*At 9 years old*

“Myungsoo Oppa!” I breathlessly yelled out to the boy that was running faster than me towards the park. “Wait for me!” I yelled again as I continued to run.

“Just run faster!” was the loud reply that reached my ears.

“I can’t!” I whined. “I’m tired!” With that being stated, I slowed down to a walk to try and catch my breath. By then, Myungsoo had reached the grassy edges of the park and had turned around to see my tired figure farther behind him than he had initially thought.

“Come on, slowpoke! Hurry up or I’m not gonna help you up on the swings!”

“I’m tired!” I repeated and continued to walk. Sighing in fake annoyance, Myungsoo walked towards me and grabbed my hand as soon as he was close enough. He then started to run, leaving me no choice but to follow along.

“Slow down!” I begged him, trying to catch up to him while attempting to not trip over my two, clumsy feet. He did nothing but laugh and continue to run. Before I knew it, the two of us were sitting on the swings, catching our breaths. Our mothers had finally caught up to the two of us and were lounging on a bench, conversing about whatever mothers converse about.

“I bet you I could swing higher than you!” Myungsoo claimed before swinging his legs back and forth rhythmically.

“You can only swing higher because I don’t know how to swing! You’re mean!” I whined and crossed my arms. He brought his swings to a halt and hopped off.

“Here, I’ll help you swing.” He stood behind me and pushed me once, but because my arms were still crossed, I just fell forward, off the swing, and onto the ground. Myungsoo burst out into a fit of laughter.

“Myungsoo Oppa! That hurt! Ughhhhh! You better run!” I angrily rose up from the ground and started to chase the still laughing boy, who had bolted from his spot as soon as I had told him to.

We were running again, without a care in a world.

*At 14 years old*

I was pushing the food on my tray around since I had lost my appetite due to the high amount of puke-inducing actions displayed in front of me. Myungsoo and his girlfriend were taking turns feeding each other food while she sat on his lap. He muttered sweet nothings into her ear to which she giggled in reply. I felt something churn inside of me, but it couldn’t have been food – I didn’t even eat anything. I seemed to get like this every time I see Jaekyung and Myungsoo together and I didn’t like it one bit.

“I’m still here you know.” I voiced out and both heads sharply turned to look at me.

“And?” he cocked his eyebrow up.

“I’m trying to eat. Or you know, it’d be nice to have a conversation with you or something.” I snidely said.

“We’re talking right now.” He pointed out.

“Wow. Our first conversation in weeks. Wonderful.” Sarcasm was the thing I seemed to be best at.

“Fine. What do you wanna talk about?” He asked after rolling his eyes. I made it a point to look over to Jaekyung, clearly showing that I didn’t want her to be around.

“Is she staying?” I asked in an annoyed tone.

“I don’t see why she can’t.” he retorted and I could tell that he was getting angry.

“Because we haven’t hung out ever since you guys started dating and I just miss you. I’m sure you can spend the last fifteen minutes of lunch without her by your side.” I blurted out.

“Maybe there’s a reason as to why we haven’t hung out, Haneul. Maybe I just want to hang out with other people.” His words took me by surprise and my heart stopped for a second.

“O-other people?” I stuttered out.

“Yeah, I mean, you and I usually only hang out with each other and it’s getting kind of annoying. I mean, we’re not in elementary school anymore. We should make new friends too. I’m tired of always doing the same things with you all the time.” I felt as though I was just stabbed in the chest, right through my heart, and the knife was still in there, tearing it all to shreds.

“Oh, so you’re tired of me?” I rhetorically asked. His eyes widened and he tried to clarify.

“No, I didn’t mea-” I angrily rose from my seat and dumped the remainder of my food into the trashcan. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall as I ran out of the cafeteria.

“Wait! Haneul!” I heard his voice behind me. The thought of him chasing after me compelled me to run even faster. Before I could reach the school’s front doors, I felt a hand harshly grab onto my wrist and spin me around. In front of me was a panting Myungsoo, slightly bent over in an attempt to catch his breath.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He breathlessly tried to explain.

“In whatever way you meant it, it still hurts to hear your best friend say anything like that.”

“I’m sor-” You cut him off.

“Don’t waste your breath.  I agree. We should start hanging out with different people; shake our lives up a little bit.”

“But we’ll still always be friends.” It wasn’t a question. He was looking at me straight in the eyes with so much sincerity. My heart started racing, but I pushed the feeling aside, saying that it was because I just sprinted out of the cafeteria.

“I know we will. We don’t have a choice.” I indicated, referring to the fact that our families were too close for us to hate each other. He let out an angelic laugh and opened his arms. My stomach did a backflip, but again, I just ignored the feeling and opened my arms as well. Just as I was about to enclose my arms around him, he moved his right arm in between us and used his fingers to flick my forehead – very painfully, I might add.

“Yah! Kim Myungsoo! You better run!” I moved my hand to rub at my forehead as he took off running down the hall and turned the corner. I slightly smiled before chasing after him.

“Catch me if you can, slowpoke!”

We were running again, and nothing could go wrong.

*At 17 years old*

I ran my hands over the sequins sown onto my dazzling black prom dress. The strapless dress reached the floor. It hugged my torso and flowed loosely from my waist down. I scanned myself through the full length mirror, making sure every piece of jewelry that I was wearing all complemented each other, that I didn’t miss a strand of hair while I was curling it, and that my makeup wasn’t smudged.

“You look beautiful,” my mother praised as she appeared behind me and placed her hands on my shoulders, giving me a light squeeze. We peered at each other through the mirror and smiled.

“Thanks, Mom,” I responded, placing my left hand on top of hers.

“I agree. You look great! Sungyeol will be drooling!” Sora exclaimed. She was Myungsoo’s date for the night and to be honest, I actually liked her. Though Myungsoo and I were a part of different cliques now, we did still talk quite often. Because of this, I was constantly around the girls that he would be with at the time.

“I highly doubt that, but we’ll just have to wait and see now, won’t we?” I lightly laughed. Sungyeol was an amiable guy. He and I were in the same group of friends at school. I do have to admit that he was very attractive, which is why I immediately agreed to being his date for the night.

Right then, the doorbell chimed, signaling that our dates had arrived to pick us up.

“I got it!” I heard my father yell from downstairs. A few seconds later, I caught the sound of the front door being opened. “Haneul! Sora! Your dates are here!” Sora and I quickly grabbed our clutches that would carry all of our necessities for the night and exited my room. As we stood at the top of the staircase, I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I could hear my father conversing with the two males at the door. One voice stood out to me and I could feel my heart start to beat faster.

Slowly, we descended one step at a time. As we got closer to the last step, my father and the two well-dressed men came into view. The three said males looked up at us as we slightly looked down at them. Sora and I finally reached the ground floor and I gazed on as Myungsoo approached her.

“You look great,” he had murmured to her, placing a corsage on her wrist. I felt my heart sink down to my stomach. I continued to watch them as he constantly complimented her until I heard someone clear their throat. I looked forward and recognized Sungyeol standing in front of me. How could I almost forget about him? I mentally hit myself as I reminded myself that he was my date tonight and that I shouldn’t be paying much attention to Myungsoo.

“You look beautiful,” he commented and kissed my cheek. I failed to notice the slight frown that formed on Myungsoo’s face when he did so, but I did hear my father’s voice.

“Hey, hey, hey. Be careful with what you’re doing there buddy,” I heard my father jokingly threaten with a chuckle, causing me to laugh and bury my face into Sungyeol’s broad chest.

“Yes sir!” Sungyeol saluted with his trademark gummy grin.

We made sure to take plenty of pictures before leaving. We all got into Myungsoo’s car and set off. As soon as we arrived, we noticed that many others were already there and going inside. After Myungsoo parked, Sungyeol kindly opened the door for me and he slipped his hand into mine, pulling me close to him. Once again, I was watching Myungsoo help Sora out of the car when I felt Sungyeol lean in to whisper something in my ear.

“Let’s make sure we have a lot of fun tonight okay?” He proposed. I happily smiled at him and nodded my head. When I looked back at Myungsoo and Sora, I saw that he had a sour look on his face and he was slightly glaring at Sungyeol before his eyes flickered down to our hands. For some reason, I felt the need to let go of Sungyeol’s hand. So I did.

The night went on with a lot of dancing, hanging out with friends, talking, and more dancing of course. I felt that the fun would be coming to an end soon because slow songs were starting to play.

“May I have this dance?” Sungyeol politely asked as he held his hand out for me. I took it as I rose up from my seat when I felt a hand lightly touch me on my arm.

“Save me a dance okay?” Myungsoo requested. I assented, surprised that he would ask. Sungyeol then led me to the dance floor, stopping just at the edge of it. He proceeded to place his hands on my waist and I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck.

“I’m having a lot of fun tonight,” I told him as we started to sway along with the beat.

“I’m glad that you are. Though I must say, I am quite surprised.” His comment confused me.

“Surprised? At?”

“The fact that you’re having a good time, even though I’m your date.” He casually replied.

“Why would I not be having a good time?” I furrowed my eyebrows as I asked because I was thoroughly confused.

“Because I know that I’m not the one you love, Haneul.” I froze when I heard these words escape his lips.

“To be honest, Sungyeol, I like you. I do.” I confessed.

“I know. And I like you too.” I looked up at him and smiled when he admitted this, but my smile didn’t grace my face for long. “But there’s a difference between liking someone and loving someone.” Once again, he confused me. “Even though I know that the love you have isn’t for me, I hope you don’t mind if I try to...” he trailed off as he leaned in and tilted his head. I tilted my head and slowly leaned in as well. Right as our lips were about to touch, my arm was seized and I was being pulled off of the dance floor, through crowds of dateless people, through the doors, and out of the building.

“What the hell was that?!” A familiar voice growled at me. I looked over to see an angry Myungsoo. What in the world was he doing, interrupting Sungyeol and me like that?!

“I could ask you the same thing!” I growled back.

“You can’t just go around kissing anyone and everyone like that,” he raised his voice at me.

“Me? Kissing anyone and everyone?” I repeated his words in rage. “You know damn well that would have been my first kiss! Unlike you, who’s basically made out with the whole entire female population at school.” I wasn’t sure why I was getting so angry, but I was.

“But you would just let that first kiss get stolen like that?” he retorted.

“It wouldn’t be stolen if I was fine with him taking it. He made sure I was okay with it. And I was.” I remarked. He scoffed.

“I don’t approve of him owning your first kiss,” he seriously said, looking straight at me.

“And why not?!” I demanded. Suddenly, the distance between Myungsoo and I was no longer there and he was standing right in front of me.

“Because it should be mine,” he declared before capturing my lips with his in a sweet, sincere kiss. My eyes were wide open in shock, my heart was racing a mile a minute, and the butterflies had returned in my stomach. After what felt like forever, Myungsoo pulled away, much to my dismay. He looked down at my lips before meeting my eyes. He noticed how wide they were and spoke again.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” He rubbed his face and sounded disappointed. Then he turned to leave, but it was my turn to grab his arm and turn him around.

“Why did you do that?” I quietly asked him. We silently stood there for another uncomfortable minute or two.

“Because… this whole time, it’s been you.” The both of us had been looking at the ground, but as soon as he said that, my head shot up and my eyes widened once again in surprise.

“I can honestly say that I’ve been in love with you this whole time. Somewhere along the way, in our friendship, I fell in love with you. It sounds so cliché, I know. The other girls that I had in my life were girls that I had actually wanted to be with at first, but then later on, they become people that I selfishly used to distract me from you. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship that we had. I tried my best to push the feelings away, struggling to find someone else, but I couldn’t do it. I especially couldn’t stand there and watch you with Sungyeol as he was about to kiss you. My heart hurt. I couldn’t let anyone else claim your lips. They should be mine. Like how I wish you would be.” He was still looking down at the ground. I let the words sink in and I pinched myself to make sure it wasn’t a dream. I yelped as I felt the pain and I realized that it wasn’t a dream.

“Are you okay?” Myungsoo asked me worriedly. I looked at him and found that he wasn’t look at the ground anymore.

“Yeah, I just had to pinch myself to make sure that this wasn’t a dream.” I said as I rubbed the spot that I pinched, chuckling at how idiotic I sounded.

“What?”

“I guess I might as well say it. Myungsoo, I love you too. I have, for as long as I can remember.” I admitted.

“You do?!” He asked, his eyes widening. I smiled at his cute expression.

“Yes, I do. I’m surprised you didn’t notice. I guess you must be the slowpoke now,” I stated and stuck my tongue out. He raised his arm and flicked my forehead.

“Ow!” I exclaimed. “Myungsoo, how many times do I have to tell you that you can’t just flick me like that?!”

“Shouldn’t you be calling me Myungsoo Oppa again? Like how you used to do when we were little?” He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and I giggled at the memories.

“No. You know I don’t like to call people Oppa. Besides, you haven’t even asked me to be yours officially yet so I don’t see why I should.” I teased.

“You’re really going to make me do this?” He sighed in fake annoyance. I nodded in reply to his question.

“Haneul-ah, would you give me the honor of being able to call you mine?” He asked, looking into my eyes, with a hint of a smirk on his face.

“Yes,” I whispered before leaning in again. Just as we were about to kiss, he pulled away, unwrapped his arms from my waist, and started running.

“If you want a kiss, you’re going to have to catch me, slowpoke!”

“Yah! Kim Myungsoo! You’re so mean!”

We were running again, and we couldn’t be happier.

*At 20 years old*

“Happy Anniversary, babe,” Myungsoo’s voice sounded through the phone.

“Happy Anniversary to you too, Myungsoo Oppa.” I croaked in reply. I was still lying in bed because I didn’t have to go into work today.

“What are you gonna do all day today?” He asked as I heard keyboard clicks in the background.

“Lay in bed for a little while longer. Maybe get up to make some breakfast. Shower. Do some chores. I don’t know.” I listed to him as I stretched on the bed.

“Oh. Sounds fun? What do you say we go on a picnic at our park tonight? Maybe attempt to look at some stars or climb some trees or something?” Our park was the one that we frequently visited as kids, about a 15 minute walk away from our apartment building.

“You speak as though we’re still 9 years old or something.”

“Hey, just because we physically grew up doesn’t mean that we’re not children inside.” I giggled.

“That’s true. What do you want me to make?” I started thinking about what would be convenient to carry to and eat at the park.

“Don’t worry about it. Just leave it up to me. It’ll be perfect, I promise. I’ll come home and change so that we can leave together okay?”

“Sounds perfect. I can’t wait.” I said with a smile.

“Neither can I. Also, don’t bother making breakfast later. I made some pancakes before leaving this morning and I hope they haven’t gone too cold yet. But hey, I gotta go right now. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you later tonight.” I smiled as I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, going to the bathroom to brush my teeth and freshen up. After I finished my morning routine, I quickly ventured out into the kitchen and found a stack of chocolate chip pancakes on the table, just as Myungsoo had said. I quickly sat down and dug in, savoring the sweet chocolaty taste. I quickly grabbed my phone that I had set down on the table and typed out a text to Myungsoo, telling him that the pancakes were delicious and thanking him.

For the rest of the day, I lounged around the apartment and did nothing but watch TV and surf the internet after finishing a few chores and showering. Before I knew it, 7PM rolled around and I figured that I should start getting ready for the picnic with Myungsoo tonight. I stalked back into our bedroom and went to the closet, trying to decide what to wear. It was starting to get warmer outside, but I knew that nighttime could get chilly since it was still winter so I decided that I would don a knitted black sweater and light washed denim shorts. I went into the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I decided to leave my long hair naturally wavy, since I knew Myungsoo liked it like that, and I started on my makeup. I just lightly applied some BB cream to my face before painting my eyes with dark black eyeliner and mascara. As soon as I ran a brush through my hair, I heard the front door open.

“Haneul?” A cheerful voice called out into the apartment.

“I’m getting ready!” I called out in reply. A few seconds later, I saw a figure leaning against the bathroom’s door frame.

“Are you all ready to go?” He asked.

“Just about, so you should go and get changed.” I suggested while still brushing my hair.

“Yes ma’am,” He saluted with a chuckle and made a move to leave before turning around. “And babe?”

“Yeah?” I turned to look at him.

“You look beautiful,” he stated with a smile before giving me a kiss on the forehead and leaving. I stood there, frozen, with my cheeks flaring up. To this day, the smallest actions still make my stomach backflip endlessly.

After another ten minutes, the two of us were ready to go. Myungsoo had put on a black t-shirt and donned some black jeans.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I thought we could walk.” He had said while I was busy putting on my converse. He was carrying a basket with, what I presumed was, our dinner.

“That’s perfectly fine. We haven’t been on a walk together in forever.” I replied, standing up and dusting my bottom off. I grabbed my tote bag off of the counter with one hand while the other slipped into Myungsoo’s. We walked out of the door and began on our trek to the park.

“You should’ve worn jeans. It might get colder later on.” He commented.

“Well thanks for telling me that now, after we’ve left. But it’s okay. I should be fine,” I said and we continued to walk while making conversation with the occasional teasing, as usual. Soon, we arrived at the park and Myungsoo pulled out a blanket from inside the basket. He softly set the basket down on the grass. We speedily unfolded the blanket and sat down comfortably on it.

“So, what’d you prepare for us to eat?” I asked, glancing at the basket. He pulled it over to him and opened the top, taking out many containers.

“Well there are sandwiches. I cut up some fruits. There’s juice… Oh! And I bought some pastries for desert.” He explained while handing me a sandwich.

“Did you make the sandwiches yourself?”

“Yes, I did. That’s why I came home so late. I went over to Dongwoo’s house to make them.” He stated with a grin.

We quickly opened our containers and pulled our sandwiches out, hungrily biting into them.

“This is really good,” I blurted out, very surprised.

“Of course it is. I made it.” He replied.

“Yeah, just because you made it. Because the last time you tried to make pasta, you almost burned the building down,” I pointed out.

“That was one time! It’ll never happen again! And I made you pancakes this morning didn’t I?!” He cried out with a chuckle. I acknowledged that with a laugh and quick nod of my head. It slowly started to get dark as we were eating. As soon as we were done, it was dark enough to attempt to stargaze, though I did notice that some clouds had moved in over head.

“Why don’t we go over to the trees to try and get a better look?” He suggested. I nodded in agreement and helped him pack all the empty containers up. This was a fairly large park, with a really aesthetic garden in it. There were a lot of trees and many types of flowers in it. In the center was a large grassy area where you could lounge.

“Why didn’t we just have the picnic there?” I asked Myungsoo.

“I was tired from all that walking so I figured we could just stop and eat here.” I understandingly nodded my head.

 We got up and Myungsoo slipped his hand in mine before we started to walk towards the garden. We were swinging our hands back and forth and I was looking at the ground to make sure that I didn’t trip over anything in the dark and fall. Too busy paying attention to the floor, I failed to realize that we had reached the grassy center of the garden and that it had gotten brighter.

“We’re here.” Myungsoo announced and let go of my hand while simultaneously dropping the picnic basket to the ground. I picked head up and widened my eyes at the sight in front of me. Myungsoo was walking towards the center of a very large heart made up of a bunch of small little tea lights.

“Haneul, we’ve known each other ever since we were babies. Our parents were always close, thus giving us no choice but to be friends. We started off as little kids, running around this park, fighting over toys, doing homework, and watching TV all day before growing into teenagers. I admit, we did drift apart a bit during those years, but I’m elated that we eventually found our way back to each other. With that being said, I never want to be away from you ever again. I want to hold you every single day. I want to kiss your lips every chance I get. I want to be there to calm you down when you throw a tantrum about a drama on TV. I want to be there to see you laugh at silly things you find online. I want to be there to encourage you to run and chase after whatever you desire. I want to fall asleep with you every night and I want to wake up to your sleeping figure every morning. I want to love you for eternity. I want to have the honor of calling you my wife.” I felt tears streaming down my face. When I started to tear up? I wasn’t even aware.

“Haneul, will you marry me?” Myungsoo finished, getting down on one knee. He stared at me expectantly as he took out a small jewelry box from his pocket and opened it. I took my purse off and dropped it next to the picnic basket before sprinting towards the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I was careful not to run into any of the candles and he stood up just in time to catch me in his arms. I latched my arms around his neck as his arms circled around my waist.

“Yes. Yes. A million times. Yes.” I whispered into his ear and buried my face into his neck with happy tears still streaming down my face. I heard him breathe out a sigh of relief and slowly put me down the ground. I quickly attempted to wipe the tears from my face, but Myungsoo had beaten me to it. He used his own two thumbs to wipe my cheeks before looking into my eyes. He then moved his eyes to look down at the ring in the box. He pulled it out and held my left hand in his right. Slowly, he used his left hand to slip the ring onto my ring finger. I couldn’t help but be distracted by the beautiful diamond that lay on a gorgeous silver band. He raised my hand up to his lips and gave it a quick kiss.

“I love you Haneul. Thank you for saying yes,” he quietly murmured.

“Thank you for being perfect,” I replied and got on my tiptoes to give him another kiss. In the middle of our kiss, I felt a few drops on my head and I pulled away. Apparently, Myungsoo had felt the same because he followed my gaze to look up at the sky. Before we could fathom what it was, rain started pouring down on the two of us.

“Oh my god! This is so cliché!” I yelled before the both of us burst out into laughter. He slipped his hand into mine again and started pulling me along, but I held him back.

“What about the candles?!” I yelled through the heavy downpour.

“I’ll take care of it!” Dongwoo yelled as he appeared out of nowhere with a tub. He quickly started to blow out the tea lights and throw them into the plastic container he was carrying.

“Well you can’t take care of it alone!” I said as I pushed my confusion away and crouched down to try to help him blow out some more candles.

“Well you guys have fun on your own! I’m leaving first!” Myungsoo yelled before running away, laughing loudly.

“Just go, Haneul. I’ll be done very soon and I have my car. You guys walked!” Dongwoo reassured me and I looked at him with gratitude through the rain before running after Myungsoo.

“Yah! Kim Myungsoo! How dare you leave me like that?!” I yelled while sprinting. I quickly grabbed my purse off of the ground and I ran as fast as I could to try to catch up to him.

“Be careful, slowpoke. You might fall!” He called back to me without turning around.

We were running again, and everything was perfect.

*Present time*

Suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted my reminiscing. Kyungmi popped her head in.

“Your groom is ready and waiting,” she said to me with a smile on her face.

“I’ll be right out,” I replied with a small smile. She nodded and then closed the door, leaving me alone once again. I had requested to be left alone for a few minutes before the ceremony started to gather my thoughts. Somehow, the thought gathering turned into reminiscing on some of the happiest moments of my life. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and smoothed out the imaginary creases on my dress. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and nodded at myself.

“You can do this, Haneul,” I said, attempting to motivate myself. I picked up the front of my dress and moved towards the door. I opened the door and made my way over to my father who was waiting to me down the aisle.

“You look beautiful, sweetie.” He complimented me before kissing me lightly on the forehead. “I can’t believe how much you’ve grown up and it’s so hard to let you go.

“Thank you for always being here, Dad. I promise that I’ll always be your little girl,” I told him, tearing up a little bit, just as he did.

“No crying now. You’re about to walk down the aisle. We can’t have black tear trails going down your face now can we?” He said, putting his arm out. I nodded and hastily blinked my tears away as I looped my arm through his. The doors opened and I could hear the motion of everyone standing up and turning towards the door. The bridesmaids started to walk in, with my father and me following afterwards. I turned the corner and I glanced at my groom. My heart fell down to my stomach when my prayers weren’t answered and it wasn’t Kim Myungsoo at the altar, waiting for me, but it was Lee Sungyeol, the boy that had taken me to prom when I was 17 years old. I continued to slowly walk as my mind drifted back to the past once again.

*At 21 years old*

I was running, with my phone clutched in my hand. I had just received a call that I hoped to never receive in my life. Myungsoo was driving through a busy intersection on his way home from work when a car with a drunk driver rammed into the driver’s side. He was immediately taken to the hospital as soon as the ambulance arrived, where a nurse had called me to inform me of the situation.

As soon as I heard that, I dropped everything that I was doing at home and ran. It was late and I knew that the bus had just left and I didn’t have time to wait for another one to come. I tried to flag a taxi down but none of them would stop. So I just decided to run while still attempting to catch a taxi. To my luck, one quickly pulled over and I hopped in, quickly giving him the location of the hospital. Asking him to get there as soon as possible, I couldn’t sit still. I had already called Dongwoo who said that he was also on his way. Finally, we reached the hospital and I pulled out a bunch of crumpled notes from my jacket pocket. I knew that it was way too much, but I dumped it on the passenger seat anyways and quickly exited the taxi, racing inside to the front desk.

“Kim Myungsoo. He was in a car accident,” I blurted out frantically.

“Are you a family member or friend?” She asked me.

“Fiancée,” was my quick reply.

“He’s still in the emergency room. Down the hall to your left,” she said and I sped walked down the hall. I made a left turn and was faced with the doors to the emergency room with chairs lining the hallway outside of it. I quickly started pacing back and forth in the quiet, almost empty hallway when I heard quick footsteps behind me. I turned around and found a breathless Dongwoo standing in front of me.

“Is he still in there?” he asked me, panting heavily, to which I replied with a curt nod. I continued anxiously to pace back and forth while he took a seat.

“Sit down, Haneul. You’re gonna be tired.” I heard him try to coax me into taking a seat beside him. I shook my head and rejected his suggestion.

“I’ll be fine,” I said and continued to pace.

“Sit down and try to calm down a little bit.”

“How do you expect me to be ca-” I started to snap at him, but halfway through my sentence, the door opened and a doctor stepped out into the hallway.

“Kim Myungsoo?” he asked us. Dongwoo stood up and the two of us took a step closer to the doctor.

“I’m his fiancée,” I quickly stated. A forlorn look crossed his face and I could already feel my heart stopping.

“I’m sorry, but we couldn’t save him. He had already lost too much blood by the time he got here...” he continued to talk but I tuned him out. I didn’t want to listen to the details. I couldn’t bring myself to. It hurt too much. My heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe. My eyes lost focus on my surroundings and I slowly sank to the ground as the four words repeated themselves in my mind. ‘We couldn’t save him. We couldn’t save him.’ That meant Myungsoo was gone. The man that I had just spoken to an hour ago. The man that I was supposed to marry in two weeks. The man that I love. He was gone. And he wouldn’t be coming back. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Suddenly, the world around me felt so unknown. I felt so lost and I didn’t know what to do. Who was I without Myungsoo? What was I without Myungsoo? He was all that I had ever known, ever since I was little. He’s become a part of me and that’s something that will never change. He’s the one that helped me learn how to ride a bike and swing on a swing. He’s the one that constantly teased me for getting too addicted to a drama playing on the television. He’s the one that I fell asleep next to every night. He’s the one that I woke up next to every single morning. He’s the one that loved me endlessly. What am I going to do without him? Can’t I just wake up to find that this is a horrible nightmare?

Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt two arms pull me into their body. These arms weren’t the ones that I want to be enclosed in. I pushed Dongwoo away and ran. Tears were streaming down my face but I still ran anyways. I ran down the hallway, through the doors, down the sidewalk and continued running. But it wasn’t the same because there was no one yelling at me to hurry up because I was a slowpoke. There was no one to playfully chase after.

I was running, but I didn’t know where to.

*Present time*

I came back to my senses and found that my father and I had reached the altar. I turned and gave my father a tight hug before ascending the few steps to stand in front of the pastor. He was talking, but I wasn’t paying much attention. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t. It had been 5 years since that night and I am currently 26 years old. Sungyeol and I had run into each other in a supermarket late at night about two and a half years ago, where he offered to catch up and get coffee the next day. I had agreed, thinking it would be nice to catch up with an old friend from high school. After that, we slowly started to reconnect and we often went on more dates. Slowly, I found that I did like him as more than just the friend that I thought he would always be. Feelings surfaced and here we are, poised at the altar, being wedded to each other. Standing here though, I can’t help but let my thoughts drift back to Myungsoo. As selfish as it may sound, I wish that it was him standing next to me, instead of Sungyeol.

‘I’m sorry, Myungsoo,’ I closed my eyes and apologized to him in my head, hoping that he could hear me, wherever he may be. ‘It seems that it’s time for me to realize that I can’t run with you anymore, no matter how hard I wish to.’ With those words, I felt my heart break all over again, but I willed myself not to cry. I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds longer in an attempt to calm myself down.

I opened my eyes just in time to hear the pastor finish speaking. It was time for us to say our vows. Once again, I saw Myungsoo standing in front of me instead of Sungyeol. I felt guilty doing so, but my heart couldn’t help it. I love Sungyeol, I honestly do. He’s been there for me throughout these past two and a half years and I truly do love him, but my love for him isn’t as strong as the love I feel for Myungsoo. As soon as we finished saying what we wanted to say to each other, the pastor spoke once again and we both said “I do.” Those two words changed my life forever. I was now lawfully wedded to Lee Sungyeol. As we kissed, I couldn’t help but imagine for a short second that these were Myungsoo’s lips on mine, kissing me, at our wedding that had never happened. We pulled away and found the guests standing up once again, cheering and clapping.

Flower petals were being thrown around towards the aisle as Sungyeol slipped his hand into mine and helped me down the steps. He tried to playfully run down the aisle and out the doors to the limo that awaited us, but I held him back and kept my pace at a slow walk. I couldn’t run. I wouldn’t run.

I wasn’t running and I refused to run, unless Myungsoo was the one I was running with.