Kim Hana can sing.

She can sing, but it doesn’t really mean anything. Because if it did meant something, she would be living in a dorm right now with other beautiful talented singers, and she would be attending music shows and winning awards and attending more music shows and winning more awards.

Except she doesn’t, so it doesn’t really mean anything.

The first time Hana talks to Yong Junhyung, it wasn’t like how she imagined it to be. It probably would never be anything because Hana doesn’t really imagine it. Although they’re all in the same company and she had overheard the other trainees talk about how often they bump into Yoon Doojoon near recording studio B and how polite he really is, Hana doesn't spend even a single minute pondering about it because there’s really only one reaction she'll have―run.

It was one of those really late summer nights.

And it was like Monday blues, except it's on a Saturday, and it's worse than blue. It's like black, like cyclones, like thunderstorms. So it's actually Saturday blacks, to be exact.

Hana decides that her dream to be a singer is really, after all, what it just is― a dream.

A foolish dream that needs her to wake up from instantly because she’s never going to make it up the stage, and any second longer she stays asleep will be another second wasted, and Hana doesn't have any more seconds to waste.

She walked around the building one last time, into the practice rooms, the vocal training rooms, the gym, vending machines, even the long and uncomfortable benches along the corridors. Hana walked into the lift, ready to press the L button to the main hall lobby when she saw another button below it. 

It was warned that they should never step foot into that level because it was like a forbidden place of some sort.

Hana pressed it anyway.

The door opened and she’s met with a long hallway with many different rooms lining up on the left and right and down and left and right and Hana finds herself walking down, stopping at the last room on the left because there was a slight gap between the door, and Hana thinks that this definitely made it to the world’s most lousiest secret places because shouldn’t the doors at least be locked or something?

Hana glanced around, towards the dark walls, towards the gigantic table where papers and pencils and pens are scattered, towards the couch, and towards the plastic transparent wall and a smaller glass door that separates the room into two. She peeks over the wall to the other side and gasps.

She gasps because she had never been to a recording studio before. Because recording studios are for people to record songs into an album for people to buy and listen, and a trainee like her don’t record songs into an album for people to buy and listen, so this was definitely something new. She walked into the confined space and wrapped the gigantic headphones over her head, leaning her face close to the microphone in front.

She wasn’t aware of how long she had been standing there, with her eyes closed and her lips twitching up to form a smile but Hana jumped slightly when she heard a small beep ringing through the headphone, and she bites down on her lips.

“You do know that this place is not open for all.” It was a voice that brings a little irritation, a little frustration, and a little tiredness, if that can even be heard.

Hana peeked through the multiple holes in the microphone towards the other end but all she really see is well, nothing.

“I know.”

“You know, and you're still here because?"

“I just―”

“This is a recording studio, and you barged in here, you should be wanting to sing, right?"

“I―"

“So why aren’t you singing?”

There was a pause before there was a “Because I can’t sing.”

"You can't sing?" She could almost see the amusement in the other's face from his voice.

"I mean, I can sing, but they say I can't."

There was silence, like the other was trying to figure out something and then there was a “Oh I see, so you're the infamous girl everyone talks about."

Kim Hana, that infamous girl, that girl that can really sing. That girl that can really sing but hasn’t debuted yet because they’re always saying that there was something lacking in her singing.

"Laugh all you want."

"It's not funny." And then there was a thoughtful pause. "It's stupid, yes, but it's not funny. I mean, I can sing too, but they told me to rap, because I'm a rapper, so I shouldn't sing."

A rapper, and not just a rapper, but a male rapper.

And holy , because there is only one male rapper in this company.

She dashes out just in time to see him take his sunglasses off, his eyes narrowed as he scans her up and down before furrowing her eyebrows. “For someone that was almost chosen to debut, you look really silly.”

She should be running now, really.

Except.

“For a person who already debuted, you don’t look very good yourself either. That’s worse, right?”

She hears him chuckle.

And Hana decides that it really wasn’t a foolish dream after all.

Kim Hana has a problem.

And it’s not like she’s stubborn to not accept anyone’s help, because she knows it would end up futile and pointless and a complete wastage of time and effort. Because Hana knows that it’s a problem that can only be solved by her, which probably meant that it can’t be solved at all because she doesn't even know what the damn problem is.

"You do know that whenever you're here, I kind of always have a mind block, and I end up writing ty lyrics that I end up throwing away the next day."

He was seated in front of the humongous table, back facing her, scribbling things on the paper.

“You .” And she flings the tissue box towards the other’s head.

Bull’s eye.

Yong Junhyung is annoying, is irritating, is naggy and she thinks that it’s because he finds her annoying, finds her irritating as well. But he still comes in every other night, still complains about how she’s chasing his inspirations away but he still hasn’t chased her out.

There was one of those silent nights filled with peacefulness, serenity and tranquility. Those nights that Junhyung, somehow, decides that he needs to work a little harder and he writes and writes and writes until he drops his head onto the table and he drools, and he snores, and he dreams a little dream.

Hana watches silently from behind, towards his quiet sleeping position, and she thinks that as much as she enjoys the peace she’s finally getting from him, she really prefers that he’s awake and annoying the crap out of her.

Yong Junhyung is a thick-skinned, un-humble, arrogant with a pair of lips too pouty for his own good because he's always saying how a charming person like him should be wasting his life off at clubs and pubs with his arms around women, but he's still here every night scribbling lyrics and saying how Hana is still chasing his inspirations away and scribbling even more lyrics.

And then there was another kind of night when Hana walks into the studio and slumps down onto the floor and frowns. “I don’t even know why,” And she raises her head towards the other, who is still busy scribbling things on the paper. "They make the monthly vocal test a compulsory thing because really, it would be the same for me, and it’s really funny isn’t it.”

The rapper only chucked in return. "Yeah, too bad I can't be there tomorrow to hear your awful singing or I'll really laugh my off." And he turns around, tosses a purple band over to her.

"The sales girl was really persuasive, so I couldn't say no. And besides, I figured it kind of suits you, you know, since it will look silly on you and all."

Hana stares at the tiny golden crisscross that was dangling from it and goes, "Yeah, it looks really silly.”

She wears it around her wrist and doesn't take it off.

The following night she came back with a heavy heart and bites down on her lips and lets out a fake bitter laugh, saying how he should’ve been there because then he would be able to hear the vocal trainer criticize her singing and how everyone had improved except her, and he would find it so funny that he would laugh and laugh and laugh.

Junhyung merely stuffed another piece of meat into and tells her how silly the purple band really looks on her.

Yong Junhyung is stupid, he’s so stupid but somehow, somehow she finds herself coming back for more.

Hana doesn't realize it, until one day it dawns on her like a lightning striking down towards her.

“I don’t know. Hyung says a few months, but I don’t know.”

She usually doesn’t really care, because Junhyung is an idol, and idols go overseas a lot. And Hana shouldn’t be feeling anything when Junhyung tells her that he’s going Japan for their new album promotions, except she did, because this isn’t how overseas promotion should work. Overseas promotion should be a few days affair, a one-time thing, and it’s ridiculous if an overseas promotion stretches any longer than a week.

“If I see something silly, I’ll buy it back for you.”

And Hana figures that there's only so much her heart can bear before it becomes numb, and she'll feel nothing and until then, she would stick Yong Junhyung’s picture onto her teddy bear and punch it every night.

And hugs it to sleep when she’s done.

A few months had passed, and winter arrived. It could’ve been another one-of-those vocal test again, except it wasn’t really one-of-those vocal test, because one-of-those vocal test doesn’t include a certain someone beside the vocal trainer. A certain someone that had all the other trainees screaming with excitement and anticipation because that’s how Yong Junhyung makes people do, because Yong Junhyung is charismatic, because Yong Junhyung is a badass rapper from the popular idol band b2st and because Yong Junhyung is just cool like that.

Hana knows better.

She doesn’t really want him there, really. Because even though she keeps telling him he should really be there, and that he’ll really laugh at how hilarious it will be, she still would pretty much prefer to tell him about it herself, rather than letting him see for himself. Because after all, being criticized isn’t as funny as she makes it to be, it’s shameful, and she doesn’t want him to see all that. She wants him to think that it’s funny, that she doesn’t really give a damn, that she’s strong like that.

But that night, Hana finds herself being dragged down to the basement, and she figures it must really be long since the last time she’d seen him because his hair had grown a few inches longer that she’s starting to wonder if his eyes can really see clearly beneath those dark streaks.

Hana waits as he stood before her, and she waits for him to say something because he looks like he was going to say something except he doesn’t, so she laughs awkwardly and goes “I told you, it’s funny, isn’t it?”

Junhyung merely pulls her into his chest and wraps his arm tightly around her.

“Yeah, it’s really funny.”

Junhyung tells her that there’s always a story behind each song he writes.

He tells her that there’s always a reason why he writes it like that, why it starts like that, why it ends like that.

He tells her that each time he writes, he wishes the singer who decides to sing it will first try to understand the background behind it, because he feels that it’s a form of respect for him as the composer, because he feels that this is the only way for the singer to sing out the song in the best way possible.

Hana thinks and thinks and thinks and she doesn’t say anything. She returns to reading the lyrics sheet on her hand and she reads it even more carefully, even more in depth and she closes her eyes and she feels.

The following month, Hana came back with a victory dance, bragging about how they finally said that there were some improvements in her singing and Junhyung merely tells her to shut it because he’s busy scribbling again.

She doesn’t really care and instead, dances even harder, even sillier.

She finds him laughing with her.

It was the night before Christmas, and Hana wonders why Junhyung is here when he should be away celebrating with his band mates.

It was the first time Junhyung holds her hand and stuffs them into his pocket because he thinks that her silly hand is going to freeze, and idols cannot not have hands. And Hana says that she’s not an idol, but Junhyung just holds her hand a little tighter.

It was the first time Junhyung buys a scarf from the nearby shop and wraps it around Hana’s neck, because he thinks she has a really short neck that should be hidden away from other people. And Hana whines and pouts, but Junhyung just wraps his arm around her and tugs her forward.

It was the first time Junhyung makes a wish under the huge Christmas tree and Hana asks him about the wish and Junhyung tells her that he wishes she’ll continue being so silly, because wishes like that gets fulfilled, and he likes it that wishes get fulfilled.

It was the first time Junhyung kisses Hana, and tells her that he might have bumped his head somewhere and gone bonkers because he really, really likes how silly she is. And Hana wanted to say something but Junhyung had already, for the second time, sealed her lips with his own.

Hana figures that she's wrong to think that everyone who has debuted is beautiful.

Because while she thinks that idols does everything glamorously, Junhyung was there dragging himself in and out and in and out the room every night like an old ahjusshi. 

Because while she feels that all the pictures taken of idols are perfect, somewhere in her wallet lies an ugly picture of Junhyung sleeping with his mouth open.

Because while she thought that idols sweat glitter, she finds herself shrieking when Junhyung hugs her just to purposely let her smell his smelly sweat.

Junhyung is an idol, and he isn’t beautiful. But despite so, Hana still loves Junhyung, because Junhyung is beautiful in his own special ways.

He’s beautiful in his perseverance in writing songs every single night without fail.

He's beautiful in his patience to never stop trying when he doesn’t write good songs.

He’s beautiful in his courage because he doesn't get beaten down despite the many rejections thrown to him.

Hana thinks that she must've saved many countries in her past life to deserve someone as beautiful as that.

And she thinks that maybe, just maybe, she might really be silly after all. Because un-silly people wouldn’t like a person like Yong Junhyung, if they knew how annoying he really is. Un-silly people would probably treat him like a virus, like a disease.

Hana treats him like a virus and disease too.

But while that is true, Junhyung is also her cure and her remedy.

Because while Junhyung is always telling her how noisy and silly she always acts, he still hugs her every night when she steps into the room and tells her how much he misses her silliness.

A year had passed.

And one particular night, someone was skipping down the hallway, jumping and laughing and jumping and laughing and waving the piece of paper as she jumps and laughs and skips into the last room on the left.

"I'M GOING TO DEBUT!" Hana squeals and shakes Junhyung violently and dances her ridiculous victory dance again.

The rapper merely pulls her down onto his lap, furrowed his eyebrows in irritation towards her.

"You do know that whenever you're here, I kind of always have a mind block, and I end up writing ty lyrics that I end up throwing away the next day."

And Hana opens to say something, except she couldn't because there was another pair of lips pressed up against hers.

And Hana figured that maybe, maybe she could get used to this.