Honestly that thought crossed my mind many times. We’ve been together for about five years and we’ve had a child so the thought of marriage has crossed my mind but I didn’t have to chance to talk to KyungSoo about it. But with his career rising I wasn’t sure how to bring the subject up.

“Well...”

“No.”

We both said at the same time. My eyes widened slightly at the response that came from KyungSoo. I looked at his mom and she was also quite surprised. I kept my eyes on the ground, silently fighting back the tears that were going to fall.

“I don’t think now is the right time.” KyungSoo said to mom. “I’m getting a little bit more well known and I’m becoming busier.  I don’t wanna have my wife and daughter always at home waiting for me.”

“Isn’t it already like that?” his mom said sternly. “When are you home, KyungSoo? You barely are. Things are already like that.”

“But she’s not my wife though.” KyungSoo stated. “We’re not married, mom. At least not yet.”

I didn’t speak at all. I was scared that if I did spoke, I would begin to break down and cry. I was emotionally fragile. I’ve become like that for a little while now. I kept my eyes glued to the floor, silently observing the pattern of our marble floor.

“What do you think, dear?” Mom looked at me.

I tried to fight back the tears and look back at her in the eyes.

“Whatever KyungSoo decides. I’ll go with whatever KyungSoo says.” I said softly.

I think she could see the hurt and shock in my eyes because after that, she didn’t ask any further. She only gave me a nod and patted my knee, as if knowing that I was so incredibly hurt. 

I was hurt. I was very hurt. I wasn’t expecting something like that to come out from KyungSoo. The man that told me last night that he loved me, had just said that he didn’t want to get married to me. I know that he had his reasons and I was probably being unreasonable to him but I couldn’t help but feel a little pang in the chest.

I knew that getting into this relationship was different. I dated him when he was still a trainee in SM and then when he became famous I knew many things were going to come in the way. Getting married was something that was going to be difficult for KyungSoo because he was famous. I wasn’t asking for our relationship to be public but I just knew that it would be harder for him. He had things to tie him down and limit him from his dream.

KyungSoo’s mom left later that day. I shuffled around for the rest of the day, lifelessly, my mind anywhere else but at home. SunSu had come out after we had talked and she was playing with everyone. When it was time for grandma to leave, she clung onto her, refusing to let go.

“SunSu-ah,” KyungSoo sighed. “Grandma has to go home. She’ll come by soon.”

SunSu kept clinging onto mom’s arm and complaining as to why she stayed so short and there was still things that she wanted to do. All of a sudden my fuse ran short. I became impatient and out of no where, I exploded.

“SunSu!” I snapped. “Grandma needs to go home. Stop complaining and let go of her.”

As soon as those words left my mouth in that tone, I snapped back into reality and felt guilt tip onto me like a bucket of cold water. My eyes widened as I saw SunSu close to crying reaching over to KyungSoo. I looked at KyungSoo’s mom and the shock was also present in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I bowed at her. “Excuse me.” 

I turned and ran into my bedroom. I closed the door roughly and covered my mouth to muffle the sobs that were about to erupt from me. SunSu did nothing wrong and I just cracked it at her because I was so out of it. 

I leaned my back against the cold wooden door and silently sobbed. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to suppress my sounds. I heard the front door close and SunSu’s cries soon followed. I forced my eyes closed and blocked my ears with my palms, trying to avoid hearing her cry.

After a while it was silent. SunSu’s cries were gone, or at least I couldn’t hear her. I exhaled a breath and tried to calm my breathing down. Footsteps came towards the door and I held my breath.

“Babe.” I heard KyungSoo call on the other side of the door. “You alright? Can I come in?”

I didn’t reply. I wasn’t ready to face him. I got off the door and walked quietly towards our bed. I sat down and felt my head hammer after all the crying.. Slowly I saw the door open and KyungSoo come in.

“Hey.” he said. “You alright?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even look into his eyes. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I stood up and walked out of the room, trying to find SunSu, but KyungSoo grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

“What’s wrong?” he said. “Tell me.”

“Nothing’s wrong, KyungSoo.” I sighed. “Just leave it. okay? Let’s just keep things the way they were.”

“The way they were?” KyungSoo askd, looking at me confused. “You’re not okay. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

I didn’t answer and continued walking further through the house to look for SunSu. My footsteps were lifeless, I trudged around, searching through rooms. Finally stopping at the spare room, I saw SunSu sitting on a chair, staring out the window, sniffling away her fresh tears.

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Short update, sorry guys! D: