Looking again at my old high school year book, I opened that book again. 4 years ago… I graduated from this school. And it’s been more than 2 years since I opened this year book again. I saw the picture of myself… I was still young at that time. Then I looked at the next pages until almost the end… I looked at ‘My Sunbae’ pages. I looked at all faces and found the one which I tried to find. Lee Changsun…. Or Joon is his nickname, he’s the class president of class 3-A. He’s also our school captain when I was still in the first year. Long time no see, sunbae-nim… He’s my first love and… it’s impossible for me to be together with him. Now that hope is slowly disappearing. But I don’t know why I still love him. It’s already 6 years ago since I like him.

I recalled my memories a bit…. when it’s lunch time, I went to the class’ window and tried to find him playing basketball. I kept staring at him and admired him like girls did. I knew that he had many admirers, but they were all girls, and it’s normal for girls liking a handsome senior. I knew it and I started to lose some hope. But I couldn’t stop staring at him because he looked so cool.

Because I was still in the 1^st year, he looked so high. I have no courage to say something to him. I even don’t have courage to send love letter. I put down the yearbook and searched for my mathematic notebook. I didn’t really pay attention to the teacher, I was bored and wrote many things in the last page of the notebook. What I’ve written, all about him. I looked at the last page, I saw a page full of ‘Joon’, ‘Lee Changsun’, ‘I love you’. I smiled when I remembered that time. Seeing his name again make my heart beats faster. I was really in love back then, and I’m still like that now. Should I stop it? I can’t keep imagining imaginary things. Maybe he already married, he’s 25 and it’s normal for him to marry someone. Even though I will be jealous at his bride…. Does he remember my name? He maybe even doesn’t know my name at all… I sighed. Does he still live in Seoul? Or maybe he lives in a different place now? Is he still handsome like 6 years ago…. Does he get taller than before? Is his body still hot and muscular like before? Does he still have that killer smile? I want to meet you again… Joon-sunbaenim….

But, I can’t live like this… I have to remove him from my mind. It’s been 6 years… but it felt like only yesterday. I can’t have him, and I think I will never. I still have feelings for him but… it will only make me feel sad. I’ve been waiting for nothing for 6 years… I have to move on. Though it’s sad, I have to say goodbye…

Goodbye to my romance…. Goodbye to my memories…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My phone was ringing, I picked it up

“Annyeonghaseyo”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“I’m Ahn Miyeon, Seoul High School, 3^rd year…”

“Ah… you’re my hoobae”

“Yes, sunbae-nim”

“What do you need?”

“We want to ask you to be our teacher for tutoring. You’re the best student in your era. Would you like to participate?”

“Don’t say like that. Yes, I’d love to… How’s the schedule?”

“Every Saturday, sunbae-nim…”

“Okay!”

“There will be a meeting tomorrow in school, can you come?”

“Of course!”

“Thanks, sunbae-nim… Annyeonghaseyo”

“Your welcome”

I’ll go to my old school, I just tried to get rid of my memories but it won’t go smoothly as I think…

I went to my old school, there’s no big change. It’s still the same as before. A student asked me “Mir-sunbaenim, isn’t it?” she asked. “How do you know my nickname?” I asked. “Of course I know you, everyone wants to be a smart student like you, sunbae-nim…” she said. “I’m not that smart, I’m just a normal student” I said shyly. “The meeting will start soon, follow me” she walked towards the meeting room. “Thanks for your help” I said to her. I entered the meeting room and met my old friend and juniors. “Long time no see, Mir!” Jinwoon greeted me. “How can you be here, Jinwoon-ah? You’re not even smart” I asked jokingly. “They don’t just invite smart students, Mir… they also needed a cool class president like me” he said confidently. “Class president are also invited?” I asked him. Could it be? Joon is here? I just tried to get rid of him from my mind but this thing ruined me so much. “I don’t know, they invited all class presidents but some of them couldn’t make it because the senior was busy” he said. Maybe he’s busy… maybe…

The meeting was over and I didn’t see Joon. Yes, he may be busy. They said that every class will have 2 tutors, they already decided that but they forgot to bring the data. Someone just came in and bowed to the others. “Sorry, I’m so sorry…” he kept bowing to the others. I examined his face… Wait… he’s…. JOON? Was it really him? What was he doing here? “Hey Joon! Long time no see! Why are you so late?” one of his friends, I think that his name is Kyuhyun. “Sorry, I just arrived from Japan” Joon said with such a sweet voice. It’s been 6 years since I heard that angelic voice. “Was your holiday interesting?” Kyuhyun asked. “Of course, but I miss Korea so much…” he said. “Sorry to interrupt your talk, but we need to inform something” a girl said to them. “It’s okay” he said. That girl is our school captain now, she took a microphone and informed something. “Sunbae-nim, the schedule of tutoring is already at school board. Please look at it and get to know each other with your partner. Thanks for your participation, we really can’t give you anything but thank you” she said. Our school got much better than in my era, we don’t have tutoring program with alumni before….

“Ya, Joon! I’ll look at the school board. You just need to stay here, I’ll inform you about your partner” Kyuhyun said to Joon. I just stood a little far away from him, my eyes wide opened when I see him again… Why do I still have a crush on him? Am I really that crazy? He’s more more more and more handsome than 6 years ago. His handsomeness made my mind got crazy. It’s weird to stare, Mir… control yourself… “Joon-ah!” Kyuhyun came back. “What?” he asked. “My partner will be Changmin…” Kyuhyun said disappointedly. “Why? He’s fun…” Joon said. “Fun? He’s an annoying mature-looking boy. He’s smart but…. ERGH….” Kyuhyun didn’t look happy. “Who’s my partner? Maybe… Jiyong? He’s the same age as us….” Joon was curious. “Your partner is our junior… He’s not the same age” Kyuhyun informed. “Ah… it looks interesting, but it will be really awkward. Who is it?” Joon asked. “What’s his name… Bang… Bang Cheolyong? Ah that’s it! Bang Cheolyong!” Kyuhyun said and I was really shocked to hear that. Am I hearing right?

Bang Cheolyong…. it’s me… I got partnered with Lee Changsun? Joon? The one whom I admire always?? This must be a dream. “Ah… Bang Cheolyong…” Joon said my name… I was really happy!!!! “I haven’t heard about him, do you know him?” Kyuhyun asked. “You don’t know him?!” Joon asked Kyuhyun. “Not really… what kind of person is him?” Kyuhyun asked. “A school captain have to know about his juniors well…” Joon said. “Okay okay, sorry school captain-nim… just tell me about him… I’m really curious…” Kyuhyun said. “He’s a smart and cute boy. When we’re in the 3^rd year, he’s in the 1^st year. His smile is also adorable” Joon said and I was flying to the open sky, did he just say that I’m a smart and cute boy? It’s the best day ever. “You sounded like a e” Kyuhyun commented. “Ya! You need to see him in the real-life!” Joon said. “Did he come here?” Kyuhyun asked. “I just came you idiot! I should be the one who is asking…” Joon said. “Then just search for him” Kyuhyun said. “Okay, I remember his face well…” Joon said. He remembered my face? I haven’t seen him looking at me but he remembers my face? God… I can’t remove him from my mind. I just stood there like nothing happened, the truth is… I heard all their conversation. Joon saw my face and I looked away, my face turned red. “Kyuhyun-ah!” Joon called. “What?” Kyuhyun asked. “You said that you wanna see him! Come here!” he shouted loudly, I felt embarrassed. “Hi!” Joon said ‘hi’ to me, I couldn’t hide my flushed face. “Hello, sunbae-nim!” I bowed. “No need to be that formal” he said with a sweet voice and a killer smile. Kyuhyun came and saw my face “Ah… so this is Bang Cheolyong? I knew him! I just don’t know his name…” Kyuhyun said. “You knew him? From where?” Joon asked. “He’s always sticking on the window when it’s lunch, when we had basketball match, he was always there… I also heard from my younger sister that he’s a fan of you, Joon…” Kyuhyun said. When I heard Kyuhyun said that, I was really embarrassed… what should I do? “Really?” Joon smiled. “Um… it’s not like that... I was only… I just…” I couldn’t say a word. “Stuttering? You don’t need to say anything if you can’t” Joon said, I was speechless.

“Joon-ah! I have something urgent to do! bye!” Kyuhyun left and Joon was still here. “You knew that I’m your partner for tutoring, right?” he asked me. “Not yet… it’s such an honor for me” I said, I lied, I already heard everything. “I should be the one, I heard that you’re a really smart…” he said. “Um… not really, I haven’t heard that much” I was really shy. “Don’t be like that! Be comfortable! Don’t use honorifics, call me just hyung…” he said. “Yes, Changsun-hyung…” I said shyly. “You knew my nickname, right? Just call me by nickname” he said. “Yes, Joon-hyung…” I was….ASDFGHJKL, I couldn’t control myself. “We need to get closer if we want to work together, isn’t it?” he asked. “Yes…” I replied. “Do you have something urgent?” he asked. “Not really… I didn’t work today” I said. “Let me treat you coffee…” he said. “What?” I was a little surprised. “Yes, I hope we’ll get closer and won’t be awkward… in the café near here” he said. “Thanks, hyung…” I agreed and we went to a café. He bought me caffe latte and we sat. We talked about many good things, we talked about anything… school, our life after graduated… and many more… “Mir, you’re really cute and adorable…” he called me with my nickname and pinched my cheek. I blushed and smiled. “I need to go first, sorry…” he stood up while checking his watch. “It’s okay, hyung…” I said. He handed me a piece of paper, I saw it and it was a phone number. “That’s my number, I think we need to talk more. I’ll wait for your call… Mir” he smiled and left. I can’t believe about what happened today…

When I tried to remove him, he came again and gave a new hope….

When I already said goodbye to my romance, I started to think about it again because the romance has just started…. 

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