Ch. 4

‘Man, this migraine is killing me.’ I sat up rubbing my temples. I slowly checked my surrounding; why am I outside?

I tried to get up but pain shot through my ankle. Damn, I forgot I hurt myself chasing after that idiot. Then it hit me, I nervously and frantically searched for another body but found none. My shoulders slumped, feeling dread and despair swallow me up.

So this is how it’s gonna be, left here to die. God, why do I even keep trying? It’s hopeless. I lay back on the ground, I was expecting a hard surface but my head touched a soft fabric. I shot back up to find that the idiot let me use her jacket as a pillow.

Well, she was nice enough to leave this behind for me. At least I won’t die freezing to death.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

My head shot towards the direction of the familiar voice. I guess I was too overwhelmed that she actually stayed and didn’t leave me behind that I couldn’t help but let the tears slide down my face.

“Why are you crying?” I heard footsteps running in my direction. I was surprised when I felt arms envelope me. I was stunned for a few seconds when reality finally hit and I pushed her away.

“Ouch.” She went tumbling to the ground. “What’s your problem?”

“That’s what you get for touching me!” I yelled even when I knew she wouldn’t understand a single word that I threw at her.

“Gosh, calm down!”

“Sorry.” I buried my face in my hands. Why can’t I ever get anything right? Why? What have I ever done?

All I’ve always wanted to do was make you proud. And here I am stuck far away from home with a stranger. She tried to help me and all I can do is cry and throw a fit. She’s trying to help me and I can’t even say thank you to her.

Why am I such a ?

“Look, I don’t know why you’re crying but I’m here.” I heard her speak. I looked up from my hands. I watched as she sat down next to me. She grabbed my hand and held them tightly in hers.

She looked me in the eyes before saying something. I didn’t really understand a single word but the sound of her voice was soothing me. They were calm yet fierce as if she had all the confidence in the world behind every word.

Why can’t I be like that? And her eyes, they were filled with such determination and hope. I pulled my hand away from hers, feeling uncomfortable with all these weird emotions coming to the surface. I wiped the remaining tear stains from my eyes and looked up at the sky. There are so many stars. Back in the city, you could never see them as clear as you could now.

What am I going to do? What are we going to do?

“Amber.”

“What?” I looked at her confused. Is that her name?

She smiled, pointing at herself before saying Amber once again but with the addition of her last name, Liu.

“Soojung…Jung Soojung.” I extended my hand so that I could at least show that I am genuinely glad that she introduced herself.

She smiled brightly before taking my hand and giving me a strong shake. I looked down awkwardly when I felt my face start to heat up. She has such a radiating smile. She must be a hell of a heartbreaker.

I stuffed my hands in my pocket only to feel something stuffed into them. I took out a few slips of…photos?? Oh , I didn’t return them.

What should I do?? She’s going to think that I stole them. Krystal!! Things were just staring to turn out for us. At least if were to die in this miserable place we would at least be friends. I don’t want to die alone. But I have to do the right thing. Maybe she won’t think that I had any bad intentions.

“Amber?”

“Hmm?” my life.

I extended my arm out towards her, handing her what’s rightfully hers.

“Here, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to take them.”

She grabbed the photos from my hands with an eyebrow raised. She opened to say something but nothing came out. She let out a chuckle before smoothing out her photos.

“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure you have a good explanation as to why you had my photos.”

Judging by her laughter I guess she’s not angry. Sometimes, like right now I really wish I knew what you were saying. To be able to understand you but you’re company is enough no matter how different in character we are.

“You know, I know you can’t understand what I’m saying but I’m sorry. For how I embarrassed you at the competition. I know I could be a sometimes and I really am not that type of person. It’s just so hard to fit in sometimes that you start to do stupid just to get people to like you. I know you shouldn’t be with people who don’t like the way you are but in my situation, I need people. People can be so cruel, and life can also be unkind even to the kindest of people.”

“Amen to that. Though I don’t know you are saying I’ll just assume it’s something inspirational.”

What? Did I just hear her right? Did she just speak in English?

“D-did you just speak in English?” I asked surprised and bewildered at my own stupidity. I mean come one, her name is Amber.

“You can speak English?!”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?!” I shouted back but happily.

Then suddenly she started breaking down on the floor laughing. What was so funny?

“What are you laughing at?” I crossed my arms and threw her a glare.

“Nothing…jus that everything would’ve been a hell a lot less complicated if one of us would’ve spoken in English way before.”

“Yeah, why didn’t you? You sound more fluent than me.”

“I don’t know, I’ve gotten so used to speaking in Chinese that it just came naturally I guess. But look at it this way if we did both speak English from the start we wouldn’t have built this bond that we have now.”

She’s right. It’s kind of amazing how little acts of kindness could lead us to where we are now. I’ve never felt so close and comfortable with a stranger before even if I do only know her name. If we survive this, she would be the only person in this world that knows what I went through and the special bond that we shared.

“W-where are you going?” I asked as I saw her get off the ground, patting the dirt off her jeans.

“It’s getting cold. I brought things to make a fire when you were still knocked out.” She said, throwing the hoodie over her body.

Silence swept over us as we sat in silence. My eyes couldn’t take themselves off from the fire. Looking as the flames danced around the hand-made pit and sparks of fire floating into the night air. This was nice; the crackling sound gave me comfort.

“Hey, Amber?”

“Yeah?” She didn’t look but continued staring at her photos.

“Do you think we will make it out of here?”

“I don’t know.”

I nodded my head at her response. Our chances are looking slimmer and slimmer as each day passes.

“But I do know that I’m going to keep looking for a way to get us home even if it is futile.”

“You’re a really strong willed person; I wish I could be more like you.”

“You don’t want to be like me. I’m just a delinquent who caught a break. My parents didn’t want me, no one wanted me.

“Mine neither.” I said grabbing her hand. I feel her pain of not being wanted because I lived it.

She smiled timidly at me before returning my grip. She then handed me her photos.

“That’s Sulli; she’s turning four next month.” I looked at Amber and she was radiating. This kid must mean a lot to her.

“She’s your kid?” Cute I wouldn’t expect someone my age to have a kid already.

“Something like that.” I raised my eyebrows in confusion.

“She’s one of the reasons that I’m busting my off, trying to make myself a better person, a better life so she can live happily. I really don’t want her to turn out like me.”

“Would that be so bad?” I laughed, handing the photos back.

“I mean, sure I don’t know of your delinquent days but from what I’ve witnessed so far you are one of the nicest and most caring people I know. And trust me, I rarely give out compliments.”

“Haha, I can see that. Ouch!!”                                                                                                                      

“That’s what you get for insulting me, stupid.”

“Sorry. You’re just too much fun to tease.” Damn, that smile. I feel my cheeks heating up again. Nope, it’s just the warmth from the fire.

“Sulli’s mom died giving birth to her. She was my best friend. She got kicked out of her house when her parents found out so I took her in; taking care of her like she did me. She always kept me out of trouble…or at least she tried anyways. I owe her a lot.”

“So I adopted Sulli. Yeah, I told he doctor’s that I was the father.”

“Haha, you do look like a guy.”

“Yeah, I don’t know, I’ve always found dressing like this easier and more comfortable.”

“Who’s this?” I pointed at the picture of the older looking woman.

“That’s Victoria; she’s my cousin. She took me in when my parents kicked me out. She’s had a hard life too. She dropped out of collage so she could work two jobs to support me. I owe her so much; she gave up so much so that I could have a good life. A life for a life…doesn’t seem fair. But I won’t let her efforts and sacrifices go to waste because I’m going to take care of her so that she never has to work another single day in her life. I’ll take care of her like she did of me for so many years.”

“Sounds like my unnie…”

“Hmm? Unnie?”

“My sister, I’m actually an orphan. Jessica, she and I have been jumping from foster home to foster home but we always end up getting transferred….because of me. I never really quite fit in, unlike my older sister. She was always better at everything. Sometimes I feel like I’m nothing more than a burden to her, holding her back from being great.

I felt a pressure on my shoulder, when I turned to look it was her hand. She had a really worried look on her face. That’s when I realized I was crying. I felt her wrap her arms around me, patting my back and caressing my arm but I didn’t push her away this time.

“When she was old enough to look for work, she did. That’s how we moved out of the system. She always worked hard to support us and always somehow manage to keep her grades up. Then one day…”

I rested my head against Amber. This felt right…comfortable.”

“Everything came crashing down.”

“A bunch of my classmates dragged me into their little scheme. There was this one teacher that no one liked and for no reason too. Always ratting us out, she makes test impossible to pass, and it’s like she lives her life to torment us.”

“They finally had enough and decided to trash her care. She usually stayed at school into the late evenings. Now that I think about it, it was a stupid idea to go along for the ride…I mean a group of teenagers throwing rocks and beat the crap out of a car with metal pipes and bats, of course someone would notice and call the cops.”

“Jessica was furious when she had to bail me out of jail. She wouldn’t let me hear the end of it.”

I paused for a few minutes, trying to compose myself. I remember everything perfectly, I just couldn’t get the image out of my head and it sickened me. I didn’t know when but when I snapped out of it, I was in Amber’s embrace. I buried my face in the crook of her neck.

She smelled so good, even without bathing in a couple of days. My grip on her hoodie tightened, afraid that if I let go I would wake up from this nightmare alone.

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”

I didn’t answer her back. I felt warm and safe. I don’t know why but being around her made me feel like telling her everything, opening my heart up to her. It felt strange; even I haven’t completely opened myself to my best friend yet. It did feel strange, but at least it felt right.

Amber’s POV:

I really don’t want her to feel upset and I know that talking about her sister is breaking her apart.

I think I’m starting to understand her more now. She needs to be strong, act strong, because she knows that this society preys on fear and weakness.

“It was raining that night, nonstop pouring. The pattering on the car was so loud I didn’t know if I was even able to hear myself think. The windows were fogging up; it was hard to see anything outside. All the street lights were distorted.

We stopped at a red light. Jessica was sill chewing my out, telling me that I needed to make better judgments in life. What happened next was all such a blur. It happened so fast and by the end of it I was so scared and in shock.

The light had turned green, as we passed into the middle of the intersection Jessica had told me to look at her since I’ve just been staring out my window the whole time. As I looked over I saw two bright lights. Before I had any time to react it was already too late.

I remember my body jerking, my head hitting against the headrest and the door. Next thing I know, we were upside down. Jessica had passed out, bleed profusely from her forehead. I heard sirens in the distance but I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer everything was black after that.”

“Until I woke up in the hospital bed. Doctor’s said I was lucky to get away with a few bruises, cuts, and a concussion.”

“But?” I finally spoke. I could feel her grip on me tighten. I held her tighter in my arms. She’s so fragile; I feel the need to protect her, no matter what.

She’s been through so much. She continued telling me how her sister was now a paraplegic and the never ending guilt was killing her. She fell asleep on my shoulder. I carried her over near the wall of the rock so that I could also rest.

I had her all wrong. She’s just a scared girl trying to dispel her guilt by taking care of her sister, when the truth is, it wasn’t her fault.

Things sometimes just happened, whether bad or good. Yes, sometimes things like this could be prevented. But it wasn’t her that made a terrible choice, it was the driver. He should’ve never have driven under the influence.

Just like how I should’ve stayed away from those people I called my friends. Maybe If I wasn’t so trusting then my parents would still be alive. I’m sorry for lying to you Soojung but this is still something that my heart and conscious will not let me live down. In so many ways that I can imagine we are more alike than I had first anticipated.

Maybe when one day I can finally accept that they are gone forever I can move on but for now I can only make amends through the pain I endure, the guilt.

And maybe by taking care of you…and your sister.

I smiled as I looked at her pretty face. I brushed the stray strand of hair that has fallen on her serene face.

“If you let me, I’ll take your pain away.”

I really don’t know why I’m being like this but there’s just something about her that  makes me want to be better, even more than I’ve been trying to be.

Has bad girl Amber Liu finally found the rock that is going to hold her down?

I really hope so. Sulli would love her. As my eyes got heavy from the warm glow of the fire I once again saw the smiling face of my cousin, Sulli, and a new face.

                Soojung. 

(A/N: Okay, i lied this is not the last chapter, the next one will be. And if you didn't get the point of the story here's a small summary. 

You really shouldn't be judging someone because of the way they look. Whether they're asian, black. white, or even purple. Come from a good background or bad. Everyone has their own that they've been through. i'm just trying to relay that you can't judge a book by it's cover cause you have to see what kind of story of adventure, sadness, or even life that the book may entail. 

People are people, just cause you don't know them doesn't mean you already know their life story. Yes, you can think whatever you like of them but that wouldn't be the truth. It would just be your OPINION.  A lot of happens in life, whether you're a good person or not. Now I'm not saying that everybody goes through bad things in life or have traumatic pasts all I'm saying is that don't be so quick to judge cause you never know. 

You never know if that person you are making fun has an abusive father just like you. Or that guy that keeps calling you names just lost their mother to cancer just like you did. Or if that one person who's trying to help you but you push away because you think they are doing out of pity but the truth is they are going through the exact same thing that you are right now.

You'd be surprised that a lot of people have more in common than you think. You just have to open your ears and listen to perspective. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two.

Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you like, and sorry for the long wait.)