(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHbr0qG_LIY: Sam Tsui - "Shadow")

Bags all packed, make sure you remember everything

No looking back, no more; not for anything.

This is what you wanted, isn’t it?

Clear it out just like you’ve never been

What’s a goodbye good for, anyway?

Imagine you’re running in the street, and that your lungs are trying to pulled air so you can run faster, because there’s only one chance to stop her, to stop everything.

But no matter how hard you tried, no matter how fast you run, you arrive and notice the front door closed, with a white note stick to it. And you feel how you heart shatters, how every tiny piece of it falls and you realize that all those things you read once were true, you can feel how your chest tightens and you can’t breathe.

You are now broken hearted, and you expected to fall in your knees and cry and maybe scream but you know deep inside that you’re not that type of person, you walked slowly to the door, step by step feeling how your body starts to feel cold, for an odd reason you suddenly feel weak.

You’ve made it to the front door and you grabbed the note and read it, your eyes passing every letter and every word. You re-read it just to be sure that you didn’t miss anything, even when there are only 8 words.

“I’m sorry, this is the best for us”

You sighed, feeling your lungs asking a rest, you don’t look down, you just turn around and start walking to anywhere, anywhere but that place.

And for a moment you stop walking, feeling like someone’s watching you, you turn to see over your shoulder but there’s no one there, is just you and your shadow. You turn around again and sit on the hard concrete of the sidewalk.

There’s nothing left of you to remind me

But somehow you’re still standing behind me

 “Do you think this is the best? I mean we’ve just started” Amber was fidgeting with her t-shirt

“I don’t know…we only fight…but I don’t know” Krystal was looking at her shoes

“Can we just sit here and think about it?” Amber’s voice quivers a little

“Yeah…sounds good” Krystal had leaned on the wall

They were sitting on the hard concrete of the sidewalk, their legs stretched up, there was this tiny space between them along an awkward silence, it seemed unbearable but at the same time it was so comfortable for them.

“Hmm” Krystal was now searching things on her jean’s pockets, trying to occupy her mind

“Am I too boring?” Amber has been trying to comprehend the situation

“Is not that about you been boring…I feel like you’re not even trying to be with me, we barely see each other and then we fight” Krystal explained softly while taking an unwrapped candy of her pocket

“Candy?” She turned to see Amber with a small smile

“I d-don’t think we should eat that…it has fluff stuck on the side” Amber scrunched her face

“It won’t kill you” Krystal put the candy on and silence engulfed them again

The sun start to set, they were just sitting there in the hard concrete of the sidewalk when they turn to see each other, the sunset aside making them see each other in other light, and for the first time Amber swear her heart stop beating when Krystal smile to her.

“You should tie your hair more often…you look pretty” Krystal didn’t even think it she just need to express herself because in front of her the shy and serious girl she had been eyeing at school looked beautiful

“I’ll try harder” Amber’s voice was still a bit nervous but her eyes were confident and Krystal just nod to her

I’m trying hard to forget you

But my empty walls won’t let me let you go

When you took it all, you forgot your shadow

You say you wish me well without you

But something ´bout you tells me that you know, oh oh

There were times you saw this coming, you used to repeat to yourself that this was too good to be true, why would someone like her would notice someone like you?

And for a moment you get stuck in a moment, that specific moment you could feel how your heart broke, and you can’t hear anything but her laugh, you don’t see anything but your hands, those hands used to hold her but they’re empty now, you don’t smell or sense anything yet you still can feel her warmness and that perfume you learn to love.

You blink and you can feel tears rolling down your face, you blink again and realized all your classmates are looking at you, a worry expression on their faces, the professor calls you and said that if you need to leave the classroom is okay and for a moment you think about it but you know is even harder when you’re all alone because you still feel her even when you’re there and she’s gone.

Is like she is there, she is engraved in your skin, in you.

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

“Hi there” Krystal was leaning playfully back and forth eyeing the nervous girl in front of her

“H-hi…how are you?” Amber always forgot how to speak every time Krystal was close

“So…let’s go” Krystal always find it a bit annoyed how Amber would just stood there, looking at her

Krystal pulled Amber by the hand, inside the theater, they were going to watch a movie for the first time and she was excited. Theater weren’t only a place where you could watch movies; you could do other fun stuff too.

After sitting on the last row, Krystal was expecting some boldness from Amber but she just sat there and start watching the movie, Krystal would use moments like this to ask herself if they were the same age, Amber acted like a kid sometimes, she was shy and it was easy to tell she didn’t have confidence in herself but there were a weird aura around her, a nostalgic feeling that had attracted her since the first time she saw her.

“What’s wrong?” Amber seem oblivious at the thoughts of the other girl

“Can I kiss you?” Krystal once again had found herself mesmerized but Amber in a way she hadn’t with anyone else

“I-I guess” Amber closed her eyes after that, Krystal had come too close to her face and she was nervous

“Just breathe” Krystal’s whisper was half teasing half advice

Their first kiss was a Wednesday, in a dark theater with a bad movie with an awesome soundtrack playing on the background, followed by whispers of people and crying babies, even with that, both of them found it was so easy to fall in love.

Hide all your photographs,

But I can feel you watching me

How long does your memory last?

It’s time I ought to be

Moving on and getting over you

I bet it looks like I’m not even trying to

Here all alone, my past on the walls

With nothing left of you to remind me

So why are you still standing behind me

You wake up and move in the bed, you are awake but you wish once again you weren’t, you rolled on the bed trying to find a comfortable position to fall asleep again, because at least when you’re sleeping you don’t have to deal with the fact that you are all alone once again.

And you cursed loudly in your mind when you can’t fall asleep again, you stood up and walked to the window, you closed it and closed the curtains, it’s sunny and it’s a Monday and you just realized you hate Mondays.

It was a Sunday when you met her, three days later she contact you, two days before you were a couple, you turn one month on a Monday, she broke up the first time with you on a Monday and in a Monday you watched a sunset together and decide to be together again. And in a Monday she left without saying anything, without saying goodbye.

So you realize you hate Mondays.

I’m trying hard to forget you

But my empty walls won’t let me let you go

When you took it all, you forgot your shadow

You say you wish me well without you

But something ´bout you tells me that you know, oh oh

There was always wrong with Amber, she didn’t speak loud enough, she always was saying “I’m sorry” and “I’ll try harder”, she was always putting her family first and she seemed confused in the entire relationship stuff but what Krystal resent more was how the other girl couldn’t say “I love you” back easily.

How hard it could be to say “I love you” when you feel it? It was those moments when Krystal thought Amber didn’t love her

“I love you” Krystal mumbled on Amber’s ear while caressing her stomach under the t-shirt

“Huh?” Amber look at those deep eyes feeling overwhelmed at those words

It wasn’t like she didn’t feel it too but all her life, she had barely see the adults around her saying those words, not even her parents were used to be so verbal about their feelings so she learn that to say those words you didn’t need to say them, you could do it with actions.

Therefore Amber pulled Krystal closer and kissed her with everything, she couldn’t say it but she could show her.

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

You were now walking on the school corridor, you were thinking on the homework, on maybe playing some videogames when out of nowhere, you smell the same perfume, you stopped walking and you start to look around because you’re sure she is there, there is hope and for a moment logic leaves your brain, it isn’t until you see a girl passing by next to you and you smell her, she is wearing the same perfume and you frown.

“Is a good perfume, is not like she is the only one that can buy it”

You shook your head at your stupidity and you found yourself lost again, all what you’ve done lately to forget, is thrown to the garbage just because you smell that stupid perfume but is not really stupid because then you remember she used to left that perfume on your clothes, on your jacket and in your pillow.

And suddenly you realized you still miss her.

It’s always there, too close, too much

The shape of something I can’t touch

I turn, and find the shadow’s grown

Those empty eyes I begged to stay

Are watching me from yesterday

You can leave me, can you leave me alone?

You are sitting on the floor of your room, listening those songs you once dedicated to her, it’s been more than a year already but you can’t forget, is like small things trigger memories and you found yourself inmerse on those memories but at the same time you start remembering everything and by everything, it’s the bad and the good

You realized she wasn’t the best, she was quite annoying sometimes, she was always pushing you to do things but you never pushed her, she would get mad at your for not calling you but she didn’t call you either. She would break up with you just because you don’t see each other yet when you two meet she couldn’t be away from you.

You notice how she dismissed a lot of small things you did for her and how you dismissed things she did for you.

You realized she wasn’t the best girlfriend and you weren’t the best girlfriend.

But still, those memories are the happiest memories you have.

I’m trying hard to forget you

But my empty walls won’t let me let you go

When you took it all, you forgot your shadow

You say you wish me well without you

But something ´bout you tells me that you know, oh oh

After a few years of “What if” and “If only I” and a lot of dreams where you talked and you said what you couldn’t said back then, you wake up one day feeling oddly better, you know you can still feel her, you can still remember how she laughed, you even remember how deep her eyes were but you are oddly better.

You still can hear her saying “I love you” over and over, but every second that pass the voice starts turning into a whisper and before you can think of you stop hearing it. The perfume that once was your biggest trigger, stops triggering memories and you realize that what happened was that she was your first love, Krystal was your first love, your first kiss, your first girlfriend and she will forever hold a special place in your heart but she is gone and you can’t do anything about it.

You smile sadly realizing you have now starting to move on, and for a moment you’re scared because that would mean you’re going to meet someone else and maybe fall in love with them too but what if you’re not enough but you dismissed that thought when her voice echoes in your brain once again

“You are beautiful”

“You’re really something huh”

“You are by far the nicest girl I’ve met in my life”

You breath in and out and for the first time in years, you remember her and smile.

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

Imagine you’re running in the street, you’re late and you don’t want to make her wait, so you grabbed air so you can run faster, because after all you were the one insisting on meeting there.

But no matter how hard you tried, no matter how fast you run, you arrive and notice she is sitting on the bench frowning, maybe thinking you forgot, but you didn’t you just got late. You feel how your heart flutters when she looks up and see you, her frown turns into a smile because you know she realizes you were just late, and you realize that all those things you felt once were true, the butterflies, and the nervousness.  

You are now falling in love all over again, and you are expecting to yelled or to make a romantic gesture in the middle of the park but you know deep inside that you’re not that type of person, you walked slowly to her, step by step feeling how your body starts to feel warm, for an odd reason you start feeling strong.

You’ve made it to the bench and you grabbed her hand, she stood up and you note her hand holding a small bag, she bought you something and you thanked her with a hug and kiss on the cheek. You see a small note on the bag and you read it slowly, your eyes passing every letter and every word. You re-read it just to be sure that you didn’t miss anything, even when there are only 8 words.

“I hope you like this, I love you”

You sighed, feeling your lungs asking for air after reading those last three words rest, you don’t look down, you just turn around and start walking pulling her, you just want to walked with her to anywhere, anywhere with her is fine.

And for a moment you stop walking, feeling like someone’s watching you, you turn to see over your shoulder but there’s no one there, is just you and her and your shadows. You turn around again and she ask you if you’re okay, you nod to her and lead her to a place to sit, you sit with her on the hard concrete of the sidewalk.

“I love you too” You smiled softly at her and she knows how hard is for you to say those words, because you have been hurt before

“I know” She kisses your cheek and you let silence engulfed you while the Sun sets in.

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

When you took it all you forgot

Your shadow, your shadow

Bags all packed, make sure you remember everything

>>AUTHOR'S NOTE<<

I just had to do this, it is indeed sad and a bit crushing but I really hope you can feel not only the feeling that I want to portray but also the amazing duality in feeling heart broken and feeling in love.

I hope you liked it, don't forget to coment, hearing your thoughts is always good to improve