Saturday rolls around fast and I’m extremely nervous about my date tonight. But I calm down when Sohyun finally responds to the text I sent her last night.

"I can’t wait to be with you, Ricky!"

I can’t shake these nerves off and I need help with my plan. I go to the only place I think I’m welcome anymore, the cafe.

As I make my way down the street, the afternoon sun actually making the fall feel warm for once, I notice that Niel is there! Only problem, so is Minsoo. I try to take a few steps further, but I’m frozen in my tracks when Minsoo shoots me a glare and stands up out of his seat. I bolt back to my house, not wanting to get into any fights.

What am I gonna do? It can’t just be a walk what kind of freaking date is that? That’s when the lightbulb went off. No seriously, the light on our porch was left on all night and it just blew. I think I jumped ten feet in the air. But then I got an idea. There are going to be fireworks a little ways out of town tonight by a lake. A lakeside picnic under fireworks! Perfect!

I keep waiting around for 7:00, hoping that the time will fly just a little faster. At about 5:30 I’m all showered and ready to go. I’m wearing a white long sleeved sweater and some black jeans, and I’m going to put on some black converse before I walk out the door. My mom helps me pack up all the food and things that I’ll need. All the while she keeps giving me mini pep talks “Oh it’s going to be so fun!” “You know, your dad took me out on a picnic for our first date!” “Oh my baby’s growing up so fast!”

I’m lucky I make it out of the house alive, considering all of the kisses I’m smothered with.

Anyway I start down the sidewalk to the bus stop. And of course my luck I run into Minsoo, on his way home from Niel’s.

“So what, first you turn my brother into a mess and then you try to butter up MY best friend!?” He asks threateningly, grabbing my shirt and nearly lifting me off of the sidewalk.

I push him off of me, trying to stand up for myself for once. “No Minsoo, I’m not. Niel is just the only person that’s actually giving a damn about me right now, and for your information, Changjo started this not me!”

He rolls his eyes and lets out a growl, “You know what’s wrong with you!? You always play innocent and push the blame on everyone else. You know what you are, Ricky? Greedy.”

I huff, “Me!? Greedy!? Says the guy that tried to get in Sulli’s pants the second he met her!”

“Maybe but at least I’m honest about it!” He retorts smartly.

“Oh give a rest hyung, this isn’t your problem.” Changjo bites from behind me.

“Changjo…” I say in quiet awe.

“No, it is! He made it my problem when he chose that over you!”

Sohyun? MY Sohyun? A ? AWW HELL NAW “ YOU MINSOO!” I yell bravely.

“Oh trying this again, are we?” He says sarcastically.

I let out what I guess could be best described as a battle cry and tackle Minsoo. Well attempt to, but I bounce off and land on my . Minsoo begins laughing and Changjo helps me stand on my feet.

“You know, you need to quit thinking you’re tough , bud. You’re not,” Minsoo states simply.

“Minsoo! That is enough!” Changjo says angrily.

“Jonghyun, be quiet. I’m tired of this freak.” Minsoo says demeaningly.

“Don’t. Talk. To me. Like I’m an idiot.” Changjo says warningly, his nostrils flared and his face serious. Minsoo gets an almost alarmed look across his face. And I soon find out why. Changjo runs to Minsoo, jumps, and punches him across the face. They fall to the ground and start wrestling with each other. Well, Changjo’s wrestling, Minsoo’s trying to escape..

Utterly shocked by the scene that just unfolded in front of me I walk, no, sprint to the bus stop, praying it gets here quickly.

Thankfully, it does, and I get on, heavily shaken by the event. It was… weird. I’ve never seen Changjo so aggressive. I mean he can be quite touchy sometimes, but never violent.

I try to brush those thoughts out of my mind and the bus stops at my destination, just a short walk away from Sohyun’s. That’s when I realize I’m half an hour early. I hope she doesn’t mind.

I walk up her front steps and ring the bell. No response.

I ring again. Nothing.

I decide to text her. No response.

I call. Nothing.

I resort to pounding on the door, my emotions still a bit high from Changjo and Minsoo’s… altercation.

I finally get a response, from her father. Who did not look at all too happy to see me. He is about to make a smart remark to me when Sohyun sneaks around him sheepishly and pulls me down the stairs and runs away from her house. I hear him yelling out behind us, although I can’t make out what he’s saying.

“What was all that about?” I ask, baffled.

“Uh… nothing, my dad’s just weird.”

“O...kay?” I say.

“What are you holding?” Sohyun asks in an attempt to change the subject.

“Oh uh… A picnic basket.” I say shyly.

“Oh really?” She says coyly.

“Yeah, and I have another surprise planned so when I tell you, put this on.” I say as I hand her a scarf folded into a blindfold shape.

“Alright.” She says calmly.

We get to the bus stop and I tell her to put the blindfold on once we’re on the bus.

Once we’re outside of town it’s already dark and I guide her slowly into a field, careful not to let her trip. It’s about a twenty minute walk but we finally make it. I tell her to stand still as I lay out the picnic blanket and all of the food. I then turn on the four electric lanterns and walk over to Sohyun, taking off her blindfold.

“Wow Ricky! This is amazing!” She says in a mixture of joy and awe.

I smile at her as I guide her to the blanket and we both sit down.

I’m dishing out her food when she begins, “Thank you, Ricky.”

I chuckle slightly at her cuteness, “For what?”

“For… everything. I just… I love you.” She leans in close to me laces her arms around my neck. I cup her face in my hands and close my eyes. Our lips connect and fireworks go off in our hearts. And in the night sky as well, only highlighting the sensations we are feeling. We come up for air and look up at the night sky, now ablaze with bursts of color.

Sohyun looks back at me with lust in her eyes. The same lust Changjo had that night…
She pushes the food out of the way a starts making out with me again, pulling me over her as she lays down on the blanket. We kiss for awhile before she decides to continue taking the initiative and makes her way down to my neck. Although I’m absolutely enjoying the feeling, I think I should be the one doing this to her.

I pull away just enough for her lips to lose their grip and I latch onto her neck, marking her like I did Changjo. We continue like this for awhile, switching between neck and lips and switching between positions, before I hear her stomach growl.

I pull away and begin to laugh hysterically as she just looks at me with an angry look on her face.

“Hungry?” I ask, still snickering.

“...yes,” she says cutely.

I resume my task of dishing out food, fireworks still glowing brightly in the background. We begin eating the variety of foods, mandu, ddeokbeokki, and kimbap. Sohyun throws in the occasional comment on the food’s deliciousness as we do our usual lovey-dovey talk about topics that don’t really matter but we find infinitely interesting.

With our food eaten and our stomachs full we lay down on the blanket and continue talking while watching the fireworks for hours, exchanging the odd kiss here and there.

Time moves quickly and the fireworks display ceases at 10, so we decide to leave then.

As we are walking to the bus stop Sohyun begins to cling onto my arm. “That was… perfect.” She says and she shoots me a bright, contented smile.

“It was.” I reply. I lean down and give her a long kiss. As I begin to pull away she pulls me back. We begin to French kiss and of course I win the battle for dominance. Well, she kind of let me win, but still…

I grab her waist and pull her against my body. We begin grinding into each other. Sohyun begins to speak, “Ricky?”

“What?”

Sohyun states in a soft, needy voice, “I’m… ready.”

Those words… Two words. All I have to say is me too.

But I can’t.

I won’t

I can’t do it with Sohyun until I figure out who I am. And I’m not sure that I’d be ready anyway.

I say reluctantly, hesitantly, “I’m not. I’m sorry.”

Instead of her face showing disappointment, it shows worry. “Oh no, yeobo, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything I just-”

I begin to laugh, “no noona, it’s okay. I will be ready one day, just not today.”

She smiles, “well I’ll wait happily for that day.”

We talk for all along the bus ride to Sohyun’s house and she nearly falls asleep on me twice. Once we get to the bus stop near her house, she doesn’t let me walk her home.

“Why, Sohyun?”

“Because it’s late, we’re both tired, let’s just call it a night okay?” She gives me a peck on the nose, “Love ya.” She then walks off of the bus and leaves me there, alone.

“Love you too.” I say dejectedly to myself.

By the time I make it to my bus stop I’m nearly falling asleep too. I begin to walk down the sidewalk to my house when I think aloud,“Damn, kissing takes a lot out of a person.”

“Oh really?” Changjo asks from behind me.

I jump, startled. Changjo laughs at me. “Oh, Changjo,” I say, “H-hey.”

“Hey hyung.” He says softly.

We walk for awhile in an awkward silence. Not saying anything, not changing our pace, just walking. When I turn to go up my porch steps Changjo grabs my hand. Instead of fighting him, I let him lead me to wherever he plans on taking me.

I follow him to a little park that is a good distance from our neighborhood. We sit down on a bench that is aglow under the moonlight and continue our routine of not talking.

“I’m sorry, Changjo. I’m sorry for everything I said. I’m sorry that I kissed you. I’m sorry that I didn’t choose you. I-” My speech is interrupted by Changjo bashing his lips into mine, roughly and needily. He begins to cry and his tears rush onto my face. I taste the salt in between our kisses.

I understand now. No matter what I do I will always be hurting Changjo. He’s in love with me. And I’m not sure if I love him or not.

I’m so sick of this back and forth, I just want it all to end. I wish I could just choose. I wish it was that easy, but it isn’t.

I thought I had finally picked Sohyun but here’s Changjo, dragging me back in again.

He stops kissing me, but still stays that close to my face. With his lips brushing against mine he says, “I love you. I always will.”

I hesitate with a response, instead of waiting for his heart to get broken Changjo kisses me again. He leans forward, pressing my back against the bench.

I push him away and say, “Changjo I-”

He stands up. “No! No. Don’t say what you’re about to say. I won’t believe it. I won’t.”

Changjo runs back to his house, tears flying from his eyes.

My world is shattered. I thought I could get out of this mess but now I’m in it even deeper. I begin to sob.

The tears just flow, all the built up stress finally escaping my body.

I feel freed, relaxed. I lay down on the bench a lull into a deep sleep.

I check my phone when I wake up, it’s two thirty.

If my parents are still up they’re gonna kill me.

I make the long trek back to my house and try to sneak in through my front door. I think I’m successful and I start for the steps when the kitchen light flicks on.

“Where in the hell have you been?” My father asks demandingly.

“I um… Fell asleep in the park.”

“I’m sorry? You fell asleep? What, too tired too come home after doing your girlfriend?” He asks sternly.

“No Dad it’s not like that! Sohyun wouldn’t even let me walk her home. We didn’t do anything like that, God!”

“Well your mother is worried sick! I suggest you get your upstairs and in bed before I drag it up there myself!” He warns.

“Fine” I huff.

As I make my way up the steps he calls up at me, “Oh and by the way, you’re grounded.”

Dammit.

“For a week.”

Are you ing kidding me?

A/N: This is bad... This is really bad... 

I promise I'll make it up to you soon but wow... this is my worst chapter yet.

I know my pacing is going out of whack, my first few chapters just had stuff happening all the time, but lately it's all been filler. Don't worry, things will pick back upp soon! Just be patient with me! :D