5. vancouver

yixing lay down on his bed, wanting to close his eyes and just fall asleep but he couldn't. he kept staring at the letter on his desk. he got it this morning from wu fan. he didn't know why wu fan knew he was in beijing not changsha, and that's why wu fan (maybe) visited his apartment and put the letter right under his doormet. wu fan said through the letter that he was going to vancouver that day and staying there for around a month. he also said that he still hoped yixing would also go there.

if you go to vancouver to see me again, it will mean a lot to me.

i adore you, and i'm not lying.

yixing read it again and again, assuring himself that wu fan was really the one who wrote that. of course he wanted to trust wu fan, but he didn't want to be... another lu han, because he's not lu han and never been him. and he would never be him.

sure, yixing liked wu fan a lot, and he liked him as the real wu fan. that's why he was scared. trust seemed so difficult to find nowadays and yixing told himself to find the real trust.

and somehow, he hadn't found it on wu fan. not yet.

-

wu fan was watching tv, waiting for his mom who was cooking at the kitchen. he lived only with his mother in vancouver. he worked in beijing but his citizenship is canada, so whenever he gets free time for a long time, he will come back to canada.

but, it wasn't the time to vacation, actually. wu fan asked his boss for a month off. he promised he would write articles about vancouver as long as the boss gave him a month off, and his boss agreed.

a month to make sure about everything.

a month for him to fix the things up.

he realized that lu han had passed away, and would never ever get back to life.

as he got back to his room, he could find photos of lu han hanging on his wall. lu han laughed, lu han pouted, lu han kissed him on the cheek... those memories ran again in his mind. he lay down on his bed and let out a long sigh. he checked on his cell phone and found yixing's photo as his wallpaper.

again, he let out a long sigh. the longer one.

-

one week passed. yixing only stayed in his place, listening to his favorite songs. as a (former) dancer, he could still feel the will to move his body, hence he danced in calm way. his enjoyment of the dance step he arranged by himself suddenly was interrupted by a call. grunting a bit, he answered it.

"hello?"

"mr. zhang yixing, the process is done already. kindly come to our office to take everything you need to go."

yixing smiled. "yes, i'm going there right now. thank you for informing."

-

another week had passed. wu fan got the feeling that maybe, just maybe, yixing had forgotten about him. maybe yixing didn't want to trust him. deep inside, he knew yixing felt the same way with him. he knew it. just why yixing didn't want to give him a chance?

he missed beijing already, but he just couldn't go back there. he still hoped that yixing would go there visiting him. doesn't mean he didn't try to contact him, tho. yixing never picked up every single call he made, but yixing never rejected them too. yixing did it on purpose, maybe, but wu fan would never give up.

when another week had passed, means only one week left before going back to beijing, wu fan couldn't hold back his tears.

-

wu fan misses yixing a lot. he couldn't hold it back, too. he wanted to see yixing badly, but he couldn't just fly back to beijing. he still had a week off and he was still waiting for yixing. his mother felt awful seeing her son being like that. just right after he finally moved on from the grieving towards his deceased boyfriend, he screwed it all by himself. his mother knew it all; how wu fan was lovey-dovey with lu han, how depressed wu fan was when lu han passed away, and how mad wu fan was when he found out that lu han actually cheated on him with someone named huang zitao. also, just don't mention about wu fan's father. in conclusion, wu fan knew better what 'loss' means.

wu fan decided to visit vancouver's chinatown. at least, he could taste 'china' although he couldn't be in china. just visiting; he wasn't planning to buy anything. he walked and walked, taking photos of everything worth it. he took many photos of people smiling and laughing, and look at him--he smiled bitterly because just couldn't smile and laugh freely like them; something just stopped him for doing so.

or not.

after he snapped a picture of someone really familiar to him.

someone he'd been longing for.

someone he'd been missing a lot; someone he adores.

"yixing?"

-

as a good host, wu fan didn't take long time to stuck in awe and just accompany yixing to wander around the chinatown. yixing walked in front of him, spreading his gaze to the every spot in the chinatown, and sometimes he would smile when he found something interesting. wu fan didn't care about those all; he kept on wondering why yixing suddenly appeared in front of him, flesh and bones, together with the fair skin, brunette hair, the deep dimple on his right cheek...

he just couldn't believe it was yixing.

wu fan's mind was full of questions and the biggest one was: does yixing love me already? and he couldn't stop hoping so. he knew he was being ridiculous but he just couldn't help it.

"...fan?"

wu fan blinked. "yes?" he asked.

yixing laughed. "i asked you, are you hungry? but you seem like in a train of thoughts..."

the journalist let out a nervous chuckle. "sorry. um. well, i guess i'm quite hungry. are you?"

yixing nodded. "take me to the best restaurant here and please treat me."

"ugh, fine," wu fan put on expressionless face while yixing smiled inwardly without wu fan knowing.

-

wu fan couldn't stop staring at yixing who casually had his breakfast (although it was brunch time) and hotpot as breakfast wouldn't hurt anyway. yixing would sometimes look outside the window or when he found something interesting (again) he would snap pictures of that. wu fan hadn't even touched the plate or even the meal; he was just busy staring at the one he had been longing for these three weeks.

until yixing's question made him back to the reality.

"wu fan, why don't you eat your meal? not hungry?"

and guess who became so nervous.

"sorry," in a moment, wu fan felt like being a fool for being caught. it was out of plan.

yixing, who had finished eating, rested his chin on his palm and he leaned closer to wu fan. that little act made yixing became more nervous and he had to remind himself that he once took brave action to kiss yixing but here he was, being so nervous with all the attention yixing was giving to him.

"how are you?" yixing began asking. "i can't believe i haven't asked you that."

wu fan nodded slowly. "i'm fine, thanks. you?"

the younger male nodded with smile. but then, he shook his head.

wu fan frowned. "why?"

"i spent hours on the plane you know, i'm afraid my waist's condition will get worse. turbulence happened for a few hours so the flying attendants forbade me to go to the lavatory. and you know what, i was holding back all the urgency of peeing."

"ah... it commonly happens, though."

"yeah. it , right? when you really want to do something, when you really want something, but you just can't get it. can't get what you want, i mean."

there was a pause. wu fan looked up only to find yixing's smile that was aimed to him, leaving him wondering whether yixing was actually talking about their relationship; about them. also, he started to wonder whether yixing was going to reject him. but again, yixing visited him eventually, right?

"i..." wu fan spoke, "i think so, too."

yixing hummed. "then, what do you think?"

"think about what?"

"what will you do when you can't get what you want?" yixing asked, making it all clearer.

actually, wu fan wasn't ready for a rejection. what he had been expecting was that yixing would accept him, not a rejection. he hadn't prepared for the worst, when he himself already knew that anything is possible.

to answer yixing's question, actually wu fan had the best answer, according to himself.

"i will fight for it."

and with that, yixing smiled wider.

"good," he complimented.

-

wu fan dragged yixing to stanley park, which is one of vancouver's attraction. yixing was happy because with that, he could snap pictures to renew his blog. while wu fan, he just stared at the figure in front of him, admiring every move he made. he was just stuck in awe and couldn't seem to stop. just when his head hit a tree, he fell back to the reality, with melodious laughters which belonged to yixing. wu fan felt so stupid for being so careless.

then, yixing grabbed wu fan by the wrist and together they approached a bench there. wu fan wasn't so surprised when yixing took out a small towel and a band-aid. he got some water from a tap, and wu fan knew it was to clean up his wound. he was going to take the towel from yixing but the latter just applied it to his forehead, by his own hands. also, he put on the band-aid to wu fan's forehead, making the tallest guy among those two felt the soft electricity ran through his skin, transferred into his brain just to make him realize that it was yixing who treated his wound, with his fance only a palm away.

"why," out of plan, wu fan suddenly asked that. "why do you come?"

wu fan's question made yixing paused. he pulled back his hands but wu fan pulled them into his, together they sent warmth to each other. wu fan liked it very much; familiar substance that was no other than yixing's skin now greeted his again.

wu fan noticed yixing's blushing face and he found it cute. without himself knowing, he smiled seeing that.

while yixing, he looked down as if scared of wu fan's respond when he told him his reasons.

"i just want to know if... if maybe, you still want me to come to you," yixing said. "i like you a lot, and i see you as wu yifan, not someone else. i want you to know this. and i want to know whether what you said to me months ago is true."

"yixing," wu fan called.

"i don't expect you to like me wholeheartedly, because maybe you still love lu han, and you love me because i have a similar aura to lu han's. i will leave you if the fact says you love lu han until now, but you can't stop me to like you."

"yixing."

"i'm sorry, i can't help it," yixing ended his speech with a long sigh.

wu fan took yixing's hand and intertwined it with his, making the latter look up to meet wu fan's gaze.

"yixing," said wu fan in a calm tone, "i love you."

yixing stayed still.

"i just want you to know, that i don't have any doubts to love you. none can stop me from doing so; not even lu han, not even huang zitao, not even yourself. i understand that what had happened, just let them be. we both lost the ones we loved, and it left wounds in our hearts. but i have chosen..."

wu fan tightened his fingers on yixing's in a soft way.

"i have chosen you, to be my friend to spend the rest of my life with, to share laughters and tears together, to be my partner to against the world, to reach our dreams together, and to be my everything. deep in my heart i know you're the one who can do all those things with me; i know you're the only one for me. no doubts."

yixing looked at wu fan intensely, reading wu fan's face to find the lies but guess what? he found nothing but sincerity.

"and i hope i can be the only one for you, zhang yixing. only me."

the younger guy let out a trembling sigh.

"how can i see the truth behind your words, wu yifan?"

wu fan smiled. to soften yixing's stern look, he caressed yixing's cheek with affection and somehow it worked.

"look," wu fan started, "i know you're doubtful about my feeling towards you and i can understand. i know you're still thinking that you're a rebound. and i know you're still thinking that i see you as lu han and that i still love lu han. i can understand that. but yixing, my answer is no, you're not. i see you as zhang yixing and none else. your aura might be similar to his, but you are you, lu han is lu han. and lu han lived in the past. he was my boyfriend and i hope you notice that i'm using past tense."

yixing didn't say anything but wu fan knew he was listening.

"of course i still love lu han; he's irreplaceable. but i have moved on, even before i met you. i can't let my life only revolve around everything about him. doesn't mean i have forgetten about lu han, no. but we as humans should go on and leave the past behind. and i think, lu han won't be happy if i'm only stuck on him... because he wasn't even stuck on me."

yixing nodded slowly, and he looked down again.

"and you," wu fan said, "what makes you sure you love me? when you loved someone else that is huang zitao? do you find me similar to him?"

"no!" yixing automatically answered. "similar in height yes, but no, you're not him. i... i don't know... if i tell you my answer, i bet you can't understand?"

"why don't you give it a try?" asked wu fan with smile.

yixing nipped his own lower lip as a sign that he was confused (and wu fan found it cute rather than arousing), but he had got his sight set on wu fan again.

"it doesn't make any sense but... i can't find the reason. i just... love you. i don't know why i love you, but if you really want to hear my answer, fine... i love you because my heart says so. my heart chooses you. hence i follow it... because my heart told me that you're the one."

wu fan's smile got wider.

"i'm sorry for being so cheesy that you can't even stand it. i hate myself for being cheesy to be honest..." yixing said with soft laughter.

but then, he felt a pair of soft lips greeted his once again. yixing felt so familiar--the lips, the feeling, everything. and because he had been missing those lips (which he realized they're wu fan's), he kissed them back, without caring about everyone around him. after all, vancouver has a place for those who are different, so... they just ignored wu fan and yixing.

"no hesitation," wu fan said as he pulled back. "i love you and i need only you in my life."

"eh, why are you so che--"

"because being cheesy is fun, don't you think?" wu fan cut off with wink.

yixing laughed and wu fan had to swallow his laughter with his lips, again.

a/n: hi, long time no see ;;;; i hope you're still with this fic? SO THERE'S ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT AND THEY'LL BE GOING TO MY HOMETOWN! lol. about why didn't i make them exploring vancouver that much (only to chinatown and stanley park) it's because i was too lazy wanted to only focus on their unity so yeah. so, i hope you enjoy this chapter and please wait for the LAST chapter of this story. stay tuned!