Two months later Communist has remarked a lot of events going on and war become more complex, a half of South Korea and we couldn’t go to outside Busan for our safety. A letter that addressed to me arrived on my house. I felt sceptical it would be Nam Woohyun, because it has been two months and he didn’t sent me anything but I was wrong, it was from him.

Army camp, 23 March 1953

Kim Sunggyu,

Hello and I am sorry for not sending you a letter. I terrible sorry am about that because I don’t know if we can’t send anything to our relatives when we got here until 2 months. I’m afraid you will get mad so I send this…. A short letter… I don’t know… I never send a letter before, so this is awkward for me to send a letter.

How are you? Are you doing okay? Do you fine? How about your health? I tried to find your brother and my army friend, Myungsoo, said he ever heard about a senior named Kim Jungmin but he already go to the war field. He said, the soldier who sent into the war field will be back 3 months again, depends on something.

Please write me back,

Nam Woohyun

I smiled and wrote back for him.

Busan, 25 March 1953

Nam Woohyun,

I really got mad on you. I thought you forget about me and blabber about write a letter just your jokes; I almost bought voodoo for you. Haha. No, just kidding but I really thought you forgot about me.

I’m fine, everything’s fine but my shift on the dinner is getting hectic due to the half of male employees should entered the army.

It’s okay, I also heard about that from my father. He said, Hyung is on war field and I’ve received his first letter for me. It’s rare. He never sent me a letter.

How’s the army camp?

Kim Sunggyu

Army Camp, 27 March 1953

Sunggyu,

No! I never forget about you and your hamster face, okay? So please don’t be mad again. Well, if you sent me voodoo, I would throw them on soviet’s military. Therefore, this war is over and both of us could life happily not ever after but happily without war.

Take yourself care. Don’t forget eat properly, 8 hours sleep is good, wash your hair twice a week and I suggest you use strawberry shampoo. It can relax you more. That’s a good news come from you! I’m happy for you, Sunggyu. I wish you could send a letter to your Hyung more often after he get back to the camp. Army camp is army camp. Nothing much happened here. We wake up at 4, morning exercise, exercise, exercise, lunch, exercise, break, dinner, exercise and go sleep. Every day is like that. Repeat and repeat.

Wish you always be healthy,

Woohyun

Moreover, we always send letters like that constantly until one day on mid April he not replied my letter. I’ve sent him three letters but nothing came from him. I started to feel confused, sad and uncomfortable. Imagine that Nam Woohyun has been send to war field because the complexities of the war are not joke anymore. One army camp on southeast South Korea has been taken over by the communists, but I relived it was neither his camp nor my brother’s camp.

The end of April he finally sent a letter to me, he said the camp is not joke either, their training is more difficult and draining much so they couldn’t sleep two days just to complete a one-time exercise and then a sad news came to the Kim’s house. My mother cried out of his lungs, my father hold his urge to angry at the communist government and everything I can do is stay on my state, soothe my mother and coax my father to go back to his work. My brother is dead; one of enemy has shot him.

Busan, 2 May 1953

Nam Woohyun,

I wish you come back home. I need someone to lean on, Woohyun.

Please.

Kim Sunggyu

I should not write such a letter like that to him, but I cannot hold this feeling anymore. Even I’m a man but I need someone to lean on. I cannot take this and I cannot. Woohyun will feel worries over me at the camp and I know it. I want to be selfish just for once on my live; I want to be selfish towards him. I want him to come back to Busan not his hometown. I want him to stay on my house, not his. I want him to discharge from army and I don’t even care about the war anymore, I don’t care if at the end South Korea only a history. I do not care as long Nam Woohyun comeback and not kill like my hyung.

~~~

One day on mid May, someone knocked my house door. I’m alone, my parents went to Uncle Lee’s house, my father has been give up about his hated towards Uncle Lee and my mother already fine from his shock after the death of my brother.

I walked towards the door, I jump into someone’s hug who standing on threshold when I opened the door. “Woohyun!” I exclaimed. I felt his body more muscular than before and I spotted cuts, small cuts, everywhere on his exposed skin. “You back? Why?” I murmured on the crooks of his neck.

“You want me comeback.” He said and holds me tighter on his embraces, soothes me from crying and my hair back and forth. “You should payback on me.”

“Know how to ruins a moment.” I pinched his shoulder playfully then release from his embrace, pulled him in my house and go the living room. He sit beside me and I leaned on his chest, holds his hands tighter as if he would gone by the time I lose my hold on his hands. I smell strawberry from his body and his hands full of cuts.

“I’m sorry you should—“

“No it’s okay.” Now it’s his time to cut my words. “You don’t know how worry I am when read your short letter. I think I’m gone crazy If something happened to you.” He rest his head on mine, inhale deeply my hair scent.

“So, are you discharge?”

He shook his head. “Just say I get a week holiday.” He said and his voice full of sadness. “I’ve heard about your Hyung.”

I smiled bitterly. “Don’t bring it up.”

“Okay, gyu.”

~~~

A month passes after that. Woohyun already comeback to the army camp, my parents already met him and they like him because he has a polite behaviour didn’t like a neighbourhood-boy who always shouted my name and did something silly like throw a can to my windows and keep saying he wants me to be his one day. Eww. No.

Honestly, there are no official words came from our mouth. We never declare our feeling to each other, or might to say I don’t know how he feels towards me. I know how I feel towards him and I thought he knows too but he tried as if he sees none.

Therefore, 10^th June a letter came from army camp and it torn me apart. Eventually, I know this going to be coming but not so soon like this.

Army Camp, 10 June 1953

Dear Sunggyu.

From the start, I’ve give you my spotlight and I know it might be love but I’m not sure because we just met and we didn’t know each other. So, I tried to hold my departure to Army Camp. I observe you on your dinner for almost 2 weeks and it nice to see your face. Your hamster face that kept saying I want to sleep, I hate working and I need my sleep. Thus, the day when I must go to Army Camp is arrived, I collected my courage to talk to you and there we were. Sitting down at the pier, close my eyes and see your pretty smile.

It’s getting kinda rough over here. Every soldier must go on war field and so do I. tomorrow I must go there, I’m afraid but I know I don’t be afraid because if I afraid I wouldn’t be a good leader for our family later.

I won’t be able to write a letter for you but I promise after I comeback from war field in person, I want to meet your parents and propose you in front them.

I promise and I mean it, gyu.

There’s no love without you.

Soon to be yours,

Nam Woohyun

~~~

Then a month after the Korean War ended on 27^th July, a young soldier came on our house. He knocked the door and when I opened it, it was a strange figure I didn’t even know earlier but from what he said, he was friend of him. I smiled and let him in but he shook his head, he said he just want to deliver something to me. He handed me a letter and a small box. My smiled broke, my lips began trembled by the reason I know what it meant.

“I’m sorry, Sunggyu-ssi.” He said and placed his hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and he said he has other business he want to solve, I let him gone and closed the door. I went to my family’s living room, sat on my usual comfortable sofa, placing the small box carefully next to me and opened the letter.

Kim Sunggyu,

I’m sorry I can’t propose to you. I’m sorry I can’t back to home in person. I’m sorry I break my own promises. I’m sorry I have to meet your Jungmin-hyung. I’m sorry I can’t be complete you. I’m sorry for everything I did on past, on present and on future. I’m sorry I can’t see you on your every birthday, can’t give you a morning kiss, can’t give you a peaceful world like you want and can’t sit on the pier again. I’m sorry I just can sorry through the letter. At least, I’m not sorry for falling in love with you.

Yours,

Nam Woohyun

My tears fell uncontrollably, my body shaking and I can’t think straight forward like usual. I lost my strength to stand up, to breathe, and to do anything. The calm side of me has gone by the letters this come, I feel such a fool crying over something like this. Kim Sunggyu never crying over something like this and Kim Sunggyu is as hard as corals but now Kim Sunggyu is a feather who flying everywhere because the wind blows.

I moved my hands onto the small box next to me, I grab it and place it on my lap, open it carefully and slowly. Once the box is opened, my mouth hang open a bit, I can’t believe my eyes.

A ring.

A beautifully-simply ring on the box and it shocked me out when I read a words behind the ring. Nam Sunggyu.

~~~

I stared on my ring and caressed it lovingly, smiled bitter but happily when a memories flash on my mind.

“He ever said, he told me not to hold another guy’s hand.” I chuckled and the person beside me tensed up, I bet he never hears about this before, of course not, I never told him about this. It’s a secret between Woohyun and me.

“What about me?” he asked.

“You’re not another guy.” I said and held his hands on my chest. “You’re a guy after him.”

He smiled and cupped my face when I turned my head on him, he smiled widely and his face looks brighter every after I told him about my story. He kissed my lips softly and held me on his hugs.

“I love you, gyu.” He whispered. “Nam Woohyun, he’s a luckiest person ever.”

I laugh slightly and his back carefully. I feel bad towards him because he must feel like this every time I told him about this. I didn’t want him to have such a feeling like that but, I cannot help myself either to stop doing this annually, sit on my living room, wait until 00.00 on 27^th July and rolled back the times when I was young and met my first and last love. For 60 years, I love him and this love never going to changed even after I met this nice guy whom turned into mine when I tried to left the hardest time when Woohyun gone. On silent autumn 10 years after the Korean War ended, I met this nice person.

“I love you too,” I hold him. “And thank you, Yongguk.”

and the end.

this is the last chapter.. well, i've said on first that this is gonna be oneshot, right?

and thank you for whoever subscribe and leave comment. i appreciate that very much.

Cheers!