“Are you okay, Taemin-ah? What happened?” Jonghyun and Minho had taken Taemin back into their dressing room to try and calm him down, but they knew the staring eyes from outside were all still focused on the door. The youngest didn’t say anything and only shook his head while looking at the ground, refusing to do anything but that.

The room fell into silence for a minute before a slamming sound from outside had all three of them looking at the door. “What are you all staring at?!” Their dressing room door opened and Kai stormed in, followed hesitantly by Suho as he tried to plead with the younger to calm down. Without even speaking to any of them, Kai stepped forward and crouched before Taemin on the couch, getting in front of his stare at the floor. “Hey hyung. What ya looking at?”

There wasn’t a response at first and Taemin turned away from him. Kai didn’t even seem hurt as he hopped while still crouched to be in front of the sick boy again. “Are you going to talk or am I going to speak to myself this whole time?”

Jonghyun and Minho exchanged a glance and went to say something to Kai, but Suho finally stepped forward and tapped them on their shoulders while shaking his head, telling not to. “I’m pretty selfish, aren’t I?”

“What do you mean, hyung?” Kai sat on the ground now, looking up at Taemin while the two SHINee members only watched in amazement as Taemin spoke for the first time in the five minutes they’d been trying to get him to.

“Kibum-hyung was angry that I haven’t really been telling them how I feel. By trying to not be selfish and make them worry, I was selfish, wasn’t I? Because they worried anyways.” He lifted his head a little, letting them all see the tears running down his face.

“That doesn’t sound selfish to me at all. It would be selfish if you were trying to make them worry more, but you were doing the opposite.” He used a finger under the boy’s head to lift it a little more. “There’s no need to be upset over it. Kibum probably is already feeling bad about yelling at you and will want to apologize.”

“But he hurt me…” Taemin sounded like a little kid with how he said it, but as he held out his swelling wrist, none of them cared. “That’s why I’m upset…” No one even said anything by the time Minho was up and out the door; he had gone too quick for them to.

“What the hell was that Kibum?!” The two on the roof jumped as Minho stormed over to them. From their spot on the ground, he was towering over them, but Jinki didn’t even bother to move as Kibum started to stand. “He’s hurt! Did you know that?”

“I didn’t mean to! I swear!”

“You cannot grab someone’s wrist like that without meaning to!” Minho stepped forward, grabbing the older member by the collar of his shirt. “Taemin’s a crying mess and it’s your fault!”

“I know it is!” He pulled back from the grip and stared into Minho’s eyes with an intensity that put his ‘Flaming Charisma’ to shame. “You think I don’t? I know I lost it and yelled at him! I know I hurt him! I know I have to fix it! I just don’t know how!” Even through his glare, tears sprang to his eyes and started to spill over. “I don’t know how to fix this!”

That seemed to be his turning point and Kibum collapsed to his knees, crying with his hands covering his face. Minho only watched his elder cry without moving until Jinki put a hand on his shoulder. “We were in the middle of coming up with a plan. You want to help?”

He only took one look at Kibum before nodding to the leader. “If it will get both of them back to normal, then sure.”

By the time the three got in that night, Taemin and Jonghyun were already asleep in their room. It might have been better, since they would have the whole next day for Kibum’s apology, but it hurt the diva more to see Taemin curled into Jonghyun’s side in the singer’s bed as he cried in his sleep.

The next morning, Taemin was the first one up again. Following his normal routine, he washed up and filmed his daily video, making sure to tell Kibum in it that he didn’t blame him at all for the night before. But there was nothing to do at such an earlier hour in the day, so he flipped on the television to some news channel and put it on low before curling up on the couch with a blanket to watch.

At some point, he fell asleep again, because when he opened his eyes, it was much brighter in the room. The television was off and he could hear the others talking in the kitchen. If he’d had any strength then, he would have gotten up and joined them. But at the moment, all he wanted to do was lie there and think. Someone had made sure to take care of him, pulling the hand with the catheter out from under the pillow where it was when he fell asleep and putting another blanket over him. He just didn't know who.

Eventually though, the voices were too loud to let him rest any longer and he silently stood and padded into the kitchen. Food was laid out on the table still from breakfast, but no one was eating anymore. Three sets of eyes followed him as he grabbed a water bottle and sat at the table, but the fourth only stared at the empty seat until it was taken. “We’ll leave you two to talk.”

“We will?” Minho looked at the leader with confused eyes that were met back with a knowing stare.

“Yes. We will.” Jinki stood and grabbed the rapper’s hand, pulling him along.

Jonghyun looked between the two and patted the tops of both of their heads. “Be good you two. Don’t kill each other.”

And he left, leaving the kitchen in awkward silence. “Hyung…”

“Taemin.” They spoke at the same time, but it was Kibum that continued first. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that. All of my emotions from yesterday just spilled out on you.”

“I’m sorry too hyung. I haven’t realized how much it must being hurting you guys that I don’t say much about it.” Taemin poked some of the fruit on his plate and ate a piece before continuing. “I thought I was helping you guys.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Taemin-ah. It’s all my fault and I flipped out on you. I was just excited that you were finally performing again but upset that you couldn’t perform completely with us-”

“Hyung.” Taemin tried to cut in, but Kibum completely ignored him to continue.

“And I was tired from the performance and I’d had a headache all day but that’s no excuse and it was just an emotional night-”

“I don’t feel well hyung.” His voice was breathless and Kibum stopped immediately to look at him. “My chest hurts.”

“Jinki!” Before the leader could even come running, Taemin had gone to stand and fell almost immediately. Kibum jumped forward off the chair, dropping on the ground hard to catch Taemin’s limp body before it did the same. “Jinki! Please, I need help!”

Three sets of footsteps came pounding through the hallways, but Kibum didn’t pay attention as he looked at Taemin’s pale face. “Tae, please wake up. You’ve already scared me once with this…” There was nothing and he barely heard one of the others talking into a phone.

It seemed like forever later when Jinki pushed him away, Jonghyun holding a phone to his ear. The leader felt leaned close to Taemin’s chest as the operator told him before giving a silent nod. “Yeah, he’s breathing. It’s very weak though.” He listened closely to the next instructions before turning Taemin onto his side, holding him like that as he continued talking into the phone.

Jonghyun looked over his shoulder at the mess of Kibum and then turned to Minho. “Get him out of here. It’s not going to do any good.” It seemed like that was all the rapper wanted to do as well and he simply grabbed the hand of the other and walked out. With them gone, he turned back to Jinki and Taemin, still holding the phone for the other.

“Y-yeah.” The eldest’s voice wavered a little at the next question as he tried to answer it. “He’s on chemo for a tumor in his chest. It’s two days to his second dose.” There was a pause. “No.” Finally, he pulled away from the phone and turned to Jonghyun. “Open the door wide so they know which apartment it is. Stand there even.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Jonghyun asked the one question before doing his job, but the answer left him disheartened.

“I don’t know.”

When Taemin cracked his eyes open, he immediately recognized the brightness of the hospital and slammed them back shut. “What happened?” His voice didn’t even sound like his voice it was so scratchy and hoarse. “Can I have some water?”

A straw was pressed between his dry lips in seconds and after a few sips, he opened his eyes again. “Better?” The maknae nodded. “To answer you… you passed out. The tumor caused your heart too much pressure and it gave out on you for a second.”

He nodded slightly and looked around the room until he spotted an obviously-crying Kibum. “I sort of passed out in the middle of your apology. Sorry. I would have said I forgive you.” A sad smile was given in return. “How long have I been out?”

“A whole day but you sure as hell aren’t acting like it.” Jonghyun looked the maknae in the eyes, his twinkling with his joke. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you are faking all of this with how you are acting now. Like your heart didn’t totally stop for a few beats yesterday.”

“Well maybe I just saw someone that made my heart skip a beat and took my breath away.” He smirked at Kibum as he spoke, pulling the diva into the joke. “When you two get together, Jonghyun’s going to be a lucky man.”

“Lee Taemin!” Both jumped forward in their seats to scold him, but their faces were redder than tomatoes. On either side, Jinki and Minho were laughing away at the scene while Taemin gave a laugh of his own that left him breathless but still felt good.

And outside the room, Jin was looking in wishing he could have a picture of the scene to remember the times like that forever. He did take one with his phone, but that was never going to be enough.

Not after being told there was a limit to their little maknae’s life.

Not after being told there would be a day when that small body would dance no more and laugh no more.

There were going to be no more banana milk and strawberry milk trips when they ran out of their supply. There were going to be no more singing lessons where his voice cracked to make everyone smile. There were going to be no more dance lessons where he dominated the floor.

There was going to be no more Taemin.