Tears by Jongup
Regretting everything that suffocated you.

Lovely a hand of the young man runs through the soft and silky hair of the woman who was lying on the bed in front of him. She was still beautiful but the face of his girlfriend was pale. How many days or weeks had passed by since he hadn’t heard her voice, saw a smile of hers or just felt the love she was giving to him.

Jongup softly took one of her hand in his own and kissed it shortly. Tears run down his face and he felt like the silence was suffocating him. “Please open your eyes Jagiya...”, he said hopeless and lost. How should he live on like this? The guilty was killing him inside and the only thing he wanted, he needed, was her to open her eyes.

6 weeks before

“Jonguppie, are you sure that I should come with you guys to the dinner?”, the woman asked unsure if she really should go with her love. They had a dinner with a lot of important people and her boyfriend wanted to take her with him. Normally the young woman wouldn’t go with him and just wait for him to come back afterward, but after the world knew that Jongup had a girlfriend the man wanted to show her proudly to everyone.

He loved her with all of his heart and she was simply perfect for him. “Yes, why don’t you want to come with me?”, he asked a little bit annoyed. ____ had asked him this question already 4 times.

“No, no. I want to, but it’s weird! Some fans could see us...”, she really didn’t want to hurt him it was just hard for her. A lot of fans had badmouthed her and she got a lot of hate. It was not always easy to handle.

“____-ah! I really don’t see a problem! Don’t act like a fool!”, one of the seldom moments came when Uppie got angry. He was nervous himself and that his girlfriend didn’t want to get seen with him and said that it’s weird hurt him. “But if you are ashamed of me and don’t want to support me! Ok, stay here!”

“No, I come with you!”, she replied fast. She doesn’t like it to see him angry even if this was really rarely. The always smiling and happy man was normally cheerful and full of love for her.   

The two entered the car which brought them to the place where they would meet the other members of B.A.P. Jongup was still silent and looked annoyed. “Jagi, please don’t be mad”, she cutely wined and tried to make him forgive her.

He wanted to reply something but at that moment the car crashed. A scream echoed as they were pushed over the bridge. A truck had come to fling and had caught them. As they passed through the water surface the woman struck her head at the window and lost consciousness. Everything vanished in a black cloud, the last thing she saw was Jongup’s frightened face.

Jongup tried to escape the sinking car and to pull the woman with him. He couldn’t leave her behind. He fought against the weight of his soggy clothes and the missing air. Somehow he managed to get up. With new air he dived again to save his love.

With a miracle he managed to get her out and to get to the shore before he lost his consciousness too. Tired and scared.

It was hard for him to open his eyes. They felt like they would weigh at least 30kg. He blinked against the artificial light. Where was he? Jongup lifted up a hand to shield his eye from the light. What was this plastic bracelet around his arm for?

“Aish! Jonguppie! Finally you woke up!”, a man talked and it was obvious how much lighter he felt now. A gummy smile looked at him and the man realised that the other one was Yongguk. The leader turned around to wake up Himchan who was sleeping in a chair.

“What happened?”, the voice of the younger man sounded confused. The hyungs explained him that they had an accident and that he had been unconscious for 4 days.

“Where is ____-ah?”, the man nearly yelled as he remembered how she floated in the water. His hands were shaking and his eyes widened. “She is in another room...”, Himchan started to explain but his voice broke.

Yongguk placed a hand on the shoulder of his dongsaeng as he softly spoke “Jongup try to stay calm... she is in a coma...” The man had tears in his eyes and it was harder not to cry as he saw his friends hurt face. “What!”, the younger shouted totally out of his mind.

He wanted to jump up and run to his girlfriend but the other two hold him back. “It won’t help if you collapse on the way to her!”, Himchan attempt but it was no help. Tears run down all their faces, it hurt, all of them but most the man who maybe will lose his one and only love.

“Jagiya, please?”, he whined again as he softly her cheek. A single tear made it way down and dropped of the  motionless body of the woman. He sobbed silently.

Every single day was painful, every single day was wasted without her. Jongup was nearly suffocating because of the way he had acted to his love. The last words he had said to her had been annoyed and angry. Why hadn’t he told her that he had forgiven her and was not angry of her? Why hadn’t he told her how much he loved her? Why?

“Jongup... let’s go, we have to go to this interview”, Himchan tried to force the man up and out of the room but he didn’t move. “I know it’s hard, we all just want her to wake up but-“

“No you don’t know anything!”, finally the man exploded. His feelings were a mess, he was a mess. He needed her and this situation was killing him inside.

“I’m a fool, a horrible and total fool! I should lay here instead of her!”, he cried and yelled at the same time. It was too much to take and broke the heart of the Hyung. He had never seen his younger friend broken like this. “It’s not your fault that you were involved in this accident!”, he tried to calm him down.

Hopeless!

“I feel like I’m still drowning! I regret everything! Why have I convinced her to come with me? At least I should have told her that I’m not mad at her! That I love her and she is the best I ever could get!”

“Regretting everything that suffocate you is not the answer!”, again the older replied in an attempt to help his friend “She will wake up again and then you can tell her everything!”

“But what if not-“ “SHE WILL WAKE UP!”, Himchan yelled and watched the surprised face of Uppie. “Believe in her! She will come back to you, she loves you too much to leave you now, just believe in her!”

As Jongup got up to leave he turned around again. His eyes lasted on his love. A sad smile on his face. “I’m back soon... please give me a smile then, yes?”, shortly he wiped a tear away. “I love you and will wait as long as it takes. Please come back to me, I need you. ____ Saranghae!”