I'll wait for you.
I'll wait for you.
I knew it. Even if he had never told me anything.
I knew how he felt about me. I just couldn't feel the same for him.
He loved me, and that was ok. But I didn't love him and that wasn't ok. It wasn't nice to see him suffer because of me.
But he never told me anything, so I pretended I didn't know, it was easier this way.
I've always noticed the way he would look at me, the way he would always be by my side, the way he would always try to touch me. And it always felt good, it wasn't annoying, it felt nice.
I was so sorry, I really wanted to feel the same, I'm sure he would have been a perfect boyfriend. He was caring, sweet, romantic. His voice so rough yet so ual. But I wasn't gay. Actually.. I was in love, and he already knew it.
I was in love with a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Her name was Jeon Hyosung. She wasn't really slim but her body was just perfect. Her voice so melodic, she was gentle and kind and sweet. And her kisses.. tasted like sugar.
We had been together for four years and I loved her as much as the first time I've seen her.
We auditioned together in the same company. "We can see each other every day!" She had said.
But she was the one who made it. She debuted when I was still a trainee and she didn't have time for me.
When she wasn't there, I would spend my time with my future bandmates: Bang Yongguk, Jung Daehyun, Yoo Youngjae, Moon Jongup and Choi Junhong.
With time I noticed that Yongguk was akward with me. Then I understood. But I couldn't feel the same.
And even if I knew that I would hurt him this way, there wasn't no other for me to talk to about Hyosung. I missed her a lot, every day.
But I couldn't handle it anymore. She was changing. She wasn't kind anymore. She was always nervous and rude with me. And she lost a lot of weight, her perfect body was now like any other girl's body, slim without any curves.
"She doesn't love me anymore" I would say to Yongguk, with my eyes filled with tears. And he would comfort me, smiling with his beautiful gummy smile, caressing my head. "She's just tired. You know, it isn't easy to be an idol" He would answer, wiping my tears away.
I knew I was being selfish. I saw the sadness in his eyes.
"You know.. you don't have to always do this" I said one day, looking down. "I mean.. I'm always rude with you and you.. always help me"
He laughed at me that time. "Don't be ridicolous, Himchan. I enjoy your dramas. They are funny" He joked, receiving a punch on the shoulder.
"You know what? I wanna change"
"What do you mean, Channie?"
"I.. I wanna break up with her.. I mean.. I.. we don't have time for each other. I barely see her.. That's not what I want.." I said, trying my best to keep smiling, even though I was lying. I didn't want to leave her but I didn't want to date someone who didn't care about me too.
"And you know what? That's the best" He answered, smiling. I stared at him for some time and smiled too. He was so beautiful.
And.. I felt my heart beating faster. Faster than when I had met Hyosung for the first time.
I nodded slowly. "And maybe.. later on.. I can start again.." I said blushing a bit. "With.. s-someone better." I raised my head and smiled shyly.
He stood in silence for some minutes and then opened his mouth, startled. "...what.. y-you.. a-are you talking a-about.. m-me?"
He asked, his face all red and I nodded, enjoying my sight. It didn't happen everyday to see the leader blushing like that. "..H-Himchan.. y-you.. really want it?"
"I-I don't know.. I mean.. I n-need time but I.. it's what I want"
"Himchan.." He turned serious and smiled gently to me. "I'll wait for you." He said. "I'll wait for you until you'll be ready"
Maybe it isn't so bad to start again, is it?
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