My Gift, My Friend, My Voice

“You should rest, Sehun-ah. You’re tired, just sleep for now, okay?” my mother ordered me softly, caressing my head.

My mom always treated me like my life is in danger or something. She was so protective to a grown up man like me. Maybe since the accident years ago, but actually my mom always treated me like this ever since I was born. But maybe because I am her only child. My mom actually had difficulties to have a baby, so that’s why when she was pregnant with me in her rather late marriage, she always treated me like she’s going to lose me or something. It’s not like I’m going to leave her or anything.

Several minutes after, she left the room and turned off the lamp. I looked at the clock on my phone. It was barely 10. I heaved a heavy sigh and brought my uninjured arm to my eyes. I thought about what the old man said to me yesterday.

To think about it again, I really want this ‘gift’. It was such a great ‘gift’. It’s the greatest gift anyone could ever have. But I never asked for it in the first place. Why did I get such a great gift? What did I do to deserve such a great gift? Why did I have to get the gift the hard way—having to be hit by a car—and lose it in such a simple way? Why did I only get such a short time to experience this gift?

Okay. This won’t do good. Questioning everything to myself for something I didn’t know in the first place is not helping.

I stood up, pick my jacket, and went out of the house carefully, trying not to wake my parents up. I’m sorry mom. I know I promised you that I won’t go anywhere late at night, but please forgive me for this once. I’m not going for the same reason anyway. I’m really sorry. I’ll make it up to you some other time if you actually found out.

I walked through the neighborhood. Passing the Bean Paste Soup House, passing the way to Soojung’s house, and finally to the place where I first recieved the gift. I stopped at the spot for a while. I looked at the starless sky and sighed.

Why? Why does it have to be me? Why does it have to be at that time?  

But the accident here weeks ago got me such a good lesson to not walk in the middle of the road especially when I’m physically impaired like this. Even though the hit and run accident happened weeks ago, it was still fresh on my mind. Just like it happened yesterday. I took a last look at the spot before walking away from it.

Should I walk? But it is a pain in the . It’s relatively far from here. Should I take the bus? It’s late though. Has the last bus leave? Or should I take a taxi? Do I have enough money? I put my hand into my jeans pocket to find some money, but unfortunately I only have 5000 won. This certainly won’t be enough for taxi. I sighed and walked to the bus stop. Let’s just hope that there will still be the last bus.

And thankfully, there was the last bus so I quickly got into the bus and paid the bus fair before sitting on the single seat.

I didn’t know why, but as I got off the bus and saw the hospital in front of me, I started to have a bad feeling. I began to ran all the way into the hospital. I didn’t know clearly why I have this feeling, but I was certain that the feeling was going to be bad.

I ran into the registration in the lobby to asked the nurse. I asked still panting from the running, “Excuse me, miss... The ward... Where is Mr...” What the hell. Why did I even bother to ask the nurse? I didn’t even know his name. I silently cursed before I started to ran again toward the lift.

Okay. Where was it again. Oh yeah! 5th floor! As soon as the lift door open I ran inside and pushed the button. I couldn’t stop fidgeting. There is something wrong. I could feel it. But what is it?

As soon as I arrived on the 5th floor I started to run toward the ward I was in before. I opened the door with a slam to saw an empty ward with a cleaning service lady staring at me, shocked. I came in to the ward to realized that the cleaning service lady was tyding up the old man’s bed.

My eyes grew wide. “Ajumoni, where is the old man that was here before?!” I asked the cleaning lady panickly.

“You know him?” She asked calmly, but I could saw an apologetic look in her eyes.

Well, I don’t really know him technically. But we’ve talked. Only not literally talk exactly, but after several thoughts I nodded. “Did they moved him to another ward?” I asked her again.

“Follow me.”

I stood at the door frame. Staring emptily at the room in front of me. He was there, smiling in the photo. It was not too crowded, I only caught several people eat and drink in the other side of the room, 2 men bowing in front of his photo, and a gloomy-looking young boy, probably in his teen age, wearing a suit with a yellow band wrapped on to his arm, standing at the side, looking at the floor and a lady wearing a black hanbok, crouching—probably crying—on the floor.

“Where did they move him to?” I asked the cleaning lady who was walking in front of me. I put my uninjured hand on her shoulder and she stopped. I went in front of her and asked her again—I didn’t catch .

“Where did they move him to?”

“We’re here.” I looked at the room and gasped silently. She touched my shoulder and I turned to her.

“He passed away this afternoon because of a heart attack. I’m sorry.”

I know I didn’t really know him, but still, I have to pay my respect. So I went there, slightly bowed to the young boy and bowed to the old man’s picture three times.

I stood up, smiling apologetically at the young boy and got ready to leave, but someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned back and saw the young boy. “Thank you.” I nodded and went out of that room quickly.

"Aaargh!” I groaned and messed up my hair.

Why does it have to be now? Why do I always have a bad timing? I still have numerous questions to ask!

I looked up and saw the hospital building in front of me and looked at the starless sky. I sighed heavily. Why do you have to leave so quickly?

I was sitting on the ground in the middle of the garden in front of the hospital. I was the only one in the garden. But of course, who would came here in such a late night?

When I was about to look back to the ground, I was greeted by a can of soda in front of me. “Oh, Soojung.” She sat in front of me, still offering the soda. I took it and drank it in one shot. Soojung startled and took the soda away from me.

“Yah! Did you forget that it was soda?! You could choke yourself!” I chuckled softly and looked at her.

“How did you find me here?” I asked her. “Oh how one not spot a person sitting in a middle of a wide garden in the middle of the night?” she asked sarcastically—I didn’t really hear her say it, but I could easily know her sarcasm. I looked at her seriously, and she sighed.

“Your mom called. She said that you’re missing. But knowing your mom, I just said to her that you’re with me.” She said and shrugged. “Oh, so now you could lie better?” I asked her smirking. She hit my arm and continued. “Yeah, so I thought I could just call you, but you didn’t answer, so I assumed that you forgot to put it into vibration mode. And then, I was like ‘Oh, Sehun’s not a kid anymore. He could figure out the way home.’ So I gave up. But then look who I found in front of the hospital alone?” I snickered and looked down.

She put her hand on my arm and said, “Hey, is there any problem? You could tell me you know. I’m not your friend for nothing.” I just shook my head and smiled at her. “Yah. I told you my problems many times before. So it’s your turn now! Besides, this afternoon, after you went home, the doctor said that you’re stressed and that’s why you fainted. Care to tell me?” She looked at me beggingly.

“It’s just...” No. I couldn’t possibly tell her about the gift. She wouldn’t believe me anyways. “You know... There’s a boy. He’s the only child in the family. Then suddenly he has a younger sibling. He doesn’t feel like wanting or needing it. And after some time, he plays with his younger sibling well. And on the other day when they fight, the older one is really annoyed and mad at his younger sibling that he just want his sibling to go away and disappear. But suddenly even before he apologize to his younger sibling, suddenly his younger sibling is taken away from him...”

“My feelings are similar with what the boy is feeling right now.” I looked at Soojung slowly and looked at her confused face. I could imagine her thinking, like ‘What is he talking about? Did he have a younger sibling? He knew I am never good with riddles!’ I chuckled at her expression and ruffled her head.

She pouted and said, “You know, I really didn’t know what you were talking just now, but I sort of can imagine how the kid feels.” She smiled. “I’m sorry that I can’t give some certain advice you need right now, since I haven’t experienced something like that before.”

“That’s okay, Jung Soojung. I think... there is actually no one who could really give me advice or answer some several questions I have right now.”

“You know what, Sehun. There are some things, that are better remain unanswered.” I looked at the hospital building once again and chuckled.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Sehun-ah. I’ve been noticing some things you know. You’ve been avoiding my eyes in the hospital since you’re conscious, earlier.”

I looked at her in the eyes and smiled, “At least I’m not doing it now,”

“Oh Sehun! Do you really want to see me mad?!” I just laughed at her reaction and ruffled her hair. After a while she sighed.

“Oh Sehun, even if I’m your friend, sometimes you don’t feel like my friend at all. You know all about me and I don’t know anything about you. Heck I didn’t even know you’re deaf.”

It hurts. It hurts how she said that I’m deaf. I know it’s the truth, but maybe she could find another words, you know.

She looked at my eyes and widened hers. “Oh my, I’m sorry. I blurted out. I’m just that pissed.” And then her eyes softened and put her hand on my shoulder. “You can tell me anything, Oh Sehun. I will try my best to not be judgemental and always be there for you. Let me be your friend just once.”

After several seconds of not answering, she took back her hand and sighed. She stood up, ready to leave.

“Me being deaf is a public secret.” I started. She stopped and turned to look at me, still standing in front of me.

“Everyone always treated me differently. They always talk ever so slowly so that I could catch their mouth, and never talked about touchy subjects because they feel sorry for me. They pity me. That’s why I feel happy and relaxed when I’m with you.” I looked at her and she slowly sat back down in front of me.

“You treated me as if nothing happened. I feel like I’m normal once again. You would treated me carelessly—even though sometimes it hurts when you upset when I didn’t respond everytime you call me, I feel like... a normal Sehun.”

"That’s why when you apologize to me, for taking me to that music store, when you apologize to me when you know that I’m physically impaired... It... hurts.”

I looked at her and noticed that she had been crying. I chuckled and wiped her tears. “Oh, Jung Soojung... What can I do with you?” Then she was embarrassed and hit my uninjured arm. “Just... Continue.” She said before looking down. I smiled at her.

“I was afraid that if you knew, you would not treat me the same. You wouldn’t take me to music stores again, you would choose your words first before talking to me, you wouldn’t get mad at me when I didn’t respond whenever you call me. You would be... different.”

She looked at my eyes with her teary eyes. “Oh Sehun, I may do that now, but you should know that that’s because I thought that it would have hurt your feelings. But now that you’ve told me, I will not change in how I treat you. I will still take you to music stores. Heck, I will forgot the fact that you’re deaf.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “I can’t read your mind, Sehun-ah. Telepathy is not my thing—it’s yours.” I laughed at her silly comment. It’s funny how she thought that I can read her mind. Is she reading my mind all along?

“Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. It’s because you always act like you know how I think!” I laughed some more and flicked her forehead.

“So what I mean is, all you need is ask, Sehun. I’m your friend, I will listen to anything that you want to say, I will do whatever reasonable things you ask me to, because that’s what friends are for. They are your other ears to listen to you, your other mouth to talk to you, and your other shoulder to lean to. I promise you, I won’t change.”

She looked at me for a while before putting her pinkie in front of my face. “I promise to Oh Sehun that I will forget that he is dea—physically impaired! Oops, what is physically impaired? I don’t even know what that is!” She said that jokingly and laughed with me. “I promise to Oh Sehun that I will not change! I will behave like he is the same, creepy, Oh Sehun I first met!” I laughed and yelled at her.

“I miss my own voice.” I said to my self softly, looking to the ground.

Soojung cupped my head with her hands and made me look at her. “Your voice, is wonderful.”

“What?” I asked her, confused. “I will make you remember your own voice,”

“Hm... let’s see... Your voice, is like a high school student’s voice who just went through puberty.” She said slowly and laughed. “Yah! Do it properly!”

“I’m serious! This is how I really think! Your voice is so childish, like how you always act.” She said and laughed more.

“Yah! Are you really helping me or insulting me?!” She laughed some more and I hit her head. “Ouch! That’s just my opinion, okay?! But, hearing your voice for the first time makes me think that you’re actually not a bad person.” I smiled at her last statement, satisfied with her answer.

“Then what about your voice?”

“My voice? It’s beautiful~” She said and smiled to herself. “Yah! Don’t lie to yourself!” I laughed and ruffled her hair.

“Why not? It’s my opinion! Anyways, I think it will be difficult to describe one’s voice, because every people has different opinion. So I think you should ask your parents for their own opinions.”

“Well, that’s okay. Actually by forgetting my own voice, I think I will treasure my own voice more than before.”

“Some things are better unknown and unanswered, anyway.” 

A/N: HAH FINALLY!

Finally I reached the final chapter!!! I actually have written this chapter halfway months before on my laptop, but then my laptop's broken down, again. It's an old laptop anyway, but after that, I suddenly didn't have any inspiration to make a new one. So I decided to make this from 2 days ago with much difficulty (since actually Sehun's character here, is very hard to write so I need tons of inspiration), and I finally could upload it today~ \(^^ \)(/ ^^)/ 

I hope you could enjoy this very last chapter, and I hope you like this story! I'm really sorry to keep you waiting for months, please understand me OTL

I really thank you for your patience and your excitement for this story. Your comments really made my day. So, please comment and put a piece of your mind about this story in the comment box! I sincerely thank you *big bow for you all* and love you all!

Bye! See you in my other fanfics!