It all just sounds like...
I remember how much you love to dance
NOTE: THE ITALICS ARE THE ONES THAT ARE ACTUALLY BEING SAID
A saturday night everyone in the dorm is out. I let out a heavy sigh. It's been weeks since I had some time alone.
Finally some time alone without those crazy bastards.
But I don't think it's a good idea to be alone tho. It just makes things worse.
I sit here on the bed and drink a can of beer. This is how I'll spend my night. Alone, silent. Atleast without those maniacs I call friends. Ha. Like I could call them my friends. They tell me your doing fine. But it just breaks me everytime I hear your name. Even everytime I hear our song.
Can we not talk about this?
The bed feels really soft and comfty.
Yeah. But it's never the same without you.
I'd like to think I'm big (well I really am) and that beds don't really fit me well like there's never enough space. But tonight, it feels a just little bit bigger.
Looking back and rememberting about the things i did, it all just sounds like....
Hah.
Can we just blame it all to my immaturity?
I know I'm still young and learning.
But deep love really is hard.
Deep cuts they leave can be too much at times.
And I didn't know it was that deep until..
It hit me hard.
That I should've realized that time you were happy with your wushu getting better.
I should've congratulated you because it really matters to you.
Should've bought you a gift like a Gucci,or a flower.
I should've comforted you when you missed the auditions at that something-awesome Dance group.
I should've remembered even just to hold your hands.
There's a long list on the things I missed and did only bad things.
But how was I supposed to know?
I'm a captain of the basketball teams I have responsibilities too.
I was tired every night after the practices that I just wanted to sleep and not cuddle with you.
I am too busy to wait for you as you try and perfect some move either about wushu or dancing.
I was too preoccupied that I started hitting on Chanyeol instead.
There's a lot of stupid things, Stupid stupid stupid dumb things why you left me.
And I never did once said I'm sorry, right? Because you just left.
And you walking out of my life...
I just like to think it doesn't really matter.
Well, it doesn't.
And that sounds like bull.
If you wanted the colors of the roses so much, you could've just asked for one.
If you liked to show our intimacy to others, you should've just told me.
If you really liked to go on to that party some guy with those thick eyeliner threw, you could've just dragged me.
If you really felt that I was slipping, you should've held on tighter.
Now, look I'm blaming it all on you, again.
Damn . I should've just slept earlier if I knew these stupid thoughts would come rushing in. Breaking me like an idiot. (Which everybody knows I really am.)
Yet for once, Kris. You should know how to be honest with yourself.
And stop being the duizhang every single moment of your life ((that actually lead to losing him.))
That now it hurts you so much you can't even say his name even in your thoughts.
Ah, But I'm still Wu Yifan. I'm a hella strong guy.
Strong enough to actually say these words out loud even when there's no one listening but my can of beer that's actually crushed now.
I take a deep breath and it hurts. Because I hell know those stupid coing tears are coming. And I can't do anything but-
I'm sorry, I was wrong.
I know.
I was so wrong in every ways that you left me.
Because you without me seems better right?
And that I'm sorry doesn't cover every bad things I did.
And it's probably too late.
But I want you to know...
That I miss you nagging me about the new flowers you saw down at the garden.
That even if we were together for a long time you were still too shy to hold my hands.
And that I really miss holding your hands.
That I wanted to spend every moment of my life with you.
Not with Chanyeol, or with the Basketball team.
That I like you doing your wushu, asking for more Guccis, and eventually breaking out to a dance just for the heck of it.
And that with the long list of the Reasons Why You Left Me, you weren't able to see that at the back of it was a longer list of the Things I Wanted To Do With You.
And that I loved you,
And that I still do.
Even if it's over between us now.
I miss you, Tao.
And with all these flashbacks and daydreams about you, reality kicked in and I realized that I'm alone in a room I use to call ours. That I'm on the bed holding the pillow of yours that still has your scent. That all you could hear in this dorm is my muffled cries and sobs. And that I'm still the very stupid and very lonely, Yi fan.
So I stop.
And wipe away my own tears.
Because I should be fine since you are.
Since I heard you're doing well now.
And I should really really really stop remembering the things we use to do.
And the things you did to me.
Because I heard you're happy.
I heard you still visit that garden you really liked.
I heard you go to all the party that Baekyeol guy throws.
I heard everybody sees and applauds you as you dance.
And that right now you're dancing.
But you're dancing with another man.
NOTE: SO IS THIS WHAT THEY CALL A DRABBLE OKAY I JUST WANTED TO WRITE THIS OUT AS FAST AS I CAN IM SORRY GUYS I HOPE YOU LIKED IT :)
AND THAT YOU'LL LEAVE SOME LOVE ON THE COMMENT BOX MAYBE
CR: TO THE OWNER BYE
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