Don't be afraid to move on when I'm gone.

My life was not much less than perfect. I had a great family, many friends, straight As at school and a loving boyfriend, Junhyung.  Everyone envied my life, but they  didn’t know the whole truth. I have a weak heart and it could fail anytime. Of course no one knew, except the family. The last thing I need is a bunch of people being sorry for me. I’m looking for a donator since it’s the only way which can help me to live normally again, but I don’t think there’s someone who owes  another superfluous heart. No, of course not. Doctors said I don’t have much time left, and if we don’t find anyone who’s able to donate…I’m not going to live much longer. I’m afraid of telling Junhyung, I don’t want to hurt him. I keep writing my diary everyday so my thoughts will never be forgotten.

    
„Sweetie, come here. We have something to tell you.“ I heard my mom saying when I got home from school.

„Sure.“ I mumbled while going upstairs to change clothes and then came back and sat on the sofa next to my mom and dad. „What is it?“

„We received a call from the hospital. They found you a donator! You’re going to have an operation next week!“ She and my dad hugged me afterwards. „You’re going to live, honey.“ She added with teary eyes.

I couldn’t believe that. I’m really going to live. I’m going to have a normal life like others! I’m going to be happy like others! I ran upstairs and took the diary hid under the pillow. I started to write all the happy thoughts that crossed my mind. When I was done I laid on my bed, gazing at the ceiling, wondering how life can be so perfect. The best thing was I didn’t need to tell Junyhung. This solved all my problems.

„Mom, who’s the donator? I want to express thank.“ I said standing on the stairs.

„I don’t know, honey. I also wanted to say thanks, but seems like the donator doesn’t want to reveal his identity.“

„Hm…That’s strange.“ Whatever though.

 Actually life couldn’t be any better. Week flew away like a water in a river. Junhyung spent the whole week with me. Everyday he would take me to a different place. A day before the operation I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to come with me to the hospital, to give me strenght and courage. We were heading home, sitting in his car in silence.

„You know I love you, right?“ He whispered without looking at me. Purposely?

„Erm…Of course I do. Such a stupid question. Is everything alright?“ I was glancing him but he didn’t glance back.

„Yeah.“ He quieted. A sad smile appeared on his face. „I just realized how important part of my life you are.“ And we both went to an awkward silent. After a while I broke it.

„You know, tomorrow I-“ He interrupted me while talking.

„Yah. I have an idea. It’ll be just a little test.“ He said while smiling.

„Oh..Okay. What is it?“

„It’s a dare. Let’s not talk to each other for one day. No communication, nothing.“

That was kind of weird.  I answered: „Why would we do that?“

„We can try out if we survive without each other for one day. Come on~“

I sighed and rolled my eyes. „Anything for you.“ I was going to tell him…damnit.

„Good girl~“ He said and ruffled my hair.

We got home. Both of us went to the front of our house. He was holding my hands.  After a while he let go of one hand and put his into a pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a little box and opened it. A chainlet lays there. He smirked: „For you.“

„Huh?“ I said while I was in a shock.

„I said this one is for you, you babo.“ He laughed a bit as he pulled it out and fasten it around my neck.

„It’s beautiful.“ I finally heard myself say.

„Not as much as you are.“ He said with a smile and pulled me into a tight hug burning his face into my hair. I could feel him breathing hardly.

He released me and held both of my hands once again. He was looking straight into my eyes and so I did. He looked different, I was not sure why. We were just standing like that in a silence. He started approaching my face and he kissed me softly. Every girl dreams about this and I got it. Perfect first kiss. He pulled back a bit that both of our noses touched.

„I love you.“ He whispered as he squeezed my hands.

„I love you too.“ I answered and also squeezed his hands back as an answer.

That was the time, when he released me softly, when he walked to his car, showing me his back, when I felt a weird feeling. I decided to go get in when he drove away.

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That day felt so long. I was sitting in a hospital already. Worrying about the operation plus no communication with Junhyung.  I’m kind of disappointed that he’s not here with me, but it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know, I’m gonna tell him after the operation.
     Sitting there I felt sad. Not sure about the reason of it. I guess just a random feeling? The doctors interupted my daydreaming. They called my name. I could feel myself getting really nervous. Parents comforted me, but that was not enough. It was my turn. I would undergo the operation in few moments.

I was laying on the bed with some apparatuses around me. I was kind of scared but the doctors comforted me. I started feeling sleepy and finally I fell into it. That’s what I remember.
     I woke up. Still felt a bit sleepy. Next week they would let go from the hospital, so I waited. I was trying to call to Junhyung, the dare already ended, but he wouldn’t pick up. I think I called him like a hundret times as I would fall into depressions every sigle day. I couldn’t understand it neither understand him. Is he going to leave me like that? With this though on my mind the tears would fall. It hurts. A lot.

After releasing me from the hospital I went straight to his house. Their parents sat on the sofa greeting me, but not happily as always. I went to his room but he was not there so I sat on his bed. I noticed a letter laid on the pillow so I carefully opened it. I started reading.

Baby,
I don’t even know where to start. Why wouldn’t you tell me about your weak heart? I had to find out by myself. Lucky that I found you diary or else I wouldn’t know^^ I know it’s mean, I can imagine you slapping me for that right now hehe^^

I smiled slightly.

That’s one of the things I’ll miss. Your heart, that was so warm and good though it was weak. Your cute face, when you’re mad at me. Your soft hands I used to pet. Your smooth hair I used to ruffle. Your super cute smile that brightened my day.  Your twinkling eyes. They remind me of stars that I’m looking at right now. I’m sad that I’m not going to see them ever again, but I’m happy at the same time. I’m happy that you’re going to live and grow beautifully, you deserve it more than me.  Aww, don’t cry. I’m not there with you to wipe away your tears.

I stopped here. He knew me so well. I was shedding tears and he knew that I was going to. He would wipe them away, he would pet my cheeks. But he was not here anymore.
   Biting my lip I continued.

You feel that beating thing in your chest? It’s a heart. It used to be mine, but now it’s all yours. Take care of it well, okay?^^ I decided with my own free will. I did it because I wanted to. Because I love you. I wanted to stay with you longer, but time didn’t allow^^

Don’t be afraid to move on when I’m gone.

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Sorry for any mistakes that I might have done  o_o"