2. Success

Krystal stood in front of the building that towered over her. The pre-teen felt a tad intimidated, but was absolutely determined to climb to the top, even if she had to take it one agonizing step at a time. With a deep breath, she walked bravely into the lion’s den.

The first thing she noticed was that the building looked like a workplace. The floor was literally sparkling and there were even a couple of guards strolling around the main lobby. Krystal suddenly felt like a speck of dust as adults rushed past her, her tiny form getting lost in the flurry of activity.

Krystal looked back towards the door of the building, her heart aching a little.

At least her sister had her dad to comfort her then.

Krystal had no one.

She knew that her father had divorced her mother and left home, but the reason was still a mystery to her. Even after finding out the truth, she still couldn’t bring herself to hate her father, not when all her memories of him were warm caring hands with a comforting smile.

Especially since most of her times of happiness had been with him.

Suddenly, Krystal felt like a kid, and she was so close to breaking into tears and throwing a huge tantrum. However, she schooled herself for what was to come and solemnly made her way into the building. She was tall for her age, and did not particularly need to tiptoe to see over the receptionist desk (which she was sure her sister had to do).

“Excuse me, sir?”

The receptionist looked up from his work impassively.

“Yes?”

“Erm, I’m Krystal and I’m joining the Entertainment-“

“Papers, please.”

Krystal gingerly drew out the papers from her sling bag and passed it to the receptionist, who scrutinised it carefully before reaching out for the phone.

“New trainee.”

He said simply, and placed the phone down. Handing the papers back to Krystal, he kindly asked her to wait for someone to her to her dormitory. Krystal stood there awkwardly, fiddling with her hands before playing with her luggage handle. She was feeling no less terrified at this point.

“Krystal, right? Come with me.”

She jumped at the man’s voice and barely had time to react as he took her suitcase and walked off. A bit stunned by the cold treatment, Krystal hurried after him while gawking at the posters of famous artists splattered on the wall.

There were posters of H.O.T,  S.E.S, Shinhwa, TVXQ and Super Junior. But once Krystal saw the poster of Boa, her favourite idol, she had to forcefully supress a squeal by biting on her bottom lip and clenching her fist. With a new spring in her step, Krystal followed cheerfully behind her , fantasizing about meting the famous singer.

“Hello!”

Krystal spun around only to be greeted by an eyesmile. The girl standing there had short hair that was in an absolute mess, and the girl added to that mess by scratching her head. She seemed friendly enough, and Krystal noted the heavy American accent in her Korean. For the ease of the both of them, she smiled and answered in English,

“Hello.”

The girl’s grin grew wider and she clapped her hands, startling Krystal a little.

“You speak English too?”

Krystal nodded warily and the girl beamed before rattling off,

“I came from the states, so I only know a little Korean. It’s really tough trying to communicate with my horrible Korean, and I usually get teased. But I’m glad that you speak English too! That’s another English-speaker to add to our little group!”

Krystal nodded slowly and snuck a peek behind her. Upon seeing her waiting patiently for her, she heaved a sigh of relief. She was scared he had run off without her. Suddenly, she frowned and looked back at the guy, before mentally rolling her eyes when she realised he was practically drooling over the newcomer.

He’s not so nice after all…

“I’m Stephanie, what about you?”

Krystal snapped back to the present and smiled,

“I’m Krystal.”

“Krystal?”

Two voices exclaimed at once. Another noticeably shorter girl walked out of a dance room and joined Tiffany before the both of them gawked at her. Krystal shifted uncomfortably under their gaze.

“Is…Is something wrong?”

The shorter girl suddenly muttered to herself,

“They do look alike…. A bit. But doesn’t she look more like Yoona?”

Tiffany simply nodded in agreement with her. Krystal was getting more and more confused by the second and decided to address the short girl, in Korean this time.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Krystal Jung, or Soojung, whichever you would like to call me. What is your name?”

The two girls exchanged a look at each other and the shorter one broke into a lopsided grin,

“I’m Kim Taeyeon. Nice to meet you too.”

Tiffany was practically bursting with excitement.

“Your sister is Jessica, right? Your sister is our good friend!”

Tiffany grinned, clapping her hands in excitement while Taeyeon inched away from Tiffany, pretending that she did not know the hyper girl. Krystal’s smile died once they mentioned her sister, but Tiffany did not seem to notice.

“She’s a great singer! It’s really an honour to know her, though she’s pretty…icy.”

Taeyeon was muttering to herself as she tried to understand what Tiffany had said,

“Seen-ga. Seen-ga?”

Tiffany noticed Taeyeon and playfully slapped her shoulder as well,

“You’re a good singer as well!”

Taeyeon gave a half-hearted smile and nodded, pretending she understood what Tiffany had said, before she hunched her back and brooded over the meaning of the mysterious ‘seen-ga’. Krystal had been absolutely silent, but she decided to speak up.

“I’m… We’re not really on good terms now. I’m sorry, I have to go.”

Tiffany blinked and her eyes darted to the side, realising that she had probably brought up a very touchy topic.

“Okay then,” Tiffany answered weakly, “bye.”

Taeyeon’s head suddenly shot up at Tiffany’s words and grinned, waving her hand while proudly reciting one of the only English phrases she knew.

“Bye!”

Tiffany shot Taeyeon a look and the latter slowly retracted her hand before biting her lip. Maybe she had used the word in the wrong context?

Krystal simply waved and started to walk off, while her finally managed to tear his eyes off the two beauties to lead Krystal to her destination.  When Krystal arrived at her room, she thanked the politely before quickly locking herself in the room.

For some reason that she did not understand, tears started to trickle down her cheeks and she stuffed her face into a pillow, silently crying herself to sleep.

Little did she know that tears would lull her to sleep for a very very long time.

~

Of course, it was not long before the sisters came face to face.

It was just a normal day. Krystal had gotten up at the crack of dawn, locked herself up in the bathroom and practiced smiling in the mirror. Then she cleaned herself up, waited for her puffy eyes to return to normal before she walked out of her dorm.

Her heart ached to see her beloved sister again.

She felt lonely, extremely lonely as she walked through the noisy corridor. All around her, people were chatting with each other, their arms hooked together or a casual arm around the other’s shoulder. Krystal bit her lip and navigated carefully through the crowd before turning into an empty corridor and stopping.

She could barely stand the pressure.

 Taking a few deep breaths, she steeled herself to face the loneliness in the face again before turning around. Her breath caught in as her eyes were drawn to a figure heading past her.

Her sister looked so different. She carried herself with an air of confidence as she floated down the corridor, smiling at the trainees that greeted her. The girl that she had first talked to- Tiffany , if she remembered correctly- was skipping beside her sister with the same bubbliness. The two of them attracted the glances from all the boys as they gawked at the two beauties that snagged everyone’s attention with their overwhelming presence. Krystal let out the breath she had been holding.

Was that really her sister?

Just then, Jessica looked straight at Krystal. Their gazes locked and something indiscernible flickered in the older girl’s eyes. Tiffany glanced at the direction Krystal was in as well and stopped dead in her tracks, forcing Jessica to come to a halt as well. Lifting her hand, Tiffany gestured to Krystal while whispering something to Jessica. Jessica sighed heavily before walking over to her frozen sister.

“You’re here.”

Jessica said flatly, her eyes flickering up and down Krystal’s body. Krystal felt a rush of warmth, a pull out of the endless void of loneliness she was in and she smiled the first genuine smile ever since she had entered the company.

“Sica Unnie, listen, I’m sorry-“

“Sorry, I have to go.”

Krystal froze as a wave of chilliness ran through her body. Jessica was looking blankly at her, without a shred of the happiness that she used to have when the two of them were together. Krystal withered slightly.  Was her effort to get closer to her sister backfiring on her?

“Unnie..”

“Bye. Take care.”

With that, Jessica spun around and headed back to Tiffany, who was eyeing her with a frown. Tiffany reached out and patted Jessica’s back before the two continued on their journey.

As Krystal watched from the side lines, Jessica once again smiled at all the strangers walking past. Something cracked inside Krystal’s chest, and she found herself wishing to see the warm smile directed to her again. She could feel tears welling up but she forced them down, instead lifting her chin and walking towards the practice room she was supposed to be in.

She had to be strong.

~

After a gruelling two years, Krystal had changed. Her body had slimmed down from the regular practices and her face grew gaunter, just as the public would want it. A cold exterior enveloped the younger girl, and she was known for being nonchalant and detached despite her good looks. The only few that were able to break into her defences were three girls.

The jolly Luna, who’s persistence almost had Krystal irritated as she stuck to the latter like glue, rambling on and on about everything under the sun. It was a while before the older girl began to rub off on Krystal with her cheerful personality and finally Krystal began to laugh along to her jokes, sealing the friendship despite them being polar opposites.

The cool Amber had waltzed into Krystal’s life after they had been paired up to help each other with Korean. Krystal, as usual, quickly made sure Amber was fully aware that she had no intention to become friends. However, the quiet teen soon drew her in with their uncanny similarities, and she had proved to be an excellent listener concerning Krystal’s problems. When Amber subtly questioned whether they were friends, she was instantly accepted into Krystal’s little circle.

The bubbly Sulli was Krystal’s little baby. For some reason, the innocence Sulli radiated had immediately gotten past Krystal’s barriers and she quickly took Sulli under her wing, easily confronting anyone that dared to bully the little girl. Though she was reeling with shock when she found out that she was younger than the girl, her cold personality still softened whenever she was with Sulli and she continued taking care of her, earning herself an affectionate nickname “Krystal ‘unnie’”.

Jessica and Krystal barely met each other and when they did, they hardly talked. A basic hello would be exchanged, but Jessica was always ‘busy’ and constantly left Krystal staring forlornly at her retreating back. Her newfound friends knew of her predicament and constantly gave support to her and sometimes Amber even glared at Jessica when they passed her.

It was just another day, and Krystal was working hard at her study table, muttering Chinese words to herself as she tried to grasp the basics of the complicated language. The door was pushed open softly and Sulli quietly took a seat next to Krystal. Krystal ignored her for a while, her mind concentrated on her current work. Finally, once she was satisfied that she wouldn’t lose the information that she had just gained, she turned towards Sulli.

“Is anything wrong?”

Sulli looked down and sighed,  before saying in a small voice,

“Erm… Your sister’s going to be debuting… I just thought that I should let you know..”

The words slowly sank in and Krystal froze. The dreams of the both of them together on the stage seemed to break in front of her eyes, the crack of pain running throughout her body making her gasp. Forcing her eye to close, she took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself and she forced back her tears. Krystal swallowed bravely and tried to supress the immense hurt that pulsed through her, even though her effort was almost useless.

Be strong, be strong.

 She looked up at Sulli and cracked a little smile, trying to convince her that she was okay.

“I’m fine.”

Sulli instantly tackled Krystal in a hug and Krystal broke. Tears rushed freely down her cheeks and Sulli the younger girl’s hair comfortingly.

“You’ll make it one day, Krystal. Don’t give up.”

Krystal sobbed harder and tightened her grip on Sulli. Sulli’s shirt was soaked but the girl paid no heed to it, slowly swaying as she hummed a comforting tune. They both stayed in that position for a long time, the Chinese work on the table long forgotten.

~

The backstage room was in a frenzy as everyone scrambled to get the nine girls ready. The members were each doing their own thing; some were doing their own vocal warm-ups, some were going through the choreography again and some were simply sitting there blankly.

Jessica was the only one sitting at the make-up table getting her make-up reapplied. She had cried on her way to the venue and ruined her make-up, causing her to sit nervously at the seat as the make-up artist gently reprimanded her. Jessica was scared stiff, with her debut so close she could almost touch it.

A comforting hand suddenly touched her shoulder and looked up to see Taeyeon smiling warmly at her. Their leader had been going around, checking that all the members were okay and giving them moral encouragement. It was no different for Jessica; Taeyeon petted her head and pinched her cheek with a cheeky grin, eliciting a small smile from Jessica.

“You’ll be fine.”

Taeyeon grinned, before quickly moving on to Tiffany who was repeatedly chanting her lines over and over in the corner, looking as if she was about to have an anxiety attack. Jessica smiled faintly again before staring at herself in the mirror, taking deep breaths to calm herself down. As she observed her reflection quietly, the dressing room door opened and a face peered in nervously. Jessica saw the movement from the corner of her eye and immediately, her attention snapped to the person.

Sunny, who was standing nearest to the door, smiled comfortingly at the visitor and immediately shouted across the room,

“SICA!”

Jessica instantly got up and headed over towards the door. Coming to a stop at the doorway, Jessica bit her lip. She couldn’t bring herself to look into her sister’s eyes and instead focused on a spot just above her shoulder.

“Krystal.”

Jessica said, squirming slightly. Krystal clenched her fists to hold back the tears at Jessica’s detached voice, but suddenly rushed at her sister, catching her by surprise as she enveloped her in a hug. Jessica stood there awkwardly and tried her best to dam her tears (she could not ruin her make-up again) as her little sister whispered,

“Good luck, Unnie.”

Jessica awkwardly returned the hug, alarmed at how skinny Krystal had become. It was as if she were hugging a skeleton. Her heart broke as she finally noticed how tall Krystal was, how much her little baby had grown.

You’re an adult now.

“Thank you.”

Jessica said softly, her voice cracking slightly but she quickly steeled it to make it sound strong, because that was how she had to be. She wanted to be the perfect role model for her sister and be the one her sister wanted to surpass, just so that she could get better and reach greater heights than Jessica could ever reach. The whimper from Krystal nearly caused the waterfall of tears from Jessica’s eyes to fall, but Jessica stayed strong, squeezing her sister once before releasing her.

With a grin, she ruffled Krystal’s hair, even though she had to stretch all the way up to reach her sister’s head. Seeing Krystal’s sorrowful eyes, Jessica nearly crumpled and a wave of guilt washed over her.  She wanted to tell her sister she was sorry that she was never there and how she wasn’t a good older sister, but remained clamped shut. Krystal opened , closed it awkwardly, before opening it once more to speak again,

“I’ll be watching from the audience.”

Silence fell over the sisters and Krystal forced a smile. Jessica wavered but she smiled as well, reaching out to grab her sister’s hands.

“I’ll look for you.”

As if the bond they had connected again, they both smiled again. Both of them held back the tears as they stepped back at the same time, waving to each other. Jessica watched as Krystal turned and disappeared down the corridor, before turning towards her members and announcing,

“I won’t cry. No matter what, I won’t cry. I swear I won’t.”

Not with my sister watching.

~

“Hello! We are Girl’s Generation! Please take care of us!”

The nine girls on stage bowed politely before flashing smiles at the audience. Krystal leant against a pillar at the side, with a small smile on her face. She watched as her sister quickly ran to her position before her eyes scanned through the crowd. Finally, the sisters' eyes met and Krystal smile grew wider. Raising a fist, she mouthed the word ‘hwaiting’. Jessica smiled at her and she could have sworn she saw tears welling up in the older girl’s eyes. However, the tears disappeared as quickly as they had come and Jessica lowered her head, bracing herself for the music to start.

The first notes rang throughout the venue and the nine girls seemed to start shining, their glow reaching till the very ends of the room. In perfect synchronization, they fanned out before turning to face the audience, and Krystal could not contain the burst of pride she felt when Jessica raised her head, determination sparkling in her eyes.

With that, the nine girls poured their hearts out on stage. Somehow, Krystal felt the song was for her, and she did not miss the constant glances that Jessica sent her way.

I want to tell you, even though the sad times have already past
Close your eyes and feel, how you affect my mind, how you attract my gaze.

Don't wait for a miracle, there's a rough road in front of us
with obstacles and future that can't be known, yet I won't change, I can't give up.

Keep your love unchanging for my wounded heart
Looking in your eyes, no words are needed, time has stopped.

I love you, just like this. The longed end of wandering.
I leave behind this world's unending sadness.
Walking the many and unknowable paths, I follow a dim light.
It's something we'll do together to the end, into the new world.

Don't wait for a miracle, there's a rough road in front of us
with obstacles and future that can't be known, yet I won't change, I can't give up.

Keep your love unchanging for my wounded heart
Looking in your eyes, no words are needed, time has stopped.

I love you, just like this. The longed end of wandering.
I leave behind this world's unending sadness.
Walking the many and unknowable paths, I follow a dim light.
It's something we'll do together to the end, into our new world.

Feeling alone in this dark dark night
Your soft breath,
This moment, warmly entwines me in your presence.
I want you to know all my tremors

I love you, just like this. The longed end of wandering.
I leave behind this world's unending sadness.
Walking the many and unknowable paths, I follow a dim light.
It's something we'll do together to the end, into our new world.

The song ended and cheers resonated from the crowd. Fans screamed their hearts out as the nine girls bowed again. A tear trickled down Krystal’s cheek and she wiped it away roughly, settling her gaze back on the shining form of her beloved sister and finally allowed herself to smile.

One day, I’ll join you up there.

Just wait, Sica-Unnie, Krys is coming.