As if my life wasn’t annoying enough already, I am practically trapped in my room for a week all because I ended falling asleep on a goddamn park bench. At least they didn’t take my phone away and I can still text Sohyun.

As for Changjo… he and I haven’t really talked much, I mostly just get one word replies, but I still wonder what is going to happen to us. I know I shouldn’t be letting him back in again. I shouldn’t be remembering all of the things that make him a great person.

I do wish that Changjo and I would still fool around like we used to, but right now it’s more like we’re just distant friends. When we talk it’s usually meaningless and it only drives us further apart. Right now it almost feels like we’re strangers again.

But Sohyun, Sohyun’s a different story.Our relationship is at an all time high and I’m really in love. Like I would die for her. Seriously.

Although I wouldn’t have with her. Yet. I just wish my parents understood that. They haven’t asked me anymore about what happened, but they’re definitely not as pissed now as they were at first.

However, as someone who isn’t grounded very often, this feels like torture. I haven’t gone out and done anything fun in five days. I just want Saturday to roll around so my punishment can be over.

But as for today, Friday, I decide to take the long way home from school, just because I know the second I walk the my front door I’ll be faced with endless boredom, and I’d rather put that off as long as I can.

I walk home in the brisk fall afternoon air, quite cheery actually. Even though it recently rained, the weather is somehow putting me in a good mood. Despite all the crap that’s been happening to me lately, I don’t feel all that down. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect lately and I think that it might be best if Changjo and I just drift apart, no clean break. Because I’d rather we fall apart brick by brick than have to be the one to tear the wall down with a bulldozer.

So here I am now. Walking, thinking to myself. Realizing that it’s been about a week since I rejected Sohyun’s offer of “happy time” and she hasn’t left me yet. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. I mean I really don’t deserve her. I’m not worth it. All I’ve done is hurt her and she doesn’t even know it.

Here I go again. Picking apart every little thing that I’ve done wrong. It’s when I get like this that I end up wanting to just cut all of my relationships. I still think that would be the most right thing to do but… I really don’t want to.

I walk by a group a bushes when something jumps out of them and tackles me to the sidewalk. We crash into a rather deep puddle, sending mud flying everywhere. My back feels like it is already bruising from the impact. I try to shriek but my sounds are muffled by a hand that is tightly gripped around my mouth. I can’t shake loose of the attacker, I’m pinned to the ground. I’m terrified. The only way I can see this ending is with me begin murdered.

I trash and roll around under his grip, I’m presuming it’s a man, but his frame is actually somewhat petite. A little more slender and taller than me.

I reach up and try to hit against his chest but he uses his right knee to pin my arm down. He then uses his right hand to punch me across them face. I try to scream out in pain but his left hand quickly regains it’s latch on my mouth.

His knee is putting a ton of pressure on my arm, too. He has to be putting all of his weight on it because it feels like it’s about to break.

All this time I’m not able to get a good look at his face, mostly because I’m too terrified to know who it is and partially because he’s wearing an oversized hood that’s masking his face in a shadow.

He picks me up slightly and throws me back into the puddle, the back of my head bashing off the ground. Now my senses are a little dazed and I don’t have time to react when he starts sending a flurry of punches into my face. He then stands up off of me and begins kicking me. I roll onto my side and curl into a ball, further soaking myself in the dirty, stagnant water as he continues to bash his foot into my back.

I want to yell for help so badly but I’m stricken with fear. I can’t move. I can’t do anything. I really am a coward. And I’m paying for it now because it feels like my whole body’s on fire. He begins to punch my face again, but only lands a few hits before I hear another set of footsteps rushing up behind me.

“Hey!” A voice yells.

The attacker swerves around my body and sprints down the street. That is the fastest I’ve ever seen anyone run.

“What happened!? Are you okay?” I hear someone call, I think the person is trying to shake my body, but I’m in a strange middle ground of shock and unconsciousness. I don’t have a concussion, but I’m quite close. I don’t want to move because my body is covered in bruises. Instead of begging for more answers my savior lifts me up off of the ground. He is obviously a man. He bulging muscles tightening around me and I sink into his sculpted chest.

He rushes to what I presume would be his house and takes me upstairs and sits me down in the shower. This is when I’m able to take in his features. “Ch-Changjo?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

He crawls next to me and asks worriedly, “Oh my God hyung, are you okay!? Who did that to you?”

“I-I don’t know.” I honestly don’t. Tears begin to well up in my eyes. I’m so ing scared, I feel like a baby.

“No, hyung, don’t cry. It’s okay. I’ll clean you up, okay?” He says softly, running his hand across my cheek,

I’m too out of it to fully gather what he meant by ‘clean me up’, but I quickly find out when he begins to hesitantly and almost reluctantly take off my jacket.

“A-are you okay with this hyung?” He asks, visibly nervous and almost scared.

“Hm? O-oh yeah…” My voice trails off.

He pulls me away from the wall of the shower and lifts my soaked shirt up over my head. He then takes my shoes and socks off. Now all that’s left… pants.

“I-I’m sorry hyung, I-I can’t do this…” He stands up out of the shower.

“No Changjo, it’s okay, d-don’t worry about it.” I say. I try to reach up for him but i’m too weak to get my arm more than a foot off of the floor.

And Changjo must notice it, “But hyung, you’re so weak, and you’re soaking wet, you’re gonna get sick.” After a pause he says, “I’ll be right back.”

I’m unable to protest even though he goes out of the room rather slowly, my muffled screams wreaked havoc on my voice. I hear him dialing a number on his phone, he says, “Hey hyung, I need help. Ricky hyung was almost mugged and he’s all beaten up and drenched. No! Not with blood! He fell in a puddle. Yes, I can’t do it… It’s too much. Okay, thank you.”

He comes back into the bathroom and sits next to me. “One of my old friends is gonna come help you get cleaned up, okay?”

I’m a little alarmed at the suggestion of someone else helping me shower. “Who?” I ask, trying to mask the fear in my voice.”

“His name’s Byunghun, I think you met him before.”

“Oh yeah I have, he’s nice enough.” I try not to bring up the fact that he was with Changjo before I was.

“Yeah… He is.” Changjo says with a smirk on his face. “Here,” he pulls me away from the shower wall again, “let me look at you.” He scans my back, which is covered in black and blue and is extremely sore and tender. He runs his fingers slowly down my spine. “Your back is pretty bad…” He comes around and looks at my arm, it’s bruised and sore, but not broken. I notice that he keeps staring at my marks, not with a concerned or loving look on his face, either. It almost looks like he’s getting a rush from seeing my bruises.

“Changjo, are you okay?”

Huh? Uh y-yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He says nervously.

I simply shrug, sending a shock of pain up my spine.

Byunghun comes rushing through the bathroom door, closing it behind him. “Hey guys, I tried to get here as fast as I could!” He runs over to me, analyzing the damage done to my body. “Damn he got you good didn’t he?”

Changjo nods, “I think he wanted to mug him.”

“Well if I ever catch that bastard, I’ll be sure to beat him up for you, okay.” Byunghun says with a smile

I have to laugh at the thought of him beating anyone up. “I don’t think either of us would be able to take him.”

“Probably not… But I’ll still try.” He shoots me a friendly wink. “Alright, let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

“O-okay.”

Changjo steps out of the shower and watches closely as Byunghun begins to undress me. As he pulls of my boxers I feel a blush rise to my face and Changjo still keeps watch.

Byunghun notices Changjo’s intense stare, “don’t worry I’m not gonna mess with your boy toy.”

Changjo seems to relax quite a bit, letting Byunghun continue. He helps me stand up and he turns on the water. I’m still so freaking embarrassed about being in front of Changjo. This is definitely not how I want him to see me . “Aren’t you worried about getting wet, Byunghun?”

“Hm? Oh no, I’m not the one that looks like a peach that got run over by a truck in the middle of a mudslide.”

He was right though, mud is caked all over my body, and I obviously didn’t make it out of that encounter unscathed. He begins to wash my hair as he asks, “who would do this to you?”

“I-I have no clue. If I’m honest my first thought was Minsoo hyung, but he wasn’t tall or muscular enough.” Changjo looks hurt that I almost thought Minsoo attacked me. “Sorry Changjo it’s just, your brother isn’t exactly happy with me right now.”

“Yeah…” Changjo’s gaze shifts to the floor, “yeah I know.”

There is a sort of awkward silence stagnating the room for awhile. Well it is silent until my legs give out on my and I fall on the shower floor.

“Hyung!” Changjo rushes over, “a-are you okay?” He looks absolutely panicked.

Byunghun stands me back up and I say with a reassuring smile, “Yeah Changjo, just a little weak.”

“Okay…” His voice trails off as his gaze yet again shifts to the floor. Byunghun begins to wash my face, which I get through without wincing too much, but when he gets to my torso, I whimper even though he’s being very careful with the tender spots.

Changjo says with a shaky voice, “I’m uh… I’m gonna go do some homework, just come downstairs when you’re done, okay?” He leaves the room before receiving an answer.

After a while of silence between Byunghun and I, I speak up. “So uh, why do you think Changjo had you come over?” I say, trying to make sense of why Changjo would force me through more embarrassment.

“Well I could say it’s because he doesn’t think he could control himself being in the shower with you,” he smirks, “But,” He becomes serious, “You’ll have to ask Changjo, it’s not my place to say anything…”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you need to ask Changjo. To be honest there is a legit reason he didn’t want to shower you himself, and why he left when you whimpered, but that’s something he needs to work up the courage to tell you himself. Just give him some time, okay?”

“Okay?” I’m absolutely baffled. The hell is he even talking about!?

“Alright, I think we’re about done. Lemme go grab some of Changjo’s clothes, kay? Go ahead and dry off.” Byunghun leaves the room.

I walk out of the shower slowly, trying not to stretch out any of the bruised skin or lose my balance. I weakly grab a towel from the rack and dry myself off. I nearly flop to the floor trying to dry my legs, but I manage.

Byunghun comes back in and hands me some clothes. “Alright I gotta go, but see you around, kay?”

“I’m surprised you’re even talking to me.” I say before he leaves the room.

“Why?”

“Because of Minsoo…”

“Ricky, just because Minsoo’s... well I guess the ‘leader’ of our group, doesn’t mean he has any control over me, I do what I want.” He says with a wink as he leaves again.

The small declaration of defiance made me smile, it almost warmed my heart.

He rushes back into the room, “Oh and by the way, if you ever need to talk just call me.” He grabs a piece of paper and a pen from a desk in the hall and scribbles his number.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He turns and leaves for the final time.

I turn to the mirror to finally investigate my injuries for myself. A nice scrape all along my right cheek, a bruise along my jaw, a huge almost perfectly circular mark on my arm, and down by back is an intense swirling pattern of bruises, scrapes, and shallow cuts. My skin feels quite tight and it’s pretty hard to turn or do anything that’d move my skin. I still feel a little weak too, though not as bad.

I start putting on the outfit that byunghun put together for me, and it’s actually just my style. A v-neck sweater and some black skinny jeans, of course it’s a little bit big for me because it’s Changjo’s, but that just makes it better.

Wait, dammit I have to stop thinking about him like that.

I start walking down the stairs and Changjo runs up after me, guiding me down so I don’t fall.

“Okay, Changjo, I’m not helpless,” I say, not exactly gratefully, as we reach the bottom of the steps.

“Sorry, I’m just worried.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine. He didn’t get away with anything.”

“How are you not freaking out, though! He could’ve ing killed you!” He says exasperatedly.

“But he didn’t! And why would it even matter to you? Why do I matter so damn much, Changjo!?” I yell.

“Because, hyung, I love you.” He says, eyeing his feet.

“Well if you love me then why are you hiding some big secret from me?” I say in an unnecessarily mocking tone.

“I don’t know but it keeps coming up. A while ago Minsoo said that there was something that made you lose a lot of friends, and now Byunghun says there is a reason why you didn’t want to shower me, and why you left when I whined. Why, Changjo?” I walk to him and grab his hands. “What is it?”

I see tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I didn’t- I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“Know what?”

He pulls me over to the couch and we sit next to each other, I still keep a firm grip on his hands.

“Okay…” He starts shakily, trying with all his might to keep the tears back, but he fails, one begins to fall and he quickly wipes it away. “The reason why my mom and Dad aren’t together. And the reason why I’m so messed up I guess…” Messed up? I didn’t know he was ‘messed up’. “Well… I really don’t want to say it.” His voice breaks and he begins crying.

I hold him close and he wraps his arms around me. I try not to wince from his force against my bruises. I feed him words of comfort, even though I’m still lost. “Shh… it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here.”

After some time he pulls away, his face now stained with tears. “Um… I need you to promise me something.”

“What, Changjo?”

“That after I tell you, you won’t leave me.” His voice breaks again and he chokes out, “After I tell you you won’t think I’m disgusting.”

“No, Changjo, no. I could never think that, you’re amazing.” I say, wrapping him in another embrace.

“Well it’s not exactly pretty…”

“Most secrets aren’t,” I say, more to myself than him.

“Well um…” He huffs, “Oh God I can’t believe I’m gonna tell you this… My father he um, for he years he. Well until Minsoo found out… He did things to me…”

“What things Changjo?”

He dives into me, causing me to writhe in pain but I try not to let him notice. He yells into my shoulder between sobs, “He molested me, Hyung! He molested me.”

What?

He… What?

He couldn’t have…

“Oh my God Changjo, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. Please don’t cry it’s okay.”

“No it’s not, it’s my fault. I could have said something, I could’ve stopped it. He said that I never did anything because I wanted it, because I liked it. But I didn’t Ricky I hated it, I feel like I’m worthless. A disgusting piece of trash!”

“No you’re not Changjo! It wasn’t your fault. You’re beautiful!” I start crying too, so overwhelmed… I’m just utterly shocked. “Please stop crying it’s ok, I’m not going to leave. I’m never going to leave, okay?”

“Please don’t, hyung, please…” He says as his wails become louder and more uncontrolled.