Author's POV

Donghae thought that he would have a nice,  wonderful dinner. After all the work he had done, it was quite understandable why he needed a good time. Instead of having nice foods and comfortable time to enjoy himself, he had a pretty bad night. And it was torturing him slowly.

He thought he turned into a good actor already, he even thought that he might get scouted by an agency or because how good he acted that night. He laughed in bitter quietly because he had to play fake all night, swallowing all the pain and sadness just to make sure his bestfriend, his love or whatever, Woohyun, who just gave a 'happy' news about him getting married with his girlfriend didn't help him at all. 

One second he just stared blankly at his food and unfortunately caught by the twins, the next second he found himself staring at Woohyun with this sad look in his eyes. What made it harder was that he had to lie.

Woohyun asked if he were okay or if the food was fine to his taste, only replied by Donghae with a smile as he continued to pretend to eat his food deliciously. But to be honest, the meal was the blandest one he ever eaten in his whole life.

He spent the night eating the food, sipping his wine, looking away when Woohyun stared and tried his best not to daydream throughout their chats. When he thought he had enough, he decided to leave and he excused himself to the twins.

"Why?" Woohyun asked, feeling confused because he thought that they were having a nice time. 

"I- Suho needs me at home. He said he needed my help to finish his, uh-" Donghae looked around to find a good excuse and his eyes caught a pair of college students working on their laptops. "-assignments, yeah."  Donghae lied for the he didn't even know how many times that night.

Woohyun scoffed, feeling annoyed to the kid that once again just took his quality time with his best friend. "That kid always take my precious time with you. I'll teach him a lesson next time I meet him." He pouted a little and sighed. "Fine. Just.. Take care and arrive home safely. Text me when you arrived."

Why? How the is that your problem. 

"Mhm." Donghae nodded and raised from his seat. "See you hyuns. And send my regards for Jina" Donghae forced a smile and bowed to Kyuhyun, getting another light bow from the other. Unexpectedly, Woohyun raised from his seat and hugged Donghae tightly as he rested his head on Donghae's shoulder. 

"Hey, thank you. Thanks for being here in my good times." 

Once again he felt a pain in his chest. Come on, your best friend is getting married. You should be happy.

And yeah, he remembered that he fell in love with his best friend.

He could feel his face was getting hotter and his eyes were watery. He mustered all his strength not to cry and pulled himself from Woohyun.

He hurriedly turned around and left the restaurant with the confused twins. He went inside his car and drove home. All the way, his tears won't stop falling, his heart was hurting so much that he thought he might die because crying so much. He was in such sorrow and he felt like life was failing on him.

He knew that the feeling he had for Donghae was only an unrequited love, he knew that he had no chance at all. But people, including him, always had this little hope in everything they did, including falling in love.

When he just needed to pass a block to reach his apartment, he decided to turned his car and drove to his usual place to shed his grief. He parked in front of the place and looked at the familar building.

Sapphire Bar.

It's been a long time since he went to the bar. He remembered the last time he went to the bar was when his father died. The father he always look up to since he was little. He just couldnt accept the fact that the closest person,friend and dad had left him.

Donghae shook his head, pushing away all the bad memories from inside of his head. Memories would only make people hurt.

He went inside and looked around the bar and all the flickering lights made his eyes hurt. The bar was pretty crowded that night, everyone was pretty much enjoying themselves except Donghae. He wasn't a big fan of bars and alcohol, or even crowds. But sometimes he needed to run away, run away from the reality and alcohol seemed the best way for him.

He went through the crowd to sit to his usual spot. A few women went to him and flirted, being clingy and tried to seduce him, anything they would do to get his attention. It wasnt Donghae's fault though, he was more than attractive to the women's eyes.

Donghae ignored them until they got pissed and left him alone. Donghae didn't mind at all, because that was the first thing he wanted. To leave him alone.

A familiar looking man approached him from behind the counter. He wore a plain white shirt with a black vest on it, the typical bartender outfit. His pretty face glowed in dark and his red hair caught people's attention whether it was a guy or a woman, but Donghae couldn't get tricked. But he got to admit that the guy was a quite attractive.

"Ah, isn't this the hardworker, Donghae-ssi?" The man asked with a playful smile on his face. His hands were busy making the orders. "What brings you here?"

Donghae laughed slightly, "Hello too, Heechul hyung. Hyung, give me the usual." 

Heechul nodded, and went to get what Donghae ordered even though he wanted to know what actually happened with the younger. With skilled hands after a few years working, he made his order perfectly. Heechul put the glass infront of Donghae and he reached for the glass and drank it, one-shot.

"Vodka, please." Donghae put the empty glass on the counter and Heechul automatically took it the drink. He handed the glass to Donghae but he pulled it slightly when Donghae tried to reach the glass. Donghae frowned, feeling annoyed. "What happened?" Heechul asked with the most sincere tone he could ever made.

"It's none of your bussiness, hyung." Donghae took the glass forcefully from the bartender's hand. Heechul couldn't do anything but to shook his head, feeling concerned.  He knew the reason why the other was here. He knew that Donghae wasn't like other people who came there for fun, no. 

Donghae drank the content of the glass in one go. 'I love you'? You don't love me. Why the hell did you say something you didn't mean.

Donghae spent the night drinking, drinking and drinking. Heechul tried to stop Donghae for drinking too much, but the other wouldn't listen. He was too miserable to even care about other people, all he wanted to do was to get rid of the painful feelings. As for Heechul, a part of him wanted to help him but another part of him can't refuse a customer's orders.

He should be happy for Woohyun, he should have. But his heart was uncooperative with both his mind and body. It was like his heart was shattered into pieces the moment Woohyun told him the news and there wasn't anyway to put it back together. 

Donghae finally reached his limit. He decided to went home before he got too drunk to drive. Heechul helped Donghae to go to his car and even accompany him inside the car in case Donghae felt sick. 

"Thanks, hyung." Donghae said finally, realizing that he was rude to the kind bartender earlier. Heechul replied with a nod and smiled, didn't feel bothered by the younger's action earlier because he was used to that kind of behaviour. He met a lot more drunk people everyday, so Donghae wasn't counted as rude.

"You're welcome. Drive safely, you drank too much today. Too much. The last time you were here you drank a lot too, but today is even more."

Donghae hiccupped, and he rubbed his head as a result from a tremendous pain in his head. "I'll be okay, hyung. You should get back inside."

"What happened?"

"It's complicated and I don't want to talk about it."

Heechul sighed, "Fine. Just be careful." Donghae replied with a nod and the bartender went out of the car. He gave the younger a last wave before getting back into the bar.

Donghae started the engine and stepped on the gas pedal, and drove his car to his apartment. He tried his best not to fall asleep during the trip although his eyes felt like glued together. He drove passed the Han River, bringing him back to a memory when he went out with Woohyun the first time.

"Look Donghae, it's beautiful right?" Woohyun said, both hands inside his pocket and he closed his eyes as he enjoyed the night breeze. Donghae nodded.

"This is my favorite place to go when I'm too tired with everything. And no one knows that I like to go here, even Kyuhyun so keep it a secret, okay?"

Donghae nodded confusedly, "Why?"

Woohyun laughed softly, fixing his messy hair. "Because it's not fun when my brother knows everything about me. Since you're my best friend and I love you, you have the right to know."

That was the first time Donghae felt his heart beats for the other man. 

It hurts. See, memories would only making him hurt. He bit his lips really hard because the last thing he wanted was to cry. All the thoughts he had made his headache intensified and his eyes became blurry making him couldn't focus on the road. 

In the blink of an eye, suddenly there was a sound like something was hit.  

Donghae's sleepy eyes clasped open and he felt his heart jumped out of his chest because he swore to anything that he felt like he hit something. He stopped his car right away and he could feel an enormous fear spread through his body. With trembling hands, he opened the car door. Did I hit somebody?

Even though he still felt nauseous and he could feel like throwing up, he stepped out of his car and he felt like his whole energy vanished when he saw someone lying on the road. 

"Oh my God!" Donghae ran to the person lying on the road. The person's head was bleeding, followed by nosebleeds, scratches and bruises everywhere. Donghae turned around the person's body to check if he was still alive. 

He was very surprised as tears rolled down on his handsome face instantly when he realized about the person he just hit. "No, it's not happening, it's not happening!!" he screamed.

*****************************

Long-white painted hallways were never been anyone's favorite place. Thetypical smell of the place, medicines, medical tools would make anyone shivered. And Donghae wished that would the last time he went to the place.

"WHAT THE WERE YOU THINKING, LEE DONGHAE!?" Woohyun grabbed Donghae's collar, something he never did before. His eyes were watery- because he cried so much but his eyes still implied a grave anger. Donghae couldn't say anything but to remained silent because he knew how angry the other man was.

Yes, the person Donghae hit was Kyuhyun, Woohyun's twin brother. 

He had never felt this guilty before. Not even when he accidentally pushed his friend in the middle school off of his chair and the guy had to get stiches and guilt was eating him up as he thought he'd gone crazy. 

Last night after realizing who was the person he hit, Donghae called the ambulance right away. He remembered his own wet face and trembling hands, moreover, the fear. The fear was beyond imaginable. He just regretted everything he did last night, he wanted to turn back time and drive more careful. He didn't want to drink that much, he wanted to listen what Heechul said.

Woohyun's usual handsome and cheerful face was covered by puffy eyes and runny nose. Donghae believed that he was crying all the way to the hospital and the fact made he felt guilty even more. They waited for the surgery to finish and Donghae could hear Woohyun still sobbing and crying. He wanted to approach the other and apologize again but he knew that Woohyun would only be more mad.

After hours which felt like years to both of them, the doctors, appearently were Kyuhyun's colleagues came out from the E.R. and approached Woohyun. They took of their masks and gloves, giving Woohyun calm looks. Donghae already took a step but he felt discouraged because he realized that Woohyun probably didn't want him to hear the news. 

One of the doctors, whom Donghae managed to see his name tag, Choi Siwon, was the first one to speak. "Are you Kyu-" he coughs, "I mean, Mr. Cho's guardian?" 

Woohyun nodded to the question. "I'm his brother, his twin brother. How is he, Doc?" Woohyun asked impatiently. His heart was beating uncontrollably since he got a phone call from Donghae, saying that his brother was involved in an accident. Everything seemed like a dream and he just couldn't believe that his best friend, his idiotic best friend was drunk and hit his brother.

Why the hell was he drunk, damn it. Woohyun was too tired to feel angry after all the energy lost from him crying. He just didn't understand. 

Choi Siwon, feeling how worried Woohyun was, explained about Kyuhyun's condition calmly. "He has been taken to his room for the recovery and you may visit him later."

Woohyun gave another impatient nod and Choi Siwon continued. "We managed to save him through the surgery, but we still need to do an intensive care and observation towards him because there might be some complications due to the accident."

"Complications? Like what, Doc?"

Choi Siwon sighed a little. "We can't be sure about what would happen to him, but let's pray and hope for the best." Choi Siwon and other doctors bowed to Woohyun and left him.

In shock, Woohyun was still in a midst of disbelief. He shook his head rapidly, thought that he needed to be strong for his brother. Being all depressed wouldn't make Kyuhyun any better. He wiped his tears and exhaled deeply before fixing his messy hair. He wanted to look fine infront of his brother.

Donghae, in the other way, was only staring at Woohyun's behavior. He was hesitating whether he should talk to Woohyun or not. He would do anything, anything to make the twins to forgive him, but hell, he didn't even know Kyuhyun's condition. 

When Donghae wasn't in his clear mind, Woohyun walked up straight to him with this look on his face. Feeling surprised, Donghae closed his eyes, feeling ready to receive a punch in the face, or maybe a kick. He felt that he deserved it anyway. After a few seconds, he didn't feel a punch or a kick he expected but to find Woohyun standing infront of him.

"I want you to apologize to Kyuhyun." Woohyun stated calmly. 

Donghae was in lost of words. "I will. I will do anything for him."

*************************************

White curtains, white bed sheets, even the white-painted walls were a familiar view for Kyuhyun. He had been a surgeon for a few years now. When he blinked his eyes open, the first thing he saw was the white ceiling. Sun rays were too bright and his vision was blurry at first but after a few blinks he managed to get his clear vision. He looked around and found that he was in a hospital room.

But what he didn't understand, why was he in a hospital room. After a few seconds, he realized that there are some parts of his body was hurting. He barely could feel his arms and legs and his head was in pain. He also felt this weird feeling inside him, but he couldn't figure out why. 

What happened?

When Kyuhyun was about to try waking up, he felt that someone was holding his hand. He turned his head to look for its owner and found a sleeping Donghae. He was confused about the other's presence and moreover, why would Donghae held his hand. Feeling that it was useless to wonder things, Kyuhyun shook the other man gently.

Donghae slowly woke up and his eyes widened in shock when he found that Kyuhyun was awake. "You're awake, oh, thank God! I was dead worried!" 

A tear of relieved rolled down from Donghae's eyes. He was so worried because Kyuhyun haven't opened his eyes after a day.

After Woohyun left for work even though he was dead worried, a guy with blonde hair and pretty muscular body, who introduced himself as Kyuhyun's boyfriend came the day before. He was also crying, his whole body was sweaty because he said that he ran from his dance studio. Donghae left both of them for their personal time. He thought that Kyuhyun might be happy because his boyfriend visited.

He waited infront of Kyuhyun's room with mixed feelings. He was overcome with regret and guilt, hoping that he could turn back time. But everything was too late. And it was all because of him. Because he was being an idiot.

When Kyuhyun's boyfriend excused himself saying that he had another session waiting for him, Donghae entered Kyuhyun's room and approached Kyuhyun's laying body. He looked pale, with all bandages and bruises all over his body, he looked so fragile. Donghae sit near Kyuhyun's bed and took his hand slowly. He gazed to Kyuhyun's figure softly. "I'm sorry, I-"

Donghae let out another sigh as he closed his eyes, trying his best not to cry. "Please wake up, Kyuhyun. Please. It was all my fault, because I was an idiot. Because I love your brother and this happened to you. It was all my fault." 

When Donghae opened his eyes and once again was given a weak and unconcious view Kyuhyun, he bursted into tears until he fell asleep.

"Are you feeling okay, Kyuhyun?" Donghae asked, looking down at the confused man. "Do you feel hurt anywhere? Should I call you the nurse? Do you need water? I will-"

Donghae's words was interrupted by Kyuhyun's shocked eyes, followed by his tears started to roll down his face. Donghae was surprised and panicked of the other suddenly crying. "W-What happened, Kyuhyun?"

Kyuhyun wiped his tears away and then signaling Donghae to borrow his phone by forming a telephone sign. Donghae understood and hurriedly took his phone and gave it to the other man. Kyuhyun took the phone weakly, as he started to type something. Finished, Kyuhyun showed Donghae what he just typed as he started to cry once again.

And what he just typed, made Donghae's world collapsed around him.

WHY CAN'T I SPEAK?

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A/N:

HELLO! The last update was August and it's been months, wow. Time flies too fast. I'm really really sorry for not updating in months. I had an important exam to prepare and now it's all finished so I can continue writing again. Please pray for me so I could pass the exams and graduate^^

Special apologize to my unnie, kyuwifey, unnie! Sorry for taking so long. :(

I know you guys probably need to read from the start, and I hope you all are still willingly to read this fic^^ The updates will be faster this time, unless I'm having a writer's block. /grins.

Anyways, I haven't lost a subscriber since last August and I aprreciate it a lot.

Thank you! 

-kyuhunnie

P.S.: I can't put up a main picture. Does anyone know why? ;u; (I found a pretty one >.<)