Walking home alone, Siwon was lost in his thoughts. Even a month after he left, he still couldn’t believe that she had left him and their future behind.  He couldn’t bear the heaviness and pain of living alone in a city where romantic dreams happen. “It only happens in fairy tales”, he said to himself as he tried dialing Stella’s New York number into his phone, and only receiving a “subscriber cannot be reached” message,knowing fairly well that she had his number blocked. It was only through the help of mutual friends that he got her current number.

 Sitting on a nearby stool, he then proceeded to recount the day she left.

He was all set for it. He has booked in a table at the most prestigious restaurant in Incheon; using his artist perks to up to the maître’d to give him the best table in the house. Earlier that day, he has already bought a 1-carat diamond ring for her, for their engagement, he said to himself, smiling.

While waiting for her to arrive, he was talking to Leeteuk, his Hyung. “Siwon-yah, don’t be so nervous, you have been dating for 7 years, I am sure she feels the same”, Leeteuk advised, very much aware of how Siwon has planned this occasion. Leeteuk himself swore that if Siwon wasn’t a performer twenty-four-seven, he would’ve dedicated both day and night to plan the perfect proposal. And it was, in a way, perfect. He has bought her favorite flowers, tulips, and the restaurant evoked the scent of her favorite Diptyque candles. He made sure that the part of the restaurant where they would be was secluded, and he used his charms to get it. Tapping his foot, he was impatient. Until he heard the phone ring and answered the phone call that changed his life.

Siwon picked up and said,” Yaboseyo”, all while fidgeting under the table. “It’s me”, cam the cold but somewhat husky voice of Stella. “Babe, I am waiting for you here, where the hell is you?” he replied, not bothering to disguise the nervousness and anxiety in his voice. Something was wrong, he felt it.

“I can’t do this anymore. I am sorry”, Stella said, trying hard not to sob. Siwon, panicking, shouted into the phone, “What do you mean?” And then pleadingly, “Answer me please”. There was a long silence on the other end, seconds felt like hours. “I have to let you go. This isn’t working for me anymore. I love you so much, but I cannot be cooped up in this place. I need my independence. I need my growth. I need my freedom, away from you. Tomorrow I fly back to New York, I am sorry but we are over.”, Stella said, choking back the sobs that threatened to be released.

Siwon didn’t know what to do. He tried to stand up but slowly sank to the floor, and writhing in unspeakable pain. How could Stella do this to him? He loved her with all of his life. A pain so harsh that he couldn’t speak, that only crying and sobbing would do. A pain that no matter what he did, he couldn’t forget.

Arriving at his apartment, he decided to cook pasta for dinner, one of Stella’s favorites. He tried to cook but it tasted bland, flavorless. Not unlike how Stella would serve it, very tasty and most of the time, she served it with a smile. GOD, I MISS HER, he thought as he wept silently, with tears coursing down his cheeks and into the plate that brings back memories long gone. It felt like the sun and moon didn’t exist like there was some constant darkness that loomed over his head and no matter what he did, he couldn’t erase the fact that Stella left, and that was that.

Siwon didn’t know that he was knocked unconscious until he heard someone rapping on the door repeatedly. Quickly he grabbed his robe and rushed to open it. “Siwon, what the hell took you so long to open the door?” Siwon’s best friend, Donghae asked as he handed the former a pot of carrot and hand soup. “Come on in”, Siwon then replied, not answering Donghae’s question and beckoning him insides they both settled down on the couch, Donghae got down to business. “So what happened?”, he asked Siwon as the latter was eating the soup he brought. “She left me”, he replied, numb and emotionless, as though the pain has the life out of him. His eyes threatened to tear up and he immediately wiped them with the back of his hand. He didn’t notice that Donghae went to the kitchen and made him a cup of Jasmine tea, his and Stella’s favorite. “Siwon, calm down please”, Donghae said as he handed him a cup of warm tea. Siwon then gently blew the steam off the cup, sighing as he sipped the tea, loving how it flowed down his throat like a soothing balm. “Okay, I will go now, please make sure to eat the soup okay? Hyukkie told me to come home early”, Donghae said with an apologetic smile. Siwon gave him a sad smile, knowing fairly well how Eunhyuk was He knew that Eunhyuk wanted Donghae to go home for fear that something bad might happen to Donghae. He knew Eunhyuk was very protective of Donghae. “Go on, I don’t want Eunhyuk to kill me”, he replied smiling warily and waving at a departing Donghae. Silently, he then went to his room, laid on the floor and let the tears, all the angst and the sadness, cascade through his cheeks and into the night.

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