This is insane.

“Everything okay, Heechul?”

“Yeah.”

No. Everything is not okay and he's freaking out with every passing tree. And there’s another one. And another. No buildings. No city lights. Is that a freaking cow?

This is seriously driving him insane.

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“Dad, you can’t do this!”

The aged man is not listening. He stuffs Heechul’s suitcases in the car.

“I’m twenty-seven, for crying out loud! You can’t just order me to go!”

“Exactly. You’re twenty-seven, Kim Heechul, and you’ve barely worked a day in your life. I know I have a comfortable living and I’m pleased to support you because you’re my son and I love you, but this is too much.”

“But—”

“Those club or bar jobs or whatever don’t count as anything and you know that. Partying your whole life will lead to nothing. And last week you were out until three every morning with your crazy friend, Simon.”

“Siwon, and we were just having fun.”

“Fun or not, your grandmother, who you never see-”

“You’ve never brought me!”

“-wants you to visit anyway. Now get going!” He shoves Heechul towards the car, but the blonde resists and stands firmly on the curb.

“You just,” he pushes back with all his might. “Want time with... urg... Your new fling.”

The man stops and Heechul almost goes flying forward. “Hyeri is NOT a fling”

“She’s half your age, dad! And it’s not even Mr. Kim, it’s Tony, oh Tony, love you Tony and it makes me sick!”

“Than some country air will be good.” Heechul crosses his arms in defiance before Tony wrenches out the “cutting off and freezing all your accounts” bit and forces Heechul into
his secretary’s car. When the radio starts playing Highway to Hell it is only all too appropriate.

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“Sorry, but how're we related?”

Heechul sighs again because he'd rather be anywhere but driving to his uninhabited doom in the boonies.

“Oh, we're not.” The brunette who picked him up from the train station replies. “The name's Donghae. Grandma May hired me and my... um... Partner to work and live on the farm.” He says awkwardly. “You've got a great grandma there, you know.”

They arrive after what seems like an eternity of tall stock fields and grazing mammals. The minute he exits the car his senses spike and it's like a rotten piece of cheese is shoved up his nose. He instantly makes a face to stop from inhaling the acid air but feels his stomach twist nonetheless. The driveway is long and the house... The house is huge.

“Welcome to Kim Manor, main house on the North Kim Farm!” Donghae smiles excitedly, like Heechul cares, and he can only look up at his dated childhood house with the acquainted white wrap around balcony and large wooden pained windows. Surely it wouldn't smell like animal feces in there.

“Donghae!” Heechul looks around at the noise to see a very attractive man climbing down from a parked tractor, sweat suntanned skin shinning under his shirtless jean overalls, and suddenly the farm isn't as unappealing as before.

“Who's the hottie?” He nudges Donghae who makes a choking sound.

“What? Are you—” The brunette almost finishes when said tractor-hottie pulls him into a deep kiss.

Heechul only gapes at the two until Donghae rips away wiping his mouth.

“Stop!” Donghae shouts. “Jeez, you just kissed me like this morning. Ah- Heechul this is Eunhyuk my... Um...”

“Partner?” Heechul supplies, raising an eyebrow.

“Husband.” Eunhyuk says, putting out his hand after wiping it on his overalls. Heechul takes it and smiles.

“Not bad for a hick-towner.”

Eunhyuk gives him a kind smile, but his eyes are bit less than cordial. “And you must be May’s little grandson.”

“Wait, are you g-gay?” Donghae lets out.

Heechul smirks at him. “I don't define what I am. I've had boyfriends, I currently have a girlfriend.” Though technically Sunny had broken up with Heechul before he left, but he's not going to think about that. He and Sunny have been going off and on for years; it's been two weeks hence it's about time they cut it loose.

“So...You're bi.” Eunhyuk says as he pulls Donghae securely to his side.

Heechul rolls his eyes because there's no need to get protective. Donghae isn't his type. “Didn't know there were open gay couples out in no man's land.” He says.

“You mean ONLY gay couple.”

Heechul spins around at the female voice and sees a young raven-haired woman walk from around the grand manor, straw hat and bright smile shinning.

“They're lucky Grandma May let them stay or... Well, it's not my place to say.”

“Woah, you have babes arou—”

Heechul feels himself lurch forward as a hand drives into his stomach with full punching force.

“Nice try.” The woman says then wraps her arms around for a welcome hug, or maybe an apologetic hug. “You've grown up, Chullie! And you're blonde!” Heechul just stares awkwardly as the girl pecks his cheeks. “Come on, you don’t know your own cousin. Hyoyeon, remember?” Oh, he remembers crazy-animal-loving Hyoyeon, he just can't believe he thought his older cousin was hot for even an instant. Even of it is his second cousin.

Hyoyeon lets him go and smiles. “Well, don't just stand there like a horn lodger, come on in! You can bring your bags to the last room upstairs.” The three turn to leave when Heechul halts them.

“Wait!” he almost yells. “I can't carry four suitcases by myself!”

“You brought four?” Hyoyeon laughs. “I’m sure you'll manage just fine!” She winks as she opens the front door.

“This ain't Seoul anymore, city boy!” Eunhyuk calls from the porch with a giggling Donghae next to him. The three stop as a commotion pours out from the house.

“Chullie!”

A big round old lady straight off the Sweet Grandmother Catalog comes barrelling through the door and straight to Heechul. His grandma's just as he remembers: warm, energetic and full of big hugs and fruity smells. Heechul relaxes into the familiar embrace for a second before he realizes there's a toddler in her arms chewing on his expensive well groomed hair.

“What the fu-OW!” Grandma May hits him. “Jeez, ow, what's with the kids?” Heechul motions to the toddler, now chewing on his own fist, and the small boy and girl hiding behind May.

“I missed you, Chullie and my, you’re so big now.” May gives him a kiss on the cheek. “But,” she holds up a finger. “I will not tolerate any profane language on this farm, you hear.”

Heechul crosses his arms and grumbles that he hates this place already.

“Oh, and you've never met these little tykes. This little guy,” she motions to the baby in her arms. “Is Donghae and Eunhyuk's little one: Taemin.”

Heechul blinks at the news because he never thought he'd see a gay couple with child out in the old fashioned country.

“Adopted him last year, but, sorry, it’s time for his nap.” Donghae says as he takes baby Taemin.

"These two are your second cousin Onew's kids, Sulli and Minho. Kids, this is my only grandson, just like you have grandpa Teuk, so be nice. He's your cousin. Say 'Hi'."

"He looks like a girl." Six-year old Minho taunts.

"She's shiny and pwetty." Sulli fawns and smiles sweetly.

Hyoyeon lets out a boisterous laugh from the porch. "She's a boy, honey. A city boy."

Heechul smirks at Sulli when Minho decides that it's a good time to practice his soccer kick right into Heechul's most private area. He keens forward with pain.

"Minho!" May shouts.

"Yeah, he's a boy!" The kid yells as he runs back in the house.

Heechul crouches down into himself. “What’s with this place and hitting me?”

"I'm so sorry, Chullie. Hyo, dear, go make sure Onew gives that boy a talkin' to!" May walks towards the house with Sulli in tow. "Get yer bags than come in n' eat, Chullie! Hurry, it looks like rain."

"Wait!" And with that Heechul is left alone in front of the beige and yellow house. "I can't carry my own stuff in! Get the muscled gay farm man to help! Yaahhh!"

 He hears thunder and there's an automatic downpour. Fine, he thinks, I'll just wait in the car till they take me home. If only he had his own driver's license. He goes for the door handle when he hears a sniff beside him. He looks up and his eyes go wide as a very large, very hairy animal, is looming over him.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaa~" The goat bleats.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Heechul cries until he slips and falls straight into a forming mud puddle.

This could absolutely not get any worse. He wipes away the dirt and water from his face when he hears a click over the rain. He stares up in shock as the goat moseys over to a soaked man in a white tank top and jeans and damn he's hot. Great, he thinks, another tanned attractive man and he's in a mud pie. The man gives him a strange look before walking away with the goat.

He remembers that Siwon asked him to text him so he sends him one quick sentence:

MY LIFE IS OVER.

a/n. I've been wanting to do a Hanchul Farm!AU for so long. This will be short, like 12ish chapters, so I hope you enjoy!

YOU SILENT READERS SHALL NOT PASS!!!!
well you will but still please comment/subscribe etc :o)

❤❤❤❤❤ C O M M E N T ❤❤❤❤❤