldn’t find my way back.  So I was left to die out here in the woods.  No one even came to find me until it was too late.”  He falls to the ground.

“Kwangmin!”  I run over to him and take him in my arms.

“You’re my favorite person, Youngmin.  Even when everyone else doubted me, you didn’t.  You believed I could follow my dreams.”

My vision grows blurry as I start crying.

“Thank you for being with me for so long.  I love you, Youngmin.  I’ll see you later.”  He curls against my body and shuts his eyes.

“Kwangmin, wake up.”  I shake him.  And shake him again.  And again.  But he doesn’t wake up.  I do.

That’s the last time I see my brother.  But he lives on in my memories.

Knowledge is a polite word for dead but not buried imagination.

-E.E. s