H y o y e o n’s

4^th April

04^th April 2001

 

Actually this is one year after I joined this huge company. One year before, I got the casting and showed off my ability in dance, because actually I don’t really catch the singing ability. I loved dance so bad. Fortunately, the trainers want to recruit me as one of their trainee. Just say I’m lucky enough.

Yesterday, I got another selection. I’m not in my good condition, so I got the bottom three positions. It’s really scary because two of us will reject from the company. I can’t lose here, I have a stack of dreams to proven. I bowed my head as the trainer read the name to be rejected. Lee Seohee, Kim Hyoyoon. I raised my head and look at the trainer, is it me? I’m rejected? God, please.

The trainer knew my weariness and said the last name once again, and I can clearly hear it. It’s not my name. I exhaled with a lot of thanked to God. I can’t clearly express my happiness, because there two of my friends (actually I can’t recognize who they are) that rejected from the company. The situation became gloomy, and then the trainer separated us in group. And why they put me in boy’s class? Since I don’t really care about it, so I didn’t find the reason. The trained time made me and this personality. Sooyoung said that I’m a person of mood. Hey, that’s you whom like that. Aish, my roommate.

Since I was put in boy’s class, I can’t really talk with everyone. The boys have their own arranged with whom they want to talk or play. Aish, such a nuisance. I just sat on the corner when it’s time to take a rest.

“Sorry, but can you moved a bit?” I looked up to see the one who talked. I think I know him, but again I can’t recognize him. I moved as he wants. He sat beside of me. We don’t chat. Just sit.

A week later, I know his name. Lee Hyukjae. His moved and his dance was well-great. He can do the locking and popping easily. He is a funny person. It seems like my comedic connection well-match with him. We can jokes around when the rest time come. I thanked enough for him because he always asked me if I alone in the corner.

 

4^th April 2002

 

I’m still in the dance class, but now I got another class. I got the singing class. Actually it’s more tiring. And that’s why I’m still loved dance more than anything. I must leave in singing class longer than in dance class. They said that I must improve my singing ability. They said my dance was great and I mustn’t worry about that. Guys, you didn’t know I loved that stuff, it’s not that I must worry or not about it.

“Where have you been?” Hyukjae asked me when I get my precious time with dance class.

“I got the singing class, and they said my singing was bad, so I spent my whole time there.”

“Yeah, I think they’re right,” he uttered.

“Do you want to die soon?”

“Okay, let me prepare the coffin. You want to kill me in soft or hard way?” he asked.

“Maybe I’ll go with the soft one,” I replied and we chuckled.

Since I got that singing class, so I fixed my schedule between school and dance class. I used my Sunday for dance class. Hhh, can the government made one day more after Sunday so I can take a rest?

When I was finished my dance class, I saw the television in the lobby and I was surprised when I saw him with another trainee. He looked so innocent, or maybe he pretended to do that? Ah, he must be pretended. He was there with H.O.T sunbaenim.

“Ah, you watch it?” he talked beside me and a little surprise me.

“God! You surprised me.”

“Wae? Aish, Hyoyeon-ah, let’s go!”

“Wait! Where are we going?”

“I’ll buy you hamburger.”

“Do you being possessed?” I checked his temperature.

“Ya!” he shoved my hand and pinched my nose. “Kkaja!”

And here we are. Holding the hamburger and walked in the public park. When we passed by, there are a lot of couples that have their dating. Aish.

Suddenly, Hyukjae-oppa pointed at one of them, when I looked the boy was kneeled and showed the girl a ring. Wow just wow! Hyukjae-oppa and I laughed and looked to another couples. One of them is feed each other, then another is tickling each other, another is chatting.

“Hyoyeon-ah, let’s pretend that we’re a couple.”

“Aish, are you kidding? Don’t go with that stupid thing.”

“Ya! It will be funny. Let’s make a big fuss in the company.”

“Oppa, who think who you are, we’re not debut yet, nor an artist.” Hyukjae-oppa seemed thought about my words. Then he faced me with his gummy smile.

“It’s okay, maybe it’ll big fuss if we reach our tenth anniversary.”

“Do you that confidence? So, we’ll pretend until ten years?” he nodded confidently.

“Hyoyeon-ah, eotte?” I frowned and then nodded.

 

4^th April 2003

 

It’s our first anniversary and like we predict before. It’s not a big fuss for the company. Because we still trainee, there no paparazzi that took our photo secretly or got anger from the CEO because this ‘fake’ relationship.

“Oppa, there are no big fuss happen.” I mumbled when we’re on the middle of practice.

“We must be patient, Hyoyeon-ah. It will. Believe me it will happen.”

“Ya! Don’t you think what the advantage of this fake for us?”

“Because it’s not a big fuss yet, so we can’t really feel what the advantages for us.”

“You and this unbelievable relationship.”

“Wae? Later, the headline will say ‘The Greatest Machine Dance’s Couple had made’.”

“Oppa, you have any plastic?”

“No. for what?”

“I think I want to puke.”

“Are you pregnant? We didn’t make it before!” he beamed like a crazy person.

“Ya! You and your pollution mind!” I pushed his face and continued my practice. I can see the reflection of his gummy smile on the mirror.

 

4^th april 2004

 

I sneaked out in the dawn to go outside the dorm. It’s all because I had made an appointment earlier with Hyukjae-oppa. Besides that, when the morning came, I’ll go to China. The company wants me to learn about Chinese and its language. They said it’s important for me after debut. Will I debut? I still doubt for it. Because there are a lot of group that failed to debut.

We met up at the park near my dorm. I waited for him ten minutes, and then he came. With his hoodie and a box in his left hand.

“You’re late ten minutes.” I said.

“Sorry, I got up a little late.”

“Okay, so why you want to meet?”

“Is it too straightforward? You must calmed me down, or maybe plead me to take a seat.”

“Mwo? For what?”

“Kim Hyoyeon.”

“Ne ne, please take a seat.” He sat down and wiped his sweat. He looked so messy, I helped him to wipe his sweat with my hands.

“Here, take it with you.”

“What is this?” I asked and opened the box. A tiffany’s bracelet.

“Oppa?”

“It’s from my mother. She told me to wear it. She said it will give you luck. Take that.”

“No, it’s for you. Take it with you so your debuts will success.”

“You need this to pass the exam.”

I take the bracelet and look at it still. It’s beautiful enough. Simple.

 “Are you sure?” I asked him once again and he nodded.

“I heard that you will go there with Siwon. Really Hyoyeon-ah, be carefull!”

“Why? Is he a bad guy?”

“More than that.” I just can frown and then we talked as usual. When it comes to morning, we separated and I prepare for the trip.

I meet with Siwon-oppa. He is really handsome. Cool. Well-mannered. Good looking. Err, how can I put this one, err, breathtaking? He is really different with Hyukjae-oppa. He is monkey-face. Childish. Average-mannered. Usual. He is just like that. I frowned when I remembered Hyukjae-oppa said I must be careful of this person. Why? He is really gentleman. Lee Hyukjae, are you jealous?

 

4^th April 2005

 

My trainer said that I was chosen to be one of girl band that will be debut. I’m happy to hear that, so I’ll go to tell Hyukjae-oppa. Now, we’re separated. He will debut first with his band. Really, when I knew that, I envy him. But he coos me with say that I’ll debut too. Yeah, I hope I got my chance. Someday.

I meet him in the dressing room. Wow, it’s really filled with the members. Actually they will be one of boy band with the biggest number in members. Can you imagine a boy band with twelve members? He once told me that his boy band will go with graduating concept, like one of girl band from Japan. What’s their name, ah, I don’t really pay attention for this one. I think it’s Morning Musume.

“Oppa!” he saw me and stopped chatting with one of his best friend, Lee Donghae.

“Why you come?”

“You must be happy that I go to meet you.”

“Sooner or later, there will be a lot of girls that want to meet with me.” He said like celebrity he is.

“Ne, go with your fans. I’ll go.” I turned my body, and he grabbed my right elbow.

“Aish, what a girl. So, why you want to meet with me? Is there something you want to talk?”

We walked to the bench and take a seat.

“I want to congrats you. Besides that, I’ll go debut too.” I said happily.

“Really? Ah, finally the big fuss will come!”

“Really oppa, you still thinking of that?”

“A bit,” he said, while I took out my cell phone and go to the camera’s menu.

“Let’s take a picture before you debut,” he fixed up his hair and I just chuckled when I see him do that weird stuff. Click!

“Look that! I don’t know I can be really that handsome.”

“Yeah, you’re too handsome that I want to eat.”

“Kim Hyoyeon,” he will do that, called my name if he is really irritated with my habit.

“Ya! Lee Hyukjae!” I heard Donghae-oppa called him to go back. It’s their time to take MV shooting. He faced me and tells me to pray for him.

“I will pray for you.”

“Thanks,” then he hugged me. It’s the first time he hugged me. Four years I’ve known him and three years with this ‘fake’ relationship, this the very first time we act like we’re really a couple. He released me and went to Donghae-oppa.

 

4^th April 2006

 

We meet up in SM rooftop. He looked tired and pale. We’re sitting in bench.

“Oppa, are you okay?” I checked his temperature. His body temperature is a bit warm. I guessed he got cold.

“I think I’m not that okay,” he shoved my hand and changed the position. He lay on the bench, he lifting his leg on the bench’s arm and his head on my lap.

“Have you been okay?” he looked at me. His hand shove my hair that blow a little because of the wind.

“Of course, oppa are you okay?” I hold his hand.

“I just worried. The year have passed, it’s 2006. According to the plan, I’ll graduate from the group, right? But, I’ve lost my confidence. Will I be okay if I am not Super Junior 05? Will I survive with this world? Will I give up?” I know he is worry. Even I’m not debut yet, I can feel what he feels. This world is scary enough and really frustrating.

I said I know that feeling, but I can’t do something to make him feel better. Aish, I think Sooyoung’s right. I’m a person of mood and this is the effect of that personality of mine. I just hold his hand and ruffled his hair gently.

I think he knew that I can’t do something that can comfort him. I heard him chuckled and played my hand that still hold his.

“It’s okay, Hyoyeon-ah.”

“What? What’s okay?” I eyed him probingly.

“Ya! Change your face. Don’t try to be cute,” he got up and eyed me playfully.

“Get off me!” I said when he tightened his hold on my hand. I shifted my gaze and give him a death glare. And now he laughed happily. He even touched his stomach. I got up, really irritated.

“Aish, ne, arasseo arasseo,” he stopped his laugh and pulled me to sit again. But suddenly I lost my balance and lucky enough he got my waist and make me fall into his lap. And god, how can we’re really this close? I can clearly see his eyes.

“You’re blushing,” he said straight in front of my face. Aish, this monkey.

“I put blush on. Aish,” I pushed his face with my free hand, make him laughed even more. I got up and about to leave him, but I looked back, “Oppa, if you need me, just, just say it,” I said as honest as I can.

“Ne,” he replied shortly.

 

4^th April 2007

 

“Is Lee Hyukjae happy now?” I that still pouring his famous gummy smile. Aish, is he that confident with that weird smile?

“Of course. It feels right. Just it,” he held my hand and pulled me to sit near him. Now, we’re in one of practice room. Well, this room seems haven’t any schedule to be used by the trainees.

Then I took something from my pocket and gave it to him.

“Is this?” he seemed to be known what’s inside the box. Right, that’s the bracelet she used to give me three years ago.

“I said you can keep it with you,” he eyed me curiously.

“Oppa, it has been with me for almost three years. It’s time to go with you.”

“But, you will debut soon,” he mumbled and bowed his head. I can see him puffing his cheeks a bit and played with the bracelet. Really it’s comfort to see him in his condition now. Aish.

“Oppa, this bracelet had given me a lot of luck’s, miracles and everything you called it as. Look, I can stand here to debut. Now, it’s time for it to show you its miracle.”

He looked at me and his lips turned to be curve. Finally, his mood bit up. He wears the bracelet and hides it under his jacket.

My phone vibrated. One message coming. I busied myself with Taeyeon’s message, when suddenly he called me

“Hyoyeon-ah,” I turned around and found that his nose touching mine. God! This is really close! Lee Hyukjae! Don’t go play with me! I tried to push his chest away, but his hand grabbed mine and hold it tight. Suddenly, he closed his eyes. Omo! Is he gonna kiss me? Really? Kiss? I shut my eyes as he leaned closer.

“HA! I got you!” I opened my eyes only to know he has been on the wooden floor. Laughing like crazy. How could I get to his trap? It’s really… Lee Hyukjae. I found my cheek burn in anger. It’s not funny. But again I remembered. We don’t have that kind of relationship. It’s not even real. Yeah, so go with your laugh. Fine. Go with it.

I refused to look at his face, when he tried to apologize. He even more teased me when I ignored him. Ya! What kind of person you are? I barked in my mind.

“Ya! Lee Hyukjae! Stop teasing me!” I can’t hold it. He makes me want to puke!

“Aigo, bwa bwa! Your face even more bitter than Heechul-hyung!” he started to pinch my cheek. Aish, I’m not a little kid. I shove his hand and again he grinned like there’s no tomorrow.

“Stop with your gummy!” I said harshly. He just stops pinching me and stared at me.

“Hyoyeon-ah, don’t you think it’s too rude for you as girl? I think how could you go on a date later with your boyfriend?”

“I will do it successfully and you will nag as hell.” I said and prepared to go out from that room.

“Ne, arasseo. Don’t go over with that temper, ne?”

“It’s none of your business,” finally I can sense someone kiss my right cheek, later I found he smiles. Not with that teasing or smug smile. Just plain smile. The best I could get.

 

4^th April 2008

 

 I can see the black ocean out there. Those little shade of pastel rose pink seems can’t defeat the black one.

It’s almost a half year after I debut with Girls’ Generation. But we’re more comfort with So Nyuh Shi Dae. Our real name.

I can see my entire member sad, they bowed their head. We can’t believe it. We’ve huge antis out there. I don’t know their reasons, but they can do that. I know that one never should be agree on one too. Even we’re nine, we always had a little fight when it comes for food. I can see Taeyeon is discussing with our manager find the best solution. Another just sits and seems hopeless. I thought what’s on Yoona’s mind? She always be the face for us. Get the first bashing, criticisms, bad comments, and even terror. Now, she just watches at that black ocean. Actually, we’re in SMTown Summer Concert.

“Yoona-ah, what’s on your mind?”

She looked at me then grin wider, “I’m sure, someday there will be huge of pastel rose pink out there!”

“How can you be that sure?”

“Lee Sooman songsaengnim said that our trip is waayyy long, it’s just the first red light. We must wait calmly until it turns to be green.”

I can see her eyes are sparkling, yet still a bit afraid. But, with her words I don’t know, I just believe it.

Then I see our sunbae approach us and give us spirit. Yeah, it’s just red light. Calmly, it will turn to be green. I believe that.

When we go on stage, we are accompanied by Super Junior oppas. They negotiated with the fans, and little by little the lightstick turn their color on. I can see the pearl sapphire blue comes first, I would love to thank to Leeteuk-oppa and Sungmin-oppa. They can coo them and finally the red from Cassiopeia. Also Sones, really there no words to describe how grateful us for having you. I see Yoona smiles at me, and there my smile comes up. Thanks deer, Sones and all the fans, where ever you come. I just want to thank.

I finished with my stuffs and ready to go to the van, when suddenly someone grabbed my hand take me to the other corner of the backstage.

“Oppa, why you tak—“ my word didn’t come up since he hug me tight.

“Are you worried?” he asked me. I would love to say that I’m not okay, that yet I’m still afraid. Think about the bashing, the criticisms. All freaking me out.

“I’m okay,” I said then patted his back softly.

“Oppa,” I called him, not comfortable because we might be seen by the other people.

“Sshh, just let it like this for a while,” I agreed and dammit! How can this cheeks blushing?

Then he released me. Thank god! You always help me. But, when I met his gaze, he still wondered if I’m really okay.

“Oppa, I told you I’m okay.”

“Ah, I should know that you’re not really a girl. You will be stunned for this.”

“Mwo? Repeat it once again! Am I just heard you say I’m not really a girl?” I widened my eyes. Lee Hyukjae, you just can’t get enough to tease me, huh?

“It’s true, right?” he raised his eyebrow. Really Hyukjae!

“So, why you asked me to be your fake girlfriend?”

“I’ve told you the reason why.”

“So you like a girl with boy attitude?”

“No,” he said bluntly.

“Okay, I’ll go to Sungmin-oppa! Sungmin-oppa!” I shouted his name and he smiled at me. I left him behind and approached my new favorite oppa.

 

4^th April 2009

 

And we come up with ‘Gee’. I thanked to God that our first mini album sold out. And it can beam the Kpop. How can I expect more?

Every day we have a pack of schedules. Now, we’re on KBS. Preparing for special stage. There also Super Junior comeback with their masterpiece ‘Sorry Sorry’. I’ve seen them stayed all night on the practice room. They have a lot of effort of course. I chuckled when Ryeowook-oppa said “Ige Mwoya?” when he first hears the song. He just too innocent to be lost. I also can see Hyukjae-oppa, or better I called him Eunhyuk? Like he always blabs on the show? Never mind. It’s not really important. He fell asleep on the practice room last night. Also the rest member of Super Junior. They’re really professional, even Heechul-oppa. He also sleeps there after hours practice and practice.

As always the rest of the guests come up to the stage at the end of the show. I can see Heechul-oppa and Shindong-oppa use their black glasses to hide their black panda on their eyes.

There are also members of 2PM. We and they also paired in some occasion, so it makes us little close. You can found tones articles about Yoona-Taecyon out there. I know they just friends, because I know how the hell Kyuhyun-oppa will be anger if he knows his girl hang out with that muscular guy. And I know Yoona just in love with that evil-magnae. They’re so childish when they have time to spend together. Noisy. Tickling. Pinching. Pouting. Spread ‘Ya!’ here and there.

“Hyoyeon-ssi!” I looked at my side and found Junho smiles friendly towards me. I smiled back.

“Hyoyeon-ssi, canyhgfayufe me?”

“Sorry, but I can’t hear it clearly.”

“Can youdskfh me?” I frowned at him, still didn’t catch what he wants to say. So, he comes closer and placed his mouth near my ear, “Can you tonight hang out with me?” I widened my eyes, and mouthing ‘Wae’. He just chuckled and mouthing ‘I’ll call you later.’

Yeah, just say that we’re close. He and I become friend when we meet on their shows with Boom-ssi. He is funny and friendly. He is an open-minded. He didn’t mind if we are in the middle of toys shop or another place that might be boring for guys.

It’s just spent two hours for our hang out and I decided to go to our dorm. But, when I want to push the lift button to losed. A hand appear and surprised. I was thought that the hand is a zombie. Because it has milky-white tone. Hyukjae-oppa come in. Then, just the two of us there. Silence.

Then the lift reach my floor, when I want to go out, his left hand blocked my way.

“Oppa, I’m tired. Don’t go play with other jocks.”

He just stood there. The lift’s door quietly closed again. I eyed him helplessly.

“Oppa, just tell me what’s wrong?” I still wait. He meets my eyes. Anger visible in his beautiful face.

“Don’t go with him again.”

Then I took something from my pocket and gave it to him.

“What? Why you act like we’re a real couple? We’re even not real. Yeah, not real. I just don’t understand why I can be this honest. Playing a stupid game of yours,” I reasoned out.

So, I can state that it’s the biggest fight we ever do along this ‘fake’ relationship.

“You get tired?” he asked me.

“Yes, I got it.”

“Because of this?” he asked again. No, it’s all because I think I’m in love with you, stupid.

I looked away and try not to let this stupid tears flowing down my cheeks. He held my chin and makes me meet his eyes. Those eyes.

“Then say it. Say you want this all over.” He offered.

“Yes, I want this over now. Don’t go mess my life again,” I said as blunt as I can. I shoved his hand and pushed the button on the left lift’s wall. It’s stopped. Right after I walked one step, he said, “Don’t turn around or stop. If you stop just for a while I will, I will hold you.”

I don’t know, I want to go. I want he goes. I want him.

I just step follow my legs where ever it wants to. He was gone. I threw myself on the side of the lobby. Lucky enough there were no one. Just me and this ing feeling.