chapter five; 

                 letting go

» jiyong "That was so much fun!" Dara squealed in satisfaction as she threw herself onto the sofa the moment we got home from bowling. Glowering at her even though she does not notice my bad mood at all, I put down her stuff on the kitchen table. Even though she's upbeat and cheerful all the time, I could tell that she was happier than usual today. She definitely had a good time bowling alright, with Kim Jaejoong hovering near her the whole time. Yeah, he was not as beast-like as the other guys on the soccer team, and did not take advantage of Dara in any way. In fact, I could not think of one single good reason for finding fault with Kim Jaejoong, but I just can't bring myself to stop hating this guy. 

"Ji, why are you frowning? Didn't you have a good time as well?" Dara stopped rolling around the sofa when I did not respond, looking at me with her wide puppy eyes. I had to avoid those eyes. Looking at them was pernicious; you'd get in, and don't know where you'd end up. I grunted in a half-hearted response as I walked back towards my bedroom, but Dara stopped me by grabbing the back of my shirt, which was a habit of hers since we were little.

"Dara, let go," I sighed, turning around to face her and her unbelievably innocent eyes.  They seemed to be blaming me for spoiling the moment, and other horrendous things like nuclear wars and poverty on earth. Hell, those eyes could bring a bad villain down to his knees, crying for all the sins he's done. 

"What's wrong, Ji? Why are you upset?" Dara tilted her head to the side, eyes full of concern and worry.

"I'm not upset. I'm just...I had a tiring day at work," I lied, since it was the best excuse I can think of at the moment. It was exhausting at work, but it was a piece of cake comparing to trying not to rage out at everyone during bowling. Even though the other guys on the soccer team respectfully kept their distance away from Dara, which was a safe move on their part, Kim Jaejoong was the one exception, and it pissed me off. And it pissed me off even more when I was stumped at finding a reason to explain my strange behavior. Dara, of course, bought the lie.

"Oh oh oh." She nodded sympathetically, and I inwardly sighed in relief. This was one of the few rare moments that I'm glad she's so naïve. With a thoughtful expression on her face, she said, "Then you should've come home to rest after work then, instead of coming to bowl with me. You should've called me to tell me that, then we could've cancelled our fun day."

"I  couldn't do that. I knew you were looking forward to it," I told her softly, ruffling her hair.  I was like putty in her hands, even though she has no idea. Even I have no idea why I'm like this.

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Ji, I'm your best friend. We tell each other everything, and there's no secrets between us. If you feel tired and don't want to come bowling, I would've understood perfectly! It's not like we can't do it another day." Holding out her hand, she looked at me solemnly. "Promise that you will not hide anything from me in the future. Even if it's a little thing like not wanting to bowl with me and needing to rest."

"I promise." Who still pinky-promises in high school? But I still complied. Dara looked pleased with my answer as she smiled widely at me. I could not help but give her one in retu