“What?!” Kibum’s voice sliced through the air of the gathering of the biggest bands of the company, but he didn’t lower it even when the room came to almost silence and everyone looked at him. “Lee Taemin, what are you saying?! You better get back to your hospital room right now!” Mummers spread through almost everyone immediately after Kibum's threat and the other three members shared a look before going up to the screaming diva.

“Bummie, maybe you should go out to the hall…” Jonghyun’s hand was pushed off his shoulder not-so-gently as he huffed into the phone, wanting to say something but not having the chance to before the person on the other end—Taemin—continued.

“You’d better listen to me right now…” His voice was threatening, softer but that did nothing in the silent room. Jinki looked around at all the eyes on them and tried to give a smile, but he knew it wasn’t convincing any of them that here wasn’t something wrong.

“Yah, Kibum.” Minho didn’t care that he was being rude even though the diva was older than him and hated the impoliteness, but even that didn’t get his attention. “Kibum, if you’re going to ruin this for everyone, have the decency to go out into the hall and scream.”

That did it though and Kibum slammed the phone shut as he turned to the member. “You’re not the one talking to Taemin as he is being dragged here by our manager from the hospital, are you?”

“Why is Taemin in the hospital?” Of all people, it was Victoria that stepped forward in front of everyone to ask the question, eyes wide as she looked at the four. “You said he was sick, but…”

Three gazes turned to Kibum to glare at him for causing the incident, but Jinki let out a sigh as he saw ever single set of eyes on them and knew he had to explain. “He’s really sick at the moment… He’s been there for a few days already.”

“And why don’t any of us know this?” Taeyeon stepped forward, speaking for her group and everyone. “Not a single person has been told this yet… Why?”

Jinki looked to s for one of them to help, but it seemed to be a talk among leaders since they stepped back from him. “He… Taemin didn’t want to worry people and didn’t even want us knowing at first. He asked that none of said anything other than that he was sick.”

“He’s still sick?” Kai broke the string of leaders when he spoke, looking at the four SHINee members with worried eyes.

“You knew?!” All eyes turned to him, but Suho summed up what every person was thinking.

Yet he wasn’t listening, still looking at the four members to his friend. “It’s what he told me about, isn’t it?” Jinki only nodded slightly, not trusting his voice to answer and Kai fell to his knees on the ground, hands coving his face. “It’s my fault!”

The whole room only looked at the boy as he cried into his hands, some wanting to do the same and most just not understanding. When the door opened and someone walked in, no one bothered to look up, still focusing on the dancer on the floor. “Kai? Are you okay?” His head whipped up to face the speaker and much of the people gathered did the same, yet none of four at the front of the room turned to Taemin as he walked towards the center. “Are you crying? Why?”

When he noticed how quiet the room was, he finally looked around and saw the eyes following his every move, filled with pity. It didn’t take long to realize and he looked down at the ground, scuffing the toe of his shoe on the flooring. “You all know, don’t you?”

“Taemin…” Jonghyun grabbed Minho’s arm to hold the rapper back from heading towards the boy, afraid of how he was going to react.

“I’m not angry.” He looked around the room with a small smile that some people returned before turning to Kai on the ground. “And it’s not your fault either.” The younger shook his head and Taemin let out a sigh as he crouched in front of his friend, grabbing the other’s face between both of his hands to force him to be looking into his eyes. “It’s not your fault, okay?”

“I was the one who told you not to worry about it…”

“And I was the one who decided passing out wasn’t important and ignored feeling sick for months. You can’t blame yourself for it. I thought the same thing as you had and even if you had said I should have gone to a doctor, I wouldn’t have. Anything you could have possibly done different, I’d still be in the exact same spot. So it doesn’t matter. Okay?” He stood up pulling the other with him before looking around the room and back to his own group. “I came here when manager-hyung said you guys were having a party, but this is pretty lame.”

He gave a huge smile like old times and around the room, people loosened up and laughed a little or smiled back. But the happiness couldn’t last for long when Kangin looked him up and down. “What are you even sick with? You don’t look sick…” More than one SNSD member smacked the back of his head and he threw his hands up in surrender. “I’m just asking! We weren't told!”

Taemin made sure he was standing in the middle of the line of s before he spoke, leaning on the wall heavily as he did. “The doctors aren’t even sure. They think it’s something like cancer,” around the room, the joking atmosphere that was coming back fell immediately, but he didn’t care as he continued, “but at the same time, it’s not. So…” He shrugged as he looked around. “No idea. All we know is there’s a baseball inside my chest.” He seemed a little too happy when he said it like that and the other four looked at the ground now that it was all out. “And don’t blame them for not telling you; we only found out Saturday and I went to the hospital for tests and stuff the next day, so it’s only been four days. And I told them not to tell anyone.” When he looked around the room, the smile was back on his face and it seemed to be infectious as people smiled back. “But this is too depressing for a party! Why are we all just standing around like this?”

When no one moved in the room though, Taemin was the one who walked to the corner and turned the music from earlier back on softly so that it was in the background, and then returned to the front of the room. “How is it possible all of you are this quiet? No one ever shuts up even when meeting with Soo Man, but now you can hear a pin drop.”

“We’re just shocked… All of us.” He looked at Victoria as she spoke, eyes softening a little when he saw the worry in her eyes and nothing else. “Cancer’s not something to joke with and neither is being in the hospital, yet here we are all finding out like this…”

“I figured it would be better than you all finding out after the press conference tomorrow.” He left the other four shocked with that, but ignored them for the time being to look around. “Can’t we all just have some fun tonight? You can act like this tomorrow, but after being stuck in the same room for a few days, I was looking forward to some fun…” And they finally listened. Taemin’s last night at the company building before everything happened was one of his best nights. Ever.

Taemin was never one to be afraid as he looked at the crowds of people gathered to see him, not at concerts or fan events or press conferences or random street sightings. But for the first time, as he looked out at the reporters all crammed into the room waiting for the statement about him, he couldn’t help but feel nervous. A lot of people are going to know now. The whole nation. And I can’t even do anything to stop it.

He filed onto the stage with the others, feeling out of place with the others being completely normal looking and then him with the mask over his nose and mouth since he couldn’t risk getting sick and the loose cotton pants and t-shirt with a sweater that looked too much like Jinki’s airport fashion to belong on a star at a time like that. The sleeve of his too-big sweater covered the gauze-wrapped catheter on his hand, but as he sat, the sleeve pulled slightly and the wrapping showed the smallest bit. There better not be pictures of that. Yet, even as he pulled the sleeve back down, he knew it was impossible for there to not be.

For the first time ever, they were having a press conference without a representative, just them and the manager who was refusing to speak. So just them. Just Taemin. But Jinki did the speaking first, calling the reporters’ attention before he started. “We’d like to start by addressing the rumors about our Taemin being in the hospital recently. They are true.” The youngest sat back as he watched his hyung talk for him, not sure how he would have done if he had been the one explaining. “On Sunday, he was admitted for an undetermined amount of time. Tomorrow, he begins his aggressive treatment in hopes of stopping and reversing the effects of the illness.” How does he even do that? I never knew hyung could speak so professionally… Taemin couldn’t help the little smirk when he saw the eldest glance down at his hand, notes written all up his arm. That’s how. “The treatments include chemotherapy in hopes—” He never got to finish before the reporters cut him off, asking the same question before any of them were supposed to speak.

“Taemin-ssi, do you have cancer?”

He looked down at his hands, twisting the hospital bracelet on his right wrist around a few times as the reporters were forced to calm down. But all eyes were on him and Taemin shifted forward in the seat, grabbing for the microphone on the table with the wrong hand and exposing the whole gauze wrapping again. He didn’t even bother covering it back up as he lifted a shaking hand close to his mouth, trying to take calming breaths before he answered. “The doctors aren’t exactly sure what it is, but it is believed I have a disease similar to lung cancer.”

The microphone was placed back down on the table with a little clatter as he wasn’t focusing on it and he leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and putting a hand against his head as the world began spinning. A hand grabbed onto his other hand, not seeming to mind the hard lump of plastic it was over and he felt the person lean closer, but didn’t open his eyes to see who it was. “Are you okay?”

Normally, he would have lied, nodded and given a little smile to make it seem real, but now he only shook his head the slightest. “Can I have some water?”

He didn’t even know how it came so fast, but there was a bottle being pushed into his hand in seconds. Only after drinking a few sips of it did he open his eyes to focus on the event again, tuning in as the other three answered questions he couldn’t hear or care about. Kibum was right there next to him, still clutching onto his hand and giving Taemin a worried look. “Are you okay now?”

“It’s a little better.” He barely held back the coughs that would have taken over his body, but a few managed to escape and Kibum was quick in opening the bottle and pulling a tissue from him pocket at the same time. By the time Taemin had stopped, the bottle was already pressed against his lips as the little blood that came up was wiped off his hand by his hyung. After a few sips to calm his burning throat, Taemin put the bottle back down and looked at the caring friend. “Thanks hyung.”

“Anything for you, Taemin.”

The four could only watch with a morbid fascination as Taemin’s IV line was disconnected from the usual bag of saline he had and a new one put on. After the few days for of being there, it wasn’t anything unusual to the boy, but it was the first time any of them had seen it and it interested them more than it should have. “This is just some anti-nausea medicine to begin with. The chemo drugs will start after this, okay?” He barely nodded to the nurse, focusing on a game on the iPod Jonghyun had given him for the long days. “I’ll come back in around a half hour then.”

When she left them alone, it was a few minutes of silence until the youngest turned the electronic off and looked up. “You know, I asked if you would be here to distract me from the fact that I have drugs dripping into my veins. You haven’t done anything but stare yet.”

“It’s just… strange. Different. Unusual.” Kibum nodded to the contraption with the medicine. “Doesn’t it hurt?”

He shrugged. “Not much different from everything else I’ve been given. It feels colder, but nothing else.”

The room fell into silence once again, but Jinki broke it after a few seconds. “Is there anything you want to do?”

“Honestly?” Taemin got nods around the room and he smiled. “I want to dance and sing.”