The first time Heungsoo really thinks after he sees Namsoon again is one random night after school. He's lying down in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking a cross between I hope he's okay and that bastard needs to die as soon as possible.

He's smart enough to know he can't act like it's the same anymore. He's used to seeing Namsoon every day - that doesn't hurt as much anymore - but it's not a feeling he wants to get used to. He hates it.

But at the same time, he know he can't just stop feeling the same way he used to. Because if anything's true anymore, he doesn't want Namsoon dead. He's got to keep living for his sake as much as for Heungsoo's.

a/n: wow this is . ;u;

and heavily inspired by roomie's cover of "want you gone". seriously, that song is amazing and it may well inspire a full-length oneshot because...it's...perfect. go listen instead of reading this crap.