The day where Sungyeol got to see my inner life was the following day – and it wasn't even intended.

You see, I really disliked it when people intruded my privacy, even if it was just a mundane thing, and I never really talked about home. Not even once. When people asked about my parents (which happened really seldom, fortunately), I would always reply with, "same old, same old," and they would nod, although they wouldn't understand a single thing. And it'd be also fine with me, because I satisfied them with shallow words without actually telling that my parents weren't home for two years. That was also the reason why only selected persons – like Sunggyu – visited me at home.

But sometimes, people could be really perceptive. Like Kibum or Jinwoon, both close classmates and friends of mine. I couldn't blame them – they were close with me, after all, so they wanted to know why I was gloomy or dreamy most of the time. Jinwoon, being the smart guy he had always been, suspected that there was something going on with my family, so there were occasions where they asked me about that. And of course, I couldn't just reply with, "same old, same old," because they were my best friends (almost). So they tried it in a different way.

"Woohyun-ah!" Kibum said in his bright voice on that day. "Woohyun-ah, let's go drinking today. Hm?"

That was the other way – drinking. They both believed that I would be more joyful and cheerful, or would tell them my problems, like other people do when they're drunk. Sometimes I just laughed to comfort them, and it even worked.

"Drinking?" I asked and thought about it. It wasn't like I was the babysitter of Sungyeol – he was younger than me, but not a baby, after all – so I could still hang out with my friends. Even if I just acted like everything was alright, I liked it when they were laughing. They should always smile, and be the sunshine for a while, not as cloudy as I was.

"Yes! Jinwoon comes, too, so it'd be fun, the three of us. Hm? We haven't drunk for a while, so it would be a good opportunity," he replied and leaned forward. "I heard what happened yesterday. I can't believe you rejected her! She's a wonderful woman!" If I disliked something about Kibum, it was the fact that he actually cared about gossip. I would never understand why.

"Please, Kibum-ah, I can't give her the feelings she has for me. It's better for her."

"Ah, don't be so flowery now! It works with her, but it doesn't work with me. So-" his voice became a whisper – "is there someone else you have in mind right now?"

I didn't reply, simply because the question was annoying. If I would tell anybody that I had a crush, it would be Kibum, and he knew that.

"Tonight at eight p.m.?" I asked instead.

"Sounds good!" He smiled. "I know that you're avoiding my question. But you'll tell me anyways. And if it isn't me, it'll be Jinwoon." He chuckled and went back to his place.

I didn't realize that I was smiling all the time until the teacher asked angrily, "Nam Woohyun, do I tell something funny right now? Why do you smile like an idiot?" I obeyed him in an instant, but was still inwardly smiling. Yes, sometimes I was happy that I had Kibum and Jinwoon – or friends at all. Soon, I received a message from Kibum.

Now you tell me that you don't have a crush.

I chuckled again.

Kibum was perceptive – but I somehow liked that about him.

-

"I'm going to drink with my friends today," I told Sungyeol at dinner. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Have fun," he replied.

"If there's something you need, call me. Or write a text."

He chuckled. "I'll be fine." He paused. "I hope you'll be fine, too."

"I'm not drinking a lot, so I'll be fine."

"Fine, then."

Silence enveloped between us, and I almost wanted to ask him how his day was – since he seemed to be in a rather gloomy mood – but then, he stood up, thanked for the meal, and went to the bathroom to wash his hands and mouth.

I guess we're both lonely souls, even though we're surrounded by the crowd, aren't we, Woohyun-hyung?

-

The pub had a sticky air, as usual, and there were many people, as usual, and it was so loud that I couldn't hear Jinwoon and Kibum talking, as usual. And I thought of my parents. As usual.

It was interesting – people drank because they wanted to forget the grief. But in the end, they remember it more and more, with every drop of alcohol they drink. Instead, they forget their manners, and attack the persons they treasure.

"Cheers for the fact that we look like nineteen even though we're seventeen!" Jinwoon cheered and we joined in. Jung Jinwoon was a tall guy – probably taller than Sungyeol – and had nice features. His voice was deep, and he loved to sing. I wondered if he would leave class, like Howon, in order to become an idol.

Once upon a time there was a boy with a passion to sing-

"You shouldn't say that out loud," Kibum said, "we might get kicked out." But he said it in an ironic manner; he clearly was drunk.

"Who the cares even!" Jinwoon replied; he was drunk as well. His eyes already had the spark of alcohol. "Do you, Woohyun-ah?"

"Of course not," I replied and grinned widely (the grin really hurt).

"See!" he laughed widely and Kibum joined in. They cheered again and drank their drink in less than ten seconds. It was probably their fifth or sixth drink, I wasn't really sure. As for me, it was the second drink. I always drank two drinks and not more. Never more.

I hated my behavior even after two drinks, so I really didn't want to know how it developed with the third.

Time passed, and Jinwoon and Kibum started behaving weirder and weirder, like drunks. I looked at them and tried to laugh with them, or to smile at least, but it didn't work. It seemed harder for me every time I faked one smile, when I actually wanted to go home and to take a shower. My friends didn't care at all, so when I left, they didn't notice it. Jinwoon shouted even, "Yah, Woohyun-ah, you finally opened up, right?" – I could even hear it from the outside – and they laughed loudly. It was only a matter of time until they found out.

And when they did, I would already be home, and they wouldn't remember a thing the next day.

-

I came home, my head thumping harder than usual, and only saw with the corner of my eye how Sungyeol stood up and came straight to me.

"Woohyun-hyung, you alright?" he asked.

"Hmm," I replied. Of course I was lying. Of course I wasn't alright. I never was. I went straight to the bathroom.

"Don't do something stupid," Sungyeol said.

"Hmm."

The sound of rapidly falling water drops was heavy, strong, and vivid. It sounded like rain, only much, much heavier. People thought the sound of rain was blissful, but for me, it wasn't. It was annoying and too heavy for me.

The sound of rain was the only thing I heard when my mum and my dad left. The dark clouds in the sky were the only thing I saw when I looked outside. It swallowed my parents, just like that.

The sound of rain would never be blissful in my ears.

Once upon a time there was a boy who was abandoned by his parents, just like that, but he wanted to tell them so bad-

Chills ran down my spine. Soon, my whole body shivered. It wasn't because of the (actually cold) water, it was because I could barely hold my tears now.

But he wanted to tell them so badly-

I sat down on the cold floor. Tears ran coldly on my face, and my arms were tightly around my legs.

We're both lonely souls.

I hated it; I hated it from the deepest on my heart. I hated my tears. I hated myself for being so utterly weak, I hated myself for sitting on the bathroom floor, just like that, while water streamed endlessly on me. I hated myself for drinking illegally; I hated myself for showing my weaknesses to Sungyeol.

I hated myself for being me.

I remained in this position for a good while. I sat there so long until Sungyeol – who else could it be – knocked on the door.

"Woohyun-hyung?" I heard his voice faintly.

"Hmmm," I said, and stood up. I didn't want to make Sungyeol worry – I probably did already – so I stepped out of the shower cabin, and wrapped a towel around my limbs. My hair was soaking, but I didn't care. It was hot in the bathroom, and there was steam everywhere.

"Woohyun-hyung? You alright?" he asked again.

"I'm not," I whispered with a rough voice. I didn't want to talk about it, and yet I said something that would only cause more and more questions.

Stupid Woohyun. Stupid Nam Woohyun; when will you ever become smart? a mocking voice said inside me. And I didn't reply, because it was so right.

I pulled a tee on (I didn't care which color or form it had), and some pants, before I went to the kitchen to drink some water. I knew Sungyeol was watching me, but I didn't care.

The headache still was strong.

"Your brother called," he told me. "Nam Boohyun. I told him you would call him later." He paused. "You will, right?"

I didn't want to, but it was the second time he called – first yesterday and now. "Fine." I took my phone and started searching for the contact Nam Boohyun.

"Hold on," Sungyeol said. "You've drunken a lot. Are you sure you want to call right now? You can call him tomorrow again, you know. It's already late; he is probably sleeping now. You should go sleep, now, too. I mean, you have school tomorrow and-"

The way he said it sounded so motherly, and paired with his voice, it made me explode.

"Why do you care!?" I shouted at him angrily. "Are you my mom? My dad? You aren't, I can do whatever I want; so shut the up!"

Sungyeol looked at me, first with a rather surprised expression, and then he nodded in acknowledgement. He probably saw the alcohol sparkling in my eyes right now. He was open for things like these; he noticed, he sensed, he felt. I didn't.

All I cared for was myself. Selfish Nam Woohyun.

Fortunately, I didn't drink as much as Jinwoon or Kibum did, so I realized soon that I actually yelled at the person who genuinely wanted to help me.

"I'm- I'm sorry," I said to Sungyeol.

"For what?"

"That I yelled at you, even though you wanted to help me-"

"It's fine," he interrupted, and he didn't sound warm at all. He sounded cold, and distant. It reminded me of my parents who got swallowed by the rain, two years ago.

"It's fine," he repeated, and cleared his throat. "I clearly intruded your privacy. Of course you can do whatever you want; I'm in no position to tell you what you should do or not. I should actually be sorry."

"No! You did nothing wrong!"

He chuckled; it sounded so cold in my ears. I wanted to tell him so bad that he shouldn't be like that, but the words didn't want to come out of my mouth.

"I'm going to rest now. Good night, Woohyun-hyung." He stood up and went away. I stood there, with my phone in the hand – which still was at the contact Nam Boohyun – and tears streamed down my face again.

I've always thought that I wouldn't be like other drunks – forgetting all kinds of manners and hurting the ones they treasure – but apparently, I was.

I was even worse than them.

a/n:

I'm sorry if the whole alcohol thing sounded a bit shallow, or even wrong. I have – thank God – no alcohol experience, and the things mentioned here are a mere compilation of the things I heard, read, or saw.

I'd like to say that you should be careful with alcohol, not only because of others, but also because of your health.

(btw, I finished SUFBB. Really good ending, I'd like to remark.)

have a nice day, heartsparks