“When someone smiles, you’re supposed to smile back, Kim Myungsoo.”

“But you’re sad.” He says.

I’m not sad. I’m not. Anything but sad. My body doesn’t hurt one bit; there’s nothing drilling through my ribcage. This is the way I normally look.

What feelings? Oh… Are you talking about that kiss? Those nights? I barely remember anymore.

“Who’s sad, you jerk?” I’m not sad.

Everyone gets cold feet once in a while. You can’t be giddy all the time. Everyone needs a break- some moments of peace to cool off. Yes. To cool off. That’s what I’m doing right now.

I’m cooling off from the hard work and the hectic schedule. Feeling sort of restricted, maybe burdened. A bit like I want to escape, slightly helpless and in the edge of- the edge of something...

“Are you telling me you’re fine with leaving the group, Sungyeol hyung?!” Myungsoo glares at me, looking like a person I’ve never kissed, or slept with before. It’s like a strange force has taken over his body.

Woah, stress is a scary thing. It makes your heart pace and your hands tremble. It’s only natural in this line of business, but this is too much. Stupid Myungsoo. He’s such a workaholic, always worrying about the wellbeing of the group.

“It’s not like I’m giving up on Infinite. I’m just taking a break.” To cool off. I can do a couple of CFs and maybe a cameo in a drama. Expand my horizons like that.

It’s regrettable that I have to work separately from the group. They’re all decent guys. Myungsoo is a decent kisser too. Still, there wasn’t much space here for me since the beginning. As expected, I’m not the kind of man that can tolerate being overshadowed by flower boys and powerful vocalists.

“Didn’t the President force you to leave?” I chuckle at that.

“No way…” Do I look like someone who could be threatened so easily? With a couple of shaky photos where my face is barely visible next to Myungsoo’s, would I really get scared off?

A couple of scandals are only to be expected from stars like myself. I don’t even think people will be surprised.

‘If it’s Lee Sungyeol, it doesn’t matter.’ They’ll probably say that. It doesn’t matter. Cause I’m Lee Sungyeol.

But Myungsoo is too stressed out. I told the President that. He won’t be able to handle a small scandal like that. Stupid guy. Might as well keep him out of it. I don’t want him to go solo as well and start stealing my CFs.

“You’re lying!” He screams in my face. “I heard they’re publishing that article anyway. And only my name is concealed.”

Well, naturally, because Kim Myungsoo is a very good kisser, but at taking responsibility.

“Sunggyu hyung said they’re kicking you out, because of those photos with us making out!” There he goes again.

Really, I just can’t get rid of him. How troublesome. I’m starting my solo career and here I have Kim Myungsoo nagging about one stupid thing or another. Can’t this guy get a hint?

“A-ah. This is why I can’t be with you anymore, Myungie. You’re so overdramatic.” I’m really excited about taking a break and having some fun with my life. This is my chance to party a little and play around some more. I will definitely not continue dating a stressful and annoying person like him.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“Well, it’s not like we were really dating in the first place.” I shrug. “But we have to stop meeting each other.”

“Did they force you to do this?” He blinks and blinks again and it resembles tears. Pitiful guy.

“Again talking about being forced…” I sigh. Clingy guys are so tiresome. I can’t even stand to look at him anymore. “Let’s not make this harder, Myungsoo-yah. I really came to say goodbye with a smile.”

Because I’m not sad. It’s just uncomfortable to break up with a clingy person. His loud voice is making me sorta dizzy and I’m just tired from talking so much. That’s all.

“I don’t want that smile!” He grabs my shoulder, as if that will really keep me from going. “I don’t want your petrified smile. I hate it!”

Petrified? What am I, a kid? Is there a person on this earth who is petrified of living free of commitments? Or does he believe that I actually care for this idol group made of flower boys and hyperactive dancers?

I’m not foolish, to cling onto a group where I barely sing. And I’m definitely not crazy enough to get seriously tangled up with a pretty boy like Myungsoo. Love and romance? Really? Because we kissed and slept together a few times? What am I, a kid?

I push his hand away from my shoulder and watch his face becoming wet and then his hands and his T-shirt too. What is this?

Ah, stress can really drive a man crazy. Damn Myungsoo, for caring so badly about the wellbeing of the group.

“Well, fine.” I clear my throat. “I won’t smile.” I will be the bigger man here.

“Goodbye, Kim Myungsoo.” There’s something in my throat. It’s been there for a while, but now it’s almost cutting my breath away. Is it the flu? I can’t catch the flu during my break…

I feel fingers crawling around my arms and clawing my shirt. “Don’t leave. I love you. Please, don’t go alone, like this. I can fix this.”

“Myungsoo’s pleading voice is ugly. Never use it again.” I pluck his warm touch from my body like thorns.

His pleading voice is the worst. I can’t stand it. The most unpleasant feeling; must be this one. Because Myungsoo’s voice was not made to plead, I’m making it so that he never has to beg again.

Right now, I really want to drive off somewhere. Suddenly, over the sound of him calling out my name, there is this thought of driving off. I take the car keys and head out the door, trying to figure out where the Manager parked my car.

It’s a little unorthodox to do this in the middle of the night. Then again, at nights like this I did much worse, on an old bed back at the dorms, with Myungsoo. That’s just me. I do crazy . I can afford to do it. Cause it doesn’t matter if it’s Lee Sungyeol.

My hands are trembling on the steering wheel and I can’t seem to drive in a proper line. , Myungsoo’s stress must be rubbing off on me. It’s slightly unnerving. I need to cool off.

I’m not sad. This isn’t too bad a feeling. Not sad at all.

It’s only natural, I can’t always be delirious with happiness. Everyone wants to take a break from time to time- when it comes to dating. Isn’t being free the best? I step on the pedal, because the scenery is not blurring enough around me, yet.

From now on it’s going to be really good. Without a group, without having to sing back voice forever and put up with stupid members. Without having to feel Myungsoo’s thorny touch and heavy kisses that always mess up my petrified smile.

Damn. I wasn’t supposed to call it that. How can it be a petrified smile, when I’m not even sad?

Now the scenery is blurry. No. Now everything is blurry. I can’t see the road, or the steering wheel, or my shaking hands on it.

I raise a hand to my face and feel it dump. Is my shirt getting soaked like Myungsoo’s?

Everything is spinning, but I still don’t feel sad. My heart is still not bursting with pain – nothing is drilling holes in me.

Right.

This is how I normally look. Exactly like this.

Ultimately, the sound of horns screeching is interrupted by Myungsoo’s pleading voice in my head.

‘Please don’t go alone like this.’ He’s talking in the darkness that is spreading around me.

He’s talking, but I’ll never get to listen again.

And maybe this is a tiny bit sad.  

A/N: Well, yeah. I did it. Character death and everything. Don't shoot me!

This is an oneshot written for my Personal Prompt Generator . 

Also, it's not like I'm begging for comments, but I'll probably cry if I don't get even one...

I hope you didn't hate it too much. I'm sorry, I won't do it again. T_T