After checking Victoria out from the hospital, I found her staring blankly on a bench in the hospital’s garden, wearing the clothes she was wearing yesterday; a t-shirt and sweats. She looked cold as her thin arms wrapped themselves around her body, even though the morning sun was beating directly down on her.

    “Hey, you okay?” I asked and she looked up at me, her face pale and tired. She nodded and we were both silent after that.

    We rode a taxi cab back to Victoria’s apartment and both of us were staring out the window, heavy silence filling the small space in the cab. Even the driver looked uncomfortable as he took nervous glances at us through the rear-view mirror. I let out a sigh.

    Everything was a confusing haze. Nothing but smudges of grey. What’s going to happen now? Should I tell everyone about Victoria’s condition even though Victoria worked so hard to keep it a secret? Should I just go back to my life back in Korea and pretend nothing ever happened? But I should stay, right? But if I stay then what should I do? Can I even take care of someone who’s physically and emotionally unstable?

    I remembered what Dr. Zhu said to me at the hospital, before I checked Victoria out.

    If you’re going to stay with Qian then you need to know that she’s not the same girl you knew before, I didn’t understand what Dr. Zhu was trying to imply but I knew it was something bad. Just prepare yourself, was all she said.

    I turned to glance back at Victoria and she was fast asleep. Her face looked restless and I had the urge to touch her thin face, fragile and delicate looking. But I supressed myself and continued looking out the window, everything passed by with a blur, just like my mind was.

I typed my name on the search bar and nothing unusual came up. I checked my e-mail and there were over a hundred messages from my members, Victoria’s members, my manager, her manager and my company, all asking where the hell I was.

    “Where am I?” I looked up from my laptop placed on the kitchen counter and smiled as Victoria got up from the couch, stifling a yawn. “What time is it?” She asked groggily.

    “It’s almost 8.” I said as I got up from the stool and grabbed a mug off the dish-rack and started making coffee.

    “8?” I heard her ask softly behind me. “P.M?!” She suddenly yelled. I turned around and she was supporting herself up on the counter. I placed the mug in front of her as I took a seat back on my stool, opposite from where she stood.

    “Yeah, I was worried I might have to take you back to the hospital if you didn’t wake up in the next few hours.” Victoria smiled at me wryly as she took a seat opposite from me, taking a sip of the coffee.

    “Thanks but no thanks.” She took another sip. “I’m sick of that place.” Her expression suddenly darkened as she stared at the blue coloured mug in her hands.

    “Are you hungry?” I asked as I got up, distracting her. She finally snapped out of her thoughts and placed a hand on her stomach, a small smile on her face as she nodded.

    I opened up the fridge, took out three eggs and some vegetables and took out the soy sauce and sesame oil out from the cabinet. I grabbed a frying pan and spatula from the bottom cabinet and started making my homemade soy-omelette.

    “If I’m correct, this is my kitchen.” I heard Victoria asked behind me as I chopped up some vegetables.

    “Yeah, and?”

    “And I’m wondering why you know where everything is? I swear, you’re better in my kitchen than I am.” I glanced over my shoulder to throw her a smirk and then chuckled as I dumped the chopped vegetables in a bowl.

    “You were asleep.” I cracked open the eggs and pour them in with the vegetables. “And I was bored.” I whisk the eggs with some soy sauce and sesame oil. “So I did some exploring. I know I said this before but your house is really nice.” A smile was on my lips as I pour the eggs in the frying pan, the pan hissing loudly.

    “Thanks.” She said dryly, probably annoyed.

    When the eggs were perfectly cooked in a thick fluffy pancake-shaped, I placed it on a plate and served it to Victoria. She stared at it with eyes that were wide and starving. I handed her a fork and she started scoffing the omelette. A soft chuckle escaped my lips as I watch her drink down the omelette and she stopped to glare at me.

    “What?” She asked, mouth full. I shook my head.

    “Nothing. Just glad you like it.” She harrumphed as she took the last bite.

    “It was okay.” She agreed mildly before grinning at me. “Thanks Chef Khun.” I chuckled again as she lightly hopped off the stool and skipped towards the couch, plopping herself with a soft thud. “What are you looking at? Go clean-up.” I raised an eyebrow at her.

    “By myself?”

    “Yes, by yourself.” She laughed when I made a face at her but complied anyway. I grabbed her plate and started washing the dishes and utensils I’d used.

    The room was quiet except for the sound of streaming water from the sink.

    “Nichkhun-ssi?”

    “Hm?” I said without looking at her.

    “Are these yours?” I turned off the water and dried my hands with a paper towel. I turned around towards Victoria who was squatting in front of my red suitcase placed by the front door. I ran a hand nervously through my hair.

    “Yeah.” I said hesitantly. “Why?”

    “Why is it here?” Victoria got up on her feet and sat on the armrest of the couch, her arms crossed, eyebrow raised.

    “Because…” I trailed, no intention of continuing.

    “Because?” I let out an exasperated sigh. Might as well say it.

    “I decided to stay here for a while.” I explained. She was silent for a moment, opening and closing like a fish.

    “What?” She asked softly, as if she didn’t hear what I had said.

    “I said, I’m staying.” I repeated, my tone firm.

    “And why are you staying?” Her voice was still in control but I could sense her anger boiling.

    “I promised your doctor I’ll take care of you, didn’t I?” I reasoned and then shrugged. “Besides, you need to be under supervision.”

    “Supervision? From you?”

    “Yeah.” She sighed as she massaged her temples with one hand.

    “Nichkhun, don’t do this. I’m thankful for everything but go home.” She looked back up at me, her eyes pleading. “I don’t need any of this.” I almost agreed to it when I saw how serious she was being but instead I shook my head.

    “No. If you want me to go then I’ll have you sent back to the hospital.” I crossed my arms and looked at her seriously.

    “Are you actually threatening me?” Her voice was now raised, almost hysteric.  To be honest, I was a bit scared to answer her. She looked like she could strangle me at any moment. I cleared my throat and put on a calm but serious expression on.

    “If that is what it takes for you to let me stay, then yes.” She stared at me like I’ve gone crazy which I probably was, coming to China, leaving my life behind for someone I haven’t spoken to in years—yeah, I think I finally cracked.

    “Why are you doing this to me?” She yelled, her voice cracking and pleading. My chest tightened as I watched the pained expression on her tired face.

    I blinked a few times and my hands were trembling in tight fists. I didn’t know what to say to her. Even I don’t know what I’m doing exactly.

    “Vic—”

    “Damn it Nichkhun!” She suddenly yelled, making me jump. “Just go home.”

    “I’m not leaving you!” I yelled back.

    “Why? Why can’t you just leave me alone? You’ve been doing that so well before!” I was startled for a moment as tears streamed down her face and she started to sob.

    “I-I…”

    “You what?!” She yelled between sobs.

    I was angry. At Victoria for having cancer. At myself for being stupid to come here. At life for being so unfair and twisted to put me in this position. I was angry at everything that has happened that the words just spat out from my mouth like a bitter candy.

    “Because I still love you!”