Title: 2.5/5

For a moment there I was about to give a two. Basically, this title is a little unattractive, because there are many ‘wishes’ fanfictions. If you could come up with a title with a little more spark, then I would have given a three. Maybe you could base the title on one of the more significant lines of the fanfiction? Just a suggestion.

Poster/Background: -/10 2/5 (poster absent)

The background image should be changed. Perhaps a light blue, a solid light blue, or a few patterns, wispy curves, maybe? The ‘waves’ kind of distract the reader. Backgrounds are supposed to give off a certain feel while reading, so try to choose a background that blends better. You know what I mean?

Description: 3/5

Personally, I like the Georgia font, and the change of text sizes emphasize what needs to be emphasized. Except I want to point out a certain format error. The Tiffany Hwang dashes before and after can be ridded of, just a simple Tiffany Hwang would be fine. Also, abandoned should be Abandoned, since it’s the start of a sentence. Oh, and also, use the proper divider instead of the ‘~~’ because it’s neater and more presentable that way.

Foreword: 2/5

You haven’t met the requirements of a foreword. Technically, a foreword is supposed to have a prologue, or a few quotes from the fanfiction itself. In this case, you’ve just put the definitions of the word wish and author’s notes. These are fine, but if you add a little more content, it would be better.

Creativity/Plot/Originality: 6/10

I like the plot. But it’s a little cliché. Not just the wishes part, not just the Tiffany’s poor and pitiful so she gets wishes from God part, but also the Changmin and Tiffany part. First meeting, ‘excuse me’, ‘sorry’, and then their names and all.However, there are certain scenes that add some amount of creativity, so it makes it your own. The donut part cracked me up.

Flow/Detail: 6/10

I find the flow a bit off, because a lot of your sentences are very choppy and chunky. You know what I mean? You have a lot of dialogue, but not enough narrative. Try to fill your chapters with more content than basing it on dialogue. A fanfiction is a story, not a play. Chapter two was good though, I’d give you that.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 20/30

… but contented herself with the fact that she had already eaten some chicken noodle soup at the soup kitchen downtown, from where Tiffany had just returned from.
Corrected :… but contented herself with the fact that she’d already eaten some chicken noodle soup at the soup kitchen downtown, where Tiffany had just returned from.

“Alright… Um, Dear Heavenly Father…we thank you for the food you have placed before us today…Amen”
Corrected: “Alright… Um, dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for the food you have placed before us today… Amen.”

“What??!!”
Corrected: “What!?”

These are just a few I picked up from Chapter 1. There are many like this scattered in the story, however I will not point them out because I’m not your beta. If you just copied and pasted the text into Microsoft Word, it would help in editing and preventing such mistakes. Betas can help with this too.

Characterization: 12/15

There aren’t much issues with characterization, but like I said, if there was a little more narrative, the characters can be brought out more.

Format: 7/10

Be consistent with your font size. I get that you want to change it for the ‘wishes’ but for example in the first chapter, the first few paragraphs have a text font size smaller than the rest. Fix that and you’ll be good to go. Also, don’t change the alignment so often. From left to centre is okay. But not from left to right to centre. Readers might miss the text of the right alignment.

Overall: 55.5/95 = 58/100

General Comments: Honestly, the story isn’t that bad. I’m a strict reviewer, and I’m sure you know that. I rarely ever give high marks unless the story’s really good. Just work on your format, grammar, punctuation, etc. It’s mostly editing. But if you’re too lazy to edit (like most writers), betas are very helpful. Don’t give up and don’t feel discouraged because of this. Keep writing and keep improving. Good luck!