i. Jieun

Her heart flinched in twinge whenever she saw him in that state. Pained. Broken. She had never thought that a man could be hurt that much, that she even sometimes found him silently weeping in the shadow at the end of the day.

Why did their company had to make him sang that song over and over?

“It’s my job now, Jieun. I chose this path and I was ready with all the corollaries.”

It was one night where she stayed late at the office for long hours of practice. He was working on composing again while preparing for their concerts. The modest coffee maker in one corner of the pantry brought them together.

He was really kind, rarely got offended by merely questions, it often hurt.

She contemplated whether it was good or not to ask, thinking that maybe she invaded his personal life much.

But Yongguk was sharp enough, a (years) trained observant, to notice the agitation in her. He had learned through the short experience of working with her how it would be looked when she restrained emotions, when she wanted to be left alone, or when she wanted to say things she felt tactless.

“Go on.” He said, refilling his cup with more black liquid.

“So…”

That it was a song he made after the aching experience of break up story was a public’s secret in their company. And he was not just a leader or rapper of a group. He was a composer too, so it was considered normal to write lyrics from personal case. People thought so, until they watched the real thing.

In one of their early gigs, she had once placed in the piano accompanying him and the Busan boy. From time to time, she threw glances at his emotional act. Realizing that even he told people it was only a past, he probably still had some feelings left for her deep inside.

He had finished his share of coffee again, while hers was left untouched and almost cold.

“Why don’t just stop singing it?”

She was obviously the one with less experience on love. She thought the pain would vanish away now, because it had been years. And she believed at those words: time will heal everything.

But it didn’t seem to work on him. She had saw it again earlier; the rehearsal of his piece for the concerts. She could view it clearly inside her mind; how he stopped midway, not being able to carry on because the pain had came back to him like a stabbing knife.

He sent her a small smile and did a (considered) brave move by ruffling her hair (he didn’t usually make physical contact with women). He talked about professionalism, telling her the obvious: he couldn’t not doing it just by personal reason.

“It’s not just about me anymore. It’s about the group, the kids, our company and the staffs. It’s about a lot of people. I’m not allowed to hurt them just because I was hurt.”

Jieun used to imagine her second time falling in love would be with someone really special. By special meant with a man who looked only at her and cherished her by his whole heart. It was wished to be beautiful and everything because her first time was not a pretty experience.

The reality was different after all.

There she was, watching over his retreating back.

She wanted to erase it, the pain and misery he was holding in. As much as awful it sounded, she was willing to be the substitute of that girl and be there for him, to give him everything she didn’t.

The support. The love. The loyalty.

In those crazy seconds, she found her self stirring from her seat and moved toward him.

“Yongguk!”

He turned around and she brought their lips together in place.

They tasted bittersweet just like the coffee and salty from the running tears.

*

ii. Yongguk

He didn’t want to feel like that. But every time he looked at Jieun, she reminded him of her.

It was on Jieun’s long hair and the way the stylist made it curled up nicely. On her smiling face, how her eyes turned moon shape. Also Jieun’s merry attitude, how she brightened up the mood and was easily attacked because of that child like attitude.

She was all that kind of woman, maybe even more. Just, Yongguk had failed to remember much of her good sides.

Because she left, moreover she misjudged his life’s purpose.

“No. Don’t”

Yongguk had said it to Jieun that night, in between their soft and slow kisses. His hands wrapped tightly around her waist and hers were trailing his brown lock. This is not good, his mind had shouted. But he couldn’t stop. Maybe because he was lonely and it was for the first time in a while someone had shown him genuine concern.

In his eyes, Jieun was really kind and naïve. She was different from the other girls around him (her thoughtful mind, caring nature and gentle words). So, he didn’t want to hurt her in anyway. Include letting her developing feelings for him.

Because he was still dwelling in the past, not moving on any sooner. And she deserved more than that, more than being his escape.

However, it kept happening as much as he wanted to avoid it. She was willing, and their every encounter now had turned into physical needs fulfilling.

“I shouldn’t do this to you.” He said.

They were in front of her apartment door (the one she used together with her members) and she was trapped in between him and the wall.

His lips only a few inches away from hers. Both were aching.

“No, don’t say you’re sorry. That’s the most horrible words you can choose for me now.”

He brushed her lips in a slow slow kiss because he knew she liked it that way. True, it made her feel loved, by him, in those intimate seconds she stole from the entire world.

Her words had pained him, he realized as her hands gripped his jacket tighter. That he turned her that way, that he was just as the same as using her to distract his self.

“Jieun-ah…let’s stop.”

He pulled away. His voice was a deep-soft and gentle ocean that swallowed her and robbed her soul.

“Let’s stop.”

Because even if he did feel anything for her, he just wanted it to be genuine.

And time was needed to make it sure.

Not now.

Not for her to wait.

But it was for him to run.

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A/N:

is the font size too small?